Title: Mothers Will Do Anything For Their Children
Rating: PG-13/K+
Pairing/Characters: Canon. Esme. Edward.
Summary: Bella is what Edward wants, it will work out somehow. Esme will do anything to ensure Edward's happiness.
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all. Thank you to her for allowing us to play with them.
Note: I'm excited to finally have finished this. Its been stagnant for ages, and the great little deleted scene between Carlisle and Esme really gave me a push to finish it.
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Esme raised her hand slowly to knock on Edward's ever closed door when she heard his voice beckon her forward.
"You may enter." Edward called, his voice sounding muffled from outside the door.
Of course, she thought, a troubled smile playing across her delicate and beautiful features. She couldn't help but to miss the days before; when he didn't feel the need to hide himself away, to close the door on everyone. It was that which she hoped to put an end to.
Edward lay across the couch that lined the eastern wall of his room, his headphones slung around his neck.
"Please sit down, Esme." Edward requested politely.
Esme sighed, lowering herself down next to him gracefully. So far, so good. She watched Edward push his music player away, setting it on the table behind him. She was sure he had been reading her thoughts as she approached, and so she waited to see if he had to say anything.
It seemed that he didn't.
"Edward," She paused for a moment as Edward's eyes flickered--guiltily.
"I'm sorry." He said quickly. "I don't mean to make you feel that way. I'm not trying to shut anyone--shut you out. I've just been trying to think."
"It must be very difficult to think of anything for yourself with everyone else's thoughts in your head." Esme nodded her head knowingly, and Edward was able to sense the sincerity behind her words.
His mother always understood him. Sometimes, if he didn't know better, he would think that it was she with the ability to read minds; if only his, at the very least
"I can't imagine to think how difficult this must be for you, Edward." She continued, watching him carefully as she spoke. She was determined that even if he didn't want to believe what she was about to say to him…he would have to believe in the candor of her thoughts.
He did. Some people could lie with their thoughts, some did it freely. He couldn't help but to be struck by how generously some people would lie to themselves. It could be so easy to deceive yourself. He knew that well, having tried it often over the last eighty years; more relevantly, he had done it so often with such a ferocity over the past weeks.
It became startlingly difficult however, when reality insisted on inserting itself into his well designed deception.
When he kept having to come face to face with the fact that even more than he thirsted for Bella's blood, deep down, his heart ached for her. His entanglement with her went so much deeper than just thirst. He thought that it even surpassed every definition of love that he knew.
"She makes you so happy, Edward." Esme told him, and I do detest watching you insist upon ruining your own happiness.
Edward frowned, he was only trying to do what the right thing was. For everyone. He could not only think of himself, but also of both his family, and Bella. It was too much sometimes to try and do what was right for everyone. To be with Bella because he loved her, because she begged him to be with him. He could try to deny how he felt, but it was too hard when she pulled him to her. To make the choice that would keep his family safe, and still find happiness for himself…he had decided it was impossible. But he couldn't bring danger to them, to Bella.
"Weren't you going to New York City to shop with Alice and Rosalie?" Edward asked, changing the subject to one that suited him much better. He didn't want to discuss matters that could upset his mother. He didn't want to hear her thoughts.
"I was. I sent them along without me." I wanted some time to spend with you. Without them. Esme rested a hand on her son's knee as she spoke to him. "Jasper and Emmett went hunting for the weekend too. They invited Carlisle, but he is on call all weekend." You never hunt with your brothers anymore, Edward.
Like he could tolerate that. A full weekend away from Bella, a full weekend with nothing but Emmett and Jasper's thoughts in his head, constantly telling him what he shouldn't be doing; how foolish he was; how, how he could possibly continue to act so childish.
"You worry about what they think." Esme continued, Edward's silences were always so answering. "They love you Edward, they want the same thing that everyone does, for you to be happy." I would give anything for you to find true happiness Edward.
He knew. Esme and Carlisle had understood from the beginning. He knew his father worried about how it would hurt him when the inevitable end came for himself and Bella. He supposed his father saw what he tried not to think about, about what would happen when he finally had to lose her. When he had to give Bella up to the world she deserved. It scared him to think about that day.
He nodded his head. "Yes, I know."
He wished he could make her feel better, and just be happy. To not be so troubled by everything that happened, that continued to happen. "I am happy." Edward told her, trying his very best to be completely convincing. If anyone aside from Bella earned--deserved--his happiness, it was his mother.
You try, and I would do anything in my power to make it genuine. I will do anything to make it genuine.
The way she thought worried him; sometimes he wondered to what lengths she was willing to make him happy. His parents worried about him so deeply and his only wish was to make them happy. They tried so hard and he didn't make it any easier. It would have been better if he had been able to love Rosalie, or even if he could have loved Tanya….but he saw now that maybe this was what he always had been fated to do. His gift, or his punishment…
"I love her Edward, because she makes you happy." Esme told him. "I've never seen you as happy as when you are with her."
"Carlisle is right, it can't last." Edward thought aloud. "She's not a part of our family." Edward thought about Emmett's words, "I should let her go." Jasper wasn't wrong.
"No!" Esme was uncharacteristically vehement. Sometimes she thought that Carlisle had taught Edward too well, that Edward took after him too well.
Edward stifled a laugh; he had nowhere near the amount of self control his father did. His father would never have done this to a human, affected a poor girl in the way he had.
"You don't need to torture yourself, you are allowed to be happy in this life Edward. And Bella makes you happy, why won't you let her?" Esme begged, she was determined to show him that this was a possibility--happiness was a possibility for him.
"I can't be with her anyways."
Says who? Edward may not have been her son by blood--in a manner of speaking, after all, they both had the same strain of venom coursing through their veins--but she would do anything for him as she would for the child she had lost. She did not want Edward to be the second child she had lost and she feared that if he tortured himself like this, he would become just another son that left her.
Edward felt a pang of guilt, his mother deserved to not have to worry about such things. To not have to worry about him the way she didn't need to worry about his siblings.
"It will work out somehow Edward, it always does."
She would do anything to assure him of that. She would do anything to make him happy. There was no limit, she had died for one son, she would happily kill for another.
"You could be with her forever."
If need be, if Carlisle was so deeply principled, and positive that it was so wrong…she would do what needed to be done.
She'd find a way.