Alright Y'all! This is MalfoysBitch22's challenge on her story "Silly Little Girl". I suggest you read that before you read this. Basically it's been a year since kider was supposed to return and he hasn't come. Now read! And tell me if I should continue! I hope I win!
I suggest you listen to I Miss You by Blink 182
Ryan's pov, age 17
I sat there watching the light reflect the sunset off the pool; the tiny fragments of rainbow swirling on the water service, mirroring the sky. It was as if you could jump right into the setting sun, and swim with the pink, orange, and red clouds.
I almost remember running around the pool looking for him, before I slipped and busted my head. I remember bits and pieces of the water not being stained by the sun but by my blood. I remember the angry angle….
No. No Ryan, don't let your self think about it. He was not even real. He was just another babysitter. All that other stuff… You made it all up! No one can take you flying; people don't have naturally red eyes. It was just one big illusion that you created inside your child mind. You weren't even a normal child, you were a grieving one. A grieving child who didn't know she was grieving because she thought that dad was going to come back after a visit with the angles. That silly little girl did not yet realize that angles indeed did not exist.
But death did. And death is what happened to my mother. My mother that gave me rules and boundaries that made me feel annoyingly safe, unlike Aunt Vicky. I love her but dose she really need to act my age? Leaving me to take care of her son when I have my own confusing life to live.
I let an exasperating sigh escape my chest. I was wearing my own self out just thinking. I should just stop thinking. I need to let go.
That thought seemed to push me from the lawn chair. As my blood rushed to my legs, the air whipped my blonde hair. The breeze seemed to carry a sad hit of realization of what I had to do, and I grasped my ring necklace to steady myself.
That damn ring!
I let go of it immediately. I had to stop, this had to be over.
I walked briskly into the blue house with white shutters. My finger some how managed to brush a thorn on the rose bush that climbed up the side of the door.
"Shit" I muttered, sticking my finger in my mouth to stop the blood flow.
I opened the door aggressively. Now I was not only aggravated at myself, but at the rose bush. Ugh…
The house had that familiar smell of fabreez that my aunt obsessively sprayed like it was the best smell in the world. I knew a much better smell….
Stop Ryan.
I made my way through the half way painted maze of hallways that my aunt was trying to 'spice up'.
Once I reached the bottom step of the stairs I turned at the sound of the TV and saw Tyler spread out across the living room floor on his pallet, with his blonde hair sticking up in every curly direction. He was contently playing video games.
"Tyler" I said. Of course he didn't respond; he was totally dead to the world if you put him in front of any form of television, especially video games. "What do you want for dinner?!" I shouted, trying to get his attention.
This was getting annoying and that sucked for him because I was already annoyed with myself and a rose bush.
I picked up one of his stupid dart guns off the hall table and shot him with it.
"Ow! What the hell was that for!" he yelped, finally turning and pausing his race care game.
"Watch your language; what do you want to eat?" I replied
"You cuss all the time! And hell isn't even a bad word! It's in the bible!" He defended, totally ignoring my question.
"Alright I will just order pizza." I said nonchalantly, walking toward the kitchen. I find that Tyler gets more frustrated with you if you don't respond to his arguments.
He grunted and turned back to his stupid brain fryer. His hormones were deafeningly starting to kick in.
I grabbed the phone off the charger and dialed the number, leaning against the stove.
"This is Dominoes Pizza! How may I help you?" said a male voice that sounded way to chipper, as if he had just been goofing off with his buddies.
"Ummm… Yeah" I said, picking up the coupon that was on the counter. "I'll have the 2 medium pizzas with any toping for 5 dollars." I said, reading the deal. "I need one supreme, one cheese. Oh! And add in those breaded things with the chocolate icing!" how could I pass that up.
"Alright your total comes to 7.35. Would you like it delivered or picked up?"
"Delivered please."
"Can I get your address?"
"1712 Brookhill"
Now this is the point in the conversation where you are supposed to hear an "alright it will be about an hour!" or maybe even a "don't forget to tip!" but I wasn't that lucky.
