Ever the chase to taste the kiss of bliss
"Five years in space. God help me." He should have run when the possibility had been there, he knew it.
The first year of their five year mission was filled with planets, cultures, aliens and metal eating dust. They discovered one new society but mostly were busy with political stuff. Fly to that planet and greet the ambassador. Visit that colony and help with supplies. Transport that space prince to his home planet and make sure his evil twin brother won't kill him. Stay away from danger and if you receive a distress signal from a floating and helpless shuttle? Do not pull over and ask if you can help because the shuttle could transport a box with a metal eating dust inside it.
Yeah.
At the end of the first year Bones had saved Jim's ass 587 times and who was he kidding, he counted. He couldn't avoid counting because once in a while there was the damn physical checkup every crew member had to go throw and every time Jim sat on a bio-bed and McCoy looked him over, his mind helpfully reminded him of that time when Jim was shot/that moment when a green creature broke three of Jim's rips/that weird flower tried to eat Jim/Jim nearly drowned because he jumped into an ocean while his leg was broken/Jim nearly married the princess of a society of black widows/Jim got bones fractures in his feet because if that stupid rock-
It was a damn long list, okay.
At the end of the first year McCoy felt a lot older and lot more exhausted because worrying wasn't easy, not if it wasn't an emotion anymore but a simple part of you. When they got a new mission (or Jim a new idea) it usually started with "Let's go, Bones, it's going to be fun!" by Jim and ended with a "The Captain is injured, beam us up." by Mr. Spock. McCoy still thought logic and suppressing emotions wasn't healthy but he was grateful for a Vulcan First Officer because that man saved Jim's ass as often and Bones himself did.
You could go as far and say that Leonard and Spock became friends through James T. Kirks natural inability to stay away from danger and adventures.
At the end of the first goddam year Jim planned a party and who was surprised by that. Bones rolled his eyes when the announcement was told through the loudspeakers, informing the whole ship that in a week it was exactly a year and that there was going to be a party in the resting hall C.
McCoy was doing paperwork in his office when Jim appeared in the entrance, smiling that 'I'm going to do the thing everybody told me not to do' smile of his and leaned against the door frame. For five minutes Leonard was able to ignore his best friend but then Jim started to tap his foot and with a grumble and a curse the CMO looked up.
"What?" He asked and the smile on Jim's face grew. Oh god, this wasn't going to end well.
"Everyone on my ship has to go through a mandatory self-defence class." McCoy stared at the Captain, waiting for the punch line but all he got was a cocky grin and crossed arms. Jim looked so damn satisfied with himself that Bones felt the urge to kick the kids ass.
Especially when Jim added: "That means, you too. The plan on when, where and who will be published tomorrow."
McCoy could have chocked the boy then and there and wouldn't have given a fuck about death by asphyxiation.
oOo
The work out gym of the Enterprise was huge and nice; places to lift weights, train running, play basketball; whatever your heart liked, it was possible. Also, there were those blue mats on the ground for the combat training and if Bones wouldn't have been so busy with complaining and bitching he would have set them on fire just for the sake of his statement.
"I'm a doctor not a security guard! I emheal/em people, I don't hurt them! I swore an oath, goddamn it!" To make a point of his dislike of the whole situation he didn't even bother with training clothes and had shown up in his usual black trousers and blue medical shirt. Jim could make him fight and he'll live but that didn't mean he had to like it, go along with it silently.
Next to him Jim stood and chuckled slightly.
"Oh c'mon, Bones, knowledge about self-defence never hurts." The Captain clapped his shoulder and then walked up to the mat where a red shirt of the security section already stood. As much as McCoy knew the guy's nickname was Cupcake, given when he and Jim first met in a bar(fight). It seemed they two became friends, though, because the man shook Jim's hand and smiled.
It only took a second to hit Bones that obviously Cupcake AND Jim were going to train the group of people who had their combat fighting 'class' every Thursday at 1500. Which included himself.
"So, first we're going to fight everyone of you to get an impression on how good you are. After that we'll make groups on your abilities to prevent unbalanced fights." Cupcake said and Leonard grumbled, his arms crossed. He was in one of his worst moods ever.
He could show- Or he couldn't and- It was all damned and just because his excuse of a best friend was also his Captain and this training was an order.
"Jim, I'm not going to fight!" He said again, loud enough for everyone to hear.
"You will, Doctor and not even your friendship with the Captain can change that." Answered Cupcake for Jim who looked smug and happy that his security officer knew what he himself would have said. McCoy hated both incredibly.
"But-" He tried again and was interrupted.
"Bones, shut it."
Okay, yes, so NOW McCoy was seriously pissed. Not at Cupcake (not much at least) because all the guy did was his job but at Jim; at his best friend who KNEW he hated fighting, at his best friend who made this mandatory, at his best friend who looked way to good in that stupid red shirt-, at his best friend who told him to shut it.
If he had to show people that he could indeed fight? If Jim really wanted to walk down this path of misery and pain? McCoy would at least make sure to show off like a badass and stun everyone into sweet silence, Jesus, by beating the living crap out of James fucking Kirk.
He would manage to strike a few blows, reaching his aim of knocking Jim out but... Hell, he didn't really want to hurt Jim's face because he liked it pretty much the way it was; all blue eyes shining and high cheekbones untarnished- It also would be him who had to stitch Jim up later and he couldn't use extra work right now.
Leonard stopped his thoughts there and then because it was the wrong way to go. Jim was his Captain and his best friend; a relationship with him was out of the question, so unlikely that all the thoughts brought were torture for himself.
Leonard grumbled and cursed under his breath, his arms still crossed when he spoke again: "I want Jim as a teacher." and that sounded like he had forgiven his best friend for being an annoying little shit so when the group was parted in two for sparring(half would be trained by Cupcake, the other one by Kirk) Jim didn't know that McCoy planned on ripping his throat out.
"Let's start with you then, Bones." Jim stood on one side of the mat and waved at McCoy to accompany him. The doctor still grumbled and looked particular pissed but he did as he was told. Jim already was in a fighting position, waiting for Leonard who refused to do the same.
"I'm good enough in fighting to kick your ass even without standing like a character in a fighting simulation." Was all he said when Jim was about to complain again about McCoy's uncooperative behavior. McCoy thought it was only fair to warn Jim.
