Fro Ninja; Hello everybody! The Fro Ninja here letting off some steam as usual with another entry in the epic Tale of Hans and his hunt, for what else? Booty ladies and gentlemen. Seeing as how a lot of people have been favoriting this series, I've decided to drop a new a part at least once a month, so be prepared for that. Also, as a treat, I'll be putting up a poll soon to ask you beautiful people what world you think Hans might visit next! And if you're lucky, he just might visit it! But anyway, I've spoken long enough, let's get right into it! Oh yeah, and if you haven't read the previous parts, you might want to do that by checking them out via my profile page
Han's Perspective
Somewhere near in Greenland
's Lair
15 minutes until closing
Just HOW do I get myself into these situations?
Those were probably one of the many thousands of thoughts swimming through my head as I'm busy dodging lasers, gunshots, and plasma blasts all at the same time. One of the rounds barely whizzed past my head as I duck under a research table to catch my breath in a fetal position. In that same moment, the table gets flipped over and tossed into the wall. I look up at nicely built figure with a green and black jumpsuit staring me down with the "I'm gonna fucking kill you and stuff your corpse with rotten bananas" eyes. That's Sheego. We have a...previous relationship, which is turning out to be the bane of my existence at the moment. I quickly charge up and dash away as fast as me feet could take me. Not surprisingly, Sheego took after me full speed and began to fire off her plasma shots at my head. I quickly jump up in my running path to dodge one heading right under my feet, and then duck my head down to avoid one that grazzed my neck. The next one was heading straight toward my body. I curved my body in a clockwise rotation, barely missing the blast as it slightly carved a path in my shirt and my chest from the flying sparks it gave off.
I managed to recover from my free dodging session on both feet and began to run even faster.
"The next one is going towards your spleen sweetums!" I take a left turn from the labortatory that soon lead me down what seemed to be an endless white hallway. I began to dash down it, whizzing past all of the doors on both of my sides. I tried to open every single one that came my way, but to my amazement, they were all locked. I reached one door that read atrium. I desperately attempted to turn the knob, only to hear the rattling noises of another locked door.
"Seriously?! Who the hell has locked doors inside their own lair?!" I took a step back from where I was at and activated the switch on my watch to call up my status screen. "Molly! I need to hack into Draken's computer mainframe and disengage the security lock for the atrium room. This is an emergency!"
"Working on it baby. It'll just be a few seconds. Anything else I can do for you?"
"I need you to find and lock on the relay signal of the portal! Draken moved the damn thing, and I can't make high or low of this fucking place! Also did I mention that a crazy chick with glowing hands is trying to kill me?!"
"You didn't mention that...Just another day at the office huh? Okay! Doors open."
As soon as she said those words, Sheego came around the corner just as the door opened.
"Found you!" Without a seconds notice, I rushed inside and quickly took cover behind one giant plants that had been growing out into the skyline. I took out Ameilia's laser pistol, and set it to stun. I then heard the door crash open. I held my breath in as the clacking footsteps of her leather boots drew even nearer."Come on Hans baby! Were you just gonna leave without saying goodbye?! Think about all we've been through over the past hour!"
"I'm trying not to, thank you very much!"
"Awww...Did it hurt that much? I tried ease up on the treatment as much as I could. I guess it doesn't work on sissy boys!" This lady is throwing shards right now, and it is starting to get me agitated beyond belief. I then started to fiddle with my watch to access the mainframe of the lair.
"Listen Sheego honey! Maybe we can talk about this! Relay special conversations! Hopefully ones that don't involve castrations as you so eloquently put beforehand!"
"And where would the fun in that be? You just wouldn't listen if I didn't suggest such a remarkable option to garner your attention, now would you?!"
"Oh trust me when I say, I'm all ears now!" I then pressed the switch on my watch, activating a special protocol the lair had and setting it on overdrive. Before you knew it, all of the lights began to flicker on and off, and the nearby sentry bots set on standby in the atrium began to go haywire. The automatic water system went off and began to wet everything in sight, including Sheego. I then popped out of cover to come face to face with her, before popping on rubber rain boots on my feet.
"Oooo. Creating your own laser light show huh? I'd be impressed if it actually meant something."
