Disclaimer: Not JK…
A/n: So I've been working on this fic for more than two months now; because this is for my online family; the NGFs. I was dared by Pearl to write this; what I was given was 'RoxanneScorpiusLily love triangle where he has to pick one of them by the end, with the prompts abstraction, bullet in the head, and summer light'. Writing it, I realized that you guys have helped me change; helped me broaden my horizons. Not just in writing but in RL too. Me, the most devout Rose/Scorpius shipper writing this fic, would never have been possible if not for you guys! So this is dedicated to each and every NGF (It would be the length of a fiction if I began mentioning everyone!) because, whether you knew or not, you have helped me through life. I love you guys; and I don't think I'll ever find better friends, people, than you.
Hope you like my little gift for you!
I never pitied ropes before; poor things. I've never appreciated just how much they got pulled from two sides in a tug of war; unable to move to either, stuck right in the middle. Because that's exactly how I felt. Right at the middle, between the girl I loved and my girlfriend, who just so happened to be her cousin. I pick my messes, don't I?
The first time I noticed her was when I should have been focusing on making my girlfriend telepathically descend the stairs of her dorms, ironically enough. It was my first time stepping inside the Gryffindor commonroom. I'd never entered it, not even when Albus had gone to party with his relatives. The overly cheerful atmosphere was more than I could take and I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for Lily to come down so we could go to Hogsmeade together.
"Why don't you sit? She'll be a while," a serene voice sounded from somewhere by the window and I turned around, expecting it to be one of her cousins. I wasn't disappointed; her red tinted brown hair was all the conformation I needed. She was perched on the windowsill, intently watching the scenery outside.
Her chocolate brown eyes, no hazel in them like Lily's, smiled at me for a minute before they returned to their gazing. I wouldn't say I was mesmerized, I was blinded. It seemed she had somehow found a way to condense the summer light shining outside into her eyes. I've never seen eyes so bright in my life, I wasn't sure I wanted to.
I was seated on the armchair when I came back to earth and even then, I wasn't sure I was fully awake. I tried to guess who she might be. Not Rose, definitely. Not Victoire or Dominique either, she wasn't Veela-ish enough. Maybe one of those girls Lorcan had his eyes on?
"Lucy?" my quest to find her name seemed to amuse her and she got down from the windowsill. Now that she was standing, she seemed very petite; she wasn't tall like the rest of the Weasleys I'd met. There was a definite dark tone to her skin that made it shine; or was it the smile that lit up her face?
"Roxanne," she said simply as she came to sit on the opposite couch, observing me; it unnerved me and trying to dispel the blush that seemed to be creeping up my spine, I apologised for not knowing her name.
"That's all right. Some of us tend to get overshadowed when there are so many of us. I don't mind," Roxanne shrugged lightly; I could see that she was genuinely pleased to not have to deal with the spotlight. I don't blame her.
"Doesn't it get overbearing at times? I mean, I love big families and such, but don't you sometimes feel like you want to be left alone?" I had no idea why I was spouting such nonsense. I wasn't one for idle chatter. Maybe it was the comforting way in which she smiled, maybe it was the genuine interest I saw in her eyes, maybe…
"Scor!" maybe it was that she was amused that I was talking to her at all. I turned towards the dorms and there stood Lily, my girlfriend of two months who now resembled someone from the sky.
Now, before I go on about her attire, you should know this. There is no pretence with Lily, at all. She is a dreamer, yes, but in real life, she has told me one too many time, that she would rather someone hated her genuinely than like her falsely.
When I had asked her out, she had said yes immediately. She liked me, why hide it? I'd been anxious about it spoiling my friendship with Albus, but he seemed to think that we'd break up quickly so he didn't even bother to warn me about hurting her.
Lily came down the stairs two at a time, skipping the last two steps and landing right into my arms. She giggled as she stepped away, turning to face her cousin, "You'll be all right here by yourself, Rox?"
"Of course, Lily," Roxanne picked up a book from the table and flipped it open, her lips quirking as she began reading. I had to resolutely turn my head away from her, and even then it was a fight I lost a few times.