"Bones." Jim's voice sounded winy and now a little bit annoyed, too. Good. McCoy's plan was working. "Bones, you never took any combat training at the academy. You may be a god when it comes to doctor stuff because you're a doctor but I'm sure you have no idea how to fight." And again, Leonard was impressed by his friends ability to give a compliment, insult him and then throw a challenge in just one sentence.
"Try me." Bones answered dryly while glaring at Jim, punching the challenge right back.
Now, the annoyance was clearly visible. It was a little bit shocking on how good McCoy was in pushing Jim's buttons when he wanted to, really.
"I'll go easy on you, Bones. I promise." Jim said with a mocking smile and then came at Bones, throwing the first punch. McCoy was a little bit disappointed because it looked like Jim himself had no idea of fighting... Throwing a punch like this, seriously. There wasn't much more you could do wrong as a start.
McCoy stepped slightly to the side but with it out of the punching area. Jim's punch had been too straight to catch Bones and also gave the doc the opportunity to strike himself; in the movement on stepping to the right side of Jim he used his right arm to move forward and hit his best friend with his elbow, right were the liver was, at the lower part of the ribs.
Leonard moved away and Jim stumbled a bit but caught himself and turned around quickly. The boy's eyes glittered with excitement and adrenaline but also surprise. The hit didn't hurt much because Bones hadn't put in much force but it seemed to do the trick to get Jim going. Get him going and becoming careless. Jim started again, throwing another punch but the only difference was that it wasn't straight anymore; it came from the side and if it had hit Leonard he surely would have gained an headache from it.
But it didn't hit.
McCoy blocked Jim's fist in it's motion, guiding it away from himself, pushing it aside with his own forearm and flat hand. He used the same arm and movement to move back fast against Jim's face, hitting his best friend with his elbow and again, forearm, causing Jim's head to fly back for a second. Before Jim could act McCoy hit him with his other forearm, right into the place were the rips were located and knocked the air out of Jim even more. The kid got his focus back eventually; McCoy reacted faster, though, and ended the defense attack: He grabbed Jim's head on both sides, covering the ears, then pressed the head down and rose his knee upwards at the same time, for a final blow.
Jim fell to the ground and McCoy backed away, holding a fighting position now.
Jim grunted, tried to steady his breathing and after a long moment he stood up again. Leonard was impressed. He knew Jim was tough but coming back so easily after a blow like this? McCoy had to take this whole fight more serious if he wanted to win with a knock out. Because that's what he wanted; wanted to show that little brat of a Starfleet Captain that McCoy was a multi-talented man and that he knew his way around fighting.
"'m impressed, Bones." Jim mumbled when he came back to his feet, feeling his face with his hands. When he looked at it there was blood; Bones had hit his nose. It wasn't broken but it bleed.
"Son of a bitch." He added, wiping the blood away as good as possible with his sleeve and got back to fighting.
"Jim, stop it. I don't want to hurt you." McCoy rose his arms as if to say 'Keep Calm' and his voice sounded sincere and of course, that's what got to Jim and made him start another attack. It wasn't a surprise anymore that Jim had so many bar fights in the academy years if he was so easily provoked.
McCoy's voice and words were a lie and so was the gesture of the risen arms; it was the basic position for different combat techniques Bones knew and when Jim again tried to punch him with his left fist this time(it still was so uncreative) he hit the arm with his own left hand which was flat but solid. McCoy's movement was precise when he struck a nerve point at Jim's forearm, numbing it and chopping it down.
He shot up with the same hand then, still flat and tense and with a quick and powerful flow he hit Jim's exposed side of the neck, catching a testiness and small nerve point with the ledge of his hand. Before Jim could do anything Bones' other arm was ready to strike and with his also flat right hand he shoved Jim's head away by hitting the chin.
The next and last motion Bones made with his hands was too fast to be seen or registered by anyone but the effect was massive: Jim fell to the floor like a bag of bricks, motionless. McCoy had pinched a few more nerve points and now Jim's nerve system was, like, non existent. Sleeping.
Bones knew Jim couldn't move and in a twisted way he liked that idea; liked the image of Jim laying on the ground, unable to turn, unable to get away, unable to increase friction in places Leonard would make him want to have it. The idea of fucking Jim senseless like that, bringing his oh so powerful Captain to the edge with words and touches, and Jim couldn't do anything then breath, groan and beg for more-
He shook his head to clear his head. This was the wrong time and place to think of Jim like THAT.
"Somebody call sickbay, they should come here and get Jim." Bones explained to the group of people who all stared at him as if he was some alien himself.
"Because he won't move for a while." He snickered and then turned to walk away. Jim lay on the ground, breathing heavily when he called McCoy back: "Bones, what the hell did you do?! I can't move!" At this Bones turned around a last time and winked at his best friend and Captain.
"I know. I disabled your nerve system."
oOo
When Jim arrived in sickbay, still motionless as hell, McCoy grinned a predatory grin down at him. Jim was annoyed and scowled at Bones and that all was a little bit weird because usually it was the other way around.
Jim was lifted onto a bio-bed, the nurses who helped were unsure on what to do but McCoy sent them away with the words: "He's not sick, nothing's broken, I just need to activate his nerve system again and he'll be fine."
Jim had no idea what was happening and he wished he could move to shake the doctor and yell at him. This was so strange! The one moment he fought against McCoy on that mat on the gym, all he wanted was a little wrestling with that man (because physical contact was necessary and what could he say, that's what he wanted from Bones) and the next moment he got hit and punched and pinched and hit again and fell to the floor.
What the hell. Who would have thought Bones could fight like a pro?
Jim tried to move but without success.
It caused McCoy to chuckle a little because the frustrated look on his Captains face was pretty much priceless.
"Stop that you infant. It won't do anything good." Leonard said but Jim tried to glare him down anyway.
"You nearly killed me, Bones! You, you DISABLED my nerve system! Change it back!" Before McCoy could do anything, though, the door to sickbay opened with a 'swoosh!' and Mr. Spock entered. Seemed that the ship gossip was pretty fast today.
The Vulcan walked nearer and overlooked his Captain when he stood next to McCoy. It seemed that Spock was surprised.
"Fascinating." He turned to Leonard. "I was told that you disabled the Captain's nerve system." When McCoy didn't say anything, just stayed silent and looked smug, the First Officer continued: "I wasn't aware that you had the knowledge to do so but I must say it's logical to assume that you have it. As a doctor you surely know about the human nerve system structure and therefor should be able to harm it."
Or in easier words:
'I'm impressed that you knocked the Captain out.'