"Don't worry Sheego." I then took out the laser pistol, and removed its inhibitor matrix, creating a makeshift electric grenade."I think you'll find my point quite...shocking." She quickly realized what I was up to, and jumped up to higher ground as I slammed the pistol down onto the wet ground, creating a massive electrical field around the walkway of the atrium. I then took control of the sentry bots and had them step out into the center part of the room, where they began to get drenched and shocked by the field, causing their systems to short circuit. I then sent the bots flying towards Sheego as she was sitting in the trees away from the action. One by one, they began to explode as I sent them towards her, and she dodged each one with ease while hopping from branch to then grabbed one by its head an threw it back at me. I quickly vaulted out of the way to avoid getting hit, which I then saw her charging towards me, baring her glowing hands. Without thinking, I grabbed her by her hands, which the plasma began to burn into my skin. Baring the absolute pain, I tossed her over my head with a judo leg flip.
She recovered from the attack, sliding on the heels of her boots she came to a complete stop in her trail with sparks flying on the path from her feet. She came back towards me with a vengence with her glowing hands that nearly put a burn mark in my skull. I then reached out and grabbed her arm and swung her around me. It fell short as she used the momentum from my throw to swing herself around with her left leg headed straight towards my face. I engaged it head on and took the damage from the hit. My hand still in her grasp, I put an extra amount of force on the hold on her arm and brought her forward into an awaiting shoulder bump to her stomach and then pressed her into the ground. I managed to pin her for about a few seconds, until she managed to slip free of my hold, and put me in an armbar. If there was one thing I learned about Sheego in the past half hour, it's that she's flexable as hell.
With all of the strength remaining in my arm, I begin to lift it up with her on it, despite the pain I was still able to gain some leverage in the struggle. I managed to lift her up with what strength I could summon and stood up at my feet. She started to bend it in the opposite direction, which made my nerves spike up at the pain I was experiencing.
"What's the matter baby? Am I too much for you?" She began to taunt me as she activated her glowing hands while still grasping my arm, and the amount of hurt escalated from from a 10 to a 25. The residue from the glowing hands started to leave marks along my arm as her hands clawed deeper into my skin bypassing the layers of my shirt."You better pull out before it's too late."
I then took a deep breath and smiled. "You must have not heard about my pull out game then. Molly! Now!" I then activated a voice recognition program that I placed on Molly to activate whenever I was in trouble from anything. Before I knew it, a wrapping ring of electrical currents formed around my arm, shocking Sheego in the process. Though it wasn't enough to get her off guard completely, she retreated from the heat of the conflict."What's wrong Sheego darlin? Your thrusting game is a tad weak for my taste!"
She put on a fierce grin while clawing the ground beneath her. So far, I'm getting her to not take me for granted. I dare for something worse to happen.
"Hans sweetie! We have trouble!" Molly sounded off on my watch.
"In the middle of something Molly! The risque talk can wait!"
"It...'s...n...ot...hat...!I...ing...!" Molly's voice began to break up over the speaker, and before I knew it, I could hear nothing but static coming from the screen.
"Molly! Molly! What's going on! Answer me baby!" I yelled at the contents of my watch, only to be responded with silence. A few seconds later, I heard a sound click on the screen, and I could hear a young voice on the other end clearing his throat.
"Testing...one, two, three. Can you hear me?"
"Who is this?! What did you do to Molly?!"
"Molly? Don't worry. I just temporarily put a freeze on her functions. She's gonna be offline for while. But don't worry, you got me keeping you company now."
"Keep ME company?! Bitch, if you don't put Molly back on and get off my system, I will hack the shit out of you. Both physically and electronically!"
Pretty soon, I found myself arguing with the mysterious voice on my fancy watch. The exchange would be rather awkward to watch for some, I'd have to say.
"Hey! What the hell is going on over there?!" Sheego yelled out at me. I was barely able to hear her though. I simply responded by holding my finger at her.
"Sorry Sheego baby. Be with you in a moment. I'm dealing with an impersonal asshole right now." Then out of nowhere, the ceiling glass ended up shattering in. I quickly looked up to see a rather familiar figure with flowing ginger hair rappel down from the top of one of the trees all the way to the ground. Her black shirt and cargo pants brought back many images back into my head.
