A/N: I know I promised a present from Captain Jack himself in my last chapter. Unfortunately, due to an accident that was entirely unforeseen and having absolutely nothing to do with rum… Jack is detained in his cabin. He sends his love though and a bottle of rum to you all… sadly most of you are probably underage so you'll just have to take the rum part and give it back to him and you'll have to keep the love. ANYWAY let's get on to the next chapter:D
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Pirates of the Caribbean… so stop asking me if I do.
Jack's Hat: Finally on the way to the Pearl
Oh! You be done with the sails I reckon then. Why the long faaaaaace then eh? Oh… yeah… yer mum… well I promise that you will safe with me for all eternity. Did I say all of eternity? I meant for about a month. Yes I promise you can write your mum when we make port. Well here… have a sit down on ol' Jack's lap and I'll tell you a story. PUT THE PEPPER SPRAY DOWN! I wasn't being literal I swear. Just sit down somewhere and let me tell you the next bit of my story, savvy?
Well... give me a bottle of rum and I'll remember better. More… more… come on you little… excellent. So I suppose I should start where I had left off. Seven years I spent with Harrowface and I had never been better trained. I went around the bar saying I needed a crew and was very… unsurprised when people lined up to join me. Yes, lines spilled out of the bar and out into the very bloody ocean. Of course, Turner had an immediate spot with me on the ship so he helped me examine crewmembers. Several came up… there was one pair that sticks out in me memory perfectly. A potbellied chum with a very thick accent and one with a wooden eye… quite a pair those two. Anyway, things were going well and the rum was flowing freely when something strange happened.
I was finishing off me fifth… or sixth bottle of rum when a greedy but talented pirate staggered up to me desk. He was munching… no not munching but rather attacking like a savage beast with bits of the skin and juice flying everywhere making a horrible mess and… oh right… I'll stop. Anyway, he was eating an apple… a green one I think, not that it matters any, and he introduced himself as Barbossa.
"I be Barbossa," the man introduced himself as he started to resume the slaughter of the apple. I could feel my nose wrinkle in disgust as bits of the carcass flicked on me face but now worries then.
"I be Barbossa," the man introduced himself… oh wait… where did I leave off? I didn't ask you if I drank too much rum I asked where did I leave off? Ah okay… thank you… I left off at the slaughtering of the apple.
I smiled at the gent… though he later said it looked more like a grimace… euch… sorry bout that… where were we? Ah yes… anyway I admitted him without any questions because anyone who could totally maul an apple like he could deserved to go straight into a crew.
"Welcome aboard Mr. Barbossa," I said, slightly bored with the whole situation. Really auditioning for pirates day in and day out gets so tiresome! Anyhow, I did a foolish thing by ignoring my instincts and telling this man to bugger off and that I had bigger fish to fry. But of course… I went ahead and enlisted him… ignoring my gut and me heart!
No I am NOT crying… I simply have a little bit of… bug guts in me eye or something… it stings horrible… STOP LOOKING AT ME I'M DRUNK FOR PETE'S SAKE! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? Okay… (sniff) I'm better… on with the story…
So I had me crew and all I had to do from there was set-up the social status… although I would need a ship to do that eh? So after I spent some time talking to the crew and letting em get to know me… yes rum was involved as was passing out unconsciously on the floor. Anyway, in the morning I knew that I had to go get that ship… the ship that had been on my mind for years and years. The Black Pearl… I was to go sailing to the middle of the whole bloody ocean to find it. Just one problem… yup you guessed it. In order to sail to the middle of the ocean so that I may acquire a ship I needed a ship… or at least a boat. That is where Anna-Maria came in.
I suppose I met Anna in Tortuga for the first time when she started a fight in the bar. I was intrigued so I… well I suppose it's best to leave all the details out because there are some young members here in the audience am I correct? Anyway, I found out that she had a boat and then I went home with her. The next morning I snuck out and took her jolly little boat and sailed off with it. Ah what a glorious feeling that was… of course I let the crew know I was sailing off for a few days… or weeks for that matter… anyway, Bootstrap was by my side like the loyal chap he was… is… oh whatever… I can't keep up with who's dead or not anymore. Anyone have a copy of today's obituaries?
