Looking Back
30 Memories for Chip Thorn and Vida Rocca

Note: I do not own these characters or the Power Rangers.
Timeline: 10 Years In the Future
Written for: [url"http://community. on LJ
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst

Theme One: Ten Years Ago…

It was ten years ago but it seems so long now. I look down at my hands, they seem so worn now. I smile at the thought of thinking of me as an old man; I never thought that would happen…hell 35 isn't that old anyways. There's a voice at my side and my son is sitting next to me. His rich red hair, it looks just like mine at his age, wild. He murmured a 'hello' and cuddles at my side. He doesn't understand why I'm up so late, or why I'm crying. All he knows is that his Mother isn't coming home anymore. Just the thought of trying to tell him that she's dead makes my throat close. 10 years ago my best friend agreed to be my wife. 10 years ago, we were wed. Only 5 years ago we had our first child. We were supposed to have our second…she's gone now…and so are you. You'll be in my memories, you'll always be there Vida, I will mourn but for our son I will move on. And as the sun began to set, the light gleams across the golden band you had placed on finger those 10 years past.

Theme Two: Rings

As I tuck my son in to sleep, I sit at his side and stare at the golden band. Now that the sun drew its attention to me, I remember. I keep forgetting its there because it has always felt so natural, so right.

"This is stupid!!! CHIPPP!!!!! WHHYYYYYYYYYY?" Vida Rocca whined loudly as possible. That alone could shatter eardrums but he had grown up with it and as used to it.

"Come on Vida, you said you'd marry me! You have to have a ring! We have to have a wedding!" Chip Thorn chirped.

"Nooooooooooo! I don't wanna!" she whined some more, and frowned as Chip merely laughed. Snagging his arm around her waist he dragged her into the jewelry store.

"Ah Mr. Thorn, I see she said yes, and you have perfect timing!" The clerk told him upon seeing him. Vida gave the man a dirty look.

"There's a reason why you couldn't have your ring when I proposed. Besides the fact I had to get it in your size, I needed to get something added…" Chip said, trailing off. He took the rings from the jeweler and held a pink diamond ring out to Vida. The first thing she did was smile; the diamond was cut in the shape of her sprite symbol.

"Oh Chip…" Vida murmured, tears stung her eyes and she threw herself into his arms. "I love you…"

She loved that ring, she still wore it and she wore a gold band like mine, both inscribed with one word…forever.

Theme Three: Omamori

As my son drifts off to sleep I head to my room, this is the first time in a long time…I had known Vida since we were 7 and we had shared a bed more times than I can count and that's before we were even dating. But when I open my door, I learn that no, I won't be alone tonight. In my room, and in my bed is my best friend, he's lying on my side and my Sister and Brother in law are standing. Madison is touching Vida's things, lightly brushing them with her fingertips while her husband watches from the corner. When I enter he looks and crosses to me, he places his hand on my shoulder and then pulls me into a hug.

"'M so sorry Chip…" Daggeron says, and I take comfort in the strength he offers me in his embrace. He knows I won't respond because I cannot say its ok. My wife, my best friend, my love, my life is gone.

Maddie picks something up off of the dresser and holds it out to me.

"What is this? She never told me…" a yellow cloth with a design stitched into it. I smile as I take it, gently rubbing the material between my fingers.

"Its an Omamori, inside is an amulet. This one is an Anzan, protection for pregnant women during term…I gave it to Vida the day I found out we conceived. I know its stupid but I did a protection spell on it. I wanted Vida to carry the child to term…she told me she had a miscarriage once…I didn't want it to happen again, not to our child…" My thoughts go to my son; I listen intently to make sure he's not crying out in his sleep. He doesn't make a sound.

"You haven't cried yet."

I turn to Xander, he doesn't look at me, and his voice is thick making it hard to understand his rich accent. He loved her as much as I did; only she loved me more…this is hurting him as much as it is me.

"Give me time," I don't have time now to mourn, I have to be there for my son. My consolement in my memories reminds me that she'll always be with me.

"Chip, you should sleep, it's been a long day. We're staying here tonight to help you out ok?" Maddie asks softly, though regardless if I said 'no' she'd still stay. After hugging me close, she guides me to my bed and sits me down. Her lips press a gentle kiss to my forehead before she turns to the closet. She doesn't care that we're watching her; her loss is deeper than mine will ever be. She lost her twin, and as she reaches in and gently touches Vida's clothes the pain in my chest grows. Then finally the tears spill over as she takes the sleeve of Vida's favorite shirt and presses it against her cheek. As my body heaves with sobs, Xander sits up and loops his arms around my middle as I finally mourn for my wife.

Theme Four: Lost

As I lie in my bed, on my wife's side, I inhale deeply. The scent of her still lingers and I cling to it with every thing I have. At my side, my best friend Xander Bly is sleeping soundly. I've been so used to sharing a bed, I'm not sure how I could manage to sleep alone now…it's a comfort to have him here with me. Then it really hit me to how much I have lost. Not just my wife, but also our unborn daughter. My tears burn in my eyes and soak my pillow as I cry myself to sleep. I dream, I dream of her but her face fades as I feel someone shaking me. My eyes snap open and Xander is staring at me with red-rimmed eyes.

"Wake up mate, you're dreaming, you're talking in your sleep…" I groan and flop over onto my stomach.

