Stop Crying Your Heart Out
Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
-Oasis
"I see."
"Are you mad?"
"No."
"We can still be friends right?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever you want."
She tried to smile, tried to tell herself this wasn't real, and pretended that she was okay with everything that happened. Her boyfriend Jake, her boyfriend of 6 months was cheating on her, and even though she was hurt, she couldn't find it in her to be heartbroken over it.
"I have some last minute things to take care of for my semester project," he began, walking over to their shared apartment door, picking up his bag, she had unofficially moved in, most of her possessions where in his apartment, and she at the moment was still looking for a new place, "So I'll see you later, you can show yourself out right?"
and then he was gone.
Gone from her life, her mind and her heart, and she felt another part of her heart crack.
She stood there for what seemed like hours, staring blankly at the door he just left from. Her mind was blank, her hand lifting up her chest and grabbing at the white cotton of her sweater like she was in pain, but in reality she felt nothing, just like every time before.
Feeling like her body had shifted into auto violent from the shock, she began to make her way towards the door, leaving behind her boots, scarf, ear muffs, and walked out the door.
The cold December air stung her naked feet as she walked out onto the windy street. The sky was dark, the dim glow from the street lamps the only source of light. The silent tears escaping her eyes, falling to the ground like tiny crystals.
Trudging through the fresh pure snow of the park, eyes concentrates on her target, a nearby bench, her feet turning red from the cold. She sat down, not bother to wipe off the inch of snow that had settled there since the last time someone had occupied the seat, her pants immediately becoming soaked by the fluffy white substance.
Her body was shaking violently, her eyes sore and red and her cheeks frozen and puffy. By this point she was sobbing so hard she was choking on her own tears, and gripping the edge of the bench so hard her knuckels tuned white, even against the harsh sting of the wind.
She dropped her head down, shielding her face from the world when she heard the soft crunching of snow nearby, trying to calm herself down. She sat there quietly, waiting to get up and run out of there once the person was far enough away from her, but was surprised when the footsteps stopped and felt a heavey weight appear beside her.
"Sam?" Her body froze, she recognized that voice, how couldn't she, she had been hearing almost every day since she was eleven.
"Sam?" the voice asked again.
"What Freddie?" she said, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible.
"What the hell are you doing out here?" he asked once he noticed her attire, or lack thereof, "are you okay."
"I'm fine Freddie, really I am." she reassured him, hoping with that he would leave her be.
"Holy crap Sam, your shaking." he said once his hand made contact with her back. The tips of her hair was frozen soiled from the gentle fall of the melted snow, prickled of white laced her hair as well as her back, which drenched her, making her sweater almost solid, which was a big contrast from the once soft gentle feel of the fabric.
"I'm fine, I swear, just leave." she continued to insist, calming down slightly from his touch.
"Why the hell aren't you wearing shoes!, damn it Sam, how stupid are you." he said, ignoring her protests.
Her hand suddenly latched onto this knee- she was annoyed now- and she dug her nails into it, "Go away Freddie," her voice cracking.
"Sam, you're going to freeze to death," he exclaimed, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her, "If you end up dyeing in my presence Carly will kill me."
"Of course!" she snapped, suddenly jumping up from the bench, "you couldn't care about me just for the sake of caring, your just worried Carly would be upset with you!"
"Sam stop!" he yelled as she began to walk away.
Ignoring him she started walking faster, he was to close and it was unnerving to her for him to possibly see her like this. She started to pick up the pace as she heard his footsteps speed up and become closer.
"Sam!" he yelled, finally catching up with her, "What the hell was that Sam?"
"I asked you to leave me alone, so LEAVE!" she was about to take a step forward when she felt a hand come in contact with her shoulder, and spun her around, not even giving her enough time to react.
"Holy shit!" Freddie yelled shocked. They both stood there, staring at each other in awe. Freddie was so surprised all he could do was gawk at her face. Puffy eyes, red face, and tears streaming down her face like a waterfall, like she had no power to stop them. Her body wasn't in the greatest conduction either, her feet where so swollen and bright red they looked like they would start bleeding any moment. Her hands shaking uncontrollably and in the same state as her feet. Her neck was blotchy, red patches littering her from the neck to her exposed shoulders.
"Oh my god Sam, are you okay!"
Her breathing became harder, her chest tightened up again, fresh tears slipping over her eye lids, "I have to get out of here," she whispered, escaping from his grip, making a run for it.
She ran like her life depended on it, Freddie chasing after her, continually yelling her name and for her to stop. She couldn't, she was strong, she had to be, she didn't want to be treated like a child, like she was vulnerable and needed protection, but she truly didn't know how strong she was, since she was once again running from her problems.
"AH!" She screamed as her knee's made contact with the concrete beneath her, resulting in her landing in a puddle of melted snow, dirty from the many heavy winter boots that had passed through there.
"Sam!" he bent down to his knee's wrapping his arms around her once more, hoping to calm her to a state in which she could make a coherent sentence.
