Doctor? Doctor!
The Doctor's jerked awake as his mind struggled to regain consciousness.
"Doctor!" shouted a voice desperately. His eyes sprout open in an instant scaring the woman peering over him away. "Doctor?" she began to say cautiously, slowly crawling closer to him.
"I'm married!" he defended quickly and scrambled to his feet in attempt to get away from her advances only to fall back down. The woman helped him up and he leaned against a wall covered in round things. I like the round things, he thought.
"Wait!" he shouted suddenly, scaring the woman back again. "Am I married? I think I am. To who?" His eyes fell on the woman again. "Are you my wife?" He held his breath waiting for the answer.
"No, we are not married!" she responded.
He let out his breath in relief. "Oh good... That's good isn't it?"
"That's good," she answered. The woman rose up to her feet and gazed at him with worry. "Doctor, you know that your wife is dead, don't you?"
"Is she? Good." The woman looked at him with shock and disbelief. "Okay, not good I take it?"
"Not good," she repeated.
"Morals are confusing. I'm not sure what they are. Not my area. Do you know morals?"
"Yes, and I think I also know crazy."
"Ah, and what is that?"
"Look no further than yourself."
"Am I? Good."
"No, not good-" she began.
"Yes! Good! It's good, Susan. Are you Susan? Did you regenerate?" he looked at her closely. "I don't like it."
"No-"
"You see," he interrupted again, "Susan, if I'm crazy then I can do anything!" He sprang to his feet with new found strength. "What do you say we get out of Gallifrey? We could steal a Tardis.
If I'm crazy then we can do just that." His eyes wondered away from her face. "I can run... I can run so far," he whispered.
"Doctor, I'm not Susan."
"Who said you were!" he argued.
She spoke carefully. "You did..."
"No I didn't, you did."
"Well, I won't argue with a madman."
"Am I? Good. That's good, Pond. That's something I always want you to remember." He grips her arms tightly. "Now I want you to listen carefully because your life might depend on this one day."
"What is it?"
"I'm definitely a madman with a box."
"That you are," she agreed.
"So where do you want to go first, Rose-"
"Clara!" she corrected.
"One day you could be nice to me, Donna! Oh!" he stopped. "That was rude. Am I rude now? Rude and not ginger. No that was stupid. I'm never saying that again... I could be ginger though. I haven't checked. Am I ginger, Rory?"
Clara didn't bother arguing over names any longer. "No. You're not ginger."
"I sound old. Oh please say I didn't get old. Am I grey?"
"Yes," she answered softly.
"Still not ginger. That's good! Who would want to be."
"Doctor, we need to get you some help." She walked up to him. "You need rest, or some sort of Timelord aspirin or I don't know! But you need to land the Tardis. Find Madame Vastra, she might know what to do."
"Ah, is she... she's. A color. What's that color?"
"Green?" suggested the woman.
"Not," he scoffed. "That would be ridiculous.
"Doctor," she spoke slowly, "we need to find Vastra."
"If that's what you wish," he said unsure. "I was hoping for a better place. One problem though."
"What is that?"
"I'm not sure as to how to fly this thing. You must have seen it done? How do I normally do it?"
"I don't know! You just kind of press random buttons and... dance around the console room."
"I can do that!" He smiled wickedly and presumed to follow her advice.
"I didn't say to actually improvise!" He ignored that advice.
The Doctor pushed random buttons and pulled random levers and danced around the sentient machine. Clara stood back unsure of what the outcome would be. With the final pull of a lever the time machine was in motion and the Doctor and Clara fell back. The familiar sound of the Tardis brought back more memories to the Doctor and the complexities of the ship became known to him again.
"My first visit!" he shouted excitedly once the ship's groaning stopped (he noted that he should stop leaving the breaks on). The Doctor busted out of the Tardis' door disappearing from Clara's sight giving her a moment to catch her breath and recollect herself. Not shortly after screaming and roaring was heard making Clara leap into action and out of the Tardis to find herself surround by lush forests, a Timelord running to hide behind her petite figure, and a dinosaur bearing it's fangs straight at them.
Clara grabbed his hand suddenly. "Run!" she shouted at the dumbfounded man. With Clara's guidance they sprinted into the safety of the Tardis with only seconds sparred from becoming the beast's chew toys. That didn't stop the creature from devouring the blue box with fervor though.
"What the hell was that?" Clara shouted at the Doctor who was now running back to the ship's controls and turning dials.
"Dinosaur."
"Yes, I got that part! Why did you land us in the middle of Jurassic Park?"