XXXX
"Knut for your thoughts?" the mild voice startled me out of my reverie and it took me a minute to recognize who was talking to me and a few more to make myself believe what I was seeing. Seeing my bafflement she chuckled, taking a seat beside me on the shores of the Black Lake. It was too cold for normal people to be out, but I felt scorched, I needed all the cold I could get.
"She's not really angry with you, you know?" Roxanne spoke after a few minutes, staring at her reflection in the lake; she pushed her bangs behind her ear as she did.
"I know that; she is too innocent to stay angry for long," I sighed as the truth slipped from my lips. I expected her to reply, but she stayed silent for too long.
"It was my fault," I continued, "I don't even know why we fought; something about trust and belief is all I can remember," she did chuckle then, raising her eyes to meet mine.
"It was bound to occur sometime or the other. You do realize that she was merely being defensive?" this, I admit, was new to me. I looked properly shocked, prompting her to elaborate, "Lily's in a dilemma. She is trying to sort things out but she doesn't want to either."
"What kind of dilemma is this?" I couldn't understand; if she was suspicious of me, I could feel it justified. It was shameful on my part; being partial towards one cousin while dating the other. Why would she feel that way, though?
"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that; cousin's code of honor and all that, you know?" she asked in such a sure voice; knowing I would understand. Because she was one of the select few people who knew that I comprehended the concept of a family; that it mattered to me as much as it did to everyone else. Just because I was an only child, people assumed I was always alone, which was very far from the truth, but I didn't bother to correct them.
"What about the friend's code of honor?" I asked with a small smile, but she simply shook her head.
"Family before friends and she is both to me; I just wish you'd make up," for a moment, I thought I detected a wistful look in her eyes, but it was gone too soon for me to notice more.
"Yeah, me too," she smiled at me; I knew she was unconvinced, but she didn't prod. One thing about Roxanne I loved was that she wouldn't push you to say things you didn't want to. If you wanted to confess, she was always there.
XXXX
"They're perfect together, aren't they?" I nodded absently at Lily's delighted tone, or was it miserable? I wasn't able to find out because I was too entranced. This couldn't be! Tony knew how I felt towards her; he wouldn't go and ask her to the dance. But how?
"I set them up, you know? I couldn't let Roxanne skip this Ball too. Doesn't she look pretty?" Beautiful. Gorgeous. There were several other words running through my mind, but I kept them to myself, turning back to Lily and smiling at her.
"Of course, but you know who I think is the most pretty in the Hall," it was the truth, after all. Lily was more beautiful than Roxanne any day. Lily chuckled as she dragged me off to another dance.
After a few waltzes, I took a seat on one of the free tables while Lily went to mingle. A flash of brown caught my eye and I turned instinctively. Sure enough, it was Roxanne and surprisingly, she seemed to be in a hurry and very agitated.
Before I even realized, I was at the doors to the Great Hall, looking in the direction she went. I followed without her knowing; it wasn't for that long either. She slumped on the wall of walls in one of the Alleyways off the second floor, her eyes closed skyward as her face contorted in pain.
"Roxanne?" she started, jumping as she opened her eyes. The panic in them did not recede when she saw me; it doubled, for some reason.
"Oh, Scorpius," she placed a hand on her chest, taking a deep breath as she stood straight. She moved her hand surreptitiously over her face once; only then did I notice that she was…
"Why are you crying, Roxanne? Something wrong?" I took a step towards her but she took two back, the doe eyed expression returning.
"It's nothing, Scorpius. I'm just…it's nothing," Roxanne waved her hand, but it only ended up on my shirt, hitting me lightly, "I'm...I'm…" her voice choked, a few more tears spilling out from her eyes, through her cheeks and onto my cloak.
"Nothing is not going to make you cry like this, Roxanne. Either you tell me what's wrong or…" Roxanne interrupted me, raising her head to face me dead in the eye. Mixed with misery in there was a sudden flash of anger.
"Or? Or what? Scorpius? What will you do? Hurt me? Yell at me? Make me cry? Don't you see? Don't you…" she stammered, taking a breath before continuing in a whisper, "You've done all that already."