"Sam, stop," he whispered in her ear once she started to struggle, "stop it, calm down Sam."
It was scaring him a little if he told himself the truth, Sam wasn't acting like herself, and she looked like she was in so much pain. "Don't touch me," she pleaded, but she was slowly quieting down. Freddie refused to let her go, he was on edge, keeping his guard up, prepared for her to have another outburst.
"Sam, what's going on, please tell me, please."
"Go, please go." she begged, making another attempt to release herself from his grip.
"Tell me Sam," he breathed into her neck, his hot breath tickling her neck, and she found it oddly pleasant, and leaned back into him.
"Freddie," she whined. He sat down on the icy cement, not caring about the muggy slush soaking his pants, pulling her up into him and to his chest.
"Do you not want me?" he asked sadly, it pained him that she probably didn't want to talk to him, even though they had become closer friends since high school, she still seemed anxious around him, "I can call Carly, ot maybe Jake?"
Another sob racked her body, and she squeezed his arms that were wrapped around her upper chest. She closed her eyes, trying to suck the tears back in.
"Fuck Jake!" she sobbed again.
He understood now. This had happened a few times before over the years. Another cheater. He had lost track now of all the guys that she had previously went out with that had either used her or go bored of her.
"What did he do to you Sam?" he hugged her tighter to his chest.
"Oh shut up, you know what happened," she replied harshly, "why are you trying to hurt me?"
"I'm not trying to hurt you Sam, I would never hurt you." he said as he began running his fingers through her frozen strands.
"Your lying!" she shouted "YOUR FUCKING LIEING!" and she started to struggle once more.
"I'm not lying Sam!" she shouted over her.
"YES YOU ARE, YES YOU ARE, THEY ALL ARE!" she was becoming hysterical now, and he didn't know what to do, so he just hung on tighter.
""Who's 'All'?" he asked, trying to stay relatively calm for her sake.
"MEN! YOUR ALL FUCKING LIARS AND ALL YOU DO IS HURT ME!" she began to pound on his arms, kicking and screaming, her breathing came out heavy and strained, and she bagan to bawl. She was coughing and choking her throat felt like it was tight making it harder to breathe.
"Have I EVER once hurt you Sam?" he asked, curious and scared of her answer.
She stilled in his arms, her breathing slowed as she leaned forward. He could feel her heart pounding against him arms.
"Sam?" she asked for what felt like the hundredth time when she didn't answer.
"Yes." she whispered so low that he almost couldn't hear it, he didn't want to hear it, so he asked again, "YES FREDDIE!" she screamed frustrated.
"How Sam?" he asked confused, and saddened by the thought of hurting her, "How?" he asked again leaning his head against her back.
"You're always hurting me," she breathed out, "You always compare me to other girls, making me feel less then what I should be, you compare me to my best friend just too, just like every other guy! WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME HOW GOOD I AM!"
"Sam I'm so sorry," he apologized, his heart hurt, realization hit him, even though he may have done it unintentionally, he still did it, "I don't have the right to point out your flaws, but your flaws are you Sam, and I love every one of them."
"Just stop it Freddie," she begged, "whenever this happened that's what everyone does, they just tell me how 'perfect' I am," she spat, "Then after they're done with me they forget everything they 'loved' about me, I'm just so tired of lies."
"Believe me Sam, if I haven't forgotten the things I love about you know, then I never will," he told her gently, turning her small body around from in between his legs, looking into her big puffy eyes, "and if I haven't left because of all your flaws by now, believe me, I never will."
She looked up at him, her eyes questioning his intentions. She didn't know if they were true, but she pretended and hoped they were, because somewhere in her heart she couldn't find a reason not to.
"Freddie," she looked down into her lap nervously, "do you think I'll ever find someone who truly cares for me?, and not just for a month or two, but you know….." she really hoped he knew what she meant.
"Trust me," he began, taking her chin in his hand and lifting it up for her to face him, "I truly think you will, and sometimes you don't have to look to far to find it, I'm not going to tell you now that you won't be hurt before then, but I can tell you truthfully that there is someone who cares about you."
Leaning down he brought her cold puffy cheek up to his lips, she sighed heavily, feeling the warmth of his lips heat up her freezing body. Time slowed down as they just layed there.
Her body was shivering, and she was sure that she was going to be sick tomorrow morning. She could no longer feel her toes or her fingers; her skin was stinging from the cold chill and she felt a head ache coming on.
Even though she was cold on the outside, her insides where boiling, her blood rushing and her stomach fluttering, the small spot on her cheek tingling from the kiss.
Jake was gone from her life, her mind and her heart, but maybe there was room for one more mistake.
Disclaimer; I do not own iCarly or any of the characters.
I don't like this story, it was just to help writers block, there was more I could put in but frankly I'm not going to come back to this.
This stoy really doesn't make sence to me, it hardly had a plot and I didn't go into deatail about anything like i normally would, I'm actually a little disapointed in my writing right here, lol.
I wasn't even going to post it but I thought someone would enjoy it.
Enjoy!