And here I am. Laying in a hospital bed. Locked in another room in a place apparently underground. A prison of its own kind.
The room smells of sterile fumes and alcohol. My body aches every time I try to sit up. A bandage on my forearm hides the cut that sends shooting pains through me whenever I move it. I'm crippled and broken.
My mind is spinning with the events of the last day. The breakout of the arena, being pulled out, Peeta being sent to the Capitol, arriving in 13, seeing my family. It was all so much.
Seeing Prim well and alive brought a surge of peace, along with knowing my mom was safe as well.
I lay here taking in Gale's news. 12 gone. We're in 13. Nothing's ever going to be the same.
The door burst open, revealing a small girl with blonde hair.
"Prim!" I shout in my ragged voice. She runs to me as I sit up and embrace her. She is one of the few familiar things here. I inhale, smelling her hair. It still smells like the Prim I've always known.
"I am so sorry." She whispers, causing my heart to contract. The happiness of her presence can't fully remove the awful reality I've landed in.
My mother sat down next to me, placing her hand on my back. Even after everything, her touch is welcome and comforting. We look like a family for a moment.
I pull back to look at Prim in the eyes, her blue ones showing sympathy as mine start to water.
"It'll all be ok." I say, hearing the doubt in my own voice. "It'll all be ok." I say again, trying to sound more confident in my statement. However, I know I don't need to sound strong. They understand.
But the peace was quickly overridden by the reminder of my home being destroyed. Being trapped underground. The fact that our cruel and ruthless Capitol had their hands on someone I care more about than my own life.
I haven't even comprehended the mess I made of the arena, and how angry the capitol must be. I shudder at the thought, knowing they'll take their anger out on Peeta. Poor, loving, unknowing Peeta.
My head thinks of an image of Peeta strapped to a table, being prodded with needles and told to tell information he doesn't know. And I can't help him. He's out of my reach and I can't function knowing he's gone. All I want is his arms around me, comforting me as I lay here, using his persuasive words to convince me I'll get through it.
My heart feels a pain I've never quite experienced. I've lost something that meant more to me than I ever understood. Even when I thought I was never going to see my family again, it was only sorrow. The thought of not seeing Gale didn't even cut this deep.
All of my feelings for Gale almost instantly dissipate and pale in comparison to the emotions I've felt recently. I feel hurt knowing that he must have sensed my lack of joy the few times he has visited me here. Maybe that's why he has not been by my side non-stop. That or they're using his clever mind to help the war. I prefer to think it's the second reason.
But when it comes down to it, I know the sorrow. Something I never planned on feeling. But things haven't been going as I've planned lately.
My heart is broken.
And if this is what love feels like, I don't like it.