McCoy snorted.
"I didn't harm it, Mr. Spock, I just cut if off. Could you please step back so I can make it work again? As much as I love a helpless Jim he's the Captain and we need him to run the ship."
"Gosh, thank you, Bones..." Jim said sarcastically, "...that you're going to make me function again because I'm the Captain! You should feel bad for hitting me like this! You're a doctor not a fighter! Where did you learn that shit?!"
Mr. Spock nodded at the doctors request and ignored the rant but stayed near enough to see what Bones was doing. What exactly it was he was doing, though... For Jim it was kind of weirder then anything else because the warm hands of his best friend pressed a few times against his skin; his neck, his shoulders, chest and hips and nothing of it hurt. It was pressure, sure, but it was completely painless. (Which made it only more arousing and Jim wasn't sure how he managed not to react to it visibly, being unable to move and all.)
When McCoy stood back eventually Jim took that as a sign to try to move again and when he sat up he was grateful, annoyed and confused at the same time.
"Seriously, Bones! Where did you learn this?! Not just the nerve shit thing but also the moving and..." he moved his hand through the air, imitating McCoy's earlier movements, "...and the combat stuff and the combination! You never had any combat classes! I know, I hacked into your class schedule." Jim looked at his best friend, excited, waiting for an answer but the doctor just shook his head slightly. The evil joy and grin from earlier were gone and the normal and grumpy Bones he knew so well was back.
"I'm not going to tell you Jim." But Jim wouldn't have been Jim if he let it drop.
"Bones! You NEED to tell me! We're best friends, for, like five years and I didn't even know you could do this! I mean, hello?! I had so many bar fights and you barely ever helped me! But after what I've seen you could have kicked asses like a genius!" At this point Jim sounded a little bit annoyed, "Which means you could have saved me a lot of bruises and bone fractures."
"Jim, I won't tell, no matter what you say." McCoy said and his voice was damn serious. Jim didn't notice and continued.
"Tell me, I need to know! I'm your Captain, don't make me order it!" It was a joke but Leonard stiffened. If Jim really was going to cross this line their friendship would suffer a lot, maybe even break and be lost forever.
"Shut it, Jim." The doc said and now his face was dark with something Jim couldn't place.
"But, Bones-"
"The day you tell me what happened to you Tarsus IV to you, I'm going to tell you where and why I learned how to fight."
"You can't compare that!" Jim flared up but then he saw his friend's expression.
"How do you know, Jim? How would you possibly know?" The voice of the CMO was low, silent and deadly serious, sad, painfully so and with a smooth motion McCoy left Jim and Mr. Spock (who had been a silent observer the whole time) at the bed and entered his office, surely punching in a security code not even Jim could override.
Jim looked at his First Officer who was a calm presence next to him.
"It seems that Doctor McCoy has a few secrets of his own he does not wish to share with you, Captain. Does that affect your relationship?"
Jim wondered about that himself.
oOo
McCoy didn't show up on the bridge for a week.
It was weird because normally the doctor came to visit at least once a day but now he didn't. No calls from sickbay, no Bones looking over his shoulder. It wasn't only Jim who noticed; the whole bridge crew saw it and was confused, sending glares Jim's way but he ignored them as if everything was fine.
Bones also wasn't at the mess at breakfast, lunch and/or dinner time and after three days Jim was truly worried that he fucked up. He needed to apologize.
The thing was, that right after he decided to apologize and bring Bourbon the ship was attacked by another random energy swallowing virus. It kept Jim and everyone else busy for another couple of days and when the fight was over (no one died, a few had to enter sickbay but Jim was fine, no injuries, Bones would be so proud of him-) Jim nearly had forgotten about his planned apology.
It was the evening of the party for their successful first year that Jim remembered, though, because Bones entered the huge hall, looking stiff and uncomfortable and all Jim wanted to do was to kiss the wrinkles and worries away.
He still felt the urge to get to know what Bones was hiding from him, especially since he knew that whatever secret it was, it was a huge deal. Jim had read Bones personal file again, digging deeply in the doctors past and he came across one document he couldn't open. Couldn't open because it had the highest security level of all times and Jim was not authorized to look into it, Jim, who was the Captain of the goddam flagship of Starfleet.
Still, Jim had no real intention to talk about his own past.
And he had to if he wanted to know about Bones'. It was a hard decision to make because on one hand, he even wanted Bones to know about Tarsus IV. He wanted to tell his best friend and CMO everything and he was sure Bones would understand. On the other side, Jim had never told anyone. Not even Pike; the man who found him and saved him from starvation all those years ago.
Jim didn't know what to do he just knew it had be something and quick or their friendship (and then some hopes from Jim's side) would break, crumble and die.
He looked back to the entrance but Bones wasn't there anymore and it took over an hour to locate the doctor again by asking people if they had seen him.
At the end Jim found his best friend in one small and silent corner, nipping at his drink and being overly out of the party.
When he walked closer Bones noticed him. Jim flashed a smile while crossing the room, then standing in front of Leonard, who didn't look pleased at all that Jim had found him.
"Bones!" Jim said, grinning even wider. He felt better just by being in the others presence after a whole WEEK even if all he got was a glare and a grumpy: "Captain."
Jim's smile didn't leave at the treatment, though, and instead of backing away he invaded Bones personal space.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, locking eyes with the CMO, and taking a swig from his own drink.
"I am really sorry Bones. For being an asshole for a while now." He knew about his behavior, okay; he had been a jerk towards Bones for quite a few weeks, even before the combat class. He couldn't help it; pissing Bones off made the guy become more tactile and that's what Jim wanted and if he could get it that way... It was horribly wrong, he knew. HE was a horribly wrong friend, betraying Bones like that, he knew. But he couldn't help it anymore. He needed to touch his best friend. He needed his best friend to touch him.
"Let's get out of here and, and talk, okay?" Jim heard himself say and wow, that was a grown up thing to do! Talking about feelings was a tough task especially since Jim's feelings were so utterly complicated and he was, well, Jim Kirk.
For a moment McCoy seemed to be considering a 'No.' but then the man gave in and nodded. When Jim lead their way to leave he felt lighter but a lot more nervous all of a sudden because apologizing was one thing; would Bones forgive him? Could they go back to normal? Would Jim be able to stop the teasing? But the other talk... The talk about the past. Jim had no idea if he was going to tell Bones and he thought that it would be of no use if he tried to figure out now what to do. Maybe he would know more when they were be alone, maybe he could be sure then.
