"Go away you monster." The child told Gaara as she slammed the door in his face. He felt many things in that first moment afterwards. Hurt, betrayal, anger, confusion. He had tried to do the right thing, had tried to make them see that he was not bad. But they had run, and he was desperate to have some kind of contact, so he grabbed them with his sand. He didn't know that he had hurt one of them, and once he found out he felt really bad about it. After what Yashamaru told him about the wounds of the heart, he had asked for some healing medicine, and took it to the girl's house. That was when she called him a monster and slammed the door into his face. Was he a monster? Weren't monsters,.. Well, more evil than he was? He had never hurt anyone, and as far as he knew, they all avoided him because of something that he had no control over. Something that happened to him before he was even born. Did the deeds of others upon his unborn form make him responsible for having a sand spirit inside of him? Was it his fault after all, or was he dealt a bad hand upon conception. He was very confused about it, and often found himself wondering about it all.
He had been walking, reflecting upon his existence when someone brushed up against him. "Watch it you little bra…" He heard, turning to face the source of the voice. Upon seeing Gaara before him, his eyes widen, fear like a stink emanating from his very frame. "You! …. You are….." Why?... Those eyes again. Gaara thought miserably as the man before him quaked with a fear his young mind could not understand. He saw the child of earlier, look the same, slam the door into his face after calling him a monster. He felt the sand rise up, answering his thoughts of anguish and lashing out towards the man. "H,.. hey!" WHY?! "AAAAHHH!" The man screamed in horror, pain visible on his face before he was swallowed up by the sand and crushed. Turning, he felt the sand cover him again as he left the body to its own devices. He knew he killed the man, but what good was a life if they kept running from you and never gave you a chance anyway? He was sorely confused, and felt again the ache in his chest that he told Yashamaru about. It had returned and hurt even worse now.
Someone was beside him now. Looking up he saw his father, The Kazekage. He saw the look. Hatred. Anger. Revulsion. Behind him he heard voices. "I..it's Gaara!" Was one. "What,… what happened?" Came another. "Hey! This guy's dead!" Exclaimed a third. Gaara felt himself wince under that gaze, his own eyes narrowing with sorrow, and shame. He couldn't bear it anymore, he looked away from his father's glare, looking right at the ground. He kept going, acting as if the glare did not bother him. In fact, it did. He found himself wanting to be alone, to reflect upon the events of the day. The moon was full, giving a soft glow to the landscape below him. He liked this spot, being higher up than the village, looking down upon them as they went about with their lives. Would he ever have a normal life? I knew it. He thought to himself miserably. It doesn't go well at all. Gaara clenched his fists on his shirt, crumping the fabric by his thighs as he began to shake. How come, he thought as he moved his hands to look at them, studying his palms through blurred eyes, only I am such a monster? He covered his eyes with his hands, feeling dampness from his eyes coat his fingers. What exactly am I? The thought came at the same time as a sob, a word strangled in his throat as he spoke it through tears. "Yashamaru,…." It's love. He heard Yashamaru say, telling him how to heal wounds of the heart.
There is only one thing that can stop such heartache. One thing,….. A shock ran through his system, causing him to look up as sand flared at his back, forming a turtle like shell, protecting him from sudden Kunai thrown at him. "Huh?" His shock was total, sudden and he felt his tears dry up as he turned, scared and surprised by this attack. More Kunai headed his way, the sand flaring automatically to protect him. Shock and surprise turned to horror, than anger. Gaara's black lidded eyes narrowed, anger filling them as his life flashed before his eyes. What? Why? The girl shutting the door, calling him a monster. Kids refusing to play with him. His own brother and sister fearing him for no reason. ONLY ME! Why me?! The unfairness of it all made him bitter, like he swallowed a nasty pill and it made him sullen. His sand lashed out, slamming the attacker into the wall behind them. They were slumped now, laying almost on their back, their head resting against the wall in a spreading pool of their own blood. But who was it? He was almost afraid to find out. He found his feet creeping closer, his heart pounding for fear of who this would-be-assassin might be. Who? Why? He questioned in his mind as his hand crept closer to the veil covering the attackers face. His hand gripped the cloth. Pulled away.
