A/N: Song is 'The Call' by Regina Spektor.
Nikki looked down to her left shoe, then the right, then back to the left one before sighing. It appeared she'd need new ones. The scuffmarks she could deal with, but the whopping great hole revealing four of her partially sock covered toes on the left foot was another matter. She let out a second sigh before kicking them off her feet and throwing them at the bin.
"Nikki." Came a soft yet hoarse whisper from behind her, followed by a gasp.
"I'm fine, honest." She replied, not daring to turn around.
Dianne gulped before approaching her Sergeant, placing one hand gently on her shoulder. Nikki shook it off.
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
"I told you, not here." She growled, walking to the other side of the room and fiddling with the tap.
"Where else, then? If you won't see me anywhere else what choice do I have?" Di retorted, frustration coursing through her veins at the blonde's constant stubbornness.
"Ever thought of taking that as a hint? I don't want to discuss this Dianne. Not now, not ever."
"Tough." The brunette replied, pulling Nikki's hand off the sink and turning her around. She felt her bottom lip quiver as Nikki hung her head in shame. When she'd finally mustered enough strength to speak, all Dianne could manage was a strained whisper, "what happened?"
"Thought you already knew." Nikki replied, her voice braking slightly.
"I heard you'd been injured, in a fire, but not… This."
"I'm fine, really. It looks worse than it is." She made a feeble attempt to cover her right cheek, embarrassed.
"When have I ever fallen for rubbish like that? Look at you." She ordered, turning her gently to face the toilet mirrors, cautious of hurting her.
Nikki swallowed hard. "It's just a few cuts and bruises."
Dianne shook her head. "You need a doctor." She informed. "No arguments. I'm taking you myself."
Which then turned into a quiet thought
"Here," Dianne handed her colleague a pair of shoes from her locker, "will these fit?"
Nikki paused and frowned. "You keep spare shoes in here?"
"For emergencies. Like this." She commented with a wink.
"Alright, fair point." Nikki conceded.
Having slipped into the shoes with only a few winces, Nikki wiggled her toes before grimacing. "Ouch." She murmured.
"Hospital." Dianne replied.
"See, I told you I was fine." Nikki stated indignantly.
"You've got three fractured ribs, a broken toe and second degree burns. I wouldn't really class that as fine."
"It'll heal."
"Hopefully. But not for a while. You'll have to take time off work."
"No way!"
"A week at least. Give you time to heal a bit. And then it'll be paper work for a couple of months I reckon."
"They can't tie me to a chair indefinitely."
"Yes they can. And they will. Teach you not to go jumping into burning buildings to save a cat again."
"I couldn't just leave it to die." She retorted stubbornly.
"You don't even like cats!"
"Doesn't mean I want them to burn. Now, you gonna help me get these into the car, or what?" She asked, signalling to the crutches resting against the paintwork.
Dianne smiled. "Yeah."
Which then turned into a quiet word
Dianne placed a coffee cup in front of Nikki. "Here."
The blonde looked up briefly, "thanks."
"How you feeling?"
"Alright." Nikki replied before sucking in a sharp breath as she reached forward for the drink.
Dianne raised her eyebrows. "I'm not Inspector Gold, Nik, you don't have to go through lies with me. How're you really feeling?"
"I'm alright." Nikki repeated indignantly.
Dianne groaned. "Yeah and I'm Elton John. Nik, look at me." She ordered, turning the blonde's head around with her palm.
Nikki gulped, staring at the brunette for a short few seconds before placing her hand over her companions and removing it. "I'll heal." Her voice was strained and due to tears threatening to escape her eyes she was forced to look away.
"This time, yeah. But what about next time, eh? You might be able to keep healing but I… I can't if you keep doing this to me." Dianne confessed, willing Nikki to turn back to face her. She didn't.
"I've got nothing to do with you Dianne, I'm you're Sergeant, that's all."
"You know you're more than that."
