No, wait. I can explain. Don't look at me like that.

So, I was hanging out with my friend the other day, and I was running out of ideas for crap to write. I asked her to provide me with a pairing, any pairing, and the pairing she provided was… Toonshipping. So that's what this is. I'm a little worried about myself, because I feel like this shouldn't have been so easy to write, but, alas. This is one of the first fanfics I've actually been able to finish. It was kind of like playing chicken with myself. You know, how far are you willing to go? The answer? Not very far, but far enough.

This is a little bit crackish, but mostly just stupid. Don't worry, nothing really happens between them (sorry if that disappoints you). Well… okay, the implications here are about as subtle as Pegasus can be (not at all) so… just know that before you enter this realm.

WARNINGS: naughty language, sexual implications, and excessive use of parentheses and italics.

A Business Proposal

"You are officially unhinged."

"Come now, Kaiba-boy. It's really only logical. Both of our companies' main source of profit is Duel Monsters related. If we merged together-"

"We are both doing quite well on our own," Kaiba pointed out. "And I don't trust you in the slightest, especially after Duelist Kingdom."

Pegasus raised an eyebrow. "You won't do business with me because I lost a card game?"

Kaiba scoffed disdainfully. "I don't give a damn about your duel with that cheating midget," he snapped. "But you had the audacity to mock my beloved Blue Eyes by turning it into a ridiculous cartoon. That angers me."

"Come on, Kaiba-boy, lighten up! Cartoons are fun!" Pegasus sang, swiftly dodging the coffee mug that came hurdling his way.

The pitcher (of course, not in all respects) had a way of appearing calm even as his actions took on those of a rambunctious infant. "Fuck off, Pegasus. I'm busy."

Pegasus merely pouted and stepped further into the office. The light from Kaiba's luxurious large window (of which Pegasus was well on his way to being pushed through) reflected against Pegasus' Millennium Eye, in turn shining into Kaiba's face and thus irritating the CEO further.

"I don't think you should be so angry with me, Kaiba-boy," Pegasus stated in his lofty voice. "I did create your beloved Blue Eyes in the first place. Is it really so wrong to mock my own creation?"

"When you mock my Blue Eyes, you mock me," Seto growled.

The older man chuckled good-naturedly. "Ah, I understand. You're angry because I hurt your feelings." Kaiba furiously went to object, but Pegasus went on speaking. "It's odd though. I thought you'd be more angry about me trying to take over your company and kidnapping your brother."

"Oh please," Kaiba scoffed. "Firstly, if you really think that your talent in card games is any sort of advantage in the corporate world, you're sorely mistaken. And as for Mokuba, you're an idiot if you think-"

"Did you say my name, big brother?" came a familiar voice from the shadows.

"Mokuba. I thought that one video game company or whatever was holding a ransom on you. You're back already?"

The boy hopped onto one of the large, comfy couches in the office and shrugged. "Yeah, and I picked up your dry cleaning on the way. They might have overcharged you; you should probably call-"

"Wait. You just escaped from another kidnapping and all you can talk about is his dry cleaning?" He looked incredulously at Kaiba, but the CEO was typing rapidly on his computer. Mokuba just looked annoyed at being interrupted.

"Yes, and just so you know, your security was even worse than theirs."

"My- You- What?" He pointed a perfectly manicured finger at the boy who somewhat resembled a sheepdog*. "You were being held in a maximum security-"

"If that's your maximum level of security, I'm surprised you haven't been robbed dry." Mokuba leaned back and smirked in a manner that he'd obviously picked up from the elder Kaiba. "That was one of my easier escapes. Eleven minutes. And that includes when I stopped to use the facilities."

"But when did you- How did you-?"

Kaiba chuckled from his desk. "The number of times Mokuba's been targeted and kidnapped has more digits than the number on most of my employees' paychecks."

"It used to be really annoying," Mokuba chimed in. "You know, I'd make plans with my friends, then I'd get taken and miss them. Or I'd have homework and not be able to do it, and apparently you can only use the kidnapping excuse so many times before teachers stop believing it." His voice was detached and disinterested. "It got annoying. So I learned to escape quickly and effectively so that I could continue about my business. I have better things to do than sit around in a cell."