They left the party behind and Jim entered a smaller restroom at the same deck, Bones following him. There were a few desks, plants and shelves with games in them and a huge window front which showed the stars outside. Jim sat down on one of the desks right next to a wall because he knew Bones wasn't comfortable with the open space so near by.
The CMO settled down on the opposite, putting the nearly empty glass on the plate (Jim had left his own at the party) and stayed silent.
Jim didn't say anything either for a while, trying to sort his thoughts and get the right words out but eventually gave up. Over thinking all of this shit would only lead to a disaster.
"So, again. I'm sorry for being an ass." He started and that got him a nod from Bones, who looked up and held Jim's gaze.
"You should be." The man added and Jim felt a small pain flooding his heart, "Care to explain why the hell you behaved like a brat for the last three weeks, setting me on edge whenever you could? And doing it on purpose?" Oh, so obviously Bones had noticed.
"I..." Help, he had no idea how to tell Bones. This could ruin everything and it wasn't even because of the actual reason he wanted to talk to his best friend.
"It's-" He tried again but Bones cut him off.
"If you say complicated I'm going to punch you, kid, because that's how Jocelyn started every talk we had short before she wanted a divorce." Bones emptied his glass then, a scowl on his face but he still kept Jim's eyes. Actually, Bones looked pretty calm now and not as tense as he had at the party. When Jim didn't continue the doctor sighed slightly.
"Whatever it is Jim, you can tell me. You're forgiven."
Jim was so stunned and his heart made that wild and weird flipping motion... God, how could Bones say something like this to him?
"Bones, you don't even know what this is all about and you forgive me anyway?" He knew that his voice was a little bit small and silent but he couldn't care much. His question gained him a small smile from his CMO.
"Yes. You're probably the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me and nothing you could do or say would change that." Leonard Bones McCoy blushed hard and Jim did, too, because oh hell, feelings, right, feeling everywhere.
"You get tactile when you're angry." Jim then said and damned it all. His statement made Bones rose his eyebrows and the doc seemed to have no idea what Jim meant.
"What has this to do with anything?"
"I pissed you off on purpose because you started to touch me when I did." Jim explained more and now broke the eye contact, looking to the side and supporting his head with his hands.
"And I like it when you touch me. Not just in a friendly manner, not just in a way friends... touch each other. If you know what I mean."
For a long moment Jim's heart beat hard, Bones being silent and still.
"You beautiful idiot." Came the whisper across the desk and Jim thought he imagined it but suddenly McCoy was on his feet, dragging Jim up and along. Bones held Jim's hands first, seeking eye contact again and Jim had no chance to look away.
They stood so near that they breathed the same air and Jim had no time to calculate, to register what Bones actions meant because he was kissed senseless.
Bones' one hand came to rest of the side of Jim's head, caressing the skin with his thumb and the other hand grabbed around them, holding Jim by his hips. The touch was light and it made Jim's heart flatter and jump. The kiss was so chaste and sweet that Jim didn't know how it managed to take his breath away like that but it did.
After a while they separated and Jim stared, speechless.
It seemed to embarrass McCoy because the man broke their gaze again, a small blush creeping up again from under his collar.
"Stop staring you infant." Bones grumbled but he didn't mean in a bad way.
"Bones, I-" Jim took another deep breath and when he let it out it became a laugh, half-chuckle at some point.
"I won't ever stop staring at you. You're the beautiful one here, you know?" His voice was light and his words made the CMO's blush deepen. Jim still tried to catch his breath and calm his heart rate when he turned his head slightly, searching for Bones hazel and green eyes.
The doctor couldn't avoid Jim's need to be looked at so after a moment they locked their gazes again, both thinking of beautiful eyes. Jim leaned in again so their foreheads touched and Bones' breath ghosted over his face, smelling like Bourbon, mixed with Bones' natural scent of home and warmth and sun and something that was completely just Leonard McCoy.
Jim's heart beat faster again; what was he? A school girl?
"I can't control my heart rate." He said, laughing slightly, panting and breathing through his mouth.
"Jim..." McCoy sounded just as breathless, holding Jim tightly as if he was the only thing keeping them both from falling, drowning.
"Leonard." Jim replied and that got him a small moan out of his best friend's mouth.
"Bones. Hold me tight. Hold me as tight as possibly and never let go." His words were a whisper when he slung his arms around Bones broad shoulders and buried his head in the doc's neck. Jim didn't know where the need of being held suddenly came from but it was there and it was consuming; he needed Bones hands to hold him; he needed Bones scent to surround him; he needed Bones heart to beat for him.
Since when had he been seriously in love with his best friend?
Jim didn't know.
"Can we... Bones." He said and pressed himself even more against Bones, aroused of course, but in a cheesy, emotional way, too. He wanted to cuddle with Bones, he wanted to hold hands, he wanted to eat breakfast together- He wanted-
"Everything you wish for, darlin'." McCoy replied and Jim was sure, that was the moment when his heart totally exploded because of sheer and pure love.
"I need to tell you, Bones. Need to tell you about Tarsus IV." He said, shivering and sighing slightly and then let go of McCoy. The man still had his hands on Jim's shoulders, nodding and finally stepping back completely.
"I guess we need a drink for that. Wait here." Bones pressed one quick kiss against Jim's mouth, touching him briefly and with a last look left the room again.
Jim noticed how much he was shivering, shaking and run one hand through his hair, letting is breath out. His face was covered in a smile because this, oh this was going to be amazing. He scrubbed his eyes and face, trying to calm down but failed miserably. Maybe it was a good idea from Bones to get them something to drink.
He sat down at the table next to him again, watching the space through the window when Bones returned after a few minutes, holding a glass with Bourbon and one with a blue liquid inside. He put both at the table and sat down himself, reaching for Jim's hand to hold.
Jim smiled at Bones still nervous as hell when he drunk something of the colorful drink, watching the CMO do the same.
It took another two minutes for Jim to get a grip on himself and start.
"...Tarsus IV was hell. You probably, basically know about the genocide there?" His voice was silent but calm and solid when he asked. Bones squeezed his hand and nodded.
"My mother sent my off to the colony on Tarsus IV when I was nine because she had no time for me. She still worked and is still working for Starfleet herself and was mostly off-planet, leaving me, my brother and my stepfather behind." He started to tell because where else should he begin with? His asshole of a stepfather was the first thing to go really wrong.