"That 'impersonal asshole', just happens to be my friend."
I sighed deeply and facepalmed myself.
"Lord have mercy. Why are YOU here? I gotta enough shit on my hands dealing with miss glowy hands, plus five other problems I'm not even gonna go into right now."
"That's tragic Hans. It really is, but I'm afraid dimension hopping is not justafiable in any situation."
"It is in Texas. Everything happens in fucking Texas."
"We'll see if the FBI agrees with that statement of yours."
Kim Possible ladies and gentlemen. World renowned teenage spy and basically a girl scout. The thought of her appearing hadn't really crossed my mind until now seeing as how I've been running for my life trying to survive for the past thirty minutes from miss glowy hands over here.
"Back off Kimmy, this one is mine for the taking. I suggest you head back home and fix up your doll collection Princess!"
"At least one of us fits that label Sheego!"
While the two so called prinny prins were arguing, I took my chance to carefully sneak away from the site undected. I managed to slip past the two and reach the door. My hand reached out to touch the knob.
"Almost...there..."
"KP! HE"S TRYING TO GET AWAY!"
Dammit! I know that ear stabbing voice anywhere. I quickly looked up at the skyline to find a skinny freckled blonde kid clumsily rappelling down from the ceiling window, bumping and crashing into several things in his descent, until he finally came crashing down in a pile of fertilizer. A fate I seriously do not envy.
"Awww dammit Kim. You brought the nacho kid too?! You really do hate me if you're going to have this guy put me through one of his 'I love nachos' speeches. I'll honestly death or, whatever you have in store for me instead!"
Kim began to walk over to me and as she walked, a blue light began to spark from her body, and soon, a white stretchy and slimy like material began to cover her whole body from head to toe. If memory serves, that's her special suit that she only whips out on special occasions, or when she wants to beat the ever loving shit out of something that crossed the line. I'm guessing this situation is one of them.
"Trust me Hans. After what you did to me, you deserve a fate far worse than death."
Sheego's hands began to glow and started to walk over towards me.
"That goes double for me Hans sweetie. We have SO much time to make up for last time."
They both began to come my way with creepy ass smiles on their faces. But not that kind that I'm attracted to. They're definitely out for blood after what happened last time. As for what that is...I'll leave it up to your imagination.
"Sorry to say girls, but I'm afraid this show is over, and I've got to exit stage right!" I quickly opened the door and proceeded out of the atrium.
"GET BACK HERE!" I heard both of them scream simulteanously as I started to make my way down the hallway. No doubt they were chasing me, and were soon to catch up to me. I quickly pulled out my watch and began to tinker around the security block that mama's boy Wade placed on Molly. While running for my life, I was bypassing network walls like the hoverboard level of Battletoads, too easy. I don't know why Wade gets so much props as a hacker anyway, when I was his age, I had already hacked into the FBI's archival system twice. The stuff that you could learn from those files makes A Peoples History of America look like a broadway play in comparison.
Within seconds, I had bypassed his security countermeasure, and restablished my connection with Molly.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Wade called out to me on the screen as it began to fade out in static.
"Sorry Wade. But there's only gonna be one person that's allowed on my wrist and talk smack to me."I completely shut down his connection to my watch, and got back the image of Molly on it."Molly! Are you alright?! He didn't hurt you did he?"
"I'm fine you handsome devil you. I'm only fitted for you and you alone after all."
A glorious feeling sprang up from my veins.
"Oooo, if you weren't a progammable a.i., I would tickle you until you called me Sally!" As I was running, I felt something whizz past me, and hit one of the walls in my direction, and the wall began to crisp in ash and smoke. Oh crap.
"You know Hans, if you weren't any good at running, I could swear you're slowing down on purpose!"
"Believe me, that's the last thing I want from you two!"
"Immediate rejection? He must be talking about you!" Kim yelled out.
"Believe me Teen idol, you wouldn't know what to do with it,even if you had it like me!"
"Oh for craps sake. Molly! How long before the portal closes?!"
Molly quickly scanned on her map.
"About 3 minutes sweetie, about 25 meters in your general direction."