"Better things that you should be doing right now," Kaiba said, making Mokuba pout. He hadn't looked up from his laptop since his younger brother had entered the room, not at all shocked that the boy was apparently a miniature Houdini. Now, however, he gave Mokuba a stern look and the child dragged his feet out of the room, along with a cloud of sulkiness.

Pegasus collapsed on the couch, struggling to regain his composure levels to his usual elegance. He wasn't going to let the stupid brat distract him from his favorite activity- tormenting a certain CEO.

"I must say, Kaiba-boy, your brother certainly takes after you."

Kaiba looked sharply at the older man. "Never say that."

In his mind, Pegasus taunted the computer about his victory in stealing Kaiba's attention.

WOOSH.

Although, maybe that wasn't such a good thing.

"Why did you throw a-" Pegasus inspected the object. "-letter opener at me?" He turned it over in his hand. "Dear heavens, it looks as though you've ruined it."

"I can afford to ruin things." Kaiba's nonchalant wave of the hand was implied. "And I threw it because you don't seem to pick up on subtle hints."

Pegasus chuckled. "If you wanted me to write you a letter, all you had to do was ask."

Kaiba fumed, and his fist clenched around his mouse. It probably would've been flying at Pegasus too, had it not been plugged into the computer. But as it were, Kaiba just clicked mindlessly around in an attempt to pretend he was doing something. "Is there a reason you're here? A legitimate one?"

"Can I not just visit with an old friend?"

"I'm not your friend." The CEO spat out the word as if it were some sort of disgusting and diseased bug. "And all you've done since you've been here is piss me off."

The man leaned on one elbow and twirled a strand of citrus-scented hair around his finger, staring at Kaiba. "Well, can you really blame me, Kaiba-boy? You're so cute when you're angry."

Kaiba's cheeks rose to compete with Pegasus' jacket in redness. "Cute?" It took a couple of tries for Kaiba's lips to form such a word. "CUTE? I am the head of a multi-million dollar company, the most influential man in all of Domino, and you have the nerve to call me CUTE?"

Pegasus wasn't intimidated, and instead began clapping gleefully. "Oh, look, you're even angrier! Absolutely adora-"

Before the man could finish the word that would serve as his death wish, Kaiba sprung up from his chair and stormed across the room, grabbing Pegasus by the collar and bringing them nose to nose. "I could slit your goddamn throat and feed you to my guard dogs, and no one would dare point a finger at me. Is that fucking cute to you?"

Apparently it was, because Pegasus still had a delighted grin on his face. "Just look at how your eyes glitter when you're mad! You could inspire poems-"

"Would you shut up?" Kaiba demanded, shaking Pegasus roughly. Deep down, however, his anger was revealing itself to be confusion. As one of the richest and rudest men in Domino, Kaiba was of course used to dealing with threats and violence and underhanded deals, but this was just creepy. He shouldn't have been shocked- it was Pegasus, after all –but it was a completely new battleground, and Kaiba was weaponless. What was he supposed to do? Punch him? Pretend to like the compliments? Compliment him back?

"I'll tell the tabloids you're a raging homo."

That worked too.

Another chuckle. "Look at me, Kaiba-boy. As if they didn't already know."

"You're right, but do they know that you're a raging homosexual pedophile?"

The words were met with silence; both men knew that was a stupid question. The CEO flopped back into his chair in a manner that was somehow graceful and frustrated at the same time. "Look, Pegasus, I am perfectly willing to call security on you. And if you waste my time again, I'll put you in a holding cell. And, unlike your pathetic prison, mine has been Mokuba-tested and is therefore inescapable."

Pegasus laughed harder. "Oh, Kaiba-boy, you're so huffy and adorable when you make threats. Like when a poodle growls."

It was as if Pegasus had struck Kaiba across the face. The boy was stunned speechless, his mouth moving silently in indescribable fury. Pegasus supposed that Kaiba must have been a cat person. Maybe he should've compared him to a wet kitten. Would that have been better?

He dodged the phone that was thrown at him and smirked to himself. It was the moment he'd been waiting for; Kaiba was all out of items on his desk.

"You're paying for a new phone," Kaiba snapped. "It's your fault."