"My stepfather, Frank, he wasn't someone you could call caring. He drunk a lot and could have used a few anger management classes. Whenever something went wrong in his life; at his job, with his 'friends' or anything, really, he ended up drinking and blaming it on me." Jim looked for Bones eyes. His friend was silent and caressed Jim's hand with his thumb, in a soothing motion he didn't even seem to be aware of.
"He never hit me physically but he provoked me to do a lot of very stupid things. I mean, I was a child, I was so easily provoked and I never knew what to do... I was so helpless that I usually destroyed something or broke a law and with time everyone thought it was just me being a brat who didn't know when it was enough." He chuckled bitterly.
"When my mum was back from one of her missions, visiting us, I just came back from the police station and she looked as me... As if I was a ghost and not her son anymore. She asked why I had been arrested and I answered 'Because Frank hates me'. She didn't say anything at that and Frank was overly amused that she of course, didn't believe me. That was the moment when something inside me snapped. While my mum and Frank were away for a date the next day I slipped into Frank's 'office' and stole his keys. You have to know, the man loved old things and had an old car with keys and all and he loved the damn thing so much..." Jim shrugged at the memory. Frank spent hours on cleaning and rebuilding that damn car.
"I stole it. And drove it off a cliff. I wanted to make a statement but all it got me was the decision of my mother to send my to Tarsus IV because obviously Frank couldn't control me and I was too stubborn to see my emmistakes/em. My brother had left the same day, had left me behind and I felt betrayed, from everyone I knew. I didn't even cry when my mother and Frank brought me to a shuttle three days later. My mum had the decency to cry but when she wanted to kiss my cheek to say goodbye, I looked at her with all the hate a nine-years-old can have. If she didn't love me, I told myself, there was no need for me to love her." His voice sounded far away in his own ears and he remembered the whole situation so clearly... The weather had been nice. Warm but windy. The shuttle haven wasn't a big one, the floor of gray stones and it smelled a lot like metal, technology and oil.
"I left and... And when I arrived at Tarsus IV it was like paradise. I was assigned to a room with two other boys my age and no one seemed to care about the trouble I've caused in my hometown. No one seemed to care about my last name. I had to work just as hard as others, had to learn and pass tests just as everyone else. I wasn't special in any way because a lot of children had been through similar childhoods. I got tasks to fulfill, like working in the gardens; plant and water seeds and farm working in general. The colony on Tarsus IV was based on a natural way of living with as less as technology as possible." Those had been the goody days and Jim couldn't bring himself to hate them, even if they just were the silence before the storm.
Jim took another swig of his blue drink, swallowing slowly, caught in memories of what seemed to be a different lifetime and it was hard to continue. His throat was tight, his heart clenching and a little bit panic was rising in his chest; not actual panic, just the feeling of it. His body remembered what had happened and Jim had felt so much terror back then that his body now tried to do as it had done years ago.
Breathing was getting harder and so he stopped his story, starring at his and Bones hand. Bones hands, which now were touching him the ways he was seeking for month; hands which saved his sorry ass so many times, carrying him back from bars to their dorm room, undressing him because he himself was too drunk... Those huge hands, graceful and precise in what they did, never shaking in surgery, caring and healing injuries of the body and of the mind.
Jim stayed silent.
oOo
Bones listened to what Jim told him about Tarsus IV, never interrupting his Captain. He knew about the genocide there even before he enlisted in Starfleet; it was kind of hard not to know because it had been on the news for month when the disaster had been discovered.
When he had found out that Jim was one of the survivors of it he started to understand the kid a little bit more. Started to understand why it was easy for Jim to pretend to trust people but when it came to serious things Jim preferred to be left alone.
The boy had been on his own for his entire life as it seemed and McCoy hated it, hated all the people who made Jim being alone.
When his friend didn't say anything for the next six, seven minutes he decided that it was his turn.
"You know, what I am going to tell you now, you're not supposed, not allowed to know it, Jim. It never is going to leave this room or we could both get in serious trouble. Promise me you won't tell anyone, ever." Bones looked at Jim who nodded quietly, holding the CMO's gaze with those blue eyes and for a moment Leonard didn't know if it was the right thing to do, telling Jim and putting him into danger.
But he really couldn't back off now, nor could he?
He sighed and then started at the beginning of it all.
"You probably know that Starfleet was founded in 2161." Jim was obviously confused but didn't interrupt Bones who tried to think of the next thing to say.
"You probably also know that I was born in 2227." Again, Jim nodded without a word.
"Knowing that makes it possible to calculate that Starfleet already existed for 66 years before I even was born in Georgia. Right now, we have the year 2259 which makes me 32 years old and you also know that." McCoy explained while still holding Jim's hand in his. It was kind of an anchor but it wasn't enough; he drunk a huge gulp of the Bourbon in his glass, the liquid burning in his throat, the warmth spreading through him.
"A thing you probably have never heard of, something you don't know anything about though, is the UAC Olduvai Research Facility on Mars." He drunk more and finished his drink. It was harder to talk about the things from so long ago then he thought.
"In the year 2046 the Olduvai Research Station had been shut down and placed under quarantine, for reasons that were unclear but ominous. No one was allowed in or out of the facility except for the Rapid Response Tactical Squad, a heavily armed marine special forces unit dispatched to handle the problem. The RRTS was lead by a man who was known as 'Sarge'. His second-in-command was John Grimm, whose codename was 'Reaper'." He sounded old, Bones knew, and bitter and hurt. He could sense the dark mood himself and saw in Jim's eyes that the boy could, too.
"John Grimm had a special interest in the mission because..." His voice cut out and he took a deep breath before he went on, "...because his sister, Dr. Samantha Grimm, was one of the research scientists on Olduvai." Jim was obviously still confused but it seemed that he had accepted the fact that Bones was talking about some top secret military stuff he wouldn't understand.
"The team traveled to Mars through a wormhole originally discovered by the Olduvai workers." Suddenly, his throat felt dry. The light in the room was to bright, too sharp. He couldn't do this. He couldn't go through those memories, he couldn't-
He closed his eyes and let Jim's hand go, withdrawing his own. His heart was thumping loudly in his ears and a cold grip choked the air out of him. He was pretty damn close to a panic attack now.
oOo
"Bones..." Jim said, worried like he never had been before. He knew that his friend hated space and that he could get a panic attack on a shuttle ride but right now, the ship was smooth, nothing was moving out of the ordinary. Whatever Bones was trying to tell him about his past it seemed to trigger a violent reaction.