"I've got a husband, Dianne, and children. A family, one that I love. That isn't going to change."
Dianne felt the beginnings of tears building in the corners of her eyes but knew she couldn't do anything to prevent them, "but what about me?"
And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry
Nikki shook her head, finally daring to look at the brunette on her sofa. "What about you?"
Dianne stood up, turning away from the blonde and retrieving her jacket from the armchair. "I'll see you around." She managed through unremitting tears.
Nikki opened her mouth impulsively as she left the room, instinct telling her not to let her leave. "Di." She called.
The brunette stopped, took in a deep breath and shut her eyes briefly before stepping back into the room. "Yes?"
"I, uh… I'm sorry."
Dianne gulped back tears. "Me too." She answered, nodding.
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye…
"Those reports you asked for, Serge." Dianne had placed the brown files on the desk and was fast retreating to the door by the time Nikki acknowledged her.
"Wait." Came the hushed whisper. "Close the door, I need to talk to you."
Dianne paused for a moment, seriously contemplating running out the door and never coming back to the station. Deciding that was maybe a little overdramatic, she closed the door as ordered. "Serge?"
"About last Thursday…" Dianne changed her mind; running out would've been the safest idea. "I need to know nothing like that will ever happen again."
The PC paused. "What?"
"What you did. It's inappropriate and you should know that. I love Doug and the girls. You're a colleague and a friend but that's where the line's drawn, okay? What happened before… It's ancient history."
Dianne bit down on her bottom lip. "Not to me it isn't. You can't pretend it didn't happen and neither can I."
"No, but I can block it out and tell you I don't feel that way anymore, though."
"Yes, but can you mean it?"
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before
Nikki hesitated. "Yes."
Dianne pursed her lips. "Don't lie to me, Nik."
The Sergeant turned her head away. "Don't ask a question if you're not willing to accept the answer, Di."
"I'd accept it if I believed it." The brunette replied, "but three months ago you were in love with me and considering leaving Doug. I can't believe your feelings have changed that much. I won't believe it."
"I can't go through this again, Di. I need to be with my family."
The brunette felt a couple of tears in the corners of her eyes. "Yeah, and I need you."
Nikki gulped, before rising from her desk and, with the aid of crutches, hopped over to Dianne. The brunette felt her bottom lip quiver, frozen to the spot. Nikki paused, taking her lower arms out of the crutches and resting them on her desk before running one hand down Dianne's left cheek.
All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war
The blonde hesitated, wondering whether the fact Dianne appeared to be a new form of ice decoration was a good sign or not. Deciding it was probably just shock and they wouldn't have had that conversation if it wasn't was she wanted, she leaned forward and pressed her lips gently against the brunette's.
Dianne couldn't think to respond for a brief few seconds but it didn't take her long to react. She pulled away. "Is this for real?"
Nikki looked rejected. "What do you mean?"
"This. Was it just a kiss?"
Nikki paused. "I dunno."
Dianne had to muster all the courage she could find within her to breath her next sentence out. "Then come back when you've decided. I won't let you put me through all that again. It's me or Doug; no sharing."
"I can't leave the girls." Nikki whispered meekly.
Dianne hesitated. "I'm not asking you to. We can sort something out with them. They're your children and I could never ask you to give them up."
"They'd never forgive me for breaking up their family."
"You're their mother, Nikki, they'd forgive you anything."
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
Nikki's eyes fluttered shut. "I love Doug."
"And you don't love me?"
"I'm not saying that, I just…" She paused, trying to summon the words she needed. "Doug's always been around. Through the good and the bad. I can't hurt him."
Dianne gulped. "But you can hurt me?"
"I don't want to." Nikki replied helplessly.
"Then don't."
"Casey and Emily need a father."
"They can still have one. You wouldn't be taking them away from him. This isn't about the girls, Nik, it's about you. You need to do what's right for you because, no matter what, Emily and Casey will still have two parents that love them. Neither you nor Doug are leaving them."