I staggered, taking a step back in shock. It had never been this way; infidelity had never been this tempting. Roxanne had never even hinted that she might like me back; it had been easier to keep my forbidden feelings at bay when she was smiling at me platonically and helping me out with Lily problems. This, this feeling was making me happy; no, happy was too simple, it was making me feel…exuberant, exhilarating. I felt like grinning, jumping to the roofs, running face first into the Black Lake and a ton of other things just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
"Roxanne, that's…" I was stumped for words; what did I say? That I was glad that she liked me? That I was sad that I couldn't cheat on her cousin? What did I say?
I saw as the blood drained out of her face, as a cold sort of mask replaced the brightness there had been moments before, "It's no matter; it'll pass, I'm sure."
"You mean you wish it would, don't you?" I could help the slightly biting tone of my reply; not the sarcastic tone I normally used, but I oddly felt like I was missing the last train to Hogwarts.
"I don't, I don't," she seemed to be arguing more with herself than taking to me, closing her ears with her hands, obstructing anything I might have said further. In my desperation, I tugged her hands away from her ears and held them against my chest, persuading her to look up at me. It took a whole of ten seconds and before I even realized what I was doing, she's up against the wall and I'm kissing her.
My shock at my actions was greater than hers, but there was no time, no time to wonder why, no time to feel guilty; only time to sin. In my dreams, it had always ended with Roxanne pushing me away and calling me a traitor, a cheat and every other thing I deserved. Never did she draw me closer, her hands messing my hair up. It was the least of my worries; I wasn't dreaming, I wasn't. I had a hard time convincing myself, and all too soon, the moment of happiness was over.
Of course Roxanne would come to her senses first; she was way more grounded than I'll ever be. It's part of the spell that has me torn; part of the gossamer strand that binds me to her, part of the web I've been woven into. She tried to step as far away from me as possible which wasn't much since she was already leaning on the wall.
Her hair, which had been in some fancy twist was now unrestrictedly falling down her back. She looked mussed up; I had no doubts that I looked even worse. One step in the Great Hall and everyone would have it figured out. My eyes widened at the hundreds of thousands of problems that would bring the both of us.
She was out of the circle of my arms and walking down the corridor by the time I collected myself to follow her. Thanking the stars that she was short and had small steps, I picked my pace up and within a few minutes I was in front of her, walking backwards, an arm extended before me should she try to walk past me.
She stopped, glaring up at me, her orbs like bullets in my head; I don't blame her. I was probably the last person on the planet she wanted to see now, but the delayed passenger syndrome was creeping back in my heart; I couldn't let her walk away, walk out of my life.
"Don't tell me…" she held up a hand and I fell silent. It was enough that she was speaking to me, even if her words tore through me like a thousand knifes abstracted into one.
"What do you want me to do, Scorpius? What is this," she indicated the space between us, "Going to end in? What's ahead but sorrow and regret? What about Lily? Do even know what this is going to do to your friendship between Albus and you? What about Lily, my cousin, in case you've forgotten?"
"You think I don't know all this, Roxanne? You think I haven't been trying to find a way around for the past months? You think I like being stuck like this?" I could hear my own voice ringing in my ears a minute after I'd spoken them.
It was her expression that baffled me, though; instead of being either angry or even happy, she turned caustic, "Just look at you! Do you even hear yourself, Scorpius? Months? You've been cheating on my cousin for months? And yet you lead her on like some puppy on a leash?"
"At least I admit what I feel; what about you, Roxanne? Would you be so severe on me when you have half the blame? Would you accuse me this way when you've been going behind your cousin's back?"
"You don't get it; I tried so hard, I stayed away from you, I tried to not even think of you, and I avoided anything Lily might have to say about you. I tried pushing you away, Scorpius, trust me I did…" Roxanne stopped, taking a deep breath to calm herself. I knew I had to say it now, or I'd never work up the guts to, ever.
"It didn't work, Roxanne; it never is going to. We can't hide from the other for long. We can't put this aside like it doesn't matter; we can't…" Roxanne took a few steps forward and out of the alcove, turning back after a few minutes. There was a few feet distance between us; her whisper was too low; but I heard her fervent words perfectly.
