White Walls and Broken Hearts

-;-

One...

Two...

One... Two... Three... Four

The four white walls were bare.

Threatening to close in around her but at the same time, it made everything looked so big. How long has it been? A week? Two weeks? Oh... it's been four months and a half. No one had ever expected someone like her to be placed in a facility like this.

'Such a smart and polite girl'

'Never thought she would act out like that!'

They make it sound like she killed someone or hurt another person. She wasn't crazy or even shown any signs of insanity. The doctors who brought her here just gave her a pretty decent and believable diagnosis.

She was clinically depressed. Melancholic depression, they said.

Everyone in her family was shocked when they heard of it, they asked amongst themselves as to what could've gone wrong. Many would indeed wonder why the eldest daughter that came from the rich family can be brought down by such an illness. Before she was moved here, she heard one of the maids of their large manor whisper that she was just seeking attention. She wanted anger to flare out, yell at the ignorant woman and tell her to mind her own business. But instead, she just shrugged and went about her way.

Tired.

She always felt so tired even though she never did anything strenuous. She can only harness enough energy to smile whenever she's around. Her sweet, clumsy little sister.

The same sister her parents had shipped off to boarding school because she fell for a hockey jock named Kristoff. Her mother was lenient but her father was incensed; he stormed and cursed about how Anna was throwing her life- her future, away for some below middle-class boy who wasn't even close to their social standing.

'You should be more like Elsa!' he bellowed at her.

She had never seen Anna so heartbroken with that statement. Every day in their lives, they had been compared to each other even though they hated it. She was the doted one, the intelligent, poised, elegant platinum blond daughter who would make the perfect trophy wife for some rich man. Anna was headstrong, clumsy and impulsive and she never put her foot in her mouth often times which got her into trouble.

The nineteen year old girl shifted her position on the bed. Her stomach grumbled, it's nearly lunchtime after all. A bell rang outside her door and it opened to reveal a woman in her early twenties with creamy skin, dirty blond hair and clear blue eyes wearing a white uniform with a blue ribbon that tied her hair into a knot.

This one's new.

"Hi Elsa" she greeted "My name's Ella. I hope we can be friends."

Elsa stared at her with a blank face before she stood up and placed on the white fuzzy slippers. The white gown, the white plastic band around her wrist that stated her name and patient number and the white slippers... she started to really hate that colour. Or was it a shade?

Before she was committed here, she had no time to ponder on mundane and trivial questions. Ella was a kind woman; she tried to make small talks with her which she might've appreciated if she wasn't so hungry or too immersed with her own thoughts.

The mess hall was painted in soft cream that was pleasing to her eyes and their food trays were given to them with each of their prescribed medicines. Elsa took her tray and sat on the farthest bench that had a window next to it. It was her table. With the window, she could at least look outside and daydream about life beyond the bars and the locked doors.

Her life before this can't really be called living, it was more of enduring. And when her parents took Anna out of the equation, she just gave out. Why bother? What's the point of having straight A's and scholarship grants? What's the point of attending those pointless debutant balls and high-end parties when the only person she truly loved was not there with her?

She has familial love for her parents, it's a genetic make-up. But they were never in the same level as Anna was. They never once asked her what she wanted to do or what she dreams for her own future because they had mapped it out for her. Well, her father did. Her mom tried her best to try and connect with her daughter but Elsa had placed a concrete wall around her and only Anna was permitted to go through it.

There was a stirring in the air.

Elsa slowly bit into her green apple and watched in silence. Blue eyes surveyed the area; the red curly haired girl about her age was playing with her food while talking to the twitching scrawny boy with a messy mop of brown hair. If her memory was correct, the girl's called Merida and the brunette was Hiccup, quite an unfortunate name.

She hadn't socialized with them and besides the group sharing time, she had never spoke a single word to any other occupants. The doors opened and it seems that Ella wasn't the only one new in this place.

White

The newcomer had white hair; it was like a big cosmic joke. It was obvious that it was dyed, his eyebrows were dark brown and he's younger than her, maybe a year or two. His shoulders were slumped and his face scrunched up in distaste. His blue eyes were like the sky, vast and bright but for a second; she thought she saw loneliness in them. Those liquid sky eyes roamed across the hall, ignoring Merida and Hiccup who were openly gawking at him before his eyes settled to her direction.

She dropped her gaze.

Suddenly, the mashed potatoes with peas were the most interesting things she had ever seen since she got here. The air that fluttered through the window cooled her face; beads of sweat had already formed on her forehead. It was unusually humid for autumn, winter was just around the corner and the temperature was as hot as it was in the middle of summer.

Elsa daintily held on her plastic spoon and scooped the battered vegetable to her mouth. It was bland, needs seasoning, she thought. Everything that was given to them tasted like paper and the staff made sure that there are no pointed objects that can potentially hurt themselves or anyone. This was a private health facility and only the patients whose parents or family members that can pay top dollar could be admitted here. Security and privacy are their top priority, especially since some of the people in here were well-known for their family names or the things they had done before they landed in this place. Such as the case of Hiccup Haddock who was a young inventor. He was at his prime before he suffered a breakdown.

And since the juvenile hall was way across town from here, he must be one of them as well. She subtly lifted her gaze and studied the oddball. He grabbed a lunch tray and took his helpings of the mashed potato and a cup of soup. She never knew there was soup there before.

Then, he started walking. He walked past Merida and Hiccup, past the two chubby twins, past a young boy who played with the potatoes by his hands and the older man who was whispering gibberish to himself all the while pretending to pour invisible tea to a nonexistent cup.

Her lips pursed as he got closer and closer to her table. There was an unwritten law that no one should ever approach her. Her icy glares were enough to send others walking to the other direction and her cold demeanor can rival the harshest snowstorms of Antarctica. Beneath the fair face that was framed by golden braided tresses hid a darker side. An inner Elsa that wanted nothing more than be alone and cover herself in the shadows.

But the boy wasn't deterred. In fact, he took her glare as a challenge and even smirked at her. The glower intensified and if looks could kill, he would've been six feet down the earth a couple of times by now.

He didn't even ask her permission; he just placed his tray across hers and sat down like it was his place since the beginning of time.

She put her spoon down and gave him one last glare. This spot was hers and no one can just take it away. But he didn't return the glare; he solely focused on the food in front of him. Seeing him up close gave her a chance to study him.

He was thin. There were bandages that wrapped his wrists and around his neck that extended down underneath his white shirt.

What was he in for?

"Take a picture, it'll last longer"

An irate voice forced her to move her eyes up to his face. He was sickly pale, like he hadn't set foot outside his house. Thin lips were dry and chapped and his eyes were surrounded by dark circles. It was now unclear whether the whiteness of his hair was dyed or not because she can't see the roots. Some of his eyelashes were white as well. His mouth twitched in an empty grin. It was a mask and he didn't know that she can see through the masks most people wore.

He held out his bony right hand and it drifted to her tray towards the apple she was eating.

Without thinking, she slapped his hand away and pulled her tray closer to her. It was an action of animalish instinct, a sorry sight to see; being possessive over an apple. "You have your own food" she softly hissed like a snake.

Her voice sounded hoarse since she hadn't spoke for a long time and her throat had itched to utter more words. The last time she had spoken to anyone other than her psychiatrist was with her mother. She hadn't talked to her father once even when they visited her three times a week, but they became less frequent. They hadn't seen her for almost two weeks now...

But then, her forgotten companion snickered and retracted his hand, "Didn't know you can talk. Heh, I didn't even think you can move at all."

"So sorry I disappointed you then" she spoke up. He was too easy-going, too friendly. Elsa wasn't too keen on having someone like him too close to her. Overly bubbly people gave her headaches and this guy was already was already pushing his luck with her.

His hair colour was irritating enough as it is and when he opened his mouth it was akin to a thousand bumbling bees that flew all around her ears. Buzz... buzz... buzz

Where's the can of bug spray?

All eyes were on them now.

Even the security cameras were being focused on both of them; it was disconcerting to see someone sitting on her table let alone talk to her. Everyone; the staff, her fellow patients even the janitors know that she wanted to be left alone. And if this delinquent thinks he could just charm his way to her, she would love to prove him wrong.

"The name's Jack" he said, clearly not knowing what was going on in her mind and even offered her a smile which she didn't even try to return. Instead, she stood up, grabbed the tiny plastic cup of her medicines and walked to the other table next to the water cooler.

He didn't stand from his seat; he only watched her through half-closed eyes before he returned to his meal and ate it in silence.

There were times she just wanted to scream and yell but all she ended up doing was quietly sob against her pillow and her body curled up into a tight little ball. Hopelessness and loneliness ate her consciousness as her wretched brain brought forth the pictures of Anna in her head. She terribly missed her. It wasn't like she's dead or anything but being separated from her and the uncertainty of whether she will see her ever again was frightening.

She should've drunk her pills; her sudden crying fits can take a toll to her body.

There was a buzz just outside her door. It wasn't mealtime so it meant another thing; therapy. Her sessions were tolerable at best, most of the time they were just filled with lengthy silences and her therapist, Belle Gold was a patient and genuinely kind and gentle young woman. There were times, when Elsa's in the mood, they would have conversations that revolved around from literature to politics and finally to storybooks. No matter how old they were, they both enjoyed reading the classic fairy tales. Belle wasn't the cookie-cut psychiatrist type. She didn't wear a white coat or wore a pair of glasses and wrote on the clipboard every single time Elsa opened her mouth.

The door opened and a woman with rich chocolate brown hair and intelligent baby blue eyes that shone even under the dim light of her room. The sparkle of her wedding band hurt Elsa's eyes. It was as if it was mocking her about the fact that she may never get married.

Belle gave her a dimpled smile before she pulled out her chair and sat on it with her shoulder bag placed on the floor. Elsa leaned forwards and peeked at the crag of her door. There was always an orderly that stood in front of the doorway during their sessions. It was laughable to be extremely cautious in the presence of a nineteen year old teenager who weighed less than a hundred pounds.

"So," the brunette started, "What's going on?"

"... the same" she muttered. "Every day's the same. We all move by the clock."

It's true.

They lived in a place where the schedule must be followed down to the last second. The staff would scatter like ants if something or someone caused any delay from their oh-so-precious routine.

Belle hummed before she straightened her long skirt and folded her hands on her lap. "How have you been lately?"

There goes the first routinely question.

She shrugged, "I don't know. Everything's... the same."

Belle's eyebrow rose in suspicion, "Is that all?"

Of course not.

She felt empty inside. Her parents think she's looking for attention when she clearly didn't want that. They should've focused more on Anna and let her figure things out for herself. She felt like a bird in a golden cage, pampered but not free and they expected her to sing a happy tune?

She always felt tired and there were days where she just wanted to lie on the bed and sleep. The last time she did that, the orderlies hauled her into the showering area and dumped a bucket of cold water on her, shocking her senses into hyper drive. They should be thankful that she didn't tell her patents about it.

But then again, she wasn't a crybaby who would whine at the slightest discomfort. She can't keep the mask of mock contentment forever and when she showed them the face of the person underneath the fake smiles and expensive clothes, they were horrified.

The woman in front of her tapped her fingertips against her arm before she scooted closer and laced her fingers together, "You know Elsa, you have to open up to me sooner or later. Don't you want to leave this place and be reunited with your family?"

There was an urge to laugh at the woman's face but she spared her from that, she's depressed not insane. So she settled with a noncommittal shrug and answered, "My only family's halfway around the world right now. And I actually prefer to stay here."

"And why is that?" Belle inquired, her tone hitched slightly at the possibility that her silent patient would open to her. Elsa smirked in her thoughts; the woman didn't know that she was using reverse-psychology on her. No sane person would ever want to stay here. And if a patient told them that they wanted to remain in their cages for the rest of their lives, the doctors will their damn best to make sure they won't.

"I like it here; I can be alone... most of the time."

Belle sighed and crossed her legs, it was her 'professional pose', she only does that when she means business. She adjusted the collar of her beige blouse and grabbed her clipboard from her bag.

"The doctors here told me you don't participate in your group therapy sessions. We placed you in that program to help you sweetie, why won't you talk to other people here. Some of them are in your age group after all. Maybe you'll find a friend?"

It made her feel guilty to feel the desire to crush the hopeful tone in Belle's voice. She never liked group therapies, the room was too suffocating and all eyes were on her when it was her turn. They all knew that she wanted to be left alone but her parents urged the doctors to include her no matter how unwilling she was to participate. She once heard her mother talking to the doctor in the office.

"Elsa needs this; she doesn't have any friends except her sister. She's like a baby bird and birds were meant to leave their nests and I won't let anyone indulge her of this madness."

Apparently her mother had never seen the broken bodies of dead baby chicks that lay on the side of the paved roads. Anna used to cry at their plight and she would pat her sister's head to calm her down and point at the other birds that flew to the sky.

She bristled when Belle placed a warm hand against her cold ones but she calmed down after thinking that the other woman genuinely cared for her. Most of the psychiatrists she had encountered all cared for one green, merciless god; Money. All they had to do was see a patient, write their diagnosis on paper, give a few pills and repeat it, all the while getting paid hundreds of dollars without any guarantee that the patient will get any better.

Belle was different. Elsa could just sense it; she doesn't wear a mask or assert dominance over her which was a good start for both of them. Finally, Belle checked her watch and stood up.

"I'll see you next week Elsa. For now, try and make some friends. You might meet someone here interesting and you can talk to them."

Elsa highly doubted that. The only time she can truly be herself was within the space of these four walls. The sound of the door being locked echoed in her room and silence enveloped her once again.

Then, there was a thump on the wall next to her bed. It was the sound of someone knocking and Jack's voice flowed through the paper thin wall "So your name's Elsa huh. German?"

Her lips formed a straight line and sat back on the middle of her bed. The sound came from the left side near her pillows so she pushed her pillow against the wall to try and see if it will muffle the outside noises. So he was her new neighbour, oh joy.

She loved her room because it was quiet; the only one that had no nearby patients whose voices carried. This was her sanctuary, her safe place; it was.

The pillows did nothing because she still heard him talking on his side, "You know it's not really a crime to talk."

"It should be if you're the one doing the talking" she retorted in spite of herself. Snickers erupted from his room, she amused him for some reason; either that or because she was the only one who was next to his room. There were only two or three occupants on the east wing, she, Merida and now Jack apparently.

"Don't like group therapy huh?" he said, attempting to start a conversation between them. Elsa lay on her side, her back facing the wall and lifted her knees to her chest in a curled form.

"It's uncomfortable. I don't like sharing my thoughts with everyone else. Now be quiet, I'm trying to sleep."

She heard a sound that sounded like metal springs squeaking and his voice sounded so near like he was right beside her. "Sleep? It's only three-thirty I think."

She rolled to her back and glared at the ceiling, something about him made it impossible for her to ignore. In her old school, there were a lot of annoying people but she can drown them out. Then this white-haired boy came and cracked that barrier with a sledgehammer. "Yes, I want to sleep." she snapped.

He gave a low whistle and for a few moments, there was sweet silence. Until he asked, "Do you think they can paint this wall a different colour?"

She blinked before she sighed and answered, "No. White is the uniformed colour of this kind of place other than general hospitals."

"Well, if I get to paint this room, I think blue's gonna stick. What about you Helga?"

She knew her ears went red and irritation flared, "My name is Elsa. And for your information I'm not German, my parents came from Norway."

"Oh..." he breathed out before he jumped back to their conversation, "What would you paint your room if you're given the chance?"

Elsa tried to imagine the colours her room would be like. She liked cold hues of blue and turquoise; pastel colours just hurt her eyes and it reminded her of Anna a bit too much.

"I like blue..."

"That's cheating, I said blue first!" he whined. A small grin crept up her face, though she didn't notice the atypical gesture. He was a childish person and he wasn't as annoying as she originally thought.

"Well I like blue as well. You can't just own a colour just because you said you liked it first."

"What if I made my own shade of blue and they'll have to name it after me?"

"I wouldn't hold my breath to that" she scoffed.

They spent the whole afternoon talking about colours.

-;-

A/N: It's originally a oneshot but it would be too long to read so I divided it.

This is based on my own personal experience with depression and I would like to thank sweetangel014 for helpful materials to aid me into writing this piece.

The character Ella was actually Cinderella, I just used her real name from the Brothers Grimm version and Once Upon a Time fans will see a reference here and there. The slight OOC-ness are important, I want to give the characters a bit more twost and I will try to retain their original personalities as best as I can.

As usual, Read and REVIEW. I don't know if you liked this or not and I usually take down stories I deemed too weak to continue. And no flames.