I crept on a smile. "Plenty of time." As soon as I reached the main laboratory, I banked on a sharp turn in my tracks to face my fatal attractors. Like it or not, this was gonna have to be somethign I would have to handle straight up like a man. I took one of the electrical core shock cables from the power supply that was managing the currents of the place, and began to use it as a makeshift bo staff. I twirled and spinned it around to get a feel for the weight and length. Felt just about right. "Well ladies. Care for some three minutes in heaven with yours truly? Won't cost you a dime."
In that moment, both Kim and Sheego looked at each other and nodded in agreement.
"Alright Hans, we'll play your little game. Just don't expect us to go easy on you!" Kim put up her dukes while the discharge from her suit sparked.
"Yep. There are a few fatal consequences should you lose this game!" Sheego put up her stance as well, and readied her glowy hands.
I was set for the worst threesome of my entire goddamn life. Good thing I had protection.
Third person perspective
Kim and Sheego charged in a zig zag formation toward Hans, which led him to dart his eyes in both directions. Eventually, Sheego struck first with a left chop aiming for his face, which was deflected by his staff, and then two more came in from both sides, which were both deflected. Kim then came in with a high kick also aiming for Hans face. He deftly dogded it by ducking down, but Kim came spinning back into second kick, this time lower by grinding her heels against her momentum. Hans was barely able to dodge it, and so felt a slight knick her heel brush past his cheek, which in turn threw off his rhythm. Feeling the effect of it, he tried to retreat to a safer position by vaulting backwards.
"Going somewhere?!" Sheego denied the retreat by grabbing his right foot as he just started to jump back, and slammed into the ground. Hans felt his body shift as the impact brought him down hard and back up again.
"shit..." 'This wasn't good' Hans thought. A milliseconds into the impact, and he would need to catch his breath, which is more milliseconds going toward the two's favor. He then did the only alternative. He held his breath in for as long as he could while using his staff as a stand to quickly and swiftly lift himself up along the path. As soon as he reached the top, he lunged his body forward and with it his hands carried the staff into a forward attack for the incoming Kim. He then brought his staff down for a hard slam which had barely grazed Kim's left shoulder as she slid around him, leaving the staff to hit the ground with a strong impact,creating a fairly deep crater in its wake. Sheego and Kim positioned themselves on opposite sides, completely blocking his flanks, but Hans wasn't finished yet. He immediately put back up his guard and got ready to receive their pincer attack. Sheego charged in first, giving out a flurry of attacks mixed with jabs and side kicks aiming to Han's lower region in order to put a hamper on his evading steps, which he was able to avoid a good few seconds, before Kim came in with a sucker punch to Han's rib cage. He grunted in pain, but the attacks gave no pause. She followed by a low sweep kick that knocked him back down on the ground, or so she thought. In that moment, Han used the momentum from his fall, hop back up on his feet, and twirled around his staff in every direction. Kim and Sheego were barely able to get their guards up in time to block the impact, which had sent them both sliding away from him.
"Ukemi, huh? Kid knows hisstuff." Sheego grinned.
"This is no time for compliments! Wait! Look out!" Without a second thought, he let loose a few flash grenades from his back waist pouch, and detonated them immediately upon touching the ground."You might wanna cover your eyes!" Kim yelled out, before covering her eyes from the flash.
"I've got two eyes Kimmy!" Sheego responded back before doing the same.
In that moment, a very bright light shined out which had blinded everyone in the room, save for one individual. Hans had made a run for it by hiding behind a work table, and took a moment to catch his breath after about a minute of holding it in.
"PAHHHH! Fuck! Envisioning yourself swimming, REALLY does not work for that kind of thing!" As he tried to catch his breath however, Han felt another presence, rumbling from down below though it hadn't revealed itself yet. The ground began to vibrate violently, and all of the lab utensils shook off the desk he was hiding behind and crashed onto the ground, which had alerted Kim and Sheego to his location as soon as they heard it."Shit! Not good, not good, not good!" Hans had quickly exited from his cover, and rolled out into the open. Kim came charging into him with numerous vaults and handsprings, as per to her cheerleading routine, only this time ending it with an axe kick instead of a flip. Her heel ended up being blocked by Han's staff, which had then broke into two as soon as it touched it, leaving him with only two smaller versions of his staff. Kim stared him down as he slowly began to back away on his knees. He then attempted to fight back with the two things that he had, and so he had tried to swing it across Kim's face, but Sheego had caught his weapons by her hands and disintergrated them to mere ash. Before he knew it, Hans had literally been backed up into a wall with both the femme fatales staring him down, and their weapons at the ready. "Hahaha...Ladies! Um...let's talk about this!" At the brink of it all.