"We have to; we should; we must; there is no second option," she walked away without looking back and was soon out of sight. It was my eyesight that was playing with me; stuck in the moment when she turned, with that lost and hopeless expression on her face; everything masked with grim determination.
XXXX
"Where did you go off to, mate? I couldn't see you after the first half of the Ball?" Albus inquired from his bed where he was sprawled awkwardly. I swear he is the laziest person in the world; truly. One look at the surroundings of his bed would convince you, but you might not live to tell the tale. Sitting up on my four-poster, I waved his question away; there was no answer that wouldn't get me in trouble.
I was almost ready to head down; it was a Sunday, thank Heavens, when the door to the dorms opened and Tony Wood entered, his robes billowing about him.
Now, if there was one oddball in our dorms, it would have to be Wood. There's only three of us here, but Al and I, we were kind of destined to be in Slytherin, people actually expected us to end up there.
Wood, as far as I know, came from a family of staunch Gryffindors. The rest of his family was in Gryffindor, as a matter of fact. Now, I don't discriminate between houses, min you, I sneer at them all. Or more like grin, but that aside, Wood was a combination of Gryffindor chivalry and Slytherin brooding; mixed in with the Woods' conventional obsession towards Quidditch which, trust me, makes for a weird persona. No matter what I think or guess, Tony's a pretty normal chap, except for the occasional times when he'll trip over thin air or pour a whole inkwell of permanent ink on Lily.
"Hey Tony! Tryouts went well?" I asked, tying the laces of my shoes. He nodded absently, heading straight for his bed and flopping on it. He let out a huff, smiling and frowning in alternation. This change in him intrigued me but before I could ask, Al piped up, "Met someone, Tony?"
Tony started as if we had dumped a bucket of cold water on him. Collecting himself, he said, "Nope, just planning strategies," he closed his eyes, clearly not up for any more discussion. Albus looked at me and I shrugged; it was kind of inconvenient that I wasn't a mind reader. But the almost smiling expression was still on his face.
Getting tired of it after a few seconds, Albus stood up from his bed and turned a questioning expression towards me. Shrugging, I followed him to the door.
"Scorpius?" Tony's voice called and I stopped; Albus continued on without me. When the door was shut behind us, Tony sat up in bed, all his happiness lost in a somber, almost grave expression. I had a queer feeling that he was trying to decide whether to kill me or hug me. I wouldn't appreciate either.
"If you had an ounce of honesty in your bones, you should break it off while it won't hurt her too badly," Tony sat up on the bed, messing his hair up as he thought of what to say next, "She might be easygoing, but that doesn't mean she's any less vulnerable."
"What're you on about?" I could hear my voice crack in doubt; no-one could know, could they?
"I know; but don't worry, there was no-one in the corridor when Roxanne ran away from you," Tony seemed to find something horribly funny about this; I didn't get him at all.
Weird as it is, Lily and Tony were thick as thieves. I've never understood how; he's as moody as she's cheerful; he's as reclusive as she is societal; he's as clumsy as she's graceful; he's as obsessed with Quidditch as she avoids it and she's two years younger than him. But the fact was, if I still liked Lily, I'd probably be jealous of the time she spends with him.
But when I'd begun dating Lily, he hadn't even bothered to warn me, like the rest of his family had. He had seemed to withdraw into his shell, disappearing off to practice at the worst of times. So it was weird that he was interfering now.
"I'll…I'll try," I muttered in a hurry as I walked out of the dorms quickly. This was getting weirder and weirder.
XXXX
"Lily, Lily!" I had to shout over the din of the crowds of students to get her to notice me. She was walking with Roxanne; just damn perfect. She smiled widely at me when she turned around and with a quick word to Roxanne, who barely even nodded before disappearing, began negotiating the crowd towards me.
"Hey Scor! I was just going to go looking for you!" Lily's smile melted any kind of resolve I might have held. I couldn't do this; I wasn't brave enough. Hell, I was no Gryffindor!
But ever since that fateful Ball, Roxanne's words have been tormenting me; all I had thought about was me and my feelings. What about Lily's? Wasn't I hurting her in the worst way by doing this?
