Chapter Zero: Clench Your Sphincters

Yang Xiao Long sat in a large brown leather chair that was positioned in front of a fireplace. The lights in the room were dimmed, and the bookcases were stuffed with old novels and encyclopedias. The blonde brawler crossed her legs, and a black cat with amber eyes jumped into her lap.

"Hello, dear reader," she said in a calm and soft tone. "My name is Yang Xiao Long and I'll be your host this evening."

The cat mewed and Yang began to stroke its silky black fur.

"Tonight, I'm going to tell you a story," She pondered her words for a moment. "Well, maybe not the whole story, but a summary of the story that came before the one you're about to read."

She reached for the large margarita glass filled with a pinkish liquid and a little yellow umbrella on the side. Yang took a sip of the drink, smacking her lips together obnoxiously before setting it back down on the small table beside her chair.

"But before I tell you this summary, I strongly urge you to read Beacon's Newest Arrival in its entirety if you haven't already done it, as this summary is only meant to briefly remind those that did read it, of just how awesome it was."

Yang reached for her drink again, lifting it off of the table. This time however, she didn't drink it. Instead, she pulled a small book from underneath the glass and stared at it.

"Woops, momma got a little somethin' somethin' on it…" Yang proceeded to lick the tasty liquid from the cover of the book. When she was satisfied that she'd cleared the book of her drink, she dried it off on her blouse and opened the cover, reading aloud in her calm tone.

"Beacon's Newest Arrival...we began on a cool evening night in Vale. A mysterious hooded figure had exited an airship arriving from Atlas. This figure had decided that he needed a drink after his long journey, and headed into the nearest beer hall to quench his thirst. Once inside, he ordered a bottle of his favorite soda. This figure would later be discovered to be me and Ruby's adopted cousin, Mason Griffon. This guy was raised by our Uncle Qrow, who found him abandoned on his doorstep like a prom night dumpster baby." Yang sighed in reminiscence. "Ruby and I grew up alongside this him as a result."

The black cat tried to jump from Yang's lap, but the blonde caught the feline and brought it back. "No you don't. Mama's not done with you yet."

After struggling with the cat, Yang regained her focus once again. "Now, the circumstances around his birth remain a mystery to this day, but we later found out that he was half-faunus, and the biological son of Conroy Griffon, first lieutenant of the White Fang, and all around dickmunch extraordinaire. This series of events led Mason on a quest across all of Remnant to learn more about his biological father and who he was as a person." Yang said. "Now, all that sounds interesting, right? Well that all happened BEFORE he arrived at the bar in Vale, so you didn't get to read any of it, which is a shame if you ask me, but I digress."

Yang continued with her enlightening summarization. "So there he was, in a bar, enjoying his cold bottle of cola in peace. Then, yours truly arrived, and convinced him that it was a good idea to come to Beacon Academy in order to become a Huntsman. So he agreed and I took him to Ozpin, who admitted him only on the condition that he pass the initiation test." Yang yawned briefly. "Which brings me to one of my personal favorite moments in the story. When Weiss and Mason first met, she -"

"Yaaaaannggg, we're back!" Ruby's voice interrupted Yang, causing the cat to swiftly jump off of her lap.

"Uh oh…" Yang muttered. She stood up from the large comfy chair.

"What in the...what in the world is this?" Weiss' voice came from the other side of the fireplace. "Yang, what did you do?! Why is there a fireplace in our dorm? WHY IS THERE A CAT?" The cat meowed at the mention of its presence.

"Well, it looks like that's all the time we have for today, ladies and gentlemen!" Yang took a bow. "If you want to know what happens when Weiss first meets Mason, you'll just have to read the actual story to figure out for yourselves! But for all of you people that DID read it, I proudly present to you, the long awaited sequel, "Beacon's Not So Newest Arrival!"

"YANG, THE CAT PEED ON MY BED!" Weiss shrieked.

Yang turned around and shouted. "HE'S MY CUDDLE MUFFIN, AND HE DOESN'T APPRECIATE YOUR ATTITUDE!"

A/N: Hey guys! Hope you liked that little opening! Don't worry, the characters won't break the fourth wall in this story, I just thought it was a neat little way to introduce the sequel :) By the way, if you really haven't read Beacon's Newest Arrival, go do it now. Seriously. For everyone else, clench your sphincters because you're in for one hell of an adventure.