"You want to talk?" Kim questioned him.
"He wants to talk." Sheego reiterated the request.
"Now...I know we've had our...disagreements in the past. But let's put that all behind us eh? Honestly, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf here. You know, reform myself and all that jazz!"
"You? Of all people? You wouldn't know reformation if hit came up and bit you on the-"
"Ah,ah,ah. Leave that part to me sweetie. Wouldn't want Miss Save the world spewing out bad words now, would we? Not to mention I've kinda been doing the whole bad girl thing before you." Sheego had stopped Kim before she went any further, and then turned her attention back toward Hans. "Now then..we're all ears Hans baby. What's this about reformation?"
Hans swallowed his spit hard and wiped the sweat off of his brow.
"It's true! I have totally changed. And in case you don't believe me, I deleted all of the pictures, and I haven't taken off the you know what."
"Really? It's still on?" Sheego raised an eyebrow.
"Really! I've had it on for about four years now! Plus, I don't even work there anymore. The hours sucked, so I quit. I've really changed for the better ladies. Kimmy, Sheego. You gotta believe me! I'm not planning anything, diabolical or devious or anything like that anymore!"
Kim and Sheego looked at each other and then looked at Hans, with doubt still lingering in their eyes.
"Stand up and say that again." Kim said with her hands still targeted on him as he stood up on his feet."Stand up...slowly."
"Ouch...not like I have a choice...Ow...I think you cracked one of my ribs..."
Hans stood up with both hands behind his head, and looked straght at them.
"Now, say you're sorry for everything you did to me and Sheego, and that you've doing anything else bad."
"Really? Sorry for everything? Don't stand there and tell me that it was ALL bad. Huh Kimmy?"
She then blushed at his comment, and the plue plasma energy began to focus and light up in his face.
"Shut up! Just say it already!"
"Woah! Seem's I touched a nerve! What about you Sheego, wasn't it good for you darlin?"
Sheego rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.
"They were...interesting diversions."
"Is that all I am to you?! A diversion?! Ohhh, madam you wound me! I guess I can take back that whole tiger comment huh?"
"Stop wasting our time, and say it already!"
"Alright, Alright. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you guys, I swear on my possibly dead mother's grave that I'm not up to anything bad."
All of a sudden, a large sensation could be felt within the lab. It was the sensation that Hans felt earlier, only it was stronger this time. Strong enough to make everybody in the room lose their balance and tip down to the floor. From the floor, the ground began to seperate from the seems and the fragments of a drill could be seen rising up from the ground. It was attached to a steamlike machine that was sleek in design around the front and heavily built around the back parts. The drill had made a complete hole in the ground until the machine had reached the surface from being undergound. A lid had popped open from the cockpit, which was placed on the roof of the back, and from it, a most irriating voice could be heard.
"GREETINGS ALL YE WHO PASS HERE! YOU MAY SIT AND GAZE IN WONDER AT THE GENIUS OF MY MOLE RAT MACHINE! IT IS UNLIKE ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN THIS LIFETIME! AND I, DOCTOR VON DRAKEN HAVE INVENTED IT FIRST, BEFORE ANYONE ELSE COULD GET THEIR GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS ON THE SCHEMATICS. WHY! I HAVE MADE A BREAKTHROUGH IN THE SCIENTIFIC AND THE ARCHAELOGICAL FIELDS AT THE SAME TIME! THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT I COULD FAULTED ON EITHER PERSPECTIVE AS A 'REJECT' OR A 'FAUX PAS' DOCTOR. FOR I, DOCTOR DRAKEN AM A-"
"Seriously?! Seriously?! Do you seriously need to announce yourself in YOUR OWN FUCKING LAB?!" Sheego yelled out at Draken, interuppting his speech. He simply looked down at everyone else non-chalantly.
