"Please…please…please…"
Hot tears soaked through her shirt, wetting her skin as she wrapped her arms around him. Her body shook with his as he cried; her heart broke like his did.
Alex was an ice statue. He was cold, and seemingly unfeeling, like when he called her a stupid bitch. He was an ice statue, and he didn't need anyone.
But here he was, clinging to her helplessly as he sobbed, and she knew that the ice wasn't melting. He was an ice statue that was thrown to the floor like it didn't matter, shattered into a billion little pieces. There wasn't enough glue in the world to put him back together.
Her heart ached for him, actually ached; beating so hard that she thought it would burst from her chest. It ached from her chest into her throat where the tears were collected, behind her eyes where they threatened to fall. But Izzie wouldn't cry, because it wasn't the right time for it. It was time for Alex to cry, because he was broken. The dam that held back that flood for years had finally broken, and so it was his turn to cry.
He was crying too hard. His whole body shook like he would fly apart, so she held him tight to keep him together. He was crying so hard that he couldn't even form words, so hard that he was gasping for breath but couldn't get it.
"You're going to be okay," she whispered into his ear, but he only shook his head against her shoulder. "I promise, Alex. You're going to be fine."
She remembered how she felt when Denny died, like someone had cracked her chest open and stolen her heart, leaving an aching chasm in its place. And Izzie knew that Alex felt the same way.
Eventually, he fell asleep. He didn't stop crying, just finally fell asleep, and then the crying finally ceased. She gently shifted him until he was lying across his bed, and then she watched his chest rising and falling, his breathing slowing to a normal speed.
Izzie remembered how angry he was at the hospital, telling her he had done this before. It wasn't fair, and he knew it, but he would accept it, because he had to. He was angry at her for telling him he couldn't do it. But more than that, he was angry at himself, because he knew she was right.
Even more than the anger, she remembered the desperation creeping into his eyes. The way he was begging her to let him care for Rebecca, to make up for everything. She could tell he thought it was his fault. He chose her face, her new name, he helped to change her, and that made her go over the edge. He thought he was to blame, and so he should fix it. He needed to fix it.
She watched him when he went back to talk to Rebecca. The way he sat on the edge of the bed, telling her everything, so gently, how he controlled his own feelings so that Rebecca could have hers.
"You need help, Rebecca, and I can't give it to you." She could see how it hurt him to say that. But it was what he needed to do. It was what he hadn't done with his mother. He had taken care of her, and it didn't work. And when it hadn't worked, he didn't cry.
But today he did. Today he finally let it all out, and it killed her to see him lying across his bed with the tracks of tears covering his face, looking absolutely, utterly exhausted because he had given everything he had and it wasn't enough. But as much as it killed her, it made her feel just the tiniest bit better, because she knew he had finally let it all out.
The door slammed downstairs and Alex was awake, staring at her with frightened eyes.
"Shh. It's okay," she said softly, and he relaxed a little. "You're okay. Go back to sleep." She rubbed his shoulder gently as he closed his eyes again.
Meredith appeared in the doorway, flushed and breathless, her smile quickly fading to a look of concern.
"Is he…?" she whispered. Izzie shook her head. Meredith nodded in understanding and left the doorway, going back down the hall.
Izzie waited until Alex's breathing evened out again, and then she stood up slowly, careful not to wake him up, and she left his room, pulling the door shut behind her.
Down in the kitchen, Meredith was waiting for her. "What happened to him?"
"Rebecca is going to a psychiatric facility," Izzie said softly.
Meredith nodded sadly.
"He tried to take care of her and he couldn't, and now she is going to a psychiatric facility." Izzie swallowed hard. "I don't know how to help him. I don't know what to do about this. He isn't lying on the bathroom floor. If he was on the bathroom floor I would know what to do. I don't know what to do!"
"You be there for him. You let him ask you for help when he needs it. You just be there for him," Meredith said.
"He wanted me to sleep with him, and I was going to, because he thought it would make him better," Izzie said, beyond caring that maybe she shouldn't be telling Meredith this.
"Did you?" she asked, surprised.
"No. I was going to, and then he didn't want to, and we didn't. But I was going to. And not just because he wanted to. I wanted to."
"You love him."
"I do. I do, and I'm scared. I'm scared that I can't help him. What if I can't help him, Mer?"
"You can, Iz. He'll be okay."
"Yeah. He will. I promised he would be, so he has to be," Izzie said, determined. "I'm going to check on him."
"Okay," Meredith said softly.
Alex was still asleep when she got there, stayed asleep when she sat on the edge of his bed and brushed a hand through his hair.
"You'll be okay, Alex. I promise."