The glare on Kaiba's face hardened as Pegasus strode over to his desk and leaned in until their noses were nearly touching. "Well, I certainly wouldn't want to be in debt to Mr. Kaiba-boy, would I? That might get me on his bad side."

"You are so fucking far on my-"

"How shall I ever make Mr. Kaiba-boy like me?" He leaned in even further, and Kaiba backed his desk chair away. Not only was Pegasus' close proximity creepy, but it allowed Kaiba to pick up on the scent of his fruity shampoo, which he was now officially allergic to. The older man swiftly moved around the desk until it no longer separated them.

Kaiba scooted back further and blindly felt around on his desk for the phone, his eyes glued on Pegasus. His heart sank when the man smiled. "You threw your phone at me, remember? It's not like you to be so foolish, Seto. Is something the matter?"

"Pegasus, you do realize that your behavior is considered harassment, right?" A note of nervousness crept into Kaiba's voice.

Pegasus chuckled in a way that made Kaiba's skin crawl. "Silly Kaiba-boy. I haven't even done anything to you… yet." His lips curved into a sinister smile. "I just want you to forgive me and enter a partnership with me."

"With the way you're acting, I feel like we're on a different page about the type of 'partnership' you're implying."

"Does it matter?" Pegasus questioned. "Partnership is all about being… close with one another."

"Too bad I already told you that I'm not interested." If Kaiba's chair hadn't already been backed into a wall, he wouldn't have allowed Pegasus' invasion of his personal space to continue. If he tried to punch the man in the face or something, however, he'd end up sued for everything he had. And he had a lot of things that he didn't want this feminine old pervert getting his hands on. Namely Mokuba. So he just arranged his face into his level 10 angry stare (which was normally reserved for Yuugi and his nerd posse) and growled, "So I recommend that you back away now."

Pegasus merely giggled and reached out a hand to tilt Kaiba's face towards his own. Startled, Kaiba tried to jerk his chin out of the creep's hand, but the fingers were surprisingly strong for being so girly. "But if I leave now, you'll never join my company!" the grown man whined in a grating voice.

"For the love of God, you perverted old man, I am not joining your goddamn-" Kaiba was cut off by the sudden presence of hands on his thighs. "What the hell, Pegasus? I'm fucking serious."

The only response was another irritating giggle. "Ooh my, Kaiba-boy, such language isn't very professional. Are we on casual terms now?"

'You're one to talk about unprofessional,' snapped a voice in Kaiba's head, but the CEO's actual voice had been stolen by his hyperawareness of the hands on his thighs. If things moved any further in the direction that they were going, Kaiba was going to kick the man in the crotch so hard that he'd be split in half.

Somehow, however, it seemed that Pegasus had read his intentions ('That damn eye!' Kaiba realized.) and he stepped forward to plop himself onto Kaiba's lap.

No. Nonononono. Fucking no. Time for a new tactic. One that Kaiba had never had to resort to before.

"Pegasus… could you… maybe…" Kaiba shut his eyes. The word wouldn't come off of his tongue. It reminded him of one time when he took Mokuba to a carnival (Kaiba was still unsure why he'd agreed to that.) and the boy had made him eat that chocolate-covered cricket. The things he did for Mokuba… and now he was doing it for Pegasus? Ugh, he was probably going to have to call that therapist that Isono kept recommending to him. But for now, he bit back his vomit and spat out the word. "Please. Could you please get the fuck off me?"

Goddammit. He blew it. Now Pegasus would never get off of him. He'd said the forbidden word for nothing.

Sure enough, Pegasus only smiled wider and leaned down even closer. "You seem quite flustered, Seto. Why might that be?" His remaining eye glinted. "Could it be… that you like this a little too much?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kaiba shoved at Pegasus, but the other man was apparently made of brick or something, and didn't budge a bit. How could someone so delicate-looking be so damn strong? At this rate, Anzu was going to become a professional wrestler. "You're sick, you bastard. I'm going to kill you as soon as I get the chance."

"Oh dear, that wouldn't be good for the company at all." He frowned. "I might have to keep you restrained in your office."

The tone of Pegasus' voice implied that this 'restraint' wouldn't be for the sole purpose of imprisonment. Kaiba threw up a little in his mouth. He kind of wished that he'd full-on upchucked on Pegasus. That might have been a turn-off.