"Sheego! What are you doing down there?! I thought I told to tighted the defenses around the perimeter and keep a look out for..." He then stopped to look down at the people beside Sheego, one last time, and found a surprise amongst them. "Kim Possible! Have you come here to thwart my advances into world domination once more?! How dare you!"
"Lay off Draken! I didn't come here for you! Your henchwoman here can vouch for that for a fact!"
"Henchwoman? I'm gonna hit you for that."
Draken looked puzzled.
"Vouch? For what? Sheego, what on earth is she-"His eyes grew wider and a smile of evil proportions crept on his face as he locked eyes with another particular individual. "Well, well! Hansmueller Schwaser Maynard! Oh how I've looked forward to this day!"
"You call me by full name again, I'm gonna shove that drill of yours somewhere where the sun doesn't shine!"
"Ahhh, ever the rebellious spirit! Have you come to volunteer for my experiments yet again. I have to say they went so well the last time, I must simply do it again!"
"Back off Doc! I got business with him!" Sheego snapped at him.
"Sheego?! You have business with him?! Don't be ridiculous, Kim Possible is standing right next to you!"
"We both have business with him."
"I don't understand! How can you both have business with him at the same time. I mean, last time he was here I-" Suddenly Draken had been strucken by a revelation, and then facepalmed himself."Ohhh! Really Sheego?! With the subject?! I tell you, off all the things I caught you doing over the years, I never thought that was something you would resort to! I mean, honestly, are you that desperate?! I mean...I would have no problem if it were you with me...BUT nonetheless Sheego! You know that dominating the world comes first over all other priorities! No exceptions! Why! I would sooner-"
"Listen here Doc, I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but if you would take about a few seconds to take your thumb out of your mouth, you might want to help us capture him?!"
Draken soon came back to his senses after Sheego interuppted his monologue, and began to call in his other henchmen with the press of a button. Within seconds they stormed the lab, and all crowed around the three.
"Well that's just great. Never in a shortage of punching bags for me, huh Draken?" Kim chided.
Draken's blue face began to turn red from frustration.
"GUARDS! ATTACK THE PECKERFACED TEENAGER!" Draken yelled out the command, and all of the guards began to charge at Kim all at once. From all directions, she engaged them in their attacks and countered them all without effort. Within ten seconds, she had downed about six or seven heavy set guards, and was showing no signs of slowing down. With every step she took, a heavy jab or a quick over the shoulder throw followed immediately afterwards.
"KP! DON'T WORRY! I COMIN' TO HELP!" Soon her incompetent sidekick Ron showed up, covered to brim in plant fertilizer, that gave off a wrenching smell as soon as he walked in, which had made all present company stop in their tracks. "Alrighty! I know nobody wants ANY of what I'm dishing out! I bet I can take down at least ten of you with...uh" He then started to get a better look at the opposition he was dealing with, and saw they were a little on the large side."Well...maybe three...or one in a half...at best...hehehe...uhhhh buddy, a little help here?" He then whispered off to the side. All of a sudden, something began to move around in his clothes and soon popped out of his shirt. It was a naked mole rat by the looks of it, and it began to do various kung fu movements and switch to various styles in order to intimidate the guards. Instead of which, they were left sorely confused as how to even compute what was happening right now.
"Oh man...what's uh...what's happening right now?" One guard asked.
"I don't even know man. I'm just here to make up some extra hours. I actually had to cancel a date Bridget tonight." Another guard responded
"Really?! The chick from accounting with the huge rack, and the bubble butt?!"
"Hell yeah man! She was ready to go ALL...NIGHT...LONG...like YEAH!" All of a sudden, the guard began to furiously hump the air while the other guards began to beckon him on.
Draken began to grow even more furious at how things were turning out.
"Sheego! Get my men under control! NOW!"
"Relax Doc! As soon as we're done with-" She turned around to direct her attention to Hans...who was absent from the spot he was in."What the hell?! Where did he go?!"
Kim soon realized the situation, and began to use her PDA to scan the room in an effort to locate Hans, who she figured wouldn't be that far from the portal, and that he wouldn't have that long to get there as it turned out he only had about a minute left before it closed.