Taking a deep breath to steel myself, I spoke, "We need to talk, Lily. I…I don't think there's anything…" I stopped at Lily's open mouthed expression. Her eyes had widened in recognition of what I was about to say. She took one, two, three steps back, stopping only when she hit the wall on the other side.
"You're…you're not breaking up with me?" I wanted to just let it go and reassure her, tell her that I loved her too much to do that. because it was true, I did love her, I did care a lot for her. But not this way.
I looked at my shoes, trying to spot the non-existent dust. After a few seconds, Lily sprung up from the wall and leveling me with a shaky smile, said, "So Al's predictions came true, huh?"
I nodded mutely; I wasn't sure how to deal with her. Another thing about our relationship; we never shared the negatives in our life, only the happiness and joy. I was realizing that we had been set for downfall from the first and from her expression, I was reasonably sure she knew this too.
"But we can still meet each other, right? You aren't going to hide behind a tapestry everytime I appear in the corridor?" I couldn't help myself; I chuckled.
She snapped her fingers and said, "That's more like it," and gave me an incomprehensible smile before joining the crowd singing something that sounded like, 'Single again…'
I slumped on the wall and let out a big whoosh. It had gone better than I had hoped.
XXXX
So much for things going well. When I decided to break up with Lily, all I had considered was Lily, Al, Roxanne and probably Tony. I don't know how I could have forgotten that she had an entire army of family just waiting for an opportunity to get one over me.
In a single word, my life became worse than hell for almost a month after that. It was only after Lily screamed at Lucy to save it for someone who deserved it that they left me alone. Much as I was grateful for Lily's interference, I was also miffed with her. At least the suffering made me feel like I was getting what I deserved. Now there was nothing to keep the guilty conscience at bay.
And there was the other side of my brain, always waiting to make me do exactly the wrong thing, which repeatedly kept telling me that I was no free to ask Roxanne out. I wasn't going to; I'd just as soon jump off the Astronomy Tower, but everytime I thought at all, it felt like a herd of Hippogryffs were stampeding through my brain. So I did the normal thing-I got drunk most days, dated random girls who meant nothing to me, made up with the Weasley-Potter family, became Head Boy, miraculously got enough grades on my Newts to get into the Department of International Magical Co-operation in the Ministry and avoided the existence of one Roxanne Weasley altogether.
You'd think these wouldn't be bad; they weren't. I was actually honored that the Head Master thought me Head Boy material, but no matter how much, or how long, I tried, I couldn't get Roxanne out of my mind.
Everytime I visited Lily(which was a rarity in itself, what with my job taking me to every corner of the world), I couldn't help but look around, hoping for a sight of her. No luck; Roxanne had completely disappeared from the face of the Wizarding world, or so it seemed.
XXXX
There was no way I could avoid it; Victoire and I went way back and Teddy was related to me. It was their engagement party and there were permanent marks on the carpet in my apartment from the number of floo calls I've received asking, pleading, ordering, threatening and every other manner of persuading me to attend the party. I had to floo in from the wilds of Amazon where I was hunting for a stray Muggleborn family, but I managed. I dusted off the soot from my cloak, making sure it was pristine.
"You've got a few leaves stuck in your hair," was the first greeting I got; I froze. Looking up warily, I was surprised to see that it wasn't Roxanne; I was almost sure it had been her voice I'd heard. There was Lucy, her hands placed on her hips, glaring at me like I had dumped an entire garden on her hair.
"What did you do?" she asked in amazement, looking behind her at a retreating figure; one I recognized too well. So it had been her I'd heard.
"Maybe she's afraid she'll fall for me; like you," I grinned at Lucy, who, giving up the effort to stay angry, jumped on me, hugging me to death.
"Yes, yes, I missed you too," I replied in a muffled tone, making her laugh and draw back.
There was a definite twinkle in her eyes when she spoke that I missed; stupid me, "So, may I know now why Roxanne ran away from you as if you were You-Know-Who himself?"
"I've no idea," I replied nonchalantly, but I suppose I over did it, because Lucy didn't seem convinced.