Right… on with the story… and a bit more rum if ye don't mind… more than that you little sod! Get with the bloody program… so sorry love… I get a little touchy when it gets to me rum…
Anyway, we was off sailing with only the compass that Tia Dalma said would work… and I suppose it was because we were drawing further and further away from… oh what's the word… it's on the tip of me… ah yes… land! We were drawing further away from land! The further out we drew… the more excited we two men got because soon we would be encountering the legendary DAVY JONES! The man that every pirate fears and makes them spin in circles and spit everywhere to ward off the evil that just the name Davy Jones brings!
No I'm not going to spin in a circle and spit everywhere… do you think I'm a complete loon? Alright, if it makes YOU feel better… whoa the room looks all twirly and… bloody hell…
Listener's Point of View
Well… I was hoping Jack would make a fool of himself but I didn't think he would pass out. Wicked. Honestly… I was just an innocent little bystander when I saw a pirate waltz down the street. He swayed drunkenly this way and that way and I was just so surprised to see an actual pirate in my own town… not one of those fake ones that don't know one end of the ship from the other. Normally I'm not the curious type but I couldn't pass up an opportunity to see a real pirate ship. So I followed the big git and I stupidly snuck on the bloody ship after him and wallah! Now I'm sailing with bloody crew. I'm real excited… can't you tell? Please note the sarcasm… at least the story is interesting enough. I figure he's embellished on some of it but it certainly does pass the time. I hope my dear mother isn't too worried… she hates it when I don't let her know where I'm going.
Hmm… I think there's a welt growing on poor Jack's head… hmm… maybe I should ask a crew member where there's a bit of ice. There was a nice enough looking fellow with a wooden eye… why isn't it glass? Wouldn't that be more comfortable for the eye socket? Huh… I wonder… oh! No need to get the ice… I think he's waking!
Jack's Point of View
So me and Bootstrap started to wonder if our provisions would last us… what are you staring at me for? It's not like I've got a giant welt on my head or anything… right? So anyway, the food was disappearing fast and BLOODY HELL I'VE GOT A HEADACHE! The food was vanishing and I still hadn't quite reached my destination… and I was beginning to think was impossible to get to. Then all of a sudden I realized it… we were there… in the middle of the whole entire ocean. Exactly where Tia Dalma wanted me to go.
"We made it William!" I shouted, nearly tipping the little boat over in me excitement. Ana-Maria would not have appreciated that… nor would Bootstrap for that matter. He quickly quieted me and hurriedly instructed me to do what Tia Dalma had asked me to say. So I did, carefully so that I wouldn't tip the boat, and began to shout at the top of my lungs.
"Davy Jones, it is I… Captain Jack Sparrow! I have come to make an offer!" There was silence in the murky waters and then slowly…. SLOWLY… a ship emerged from the water. It was horrifying and beautiful all at the same time… it had moss and all sorts of sea urchins attached and the sails flapped uselessly as they were covered in a thick coat of grime. It was the Flying Dutchman… still just as terrifying as she always was. And standing up at the wheel was Davy Jones himself… in all of his disgusting octopus glory! He had only the beginnings of a claw on one hand… it later grew out to be a full fledged crab snapper. And he looked at me and said—
Did you think I was actually going to tell ye? I'm not as thick as I look. I know for a fact that you did something terrible to me whilst I was drunk… you snuck some of me rum didn't you! Don't contradict your captain! You are to go and swab the deck. I don't want to hear excuses now march! BLOODY HEADACHE! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU COME FROM? I need more rum…
A/N: So there is the interesting new installment of Captain Jack's story. Let me know if you thought it was too much that I had the Listener have a point of view and maybe Captain Jack will be well enough to ask if you could hand the Pepto Bismol. Thanks!