"Hurry and give me something Wade!"
"Gimme a second...he's there! On the upper balconies!"
Everyone on the ground soon locked up at to see him making a break for the portal on the upper ledges.
"HANS!" Everyone had shouted out his name as everything that was considered projectile was thrown at him, all of them missing by a hairs inch.
"Hans baby! You only have ten seconds left!"
"Yeah Molly?! No shit!"
After running the whole balcony, the portal was finally in arms reach of Hans. At the last second, Sheego had jumped up near the side of Hans, and had grabbed him with her plasma hands, but only managing so much to as to scratch him on his back before Hans made it through.
"Dammit Hans!" Sheego shouted.
"Sorry Sheego sweetie! I'll be sure to bump you up on the people who want me dead list!" Hans chided as he managed to make it through right before it closed.
Sheego had punched the wall near her in frustration, which had a left a huge gaping hole in the middle of it.
"Hey! Hey! Do you have any idea how much it costs to maintain this place?!" Draken shouted at her in equal frustration.
"Not really in the mood Doc!"
"Oh, calm yourself Sheego. You seem to forget we have the boy's DNA code..."
"And?"
"Imagine the possiblities of what we could do with his blood Sheego! Genetic engineering. Cloning, splicing, enchancement. You've experienced it yourself firsthand!"
Kim had jumped in with a kick that interuppted their conversation, which Sheego had blocked with her forearm.
"If you're thinking of going behind my back with another experiment doc, you got another thing coming!" Kim declared.
Draken then looked down at the floor to see all of his guards unconcious, with Ron surprisingly still standing. He tried not assume the worst.
"Hmph! You've won this one Possible! But I'll be back! And next time..." He then held a vial of blood in his hands. "I shall have an elite army on my hands!" Draken then activated his machine which had dug another hole into the ground escaping, with Sheego hitching a ride in the cockpit.
"Smell ya later Kimmy! Enjoyed the teamup thing by the way!" She chided.
"That makes one of us!" Kim also chided.
"KP! You alright up there?!"
"I'm fine Ron! Wade! Did you manage to get an ID lock?"
Wade then appeared on her PDA
"Sure did! Just give a few weeks, and I'll have a device hooked up to your PDA that functions just like the one Hans had. He's not gonna get away from us next time!"
"For sure. You da man Wade!"
Later, behind Han's apartment
Hans was soon let out at the portal behind his house. By the time he looked up, it was already nightfall. He had sighed a breath of exhaustion and relief that he was finally home. Though this conquest ended in somewhat of a failure, he still felt accomplished in some form shape and manner. How he was feeling this way...is better left unsaid.
"Welp...better get ready for the worst." Despite saying that, the tired Hans had perked up rather quickly, and was filled with energy. His member was even starting to gain motivation.
"Oooo, Hans sweetie. Aren't you feeling rather energetic?"
"Well, seeing as how I almost died back there, I'm feeling a little invigorated right now, and I'm ready to fuck anything that moves. And I mean anything."
And then, as if induced by some comedic timing, his next door neighboor, Mrs. Stevens, who was 92 years old had walked out of her house and whiff of Han's declaration, and creepily smiled.
"Okay, maybe not EXACTLY anything."
Inside Han's apartment.
Hans had opened the door, a breathed a little sigh.
"Guys, I'm home." As soon as he made it inside the door and turned around to lock the door, he felt someone's arms around his stomach."Aww man. That you Tigress? Amelia? Or maybe Alex? Gimme a second, the buffet will be open in just a few-" As he spoke he suddenly found his body being carried backwards...into a german suplex!
His head went against hard wooded floor, and then his body went rolling into his furniture, breaking a couple of knick knacks and vases along the way. He had struggled to get up from the impact. Even though he had taken plenty of hard hits before, this one was on a whole other level of pain.
"C'mon! Don't tell me you've forgotten how to take one of my hits, have you?! Is you serious right now? Holy fucking shit, you are letting me down!"
Right away, Han recognized the voice that spoke. That burly, depraved, slow, and heavy tone of voice, along with a DJ Kaled-like pitch.
