Friend of the Light

Sometimes they're scared. But that just means the thing that they're facing, it's super important and nobody else is gonna go for it because nobody else has got the balls.

Thinking about it, Sam knew that Sully was right. This thing with his vision… deep down he knew that he had to go back to the Cage. He had to confront Lucifer if he was going to fix this problem that he caused. Yet it wasn't so much as him being scared of going back, and he was terrified of it. No, the fear was because she would come whether it was for her or not.

He remembered what she went through in the Cage. It was as clear as when they were actually there and he saw it. He was concerned about Lucifer; he remembered that the devil would take her aside, out of sight and when she came back… He was scared, not just for himself but for her. He couldn't lose her but he couldn't tell her not to be herself.

Sam sighed as he ran a hand through his locks as he thought about things. They were back at the bunker after helping his childhood invisible friend Sully. The job had given him a lot to think about and he was glad that they didn't have to take drastic measures with Reece. He recalled Sully hugging the girl and then her wrapping the both of them in a hug. It was not something he was used to seeing but figured it was her ability to sense things on overdrive and she was still working it out but he knew there was more to it.

"She has a big heart doesn't she?"

Sam pivoted and on alert since it wasn't Dean's voice. Seeing no one at eye level, he looked around. Who…?

"Down here."

Sam looked down and blinked as he saw the Xana that looked exactly like the bear Dean had gotten her when she had been shrunk. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised when he walked in the kitchen that morning to see her going about the morning routine like it was nothing and the way she talked with Sully… Then finding out she had… Samadean with her…

Samadean looked up at Sam and his bear brow rose up and he said, "I would have thought you'd be used to me after everything."

Sam knew the Xana was right. "I know. I thought… I thought you'd have moved on with Sully."

Samadean looked down and shuffled on his bear feet with his arms crossed behind him. "Yeah but… I figured that I'd stick around for a little bit. Angie was my first kid and I got a soft spot for her. And you."

Sam decided to bite even though it was the strangest thing ever, "Why is that? You… manifested when Angie was regressed."

"But not until Dean told her that I came to life," Samadean pointed out. "For the most part I was the bear and well I think Sully explained it enough don't you think?"

Sam looked down at the bear that came up to just above his knee, maybe mid-thigh. Sully had explained it as best as he could and it did make sense. It only confirmed what Sam knew all along about his mate; that she did have a loving heart and it was a gift that it hadn't been tarnished beyond repair with everything that had happened. "Yeah. I just don't understand why you would…" He made a face and gestured around.

"I'm fond of you because of her. I can see why she loves you; the pure faith she had… still has in you." Samadean was pacing on the floor as he gestured at Sam. "Talking about Dean made her smile but talking about you… little bunch of sunshine."

It was nothing new to hear people comment on Angela's feelings for him but they were always when she was an adult. When she was that size… Sam thought he knew the score but here he had a direct source to a time that he did enjoy but even then was plagued with uncertainty on his end. He looked at the pint sized Xana as he walked around the library and started fixing books, cataloging them. "What did you talk about?"

"Lots of things. Mostly extolling yours and Dean's virtues and then when she was sad she couldn't go with you. Kept saying that it was what you were supposed to do," Samadean replied as he finished fixing the shelf. "There. You'll feel better about it in the morning and less heckling from Sherlock."

Sam made a slight face at that as he was reminded to keep his voice down since the Librarian practically lived in the library. And it reminded him that the man could pretty much overhear any conversation they had there. That meant the whole thing when Sully arrived. "Thanks… Samadean," he offered.

Samadean looked at Sam and managed a grin, "Oh it's no problem. I like neat and tidy though I do have a system with my laundry."

The comment has Sam chuckle a bit and a small smile appeared on his face. It sobered and he asked, "So why are you sticking around?"

"Simple reason, because I'm still needed. More complex one, because I'm needed." The bear turned to look at Sam and he studied the man. "If there is one thing I know for certain about Angie, it's because of her fear… and yours."

"And mine?"

"Her fear of losing you both and being alone. Similar to yours… apart from going back to the Cage," the Xana replied in a matter of fact tone. "That and she's scared about the Darkness… what it will mean."

"And that's something I want to avoid."

"If what you know is true…" The bear shrugged his shoulders as he said it. "A person has to confront it. You know that better than anyone that you can't always run away from the scary thing. Sully put it better than I could."

Sam looked at Samadean, "How… how do you know that about me?"