"Well, you must have some ides. I mean, you and Victoire are friends," she said, as if the concept was alien, "Dom hates you to the pits of hell, Molly thinks you're her role model, I'm your sister removed at birth, Rose is your bickering partner and Lily's your ex turned friend…you know what? There must be something else going on between you two. Are you trying to hide from me, Scorpius?"
"Nah, nothing. Roxanne and I just…we used to be friends," before we began liking each other as more than friends, "but we fought," after we snogged, "And we parted ways," because it would hurt Lily too much to see us together.
I wanted to badly say everything to Lucy; she was the one who would understand, but something held me back. She must have sensed it too, because she patted my back in a reassuring manner and said, "Just make sure you aren't giving something right up, Scor," before she walked into the mob.
The rest of the clan was quick to follow and suffice to say, the next few hours were the worst (and the best) I'd had in a long time.
XXXX
I wasn't hiding; not really. I was till in the house, only I was in a more, ah, shaded shall we say, part of it. And I had a really good reason for it. There were one too many drunken Weasley girls around the house and I didn't want to be in their company; things always went wrong when you put Weasley women and alcohol together, especially when I get involved.
Trying to avoid a giggling Dominique (it was the funniest sight I'd seen in a long time), I moved aside at the last moment and bumped into another person. Reacting on instinct, I reached out to help whoever it was, holding onto their arms. Only when I looked up did I notice who it was. Chocolate brown orbs stared back at me frozen with shock; and terror. I knew I should probably have let her go; she clearly didn't want my company. But I couldn't; it had been too many years since I had seen her; too many years, but nothing had changed. Absolutely nothing.
Roxanne still looked the same, her face hadn't changed even by a single freckle; she still looked at me in the panicked way, as if what I was about to do was illegal; she still had to lean up to look at me which I could see still annoyed her; and, unfortunately, the events that had occurred between us remained the same too, and we both realized it at the same moment.
Pushing her away, at that moment, was probably the most difficult thing I ever did. Chasing behind Muggleborns in perilous jungles was next to nothing compared to this; compared to the absolute torment it was to move even an inch away from her. She stumbled, but I held my hands firmly at my sides. Steadying herself against the wall, she gazed at her feet, as if she had just noticed that she was wearing flats.
"Roxanne?" My voice, unusually, trembled, coming over as more a plea and not the stern voice that I'd aimed for. I thought she hadn't heard me over the noise, but she did look up at me after a few minutes. I'd forgotten how expressive her eyes could be; until I saw them now. Anger dominated anything else; I knew all these years of staying away hadn't lessened her temper. She was still holding onto that resentment of hers that I cheated on Lily. I never accept defeat, but I didn't know how I could ever convince her; she was so determined.
"Scorpius," she greeted, her voice bordering on that fine line between indifference and all out panic.
"Why did you run away?" I could see her shock that I'd ask that; I tended to be the diplomatic one of us.
"I…I didn't. I mean, it felt wrong…" Roxanne stopped her tirade; which was good because I wanted to prove to her that each of her words were wrong. I'd had enough of this mess; I wanted to know, once and for all, if there was any hope at all for us. If not, well, I could try to move on. But I kept my thoughts mainly positive as I watched her.
It took her a few minutes and then, the mask was back again, "I guess it was all the change. We're out of school, you've changed, I've changed and it's been too long since we met at all and I thought…" she stopped herself in the last minute an I had the queerest sensation that she had been about to say what I'd wanted to hear for years. But of course, Roxanne Weasley only ever cared about hurting her family; everybody else could go anger a hungry dragon; over and over again, just so that they may get hurt. The sudden anger was surprising, even to me; and experience had taught me that nothing good ever came out of it.
"Stop it, Roxanne. I don't need to hear how you don't even recognize me because you know what? I know you're lying; just like I knew back at Hogwarts that you liked me back. I knew, Roxanne, and yet did I ever cross your path after that? Do you know why? Because I didn't want to force you. I thought you were still hurt from my breakup with Lily. But now I see, Lily was just another excuse for your cowardice," I knew I was probably straining our already tense relationship, but there was only a gossamer thread of it left anyway.