Well, so who would have guessed that Bones was right when he asked Jim "How do you know, Jim? How would you possibly know?"; because Jim wasn't an idiot. He could see that whatever was happening, it made Bones remember a nightmare, shaking the man to his core.
Jim sensed that Bones wouldn't say more right now so he continued his own childhood story, distracting the CMO, giving him a break.
"The colony on Tarsus IV tried to rose and expanse so they could cut the connections to Starfleet completely and become independent. But it didn't work out that way; a lot of daily supplies were still brought to the planet by starships. The people who originally had founded the colony were now old, their children and grand-children leading the way and it caused to split the settlers into two groups: The one who wanted to keep the nature based life and the one who wanted the technology. The discussion on how to fix those disagreements already was heated when I arrived but the basic idea still had been the one with more supporters so the way of living didn't change." Jim wanted to reach for McCoy's hand but the doc still blocked his own vision with them, showing no sign that he heard what Jim was saying.
"The plague which rose; which destroyed the food; it wasn't anyone's fault. No one can be blamed for it. But when the higher ups of the so called 'government' decided to NOT call Starfleet for help and when they decided that it was up to them who got how much stored food... They played god and murdered hundred of people, women, children, men." Jim was back at the planet, seeing the dead bodies on the streets, blood everywhere when they were herded up.
Jim remembered the screams and cries and his own helplessness because he had been just a boy, a thirteen year old boy who was forced to work, to function while the pictures of adults who tried to calm children down while they were shot (adults AND children) always in his mind.
"I could escape, along with a few other kids and teenagers of my own age. We hid in the forest and the mountains, eating wild animals we could catch and plants we found but it wasn't enough. Everyone knows about the genocide at the planet but no one knows about the cruelty of he survivors; friends started to hurt each other, betraying and stealing food from their best friends. Need does that to a person; changes the character, turning the worst out. People showed sides of them they didn't even know they had. Me included." Jim smiled weekly at his confession.
"A few others and I, we sneaked into the camps, the town and stole food and got caught several times." He started to massage his hand, remembering the punishment for stealing.
"They broke every bone in my right hand."
Bones looked up at Jim, his eyes wide and still hurt.
"Jim, I didn't know-"
"No one knew." He shrugged, "When the Starfleet officers and with them Pike arrived half of us were starved to death and the other half was dying because of injuries, caused by stupid accidents that happen when you live in the wild nature or as results of stealing."
oOo
Bones breath hitched. The scars along Jim's body, he had seen them several times before. That's how he got to know about Jim at the first place; when Jim had been involved in a bar fight in their second year Bones had made him strip and treated and when he saw all the scars he wondered what had happened to the kid that the injuries hadn't healed properly.
He had asked Jim about it in his grumpy rant about Jim being a suicidal jerk. His best friend had stiffened and been still after the question, avoiding Bones' eyes but when Bones kept pushing Jim had snapped: "I was at Tarsus IV, okay? I'm a survivor of the genocide."
It had shocked the living hell out of Leonard.
But knowing that Jim had been there and knowing what he had been through- That were two different things. Bones wished he could take all the bad things that happened to Jim away and make it better but he knew there was nothing to change the past.
"When the RRTS entered the quarantined area, they discovered members of the science team who had changed into hostile zombie-like monsters." He said bluntly and it seemed to get Jim out of his mind.
"What?" The Captain asked, frowning and Bones snorted.
"Some of those zombie like things mutated further then others, becoming creatures resembling Imps. The creatures attempted to infect some of the remaining humans, most of them actually, but a few were just killed." Bones explained and Jim looked at him as if he was a bad joke.
"It took a few dead Marines for Sarge to demand to know what the hell was going on, what exactly the research being conducted at the station was about. John Grimm's sister, Samantha explained it reluctantly." Bones blinked a few times, getting the pictures and voices out of his head.
"Jim, let's go to my quarters. Or yours, I don't care but let's leave, okay?" He couldn't stand the window with space anymore and the unfamiliar place, that impersonal restroom wasn't were he wanted to reveal his darkest secret.
oOo
"I- Sure." Jim stood up and Bones followed him. They walked side by side, passing a few crew members on their way through the deck and to the elevator. Standing inside Jim ordered it to move, his shoulder and free hand brushing Bones', invading the doc's personal space.
When Bones grabbed Jim's hand, finally, and leaned against him the door of the elevators opened and Jim moved to take his hand back; not that he wanted to but he wasn't sure if it was wise to hold on, didn't know if Bones wanted to.
He was surprised when Bones kept his grip firm on Jim's hand when they walked through the floors to Jim's quarters.
A smile crept up onto his face and next to him McCoy grumbled something about blinding smiles and stupid, foolish boys when they entered his rooms.
Bones headed for the table but Jim kept him from reaching it and leading them to his bed. McCoy raised an eyebrow, holding Jim's stare. Jim still grinned and shrugged.
"What? We can talk in bed, too." When his knees hit the bed the CMO looked a little bit hesitant. Jim crawled onto the mattress so his back was resting against the wall, one hand still tangled with Bones' and he tugged at it slightly. Bones then followed him, kneeling down on the bedsheets, torso upright, gaze fixed on Jim entirely and it was probably the hottest thing Jim had ever seen.
He patted the place next to him but Bones leaned forward and kissed him instead. Jim melted against those lips, grabbing Bones' chin to change the angle and deepen the kiss. It got him a small moan from McCoy and the noise was encouragement enough for Jim to tug slightly at Bones' bottom lip, slipping his tongue inside the doctor's mouth. It was warm and wet and not really a fight between them because Jim led and Bones just followed; the CMO seemed to be in a haze, to much consumed by sensation to think straight.
Eventually they parted again, though, panting and Bones sat down next to Jim, still holding his hand. Jim couldn't look away, tracing Bones' body up and down, saving the image of a relaxed and ruffled usually grumpy Leonard McCoy.
Jim's heart made a definitely unhealthy jump when the doctor's head came to rest on his shoulder, releasing his breath and emsnuggled closer./em
"Excavations at an archaeological site of Mars revealed the remains of an ancient Martian race. They were technologically advanced, and had performed research into genetic manipulation. The result of that research was an artificial 24th chromosome, which integrated itself with the subject's existing DNA. The purpose of that new chromosome was to transform individuals into superhumans who had enhanced strength, agility, and endurance. The Olduvai scientists experimented with the chromosome by injecting it into convicted murderers." Bones then said, his voice a whisper.