"This isn't going to end quickly, is it?" Kaiba said wearily. "Is there another compromise you'd take? I'll even pay you. Pegasus, there's got to be something else that you want."

Pegasus pretended to think, stroking his chin in an exaggerated manner. "Hmm…" Kaiba rolled his eyes and waited for the man to finish his show. Finally, a wide grin split Pegasus' face. "Well, Kaiba-boy, your rejection has made me quite glum. I guess the only thing I can ask at this point is for you to come back to my mansion later tonight and… make me feel better."

Kaiba's jaw dropped. Pegasus hadn't exactly been subtle before, but this was too far. Way too fucking far. "You can't be serious."

A pout graced Pegasus' features. "Come on, Kaiba-boy. I doubt you've ever been with a real man bef-"

Before Pegasus could even finish his sentence, he was harshly shoved onto the ground.

"You are fucking nuts." Kaiba stormed across the office and retrieved his phone from the ground, glowering as he forced the battery back into its damaged compartment. He didn't care if he got sued at this point—he needed this creep gone.

Pegasus gasped and hurriedly stood up to check his hair in the window's reflection, and let out a dismayed moan at its state. He could barely hear Kaiba's furious ranting behind him.

"Yes, I need someone to come to my office immediately. I have someone here who needs to be escorted out. No, no, not him. I fired him. Just anyone. Yes, now, you idiot."

Pegasus chuckled from the other side of the room (He'd returned his hair to a presentable state.) and Kaiba couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at how smug Pegasus seemed, even though he wasn't getting what he wanted—and Kaiba didn't even want to think about what he'd wanted.

It barely took two minutes for a couple of Kaiba's guards to show up at the door, and all the CEO had to do was nod before the men harshly grabbed Pegasus' arms and began to lead him out of the room. "Make sure to add him to the secretary's list of people not to let into my office," he called out to them.

The two men grunted and quickly dragged (Although Pegasus made it appear as though he were leaving of his own accord.) him through the ridiculously lavish hallway and towards the secretary's desk.

When the woman at the desk heard them approaching, she clambered into a professional position that didn't involve using the armrests as footrests.

"Alice, Mr. Kaiba wishes to add this man to The List."

Pegasus found it amusing that this list was apparently frequented enough that its use didn't have to be specified. The woman sighed and fumbled around under the desk. "I've added eight people this week," she mumbled. "At this rate, the computer will be out of memory by May." After a few moments, she found what she was looking for and lazily snapped a picture before Pegasus even knew what was going on.

He blinked away the spots from the flash and frowned. "Wait, madam, could we try that again? I would quite like to have a nice picture for your files."

The woman merely huffed at him. "Sir, no matter how pretty you look in this picture, I'm still gonna send your ass home the second I see it again."

The guards tugged at his sleeves again, but Pegasus held up a finger at them. "One more thing. Could you schedule a meeting for Mr. Kaiba at my mansion for tonight at 10:00?"

"Er… Mr. Kaiba usually tells me—"

"He's in quite the temper today, as you can see." He gestured to the guards. "Do you really wish to go and confirm anything with him right now?"

She glanced back towards Kaiba's office, slight fear lighting up in her eyes. "I… I see. Well, it's not like Mr. Kaiba has any other engagements that late." Pegasus smiled encouragingly at her, and she shrugged. After a few clicks on the computer, she looked up at him. "It's in the schedule. We'll tell his driver, and he should head over after his dinner event."

Pegasus smiled sweetly. "Thank you, ma'am. I look forward to seeing him."

As he exited the building, he couldn't hide the spring in his step, even as the guards glowered at him.

"You gentlemen have a lovely evening," he sang, waiting until they went back inside before his smile turned wicked and he added: "I know I will."

* No, that was not a serious simile. It's an inside joke that I have with my friend who suggested this whole Toonshipping thing in the first place.

So, that's that. Sorry the ending was a little rushed… I really just wanted to finish the damn thing. This is my first fanfic, so don't judge me too harshly. I don't know if I'll be posting much more. I think I need to go hide in a hole after writing this.

Anywho, if it made you laugh at all, even on the inside, I'm happy with it. So, yay. Carry on with your business.