Heart pounding, he felt his eyes go wide with who he saw before him. Seeing who his attacker was only raised more questions, and he felt his heart muscles tear and create a new wound, a new rip he feared would never heal, love-cure be damned. "Impressive… Lord Gaara." Yashamaru! His mind screamed out, the tear in his heart causing so much pain he gripped his chest, falling to his knee's with the crushing weight of what his young mind saw, and comprehended. The finger. The finger was bandaged, proving it was not a clone, or anything but his real Uncle. Uncle Yashamaru just tried to kill him! His hands moved from his chest to grip his head, hands blocking out all sound as he found himself screaming at the top of his lungs, his agony at what had happened. He kept crying, the pain coming in waves that made him dizzy, drove him to his knees, and made him quiver with the pressure of it all. One hand grasping his head, just above his left eye, right hand dropping to the ground, he lifted his tear streaked face to gaze at his uncle. "W,..Why?" He began, sobs strangling his voice as he spoke, making talking difficult. "Why? Why is it,…" He found he could not get the words out, and tried again. "Why you? Why?"
Love is… care and devotion you feel for the precious ones around you. "Why?!" Lord Gaara. You are my precious one Around me! He saw his uncle consider the question, silent for the moments it took for him to ask why so many times. "Always. You were always… Only you were my." Gaara sobbed, rubbing tired black eyelids with a damp fist. "It was an order." Yashamaru finally said.Gaara felt shock mirror on his face as it swept through him. An order? From who? His father? "I was ordered to assassinate you." The tears did not lessen as he listened, his heart and head throbbing with the sickening realization dawned over him. Before he could ask who, his uncle told him. "By you father, Kazekage-sama." The knowledge made his heart miss a beat, his eyes going wider at the thought of ordering his death. My father,….. He was starting to feel sick. He covered his mouth with his hand, trying not to be sick at all at such a proclamation. "Uuugh." He couldn't hold it. He felt his mouth open and pulled his hand away, vomiting on the ground in front of him, tears flowing with the bile he spat up. Trembling, he looked up, a line of leftover fluids dribbling down his chin, face smeared with tears and snot from his crying.
"Father?" He heard his shaky voice ask. "Why,.. would he want me dead?" wasn't a father supposed to love his children, no matter what? He found himself hating tears, hating how he felt, sick with grief, tasting bile and snot and tears, wishing this was not happening at all. "You were born,.. to be possessed by the sand Shukaku. Until today, you have been watched over as an experimental subject. However. You are yet unable to control the powers of the living spirit Shukaku. Before long, your existence will become too dangerous to the village itself. We simply couldn't let that happen." That all made sense. He felt his heart calm down, he almost could look his uncle in the eye now, as he digested this information. It was still horrible, but at least it wasn't as bad as cold blooded murder. He did kill after all, moments ago. "Then,.. " He began, thinking of how to word what he wanted to say. "Then,… you had no choice? It was because of father?..." He almost smiled, felt it creep up when Yashamaru interrupted him. "No. You're mistaken." The words shocked him, silenced him and he waited, bile building in his throat again, as he waited for an explanation. "Yes. I did receive Kazekage-sama's order. I could've declined it if I wanted to." His felt his eyes go wider, the shock causing another tear to his fragile heart. "Lord Gaara. Deep down inside, I must've always resented you for coming into this world, stealing life away from my dear sister."
Gaara found he could speak, but at least he wasn't going to throw up again. He got control over his stomach finally after listening to his uncle. He thought all was said and done, was going to get up, leave, but his limbs were heavy. Uncle Yashamaru spoke again, causing more wounds to his heart. "I tried my best to love you by thinking of you as her memento, but I couldn't. She never wished to give birth to you. She was sacrificed for this village and therefore died cursing at it." He felt his tears drying up, eyes frozen wide open as he listened, his mind numb. "Perhaps. From that moment on, I've been carrying never-healing emotional scars." The words caused him to remember more of Yashamaru's words. Unlike physical ones, there is no ointment available for emotional ones. And the pain may never go away. He heard Yashamaru tell him, the phantom Yashamaru seeming to come from another life, another time. "Your mother gave you your name. This child's name is Gaara, A Demon That Loves Only Himself! Love only yourself, and fight only for your sake! She wished and believed that your existence is forever as long as you lived so. But,… she didn't give you the name out of concern or love for you. The name was given to you in the hope of your eternal existence, to let her grudge be carried down and be known to the world. You were never loved!"