"What was I saying?" I ask, I've been known to have the weirdest things said in sleep.

"You were saying you were lost…" he tells me, he's still staring down at me, I feel his eyes boring into my back.

"I am…without her…she was my everything…what am I going to do without her?" my voice cracks and I can't say anymore. I hear Xander heave a heavy sigh and he settles down and gives me a cuddle. Having him there and trying to help me isn't so bad. I don't feel so lost but I don't know what I'll do when I'm alone…

Theme Five: Do You Remember?

"Do you remember when you first fell in love with Vida?" Daggeron asks me as we start to make breakfast. Maddie, Xander and Jake are still sleeping so we're trying to be quiet. I'm caught off guard by the question at first, but I think Daggeron just wants me to remember the way it was instead of focusing all my energy on the fact she's gone.

"It was at first sight for me as lame as that sounds. But she's just always been there for me, she's just been everything…it's so hard to explain," I tell him, he smiles at me and I give into my urge to smile back.

"It was natural for you both," he says I'm not sure if it's a statement or a question but he's right either way.

"It was," I tell him and we smile and return to work as I hear the rest of the house stir.

Theme Six: Anniversary

"Happy Anniversary!!!!" There was terrible pain as my wife launched herself on me, knocking me on my ass. She was hugging furiously to my chest, her grip crushing. This was our 10th anniversary; you'd think I'd know to expect this every year.

"I love you Vida, but I can't breathe," I told her; she laughs merrily into my chest. Somehow I manage to adjust us so she's now cuddled to my chest and I can carry her. I noted she weighed more, but she only gained weight…during…pregnancy. "Vida do you have a surprise for me?" I asked, we knew each other to hide anything.

"It's a girl," she told me, wriggling free and going to her purse. She pulled out several pictures. "She's too little to tell still but I made the Doctor take these anyways but I know it's a girl. I feel it," she swore, the intensity in her look growing tenfold.

"Well if anyone would know dear, it would be you. A girl…ever think we'd have another one?"

"Well I know you've always wanted children as in plural. And your wish is granted, and I must admit, I'd love to give Jake a sibling. I honestly don't know how not to live without one." She tells me, I cuddle her close and Jake patters into the room. She opens her arms to our son and he rushes in, laughing as she lifts him up. As I watch her, I think back on who she was and is now, this role suits her much better than anything in the world.

"I love you Vida," I tell her, giving her a quick kiss before pulling her and Jake into my arms, holding them close.

"I love you too Chip, happy anniversary baby," she croons.

"Happy anniversary."

Theme Seven: I Promise I'll Be Back

"I promise I'll Be Back. I love you."

Those were her last words to me. She was just going to go to the store to pick up some groceries while I stayed home to watch Jake. It was supposed to be my turn but Vida knew I'd probably get sidetracked and take longer than I was supposed to. If only I had grown up enough to do something and keep my focus she would have let me go. Then it would be me and not her that died.

I wish I could have been me.

I wish it hadn't been her.

I told her I'd die for her.

I broke my promise.

A small voice reminds me, she did too.

She broke her promise.

She promised she'd be back…

Theme Eight: Sunset

Its sunset. This is the first whole day she's been gone. Jake is so confused. He keeps asking where his Mother is. I can't bring myself to tell him she'll never be back. He wouldn't understand. At least I don't think he would. I'm not sure how old children are when they finally understand death. Thankfully every time he asks Maddie is there to talk to him. I wish I could be the one to try to explain to my son about his mother. But I can't. I think I'm still denying that she won't come bursting through the door, nearly taking it off its hinges as she goes. I know she's gone, I know she's not coming back. But something inside me doesn't want to let go. I sigh and stare at the setting sun, feeling numb in its dying rays.

Theme Nine: Figuring

"Don't even think about it."

"Come on!"

"NO!"

"Why?"

"We're not naming our son Frodo or Albus." Vida tells me. I frown.

"But Albus would be so cool and no other kid would have that name and he does come from a Wizarding gene pool!" I insist, Vida rolls her eyes and I break out into a smile. I can't help it. She looks so cute when she's angry.

"Chip, please?" she asks, she's tired and very pregnant. Our son will be here soon and he still doesn't have a name.

"How about Jake?" I ask, she stares at me for a moment, I swear this is the first time she's known me and she's honestly stared at me like I'm crazy. But now she's' contemplating, figuring.

"Hmm. I like that. Jacob Thorn." She confirms.

"What about the middle name?"

"It's not going to be Frodo."

"I was honestly thinking Atticus…" I tell her. She laughs and shakes her head.

"Well, we'll get the figuring that out when he's here ok?" she asks, she settles down in bed and I cuddle close. I press my hand to her expanded stomach and I feel him move within her.

Theme Ten: I'll Miss You

I'll miss you. I'll always miss you. I missed you for even the moments we were apart and now for the first time since we were seven years old, you're gone. I honestly yearn to feel you in my arms again. To hear your voice, touch your skin, to hear you tell me you love me. But I can't. I'm just glad my last words to you were 'I love you'.
As I stand over your headstone, staring at your name etched in the stone, branded as not just a Mother, Daughter and Sister but a Hero. Your symbol craved above those words. My sprite. I love you but above all others…I'll miss you.

This is the end of the first 10 memories and this plotline. The next one won't be so depressing.
-DJ Rocca