As I walk through the front door I sigh deeply and I slip my shoes off. I sit at the kitchen table and place my purse in front of me. I have no idea how I am going to tell Christian about this. I remember the last time I was this nervous to tell him about news I heard from the doctor… That turned out to be happy news in the end. Sure he freaked at first, but now? He loves Teddy more than anything. But there is no way this could ever be good news. No, this news can only be terrible.
I have no idea how Christian is going to cope with this. He's going to be absolutely devastated. I don't even have any idea how I am going to deal with this. I cringe as I remember the conversation with my doctor.
"Hello Mrs. Grey" she says as she shakes my hand. "Thank you for coming in on such short notice."
"No problem" I reply nervously as I look around. "Why did you call me back?"
"I'm afraid that we spotted some abnormalities in the images form the mammography we performed during your last visit."
"Oh?" I ask nervously as I swallow hard, trying to maintain my composure. "That could be a mistake though, right? It doesn't mean I have cancer…"
"We don't know for sure yet" she replies. "We'll have to perform a biopsy. I was hoping we could do that as soon as possible, possibly during this visit if that's all right with you."
"Yes" I answer quickly. "It's fine. I don't want to wait."
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"So?" I ask nervously, gritting my teeth as I wait for bad news for the second time today.
"We should have your test results in 1-2 days" she answers softly.
"It could be two days?" I ask shakily.
"Waiting can be difficult" she says sympathetically. "I don't want to overwhelm you, but these should answer any questions you have" she says handing me a stack of pamphlets.
"Thank you" I say as I stuff them in my purse.
"If you have any questions or concerns feel free to call my office."
"Thank you" I repeat as I shake her hand.
God this is so surreal, I could have breast cancer. The possibilities that lie within that statement are terrifying. I could be sick for months, unable to take care of my babies. They could have to take a breast. I know that's vain to worry about, but I can't help it. And the thought that scares me the most… I could die. I could have to leave Christian, I could miss my kids growing up.
Tears start to fall from my eyes as I try in vain to calm myself down. After all, it could be nothing. I could be absolutely fine.
In the meantime, there's no need to upset Christian. There's no need for both of us to go through hell these next two days. I am going to keep this to myself.
"Ana" Christian says as he walks into the kitchen. "How was your doctor's appointment?"
"Good" I lie. "She just had some follow up questions about something, it was nothing."
"Okay" he says suspiciously. "Are you hungry?"
"Not really" I answer honestly, I feel like I'm going to throw up from all this nervousness.
"Have you eaten?" he asks.
"Yeah" I lie. "I had a salad in the car on the way home."
He stares at me and it makes me nervous, he can tell I'm lying, I need to get out of here.
"I think I hear Phoebe" I say as I quickly get up, but as I do my purse falls to the floor and the pamphlets the doctor handed me fall out.
"Damn" I say as I bend over and quickly try to gather them.
"Let me help you" he says as he picks one up.
"No!" I yell nervously, but it's too late. He's looking at it.
"Ana?" he asks as all the color drains from his face. "What the hell is this?"
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