Samadean shuffled on his feet a bit before replying, "I was created out of the love Angie has, love of life… everything. But it's from her and knowing her, I got a glimpse of you. I talked to Sully and he explained to me all about it. It is a beautiful thing to be… bonded that way. True souls… Did you know that I met one other like you two? And then those who meet their soulmates at a young age…"

"So you can… read souls?" Sam had no idea how to put it. He was also a bit wary since he and Angela were careful about the whole true soul thing. After everything it was the right thing since they were rare and the fact that they encountered really nasty monsters out there…

"Like I said, Angie created me with her natural love for everything but mostly for life and its tied to her feelings about you. It's a part of her and I carry it and can see what she sees." Samadean shrugged again. "At least that's how I think it is. It's been a trial and error thing but… I love helping kids. It's why I get assigned the really lonely ones."

"I guess I can see that," Sam allowed. Everything the Xana was saying was similar to how he observed Angela behave with people. A thought occurred to him and he kept it to himself to dwell on later. "But… why do you want to stay here? I know Angie's scared and the last thing I want to do is put her in a position to be that way. She's had enough crap piled on her over the last few years and some of it from me."

"But don't you think that it's her choice? She doesn't have to go into the Cage but even you know she will. And you know why." Samadean looked at Sam with a slight inquisitive look. He was standing on one of the chairs so his line of sight was improved if not by much.

Sam looked away feeling the slight rise of temper. He didn't really like that the Xana knew the truth but he also was grateful. It helped since he really hadn't been able to voice a lot to Dean. "Because she is… Absolution," he murmured, "And it's who she is." He looked at Samadean and asked, "So you think… she needs someone to talk to?"

"Not just her. You too." Samadean looked at the tall Winchester, amused at the turn of events. "What one feels strongly, the other does but both distinct. And I want to help if I can."

Sam looked at the Xana. In a way, it was Angela's baby maybe since she brought him into being. It seemed natural that he'd want to stay with them. "But what about other kids out there?"

"True but…" Samadean looked up at Sam. "I want to help if I can."

It was no small thing when someone offered their help and it was not news to Sam if it was because of Angela. She was unique and he did have a bit of a fluffy moment with her when he told the truth about the hope she gave so freely like it was candy.

"It's not just her but you. Truly Sam," Samadean added as if heard Sam's thoughts, "I want to help you."

Sam looked at the Xana. If Dean saw him there would be difficulties but if only he or Angela could see him… "And the whole visibility thing?"

"Just you and Angie if you want but I think it's fair that Dean sees me. I'll try not to be to intruding."

There was nothing else to say to that except, "Okay."

Samadean grinned, "You won't regret it Sam."

"I hope not," Sam countered as he ran a hand through his locks pretty sure that things were going to get weird. "But, Samadean, you gotta still do your job meaning help other kids."

"That I do. Like I said, it's not like Sully and the others. But I see what you're saying." Samadean grinned as he scanned Sam. "Now I see it. Truly it is a sight to behold the whole souls…" He sighed and just leapt forward and gave Sam a hug.

Sam wasn't sure about what to do. He couldn't well just shove the Xana away and he was essentially harmless. Slowly he wrapped his arms around the bear that was clinging to him. It only made the Xana hug him more. "Hey… um…"

"Sorry. You really have no idea how it is to be able to see souls and then to see those that are paired… I see her in yours and vice versa." Samadean then sobered. "Sorry. Like I said…"

"I understand," Sam replied and he did. He had met a couple of beings that reacted in a similar manner and it was different depending on who it was. He remembered one time he got a scowl and a curt response from a being of vengeance but he did get a helping hand. It was more of a love-hate thing with more hate but… "I don't have a problem but you should be to there helping people."

Samadean smiled at Sam, "And for you, I will do that. But if you need me… call me."

That was agreeable and Sam got the feeling that they would need that in the days to come. "Maybe you could stay for a week or two. Just until the Cage…"

"Gotcha," Samadean replied as he jumped down and started heading towards a bookcase. "I'll stay with the Librarian. We get along."

Sam blinked at that, "Whatever rocks your boat."

There was nothing more to be said and Sam realized he felt a little bit better about the whole thing. He felt he could get some sleep now and made his way towards his room. He found her already asleep and took a moment to watch her sleep. He always thought she looked peaceful when she was truly asleep.

Changing, Sam crawled into bed after shoving Gideon closer towards the foot of the bed in playful manner. The dog was only being a kiss ass and loved to tease him about it. It was one of those strange wars of affection things but Sam didn't mind and when it came down to it, Gideon would defend him and listen to any command he gave him. He gave a rub to the dog's ears and settled back.

Sam was barely settled when he felt the bed shift and her body pressed against his. He smiled as he turned to his side to face her and wrap his arm around her waist. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and closed his eyes. True he was scared about the Cage and it was going to happen no matter what Dean said and he was scared for her. But he could do this. They had always done this kind of thing together and it wasn't going to change. He would be there for her as she always was for him for they were a part of each other.

A/N: Sam has a conversation with a Xana and feels a little better about what he might have to do.