"Arghhh, my head...You trying to split my skull in half old man?!"
He then stopped laughing.
"Yo Hans, is that any way I've taught you to speak to your father, huh?" He told him.
"Whoops sorry..." He cleared his throat."What the fuck, fucker?! Are you trying to fucking kill me right now?! I'll fucking beat the shit out of your Jabba the Hutt looking ass!"
"Hey! That's my boy!"
They both gave eachother a fist pound and then brought it in with a hug.
Long story short, this was Hans's father, Charles Maynard. Although he doesn't look it, he's actually 55 years old, yet has the appearance of a 26 year old. He's usually out on what he says are adventures, but currently nobody really knows where he goes on them, or how long he's gone for. Because of this, Hans and Sera barely see him anymore. But despite the absence, he is primarily responsible for the way Hans is now. From when they were kids, teaching them how to fight, homeschooling all the way up to high school, and pretty much everything else.
After the hug, they both sat down in the surprisingly clean living room. Ever since Hans got his "roomates", he's had to pull double duty on the cleaning efforts. Which had set him back a couple thousand on the cathouse, but suffice it say, he didn't care. A room clean of ripped pillows, broken furniture, suspicious stains, and funny smells were a good substitute for a bunny mansion any day he thought. After pouring him a shot of wiskey, Hans took a deep breath before speaking.
"Ummm...Pops, not that I'm not glad to see you or anything...but what are you doing here? I haven't seen in 7 years! I thought you were dead!"
"Boy I wasn't dead. Didn't notice all of those supplements I've sending you in the mail?"
Hans took a minute to think about it, and then it came to him.
"That was you? I thought it was from another one of those...enhancement companies that I accidentally signed a warranty on when visiting the doctors. I have no idea how I keep falling for those! They're always behind the terms and conditions! Nobody reads that shit!"
Charles remained quiet throughout Hans rant, and simply squinted.
"Son. What in the hell are you going on about?"
"Uhhh...nothing...nothing. I...uh...kinda do that a lot. Go off spectrum. I'm sorry Pops."
"What are you aplogizing for?! I used to do that shit all the time when I was your age! Among other things...wink wink."
"Ohhh Pops you are so crazy!"
"I know! My psychiatrist used to say that. Until I stabbed him to death." Both of them started laughing out loud, while at the same time everyone of Han's neighbors started to bang on the walls and yelled out seeing as how it was the middle of the night, but both of them prattled on like they didn't have a care in the world. "Oh yeah! I have got some bottles of Four Loko in my pack. I remember I used to have you drink these when you were 6 years old, and I wanted to jack off to some kiddy porn. Ahhh, good times..."
"Really Dad?! You sick fuck!"
"You still love me though. Now enough stalling boy. Where the glasses at?"
"Ughhh...somewhere on the counter..."
Chareles got up out of his seat and went into the kitchen. A few seconds later, Hans received a text from Scotty.
'Yo Dude! Glad to see you're still alive. You've gone for a few days man, so I couldn't call you or anything. Listen, my brother Ricky found a contact that deals with real estate. Once we finish making the house, we can sit down with him and tell him what we can do about trying to negotiate a reasonable mortage price. If we manage to score something under 250 ,000, we're in there! Let me know when you're available for the meetup, so we can talk prices. This is the homestretch man! Just a few more miles until we're ankles deep in some squishy wishy! Later bro!'
"Nice! Almost there. Just a couple of more days of working at the dead end piece of shit job, and it's waffles and pecans all day, every day! Plus I won't have to worry about keeping that baby downstairs up anymore. His mother is a pain in the-"
"Hans! Do you have any...back pains or sore muscles?" Charles yelled out from the kitchen.
"Uhh...no? Why?"
"Really? Then why is there a 18 inch vibrator in the sink?"
Part 1 END
Fro Ninja; Yes, you read that right. This installment is a two parter, and one I intend to hopefully finish very soon. Sadly, there weren't as many lemons as there usually are, but you still had fun, right? Also, despite the first half of this installment being in the Kim Possible universe, the majority of it will take place in the Lilo& Stitch universe, so just keep that in mind as the next part drops. Part 2 will be out sometime around next month, until then, One Love!