Nikki felt tears running down her face. "I can't split up my family." She replied.
Dianne nodded. "Fine." Came the short reply before she headed to the door, shutting it behind her, leaving the tearstained wreck of Nikki standing vulnerably in her own office.
You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye…
Dianne curled her feet up underneath herself as she settled down on her sofa with a (large) glass of wine. She gulped, still attempting to get rid of the lump that had been occupying her throat since her earlier confrontation with Nikki. Sadly, she knew it wasn't the kind of lump that could be dislodged.
Giving up on her fruitless endeavours to distract herself, she flicked the television off and allowed the tears to flow freely down her face. At least she knew she was alone and wouldn't be disturbed.
She groaned loudly as the doorbell rang, so much for that theory.
Hauling herself off the couch and setting her wine down on the table before quickly wiping her eyes with her sleeve, she approached the front door. Having peeked through the small circle of glass embedded in the door designed for just that, she wasn't entirely convinced she wanted to open said door, but she also couldn't leave Nikki on the doorstep. Well, she could, but giving the fact she was literally dripping and was still sporting those battered crutches as a fashion accessory Dianne felt it would be a little unkind.
She, reluctantly, opened the door and allowed the rained-on female to enter. "Hi." She murmured before closing the door and returning to her previous position on the settee. She wasn't quite sure what else she was meant to say.
"Hi." Nikki replied, nervously. "You, er, mind if I sit?"
"Knock yourself out."
Nikki nodded to herself. "Right." She sat.
"What do you want?"
The blonde hesitated, slightly shocked by Dianne's abruptness. "I came to talk."
"About?"
"Us."
Dianne gulped back the beginnings of tears and looked away. "There is no us."
Nikki closed her eyes briefly before taking a deep breath. She placed her hand over Dianne's. "I love you."
"No, you love Doug. You love the idea of me." Dianne corrected.
Nikki shook her head. "No, I love you. I want you."
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
"What if it's too late for me, eh? You ever considered that?" Dianne shook Nikki's hand off her own. "What if you've hurt me too much?"
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
"I loved you, Nik. I would've done anything for you, I would've told the whole world how I felt about you. But you… You didn't see that. You saw Doug and the girls and you just forgot about me."
Nikki looked helplessly at the brunette. "I always loved you, Di. I just… it was too much for me to handle. I needed to be with my family. I needed simplicity and all I could see of you was that you'd destroy everything simple in my life."
"That's no reason to push me away!" Dianne retorted.
"I'm not trying to anymore." Nikki argued, placing her hand back over the brunette's. Dianne quickly shrugged it back off.
"No, but you spent so long trying I lost who I fell in love with."
Nikki paused. "What do you mean?"
"You changed, Nik. I fell in love with a kind, considerate, caring woman who I would've died for."
"And now?"
"Now, I don't know. You're not that same person. You've pushed me, you've hurt me and you've knowingly done it."
"I never meant to hurt you." Nikki defended weakly.
"But you did. And you knew you were doing it, that's what hurt the most - that the woman I loved could do that to me."
"Loved? Past tense?"
Dianne shook her head. "I don't know."
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes
"I'm trying, Di. I'm sticking my neck out, here. I love you and I want to be with you."
Dianne felt tears escaping her eyes. "I needed you to say that months ago."
"I'm saying it now."
"It just feels like too little too late." Dianne informed, rising from the sofa.
"Don't be me, Di. Don't run away." Nikki called, causing the retreating blonde to stop. "This is what I want. You and me."
"And Doug?"
"He's the girl's father. A good one. But not a husband, not anymore."
Di melted. She turned back to face Nikki and just stared at her for a long few seconds. "Promise?"
Nikki smiled, "promise."
Dianne felt her lips curl upwards as she made a feeble attempt to wipe away some of the tears in the corners of her eyes before falling back onto the sofa. "Love you, Nik." She murmured, taking her hand in her own.
"Love you too." Nikki whispered.
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye…