Facing Fears
© Copyright 2004
Michaela walked through the woods leaving her frustrations behind. With so many patients, it was a wonder if she could find time to breathe. Colleen had insisted she take a break from working so hard. Michaela hadn't wanted to at first, but then decided to take the time to go reflect on the past few days.
She still remembered Sully's words from the other day. "The truth is I care about you all a lot... especially you." Michaela smiled to herself. Sully's piercing blue eyes and handsome face made her heart pound widely. If things were different she might even tell him…
Michaela left her thoughts at the lake's edge. She removed her outer garments and dove into the cold crisp water. Michaela floated on her back with closed eyes, feeling the sun shinning down and the ripples from fish wriggling through the water.
Sully moved quietly through the woods with wolf at his heels. He'd been tracking a deer, and was being careful not to make any noise. The deer kept moving, occasionally stopping to nibble at the forest floor. Sully's heart skipped a beat as he watched the deer's ears perk up in alarm and disappear from sight. In the distance Sully heard the sound of rippling water and slowly moved out of the woods. Sully, thinking the deer had gone for a drink, made his way into the clearing.
Michaela didn't hear Sully approach, nor was she aware of his eyes staring lovingly in her direction. He darted behind a nearby bush, not wanting to be seen. Sully recalled the last time Michaela was in her undergarments, she wouldn't let him look. Even in her helplessness Michaela always kept her modesty, that is, until now.
Wolf couldn't take anymore hiding. He darted out of the bushes towards Michaela, stopping at the water's edge feeling very pleased with himself. Sully tried to stop Wolf, but failed miserably. Now he'd have to go out there.
Michaela turned, spotting wolf, blushing a bright red. Sully was sure to be nearby and she didn't like the thought of a man seeing her this way.
"'Afternoon, Dr. Mike."
"Hello… Sully… I… uh."
"Lovely day out isn't it?"
"Yes, it um sure is…"
Sully smiled, he was enjoying this way too much to stop. Michaela on the other hand was thoroughly embarrassed.
"Would ya like some help getting outta the water?"
"No I…"
"You'll shrivel up if ya stay in there much longer."
"I won't." Michaela refused to let a man tell her what to do.
"We'll see bout that." Sully went over to a nearby rock and sat down.
"Are you just going to sit there till this so called shriveling occurs?"
"Yep."
"You're wasting your time."
"And you're awful stubborn ain't ya?"
"Stubborn, Well I never…" Michaela stormed out of the water forgetting she was still in her undergarments.
"Don't forget ur clothes." Michaela snatched her clothes off of the ground before disappearing into the woods. Sully then got up and followed Michaela back to town.
"Sully, whatda do on a date?"
"Um...well.." Sully didn't know how to answer Colleen's question. "Ya go to dinner or maybe a walk somewhere." Sully wondered why Colleen was asking him about dating. Her teenage crush was still fresh in his mind.
"Why'd ya wanna know?"
Colleen didn't know how to tell Sully about her date. Jeremy was tall and handsome with the most beautiful brown hair that fell to his shoulders. Colleen wanted to melt each time he looked into her eyes.
"Jeremy asked me out on a date," Colleen breathed, imagining his strong hands caressing her face.
"Who's Jeremy?"
"A new boy at school, he just moved here with his family from Missouri."
Matthew and Brian were deep into a game of checkers, neither looking up, but hearing everything that was said. "Ya mean that tall boy that's always lookin' at ya? He never pays attention to the Reverand."
"Ya, he wants to take me out." Colleen stared down at the floor, embarrassed by all the questions.
"Did ya accept?" Sully asked breaking the silence.
Matthew and Brian looked up from their game of checkers. All eyes were on Colleen in anticipation of hearing more about Jeremy.
"Yes," Colleen replied with a blush. "But I haven't told Dr. Mike yet."
"You leave Dr. Mike to me, and have a great time."
Colleen fidgeted all through school the next day. She could feel Jeremy's eyes on her from across the room. Jeremy wasn't even paying attention to the day's lesson, being much too pre-occupied. Today's lecture was on George Washington.
"George Washington is considered the father of our country. He was a General in the American Revolution and later went on to serve as our first President. As a private man, George Washington preferred to say at his home, Mount Vernon. He married Martha Dandridge Custis, a widow with two children."
"Jeremy, can you tell me anything I just said?"
"Uh what?" Jeremy snapped out of his trance. He hadn't heard a thing the Reverend had been lecturing on. The Reverend turned to Colleen.
"Colleen?"
"Yes Reverend."
"I was wondering if you would be able to answer the question I just asked Jeremy."
Colleen didn't want to admit that she'd been distracted and hadn't heard much of his lecture either. Not wanting to fall in the same trap as Jeremy, Colleen gave it her best shot. "George Washington fought in the American Revolution and was our first president."
"Thank you, Colleen." The Reverend smiled, pleased that at least one of his students was paying attention. Unfortunately for Jeremy, he would have to stay after and hear the lecture again. "That will be all for today class, you may go."
"Colleen could you go change the bed sheets upstairs?"
"Umm..yeah?" Colleen hadn't heard a word Dr. Mike had just said.
"Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Colleen answered before going upstairs. She wasn't about to tell Dr. Mike about Jeremy or her up coming date. Michaela watched Colleen head upstairs, wondering to herself why she was acting so funny. It wasn't like Colleen to not pay attention. Once upstairs Colleen collapsed on the bed, and slipped into a wonderful daydream. Michaela, unable to take the suspense, followed Colleen, something was up and she intended to find out.
"Colleen?"
"Jeremy…"
Michaela walked over to the bed and sat down next to Colleen.
"Colleen, wake up." Colleen didn't stir; instead she called out Jeremy's name. Colleen awoke after several moments, her dream interrupted by Michaela's constant "wake up".
"Dr. Mike, what are you doing here?"
"What's going on and who's Jeremy?" Colleen gave Michaela a puzzled look, how could she have known about Jeremy? Did Sully tell her?
"Why do you want to know?" Colleen shot back.
"After your last crush, I don't want to see you going off and doing something stupid again."
"Stupid? So that's what you think of what I did!" Colleen shouted. She really didn't like Dr. Mike coming up here and demanding answers.
"Yeah, well…it wasn't the smartest thing for you to have done."
"Oh well I guess I know where you stand with datin'." Colleen snapped, before leaving the room in a huff.
"What's botherin' ya?"
"Oh I don't want to trouble you…"
"Michaela…"
Giving in to Sully…"It's Colleen, she's angry with me. I said some things I shouldn't have." Michaela really didn't want to see Colleen get carried away with another romance, and she felt her daughter was too young to date.
"She's just too young; I don't want to see her get hurt."
"To young for what?"
"Dating."
"Michaela, Colleen is growing up. She is turning into a pretty girl who's going to have lots of suitors. You can't keep her hidden forever."
"Yes, but… I still don't want her alone with a boy."
"You keep this up and Colleen is gonna be a real handful for ya."
Michaela didn't hear the last of Sully's words. She turned and walked away; irritated that Sully was telling her what to do with Colleen. "How dare he!" She thought to herself. "If only things were different…"
Sully watched Michaela till she was out of his sight. He had come to the realization that they were different and hoped the differences could be worked out. Sully wasn't sure sometimes if they could be, Michaela could be way too stubborn and headstrong.
Colleen didn't care where she went after storming out of the clinic, just so long as it was far away from Dr. Mike. She didn't hear Jeremy's voice calling as he ran towards her.
"Colleen!...wait up!"
Colleen turned, "Jeremy," she breathed and ran to him.
"What's the matter? You were in an awful hurry there."
"Dr. Mike and I had words. I said some things I shouldn't have."
Jeremy put his hands on Colleen's arms, and looked at her, "Would you like to take a walk and talk about it?" Colleen nodded and followed Jeremy out into the meadow.
"Sure is a lovely day, aint it?
"Yeah, it is." Jeremy smiled down at Colleen, wanting to kiss her, but holding back, not wanting to rush forward.
"These words ya had with Dr. Mike, they can be fixed can't they?"
"I hope so," Colleen answered, wishing now that she'd held her tongue.
"Tell me about it, please?" Colleen couldn't say no to the piercing eyes and handsome face of Jeremy.
"Well I don't think its nothin' that can't be fixed. You're growin' up and maybe there's a part of Dr. Mike that don't want to accept that?"
"I never thoughta that."
"People don't always be thinkin' clear when their mad." Jeremy turned to Colleen, "Promise me ya'll talk to her soon?"
"I will," Colleen answered, as Jeremy planted a kiss on her cheek. Colleen and Jeremy parted ways, she headed back to the clinic and he watched her leave his sight.
"Dr. Mike?" Michaela looked up to find Colleen standing near the examining table, a worried look on her face. "What's wrong?" Michaela asked, going over towards Colleen.
Looking down at the floor, "I'm sorry for the things I said earlier. I didn't mean ta get so mad at ya."
"Oh, Colleen, I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to imply that you had done anything wrong. I'm just…" Michaela didn't know how to tell Colleen her own dating fears. Colleen gave Dr. Mike a questioning look wondering what she had planned to say.
"There something you was gonna say?"
"Please don't laugh at me, but it's just that… I'm afraid of dating. Afraid of what it might mean to be committed to someone. I let those fears get in the way of my better judgment when it came to you dating. I don't want to see you get hurt."
"Just because ya date someone don't gotta mean you're gonna marry em."
"It does?" This was news to Michaela's ears. Michaela had been taught that if you courted someone, it would usually result in marriage.
"Course, sides I ain't fixing to marry Jeremy. Don't you go worrin' so much."
"You're my daughter, and mother's worry. I still think you are too young." Colleen gave Dr. Mike a pleading look as if to say, "Please quit worrying, I'll be ok."
"Oh, maybe you are right. Promise me you'll be careful?"
"I will, thanks Dr. Mike." Colleen ran off to go find Jeremy. Michaela went back to her work. Colleen was growing up right before her eyes into a young woman. Michaela had been so preoccupied she'd almost missed another part of Colleen's road to womanhood.
Michaela stepped outside, closing the clinic door. She hadn't forgotten Colleen's words to her: "Just because ya date someone don't gotta mean you're gonna marry em." Most courtships Michaela had seen did result in marriage. Michaela was confused wondering how it could be, courting and no vows of commitment. Maybe it was something she would never truly understand.
"Dr. Mike?"
"Oh…Sully….I didn't…" Michaela didn't like being caught off guard, her thoughts interrupted.
"No bother. We gotta talk." Sully didn't know how to approach the subject, but something wasn't right after their conversation over Colleen's dating. He ushered Michaela back into the clinic. "What'd I say to you earlier that got ya upset?" Michaela gave Sully a questioning look, wondering what he was getting at. "I know ya don't like the idea of Colleen's datin', but you're gonna have to let that go."
"And why should I? She's my daughter."
"Just hear me out." Michaela didn't appreciate being "ordered about", and reluctantly stood and listened to Sully. "Jeremy's a nice kid, and you outta give em a chance. Colleen likes em and just because you're scared doesn't mean you should hold others back from experiencin' life." How'd he know she was scared? Did her fear of dating really show? Michaela's stubborn pride kept her from admitting that Sully was right.
"Since when are you one to give me parenting advice?" Michaela was puzzled as to why Sully was doing this, suddenly concerned with a daughter dating. After all she was Colleen's parent, not Sully. "Parentin' advice? I'm just tryin' to show ya what's in Colleen's best interest. If she wants ta date Jeremy, then I don't see a problem with it."
"So I'm just supposed to let her go? Is that what you are saying?" Michaela didn't care for being told what to do. "Ya, something wrong with that?" Sully found her to be very difficult in accepting Colleen, growing up and dating. He wasn't sure if he'd gotten through to her at all. "I'd rather you not tell me how to raise my children." Michaela walked over to her desk, sitting down to go over more patient records. Sully turned to exit the clinic, shutting the door behind him with a bang.
Michaela returned home that evening to find Matthew and Brian alone. Colleen was no where to be found and neither could come up with her whereabouts. Michaela was filled with worry and concern over where Colleen might be, hoping she hadn't done anything rash. Without giving much thought to her empty stomach, Michaela went back out into the cool night air to search for Colleen.
"Evenin' Colleen."
"Jeremy." Colleen looked up into his blue eyes with weak knees and a pounding heart.
"You look mighty purdy." Colleen looked down at her brown school dress blushing. "Thank you." Jeremy stepped closer to Colleen, bending down and placing his lips tenderly on hers. Colleen felt her knees give way, melting into his kiss. Jeremy pulled back, his eyes tenderly searching Colleen's face for any sign, wanting to see that she enjoyed it. Jeremy's lips were soft, and gentle, his hands placed protectively around her. Colleen smiled and fell further into the safety of his arms. She hadn't felt anything so wonderful in all her life, as she did right now.