"However, instead of becoming superhuman, the test subjects transformed into monsters which broke free and took the facility over, killing the scientists. The RRTS, or more the ones who survived, figured out that it depended on the person on whether or not that person would turn into a superhuman or a monster; it depended on the person tendencies. Good people became superhuman, evil people became violent monsters." Bones grip on Jim's hand tightened.
"The Marines didn't manage to protect the wormhole and monsters managed to slip out, infecting humans on the base. Sarge..." He broke up, and Jim wondered where all this was leading to. He had told Bones his childhood story about Tarsus IV but all Bones was telling him sounded like a bad zombie story and as far as Jim could tell it hadn't much to do with the doc's hidden fighting skills.
"Sarge decided that every human on the base was to be killed. They could be infected, he said, and ordered- He ordered to kill a group of women and children who survived the attacks." Suddenly, Jim started to guess what Bones was trying to tell him. Suddenly, Jim's throat felt just as dry as it had before, when he had told his own story.
"Bones... Someone of the survivors... You knew one of them, didn't you?" Because how would Bones know about the WORDS of that Sarge guy, right, if not through someone who told him?
"Members of the RRTS were killed by infected humans, Sarge was dragged away and only John and Samantha Grimm escaped. John was seriously injured, though." Bones kept talking, ignoring Jim, "He was about to die but his sister injected him the 24th chromosome. She said she knew that he was a good person and the superhuman abilities would heal his deadly injury. He lost his consciousness and when he awoke again he was alone. Samantha was gone." Bones stopped again, lost in memories.
Jim held onto his friend, planting a few kisses on McCoy's head.
"He killed a few monsters on his way to find his sister and then, he met Sarge again who was bitten, infected and who started to turn. The two fought hand-to-hand, and John won by throwing Sarge and a grenade through the Ark. Sarge was dead and the portal or whatever it was, was destroyed. The knowledge about the 24th chromosome was buried beneath rocks and death."
Jim waited for Bones to continue and finally tell him what this had to do with him, how Leonard McCoy was involved in all of this when his friend let go of Jim's hand and set up straight.
Bones turned to Jim, his face showing pain but the memories weren't consuming him like they did before.
"In the year 2046 John Grimm alias Reaper was sent to the Union Aerospace Corporation (UAC) Olduvai Research Facility on Mars. He was 27 at that point which means that he was born in 2019, exactly 142 years before Starfleet was founded." It was a come back to the first information Bones had given him but still, Jim had no idea what was going on.
"Bones. I still don't know why you can fight like a badass."
oOo
How the hell was he supposed to tell Jim that HE was John Grimm? How the hell was he supposed to explain it without sounding like a liar?
After everything he told Jim, and HOW he told it, the kid wouldn't believe him. It wasn't such a huge surprise because he himself wouldn't believe him.
"I-" Just spill the words, he thought, the worst that can happen is that he thinks you're crazy, "I'm Reaper. I'm John Grimm."
Jim stared at him, contracted his eyebrows.
"Bullshit."
oOo
"You're 240 years old." Jim stated calmly and Bones didn't know if that was good sign. Probably not.
They still sat on the bed but were facing each other now, Bones worried and Jim all risen eyebrows and thinking brain. McCoy literally could see the wheels work inside his friends head.
"Yes. Yes, I am." He sighed.
"You're invulnerable."
"Yes, Jim." Maybe Jim was more shocked then he looked; McCoy wasn't sure. Jim didn't seem to freak out but he wasn't normal either. After Bones' revelation Jim had been silent for five minutes and it nearly killed Leonard, not knowing where they stood. Especially since they just started the whole 'admitting feelings' like, a few hours ago. Last thing McCoy wanted was it to end.
"You killed zombies." Jim said and burrowed his eyebrows.
"Well, actually they were more demons then zombies-"
Jim snapped, looking up at Bones and grabbing the wrists of the CMO.
"You killed zombies on Mars because you were in some military special task force!" Now Jim's voice was little high pitched and panicked, his eyes sparkling with- Delight? Bones looked away, embarrassed.
"Yes." He confirmed.
"BONES." Jim's voice still was too high when the boy let his wrists drop to take Bones face again between his hands. Bones blush deepened because that move was just so- Ah, he just liked it. A lot.
"Hm?"
"You could have saved my sorry ass every time I got beaten up in a bar fight, you jerk! All the time you could have knocked them out! And you barely ever helped me!" Jim sounded teasing and the words weren't meant to hurt. Bones was stunned at Jim's happy face.
"Yeah, well, I'm a doctor not your personal bodyguard." He replied dryly but it seemed that Jim ignored his words.
"You're intelligent as hell; you could have passed all your damn exams without learning!" Bones saw the awe in Jim's eyes, the disbelief that someone like Bones was friends with him; at least that's what Leonard hoped for it to be. Everything else would break his heart and he wasn't sure he could stand that.
"I learned anyway to become the best I can." He shrugged because it was true. He hurt so many people in his life before that it was his turn to heal. That's why he decided to become a doctor.
"YOU'RE 240 YEARS OLD!"Jim said forceful, leaning nearer to Bones so that their noses touched. Bones had no idea was the kid was up to but if it involved touching he was okay with it.
"Yea, you said that before. Seriously Jim, that's what's bothering you the most? That I'm 240 years old?" He said and stuttered a little. Being near to Jim like this on a bed with the blond leaning in his personal space, breath wafting over Bones' cheeks?
He was just a man and Jim was playing unfair.
"But Bones!" The way he said Bones' name was the same way he said it when they had combat training; all whiny and a little bit annoyed.
"You're 214 years older then I am! That's kind of a big deal! You're old!" Jim backed off, his face still somehow amazed but it seemed that he now was about to freak out.
Bones knew how to stop that, actually.
"I'll show you how fucking old I am!" He growled and hauled Jim back in for a kiss, pushing him down with his hands and pressing him into the mattress. McCoy climbed on top if Jim, holding himself upright on his arms, while Jim's left hand sneaked around Bones neck, trying to take him down.