His breath caught in his throat, the tears almost dry on his face except by his eyes. His heart hurt so terribly, the beat irregular, each thump an ache to itself. "This is it….. Please die." The explosion was sudden, the blast seen from miles away, deafening any nearby. The sand was automatic, one of the few times Gaara was glad to have the thing inside him. He would live, but what kind of existence was this? All he saw as a rounded wall in front of him, sand protecting him from the blast. Heart heavy, eyes closing, sinking to his knees, he heard Yashamaru's words again in his mind. I believe she loved you very much…. He heard his own self ask back, Love? Yashamaru again, its automatic perfect defense is a proof of maternal affection. Your mothers will remained in the sand to protect you. "U,.. AAAH!: Gaara cried out in agony. It's love. "AAAAAHHHHH!" He screamed, feeling the rage building inside him, his eyes narrowing in his sudden, sorrowful induced rage. The sand, a protector, usually never allowing him to feel pain, carved into his forehead, above his left eye a symbol, one he saw as it was branded into his flesh. His hands, before him, were half open, shaking with the force of his pain and rage. Slowly he lowered his hands by his side, head bowed to stare at the ground till the mark in his forehead was finished. Slowly, with half closed eyes, he looked up, the sand finishing its grisly task. Love only yourself. And fight only for your Sake. He heard the words echo in his mind, feeling a warm, wetness flowing from his face, over his eye and down his cheek. Blood. His own blood.
"That is,… Gaara. Me." He spoke, an eerie calm emitting from his voice. How rationale he was now. How calm, and angry. How cold-blooded he felt. "I finally understand." I am alone. I will not believe anyone, anymore. I will not love. I'm on my own. Ha ha. That's right. I'm all alone. He turned, and calmly started to head home. If his father wanted to start trouble, he was going to receive as much as he dished out. He was not going to let himself be killed, nor was he going to allow this all to pass over as a mere phase. He was going to prove he existed, make people see him, feel him, recognize him! Even if he had to kill to do so. The streets were empty as he walked home, slowly, his eyes taking in every detail. He was home before he knew it. His hand moved to touch the doorknob, paused, then with new resolve grasped it and opened the door. Inside Temari was sitting nearby, and she glanced up. She paled when she saw who it was, and he felt the anger, still raw from earlier, flare up. "G,.. Gaara. You're hurt." She replied, not bothering to get up but pointing out the obvious. Kankuro walked in, freezing in the doorway with a plate of food after spotting Gaara. Why did they all react that way?! He felt his eyes narrow even more. Temari, seeing the look, stood and began to approach Gaara calmly, slowly making her way to him. He used his sand to knock her back, growling the words. "Don't bother. Come near me, and I'll kill you."
The fear in her voice gave him a smug satisfaction, and he turned to head into his room. His room. A cold, bare thing that had nothing on its walls, and only a bed inside. He was still young, and was developing his own sense of style and likes. But he didn't focus on things like that now, not anymore, not ever. His life was going to be very different from now on. Sitting up the bed, feeling tired, he wanted to sleep, and knew he could not. He instead sat for moments, reviewing all that occurred in his mind, eyes welling up with tears over this recent betrayal. After a while he got up, and stood. Walking to the window, he moved the curtain aside, and stared out at the moonlit night. He did not know how long he stood there, but after color started to stain the night sky. Dawn crept forward, extending fingers across the night sky. He never felt so alone, and turning from the window, he went back to his bed. What kind of life was this? What kind of existence was he dealt?
-NOTE: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS THEREIN. THIS STORY IS COMPLETELY FICTIONAL, AND IS WRITTEN FOR THE ENOYMENT OF ALL NARUTO FANS EVERYWHERE AND TO 'FILL' GAARA'S HISTORY IN A LITTLE MORE FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO KNOW HIM BETTER.-