"Colleen, hope I didn't offend ya or nuttin'.
"No, ya didn't." Jeremy smiled. "Come now, why don't ya and I go get some dinna at Grace's?"
"Ya sure…I mean… everyone might see us?" Jeremy stopped, and turned Colleen towards him. "Don't matta what they think, I like ya and there aint no reason we gotta hide that." His words spoke truth. Colleen gave him her hand, as they walked to Grace's under the setting sun.
Michaela rode back to town, her eyes scanning the night for any sign of Colleen. She remembered the last time Colleen disappeared after getting carried away with a romance story. Michaela feared the same might have happened again, only this time the crush was real. Michaela grew worried the darker it got, had she gotten lost? Was she hurt?.
"Colleen!" Michaela shouted into the dead night air. She listened for an answer. A reply came in the hoot of any owl that sent a shiver down her spine. Bear halted at moment, nearly spooked by the owl. Michaela urged him forward hoping he'd forget about all the night's noises.
Michaela's attention was drawn to distant lights as she neared the edge of town. Maybe someone could help her, or was Colleen there? Coming across the meadow, the stars shone down brightly. Michaela noticed small lights coming from the café. She wondered who was at Grace's this late. Usually at this hour, folks had gone in for the night or ventured over to Hank's. Michaela dismounted and lead Bear over to the café entrance. Michaela was not prepared for what she was about to see.
Michaela saw Colleen sitting at a small table, smiling into the eyes of a man. Her breathe caught in her throat, Sully? What was he doing with Colleen? So many lingering questions floated through her mind. Michaela had been jealous over Colleen's crush on Sully. She had finally breathed relief when Colleen found Lewis, and Sully admitted to not loving Colleen in that way. Now, as she stared ahead, everything seemed to be a lie. How could they have done this to her? Michaela was just about to charge forward, when a familiar voice spoke.
"You oughta just let them be." Michaela turned around as Sully appeared out the darkness. Relief washed over her face. Coming back to her senses, "She's all alone with some man."
"So? Is that such a bad thing?"
"Things could happen…I don't want to see her get hurt."
"Michaela let it go. She'll be fine. Trust me."
"Can I?" Michaela wanted to, but she was having trouble trusting Sully. She was afraid to give all of herself to him. Sully didn't have an answer for Michaela. His eyes told her she could, but would she? Sully turned and disappeared back into the night. Michaela was torn between running to save Colleen and running to the man who'd always been there when she needed him.
Michaela looked from the table to the empty darkness. She remembered her earlier conversation with Colleen. "Don't you go worrin' so much." Michaela turned to leave, mounting Bear and ridding off into the night letting him carry her to Sully.
Sully stood at the lake's edge, the moonlight spilling over him as he stared into the night sky. He had tried to reason with Michaela, but she just didn't seem to want to budge. "Boy could she be pretty darn stubborn," Sully thought to himself, running his fingers through his hair. Sully almost didn't hear Michaela approach from behind.
"Sully?"
"Michaela."
"I'm sorry for the things I said. I let my own fears get in the way of Colleen's happiness. I was worried that she might do something rash again and I didn't want to see her get carried away with another romance." Michaela paused, searching Sully's face for any signs of understanding.
"Ya can't let your fears get the betta of ya. Colleen's not gonna be a girl forever."
"She's growing up so fast and I nearly missed it. I'll do my best not to let my own fears get in the way of things."
"Good." Sully smiled moving closer to Michaela, watching as the moonlight played with her features. It took every ounce of steam he had to keep from kissing her.
"Sully… I…"
"Shh, come here and look at the stars." Sully took Michaela by the hand, leading her to the lake's edge. "Oh Sully, I don't know what to say. It's all so...beautiful."
"Ya don't have to say nothin', just enjoy it." Sully sat down on the rock, and gestured for Michaela to join him. She was a little reluctant at first to be so close to him and in the dark no less. Michaela couldn't say no to his handsome face, illuminated in moonlight and something inside of her said it everything would be ok. Michaela stared out into the night sky with Sully by her side.
"Look, there, a shooting star." Sully leaned in close, pointing upward to the celestial phenomenon. Michaela followed Sully's direction making her own special wish.
by seb 4-12-04