She didn't react as I had hoped; she didn't even try to prove me wrong, "It was quite good of you to analyse my actions so well, Scorpius. Even I couldn't have given a better report. Thank you. Now will you please leave my spineless self be?" Her eyes were like spearheads, coated with poison of the most excruciating kind. I saw no other way other than to block her way.
"No, not this time. You never let me finish; it wasn't just you that was a coward. I was too; I walked away when I should have stayed. I admit I was afraid; afraid of the people I'd come to call friends, afraid of what they'd say, afraid of my reputation, afraid of my family but mostly I was afraid of being rejected, which you'd done more than once. With Lily, it was simple. We both knew subconsciously that it would end some day. There was no future for us; we knew that. So it was easy for me; not with you. Not with the girl with a strict all or nothing principle, not that you ever gave me a chance; putting me down every time I worked up the guts to ask you. I couldn't take it anymore back then; not now. I'm going nowhere, Roxanne. It's time I faced my demons; it's time you did too," the hand I had on her wrist tightened, as if anticipating the separation that would obviously occur. I tried to decipher the emotions running through her eyes but they were too fast; either that or there were none at all and I was imagining.
"I'm not as strong as you, Scorpius. I'm only ever good at running away. You trying to get me to see reason is going to do no good. I'm…" Roxanne cut off when I raised my hand.
"Stubborn; that is what you are. Stubborn and unforgiving. I see now; I'm sorry," I made a move to walk away; I couldn't stay and let her see how it hurt. How agonizing it was for me to look into her eyes, knowing they'd never love me the way I did, knowing all my emotions were wasted on a brick wall.
"Scorpius…," she held onto my hand so tight I had trouble feeling it at all, but I was in no place to bother about it. My temper was quickly following the defeated feeling.
"What, Roxanne? What do you want? If you want to say that we could try being friends; that cannot happen. No matter how many people you quote, even if it includes Lily and me, it can't be. Because I'm in bloody love with you!" the hold on my hand tightened and confused, I turned back around in time; she literally flew into my arms, knocking my breath out.
Thankfully, there was a table behind me which I leaned on for support, waiting for the shock and confusion to pass. A few minutes, or hours, later, Roxanne looked up at me with a tear stained face. Had she been crying? Had I been comforting her? I didn't know. All I could comprehend was the ray of hope that was shining no matter how hard I tried to hold it at bay, "Don't…don't go away."
Her choked voice brought me back to earth, "Roxanne, I'm sorry…"
She shook her head against my chest; her voice was a murmur I barely heard over the din of the party, "No! You can't…I can't take it if you left again, Scorpius. It hurts…so much worse than seeing you with Lily ever did. I didn't know why I felt so avenged, why I felt like going in search of you. I thought you would never come back, I thought I'd lost you forever. I tried to tell myself that I had gotten over you. But you returned and…nothing has changed. I haven't gotten over you at all, I still l…You can't leave," she finished in a sterner voice than she had begun and untimely as it was, I chuckled.
Maybe it annoyed her; she stood apart from me suddenly, pushing me back as she did, "I don't see what's so funny!"
Her indignant tone confirmed what I had already guessed, "You sound like a petulant child."
"I do not," Roxanne pouted; it took her a few more seconds to realize what she was doing. When she did, her expression turned embarrassed.
"All right, maybe a little," she admitted and I couldn't help it; she was so cute, I kissed her. There was none of the doubt or surprise in her this time; because now, everything was right; not really.
Over Roxanne's head, as I hugged her close to me, I saw Lily. No longer was she drunk or silly; her face sported an expression of pain, as if someone had kicked her in the gut and left her to suffer. Her eyes shone with understanding even as tears clogged them; they were like brilliant diamonds under the lights.
She took a careless step back and knocked herself on the side of the drink's table; she would have toppled to the ground in a heap if a pair of arms hadn't caught her in their grasp, lifting her to a standing position.
I needed to guesses to know who it was; of course, I should have guessed. Love wasn't always outgoing and bold; it could also be silent and lingering. I tried to take a step towards Lily; but Tony shook his head. I would be of no help to her now. Only time; and maybe Tony's love, could heal her hurt heart.
A/n: Review? Pretty Please?