"1712 Brookhill? Is this Ryan Hastings?" The male voice asked eagerly. Its times like this I wish I was less social. Its times like this I wish I never had a gig. But unfortunately for me I am naturally polite
"Yup" I sighed "That's me" I said lamely
"Dude! You are so freaking hot! I got drunk at one of your parties! It was the best one ever!" I held the phone away form my ear "You remember me right? Morgan? The one who got his nipple ring ripped out in your pool?!" He said this as if it where a good thing. I wanted to hang up, but he had probably not put my order up yet.
Just smile and wave, just smile and wave….
"Oh yeah, the nipple guy!" I said in mock familiarity. Even if I had met him I didn't remember; I was probably drunk as well.
"Yeah that's me! The nipple guy! Hey Garry, you will never guess who I'm on the phone with!" I groaned while he was occupied with his friend.
"Hey! Garry says you are hot, and have wicked skills on the guitar! He says he wants to know if you can show him some of your other skills." Okay this is were I draw the line.
"Look, when am I going to get the pizza?" I said curtly. He was unfazed by my tone.
"In about an hour, I just put the order up. So listen I was thinking maybe you and I could-" that's where I hung up.
I could not stand overly friendly boys. Its not like I was a prude or anything, I just had high standards. Especially after I already met….
Stop Ryan.
I sighed in frustration, resting my head on the counter. I had become even more angered and annoyed and now my blood seemed to boil. The cold granite of the counter top helped.
Cold… Granite… Him…
Stop Ryan.
This was going way too far. It was time to do this.
I grabbed the money out of Aunt Vicky's hand bag and walked back into the living room.
"Give this to the pizza man when he comes and no matter what don't answer any questions about me or let him in. I don't live here, and you don't know me." I ordered
He grunted.
"Tyler!" I said sternly. He better listen and obey.
"Fine! Jesus!" he screamed, exasperated.
"No my name is not Jesus it is Ryan." I shot back, stomping up the stairs before he could respond.
I slammed the door to my only sanctuary. I still had in the old pink shag carpet. I never found the heart to remove it. There was no longer a little bed, or a dwarf table, or even the white rocking horse. I had painted the walls dark blue after my mom died. I know I sound evil, but I didn't want a reminder that she was ever even their. And her art work all around my room didn't help.
The window was open as usual. I made my way to it, looking out into the now dark sky.
Did I really want to let go of this? The last part of my life? The last shreds of comfort that he would one day come? He would one day make me forget everything. He was supposed to be back last year. And here I sat 17, and he had yet to return.
Yes this was truly false hope. He was visiting with his own kind; the angels. He was dead. And with that I closed the window.
I gripped the ring around my neck as a tear slid down my cheek.
That damn ring!
Acting on impulse, I ripped the ring from my neck. I looked down at what I had done with wide eyes. I felt guilt for a second, but I was now angerier.
Why had he come if he was just going to leave? So that I would no how pain felt when I grew older?
I made my way to my dresser rustling around the drawers. I looked up momentarily and caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. My hair was matted and my eyes were cleared with liquid that made my mascara run down my face. I was so messed up.
I gritted my teeth and rustled more until I found what I was looking for; the journals.
They were full of false notes of hope. They needed to be gone.
I grabbed the large jewelry box sitting on the dresser and poured out the contents. I tossed in the ring and the journals. I paced over to my computer desk. Pictures of him that I had won awards for hung all around. It was like an unhealthy shrine for a cult. I had built life around something that wasn't real.
I plucked one down. It was him looking up at me as I was on his shoulders. It was that day….
"So is I love you a complement?"
Stop Ryan.
I shook my head and the memories it held. I snatched down all the pictures and stuffed them in the box. I did not trust myself to look. And I sure as hell did not look at the laminated picture of him and myself.
Last but not least I popped the eject button on my laptop. The Beatles CD appeared. I grabbed and then grabbed its case from the shelf on my desk. I enclosed the CD and threw that in the box as well.
I walked very slowly back to my dresser. I guess I was trying to find a reason to drop the box and put everything back. I wanted to pretend I never realized I was lying to myself. I wanted to keep dreaming with my window wide open.
That was it. I grabbed the key and locked the box. I stared at the key for a long moment. Alright, here goes nothing. I walked back to the window opening it one last time.
I threw the key and my life out the window and shut it.
I didn't even cry I just set the box down and collapsed on my bed.
Now he was Just a voice in my head.
But if he were just a false memory or a voice in my head; why was I positive that I was going to dream of him as if he were real?