"Bones-" Jim wanted to say something but the doc didn't care. He robbed Jim's mouth with his tongue, exploring the teeth and sucking at Jim's lips, sucking it into his own mouth which got him a gasped moan.
oOo
"Bones, really-" Jim tried again but he forgot what he wanted to say the moment McCoy pressed his hips down. Bones tongue fucked his mouth, kissing him senseless, slowly and sensual. Suddenly the clothes they wore were way too much and Jim pushed Bones away. Probably the hardest thing he ever had to do.
Before Bones could complain though, Jim tucked at the end of his own gold command shirt and pulled it over his head, throwing it to the ground. He looked up and saw Leonard watch him. Jim shuddered because Bones' eyes were dark with lust and desire and entirely fixed on him.
When Jim's shirt was gone McCoy stared for a little while longer and Jim felt himself blush. He was completely hard by now and they had just made out... He really was lost, lost for this man, lost for Bones.
With a quick motion Leonard stripped his own shirt off and now it was Jim who stared. McCoy was in a good shape, smooth skin, muscular but not over done and who the hell would have guessed that?
"Oh c'mon, seriously? You look like a photo manipulation!" Jim panted because he was helpless, that's how good Bones looked. Fucking unbelievable.
His words caused the doctor to chuckle deeply, sending sparks down Jim's spine.
"And you look like a Greek god." The fact that it didn't seem to be a joke, that Bones meant it, threw Jim off balance for a moment but then he grabbed McCoy's trousers, tugging on them, pushing them down those hips.
Again, Leonard had to laugh at it.
"A little bit needy, huh?"
"Do you have any idea how emhot/em you are, Bones?!" Jim mumbled as an answer and statement because there he was, his best friend and love, completely naked and about to fuck him. Jim really couldn't want anything more.
While Jim stared again Bones moved to get Jim's own clothes out of the way and when they finally were both undressed they were still for a couple of minutes, just savoring the view of the other one. Jim then placed his hands on Bones chest, tracing an invisible trail with his fingers. Bones closed his eyes and moaned slightly.
"Jim, I want to fuck you." McCoy's voice was so deep, sincere and husky, it wasn't even fair anymore; it was the hugest turn on Jim had every experienced.
"What the hell are you waiting for, then?" Jim said and trapped Bones with his legs, thrusting his hips upwards to increase the friction.
Bones groaned loudly, cursing under his breath and kissed, sucked at Jim's neck while mirroring Jim's circling movements. They pressed their groins together, over and over, while McCoy kissed his way around Jim's skin. Jim fast became a groaning mess, shivering and shaking under the doc's hands and tongue.
"Bones, stop the teasing-" His breath hitched because Bones bit down on his right nipple, "-and fu- fuck me already." But the CMO didn't move away from his task, ignoring Jim's request, just pressing his hips down again so that his erection flicked against Jim's.
After a few more moments in which a lot of Jim's brain cells died a happy death he couldn't stand it anymore.
"Bones, please." He sounded so needy that it was embarrassing but it seemed to do the trick because finally Bones moved away to open the nightstand, getting the lube out.
He opened the tube with shaky hands and squeezed a little bit too much out but neither of them really cared about it. Bones pressed Jim's legs apart, kneeling between them and leaned forward again, burring his head on Jim's hips. The tickling sensation there sent sparks through Jim's system and when Bones' finger pushed through his entrance he gasped or moaned, he wasn't sure. It probably was mix of both things.
While Bones was working a second finger inside, spreading Jim open, the doc also grabbed Jim's erection, pumping it slowly and teasing. Jim's hand came to rest on top of Bones', not moving faster or trying to touch himself; he just wanted to feel the movement.
"Bones, please, fuck me already. I embeg you/em." His voice was breathless and he nearly screamed when suddenly Bones fingers moved in a different angle, Jim thrusting his hips against them, and they hit that sweet spot.
It was embarrassing as hell because Jim nearly came then and there.
He saw white sparkles dancing in front of his eyes and was still not completely back in his mind when Bones redrew his fingers and positioned himself between Jim's legs. He pressed forward, groaning against Jim's mouth, locking their eyes when he slipped in easily enough.
Jim caught his breath; the sensation of Bones filling him like this was delicious in it self but that Bones emlooked/em at him the whole time, really looked at him, saw right down to his soul, made Jim whimper.
When McCoy started to move, again just slow and teasing Jim, Jim was close to losing his mind.
"You're so goddam beautiful, Jim." He heard Bones say but he couldn't react. Gosh, he couldn't even remember his own name right now, especially not when the doc started to thrust into him in earnest, fastening the pace and hitting Jim's prostate again and again and again.
Also, Bones had never removed his hand from Jim's erection, the movement fitting the new rhythm. It only took seconds to make Jim come when McCoy added his rough voice to all of it.
"Come for me, darlin'." Jim's eyes were about to flutter shut but Bones' words kept them open:
"Don't close your eyes, I want, emneed/em to see you." Jim's eyes were strapped to Bones' from then and while he came, never looking away from Bones who stroked him through, his friend's orgasm hit, too. The doctor groaned deeply, thrusting a few more times and then collapsed on top of Jim.
Both were breathing heavily when McCoy rolled off and lay next to Jim, watching the ceiling.
oOo
They were silent after Bones had cleaned them both quickly. His mind was still numb but the worries he had had before came back slowly.
Jim did freak out. Jim haven't said much about the whole situation. Actually, Bones had not idea where they stood now. The blond man next to him grinned unnatural so but the view was amazing.
Jim turned his head towards Leonard, looking like the boyish Captain who (just got laid) he was.
"You don't mind do you? About me being...who I am?" Bones asked then, his voice unsure and unsteady.
Jim's grin became softer, his blue eyes shining at Bones.
"You're my CMO. You're my best friend. And you're the man I deeply fell for, head over heels; I just simply love you."
Bones was about to say something, return the words but Jim didn't let him.
"And I mean, c'mon, my boyfriend's a freaking superhuman! The only thing that sucks is that I don't get to throw it in Uhura's face."
Bones was confused.
"Throw at her face?"
"Yeah." Jim's grin was unpleasantly smug. "The whole thing, that I've one upped her this time because my boyfriend is stronger then hers." Jim rolled on top of Bones, entwined their hands.
"Tell me, Bones, I'm just curious; could you hold me up against a wall, fucking me against it? Are you strong enough to keep me pinned to the ground?" His smug grin never left when Bones switched their places, grumbling and growling.
"You can bet your sweet ass that I can and will do that."
Five years in space. God help me. Maybe it wasn't so bad, after all, that he didn't run.
~FIN~