"You wanted to see Vastra didn't you?"
"In Victorian London!"
"A prehistoric reptile there? And I'm the crazy one apparently."
"Just get us there and away from that thing!" she shouted.
"You sure are bossy. Are you sure we're not married?"
The Doctor repeated his previous movements with more confidence and knowledge in flying the ship. They didn't thrash around-as much-and the Tardis materialized in Victorian London not with two but with three passengers.
"We've landed?" asked Clara with disbelief.
"Yes, we've landed," said the Doctor slightly insulted.
"I didn't hear the Tardis' noise."
"What noise?"
"You know that..." Whatever sound she was about to imitate was drowned by a loud roar that shook the ship.
"Nope. She has never made that sound."
She stopped and listened closely as grumbling was heard deeply within the ship. "You're sure we're in Victorian London?"
He checked a screen hidden from Clara's view. "Positive."
"Then what was that roar?"
Suddenly they were thrashed around. The Doctor managed to clutch onto a rail but Clara wasn't as lucky and she landed on top of the controls with a scream. Another thrust sent her flying onto some rails opposite of the Doctor and she clutched on waiting for the ride to stop.
After much excitement, the roars and shaking stopped.
"Doctor!" screamed the woman.
"Shush!"
"It's stopped-"
"Shush!"
Silence.
"It's stopped," concluded the Timelord.
"That's what I just-"
"Shush. You hear that?"
"What?" As she spoke there was a knock on the door.
"Hello?" spoke a male voice with confidence. "Exit the box, and surrender to the glory of the Sontaran Empire." Okay, so not a man.
How hard is it for it to be quiet? thought the Doctor as he opened the door to scorn the man interrupting him. "Shush!" he shouted and closed the door.
"Doctor?" spoke the Sontaran with the same uncertainty what's-her-face had earlier.
He opened the door. "I was being chased by a giant dinosaur, but I think I managed to give it the slip." He closed the door again. He began to walk away when he realized he know who the Sontaran was. Kind of. Slowly he reopened the door. "Sleepy?" he guessed.
"Sir?"
"Bashful?" he tried again. "Sneezy? Dopey?" He starred closely at his frowning face. "Grumpy," he smiled then looked up. "Oh, you two." He walked towards the two recognizable women standing not far behind Grumpy. "Um the green one and the not green one." He glanced at them with uncertainty. "Or it could be the other way around, I mustn't prejudge." The two women and the Sontaran shared concerned looks. "Oh you remember..." He pointed towards the Tardis as the woman walked out with misplaced hair and a weary look. "Er? Thingy. The, er, the not me one. The asking questions one..." He began to wonder around. "Names. Not my area."
"Clara!" shouted the woman.
"Well, it might be Clara, it might not be. It's a lottery."
"It is Clara!"
"Well, I'm not ruling it out." The roaring began again. "Oi, big man, shut it!" He looked up and was met with another dinosaur. "Oh, you've got a dinosaur too!" He screamed while running back. The dinosaur roared at him. Not he didn't roar. She said "I'm a woman!"
"Big woman," he acknowledged. "Sorry."
"Doctor, listen to me," panted the asking questions one. "You, you need to calm down."
He ignored her. "I'm not flirting, by the way," he said to the big woman.
"I think something's gone wrong!" exclaimed the not me one.
"Wrong? What's wrong?" he pointed at her. "Have you regenerated?" He stopped as realization hit him. "I remember you." Relief filled her eyes. "You're handles! You used to be a little, a little robot head, and now you... you've really let yourself go." He walked away.
"It's too bright! My head!" complained the big lady.
"Reduce the frequency!" he commanded the not green one.
"What?" she asked.
"Your sonic lanterns, turn them down! You're giving her a headache."
"Giving who a headache?" asked the not green one.
"My lady friend! Just any expression," he reassured the big green one, "don't get any ideas."
"How do you know?" asked the short one.
"Come on Clara you know that I speak dinosaur."
The other short one walked up to Clara and pointed at her. "He's not Clara, I'm Clara."
The Doctor looked at them both trying to take in her statement. "Well," he finally spoke, "you're both very similar heights. Maybe you should wear labels." He continued starring at them again as his vision began to slur. "Why... why are you all doing that? Why are you... You're all going dark and wobbly. Stop that."
"I don't think we are," spoke... err... someone. Feminine voice. Maybe.
"Never mind!" he shouted dramatically as his vision worsened and darkness began to envelop him. "Everyone, take five!" And then he fainted. The last thing he heard was the cloister bell.