Disclaimer: The Hunger Games Trilogy is property of Suzanne Collins. This is a parody fanwork by fans for fans. No money was made off of the creation of this fanwork.
This story has been inspired by a number of true stories. All names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Fractured Fairy Tale Wedding
by FanficAllergy & RoseFyre
oOo
"Whose wedding are we going to again?" Peeta asked.
"You're kidding, right?"
Peeta grinned over at his long-time girlfriend. "Yeah. I am. It's Delly and Gale."
Katniss made a face. "I'd hit you if I didn't need both hands for driving right now."
It was true, she did. The rain was coming down in sheets as they drove through the remnants of Tropical Storm Alma on their way up I-95 to Baltimore.
"God I hate Inner Harbor traffic," Katniss groused as an SUV with DC plates cut her off. "Why on earth did Madge want to get married in Baltimore of all places?"
"I think it had something to do with Charm City and being charming?" Peeta shrugged. "I don't know."
His phone buzzed, jiggling around in the cupholder. Snatching it up before Katniss hurled it out the window, Peeta glanced at it.
*where r u*
"Who's it from?" Katniss asked.
"Johanna. She wants to know where we are."
"Tell her stuck in traffic." She was keeping her eyes on the road in front of her instead of glancing at him or his phone, which was definitely a good thing, considering the sheer volume of cars entering the city. Peeta had no idea why it was so busy; it couldn't be Madge and Gale's wedding alone that was attracting this much traffic. It couldn't even be rush hour. Usually people left the city at 5:30 in the evening, they didn't go into it.
Peeta typed Katniss's response in. His phone buzzed seconds later.
*im about to kill madge*
*Why?*
*does the term bridezilla mean anything to you*
*What's going wrong?*
*what isnt. the plane madges dads ons not getting here til 11. he was supposed to be here now. theres something wrong with the flowers. madge wants to know who scheduled the hurricane for her weddin. dellys dress doesnt fit. and theres an anime convention going on*
*Which one?*
*how in the hell am i supposed to know. theres just tons of people dressed in costumes wandering around complaining about the rain*
Katniss took the exit that led into the Inner Harbor, driving past Camden Yards to Pratt Street.
*We'll be there soon* Peeta texted back.
*good i need a drink*
"So," Peeta said, "Madge has gone Bridezilla, the world's gone to hell, and as you can see, apparently cosplayers will be crashing the wedding." He pointed toward a few con attendees who were walking down the street towards the Baltimore Convention Center.
"Well, that explains the group of Batmans I just saw."
Peeta groaned. "This weekend's gonna be hell. Why couldn't she have picked another date?"
"Because everyone wanted to get married this year," Katniss answered.
She wasn't wrong. This was going to be their sixth wedding so far this year and they still had another seven to go, including at least four more that one or both of them were in. Even Katniss's sister and one of Peeta's brothers couldn't seem to resist the allure of getting married.
Another text from Johanna interrupted their conversation.
*WHERE R U*
Peeta looked up to check their surroundings. They were near the front of the Baltimore Convention Center. *We are close,* he responded. *we can see the sailor moons from here.*
*if you dont get here soon therell be no need for a wedding*
*Have you texted Finnick and Annie yet?*
*yes theyre even further away than you*
Peeta made a face. Johanna was not a patient woman. The woman had a low tolerance for bullshit, stupidity, and drama. And right then, it sounded like Madge was in full drama queen mode. No wonder their friend was about to snap.
They finally made their way around to the Hyatt Regency, opting to spend the extra money on valet parking. Considering the convention and the downpour going on, it was worth the expense.
They grabbed their bags and checked in, grateful that they had made their reservations as soon as Madge and Gale announced when and where they were holding their wedding. They rode up to their room in an elevator packed with a group of Japanese people with elaborately styled hair and eccentric clothing who were talking excitedly and pointing at the various cosplayers.
After dropping off their bags and texting Johanna that they'd arrived, they headed downstairs to the second floor and the Constellation Ballroom.
Madge was there, talking heatedly with one of the banquet staff, her arms flailing wildly while the poor woman listened to whatever the bride was raving about. Leaning against one wall, they spotted Johanna, her thumbs moving angrily over the touchpad of her phone. In his pocket, Peeta felt his phone vibrate. Rather than answer, they made their way over to the short-haired woman.
"Finally!" Johanna said. "Did you bring me anything to drink?"
"There's a bar outside."
"Yeah, but I'm not paying twelve bucks for a watered down Bloody Mary with Old Bay in it. Who in the fuck puts Old Bay in cocktails? That shit's for seafood, not vodka."
"We'll grab a beer after the rehearsal," Katniss said.
"Fine, you're buying the first round, Brainless." She paused for a moment, casting her eye over at Madge. "Have you gotten your script yet?"
"We just got here," Peeta said slowly.
"Oh, you're going to love it. I hope you've brushed up on your ballet lessons." She turned to Katniss. "And I hope your alcohol tolerance is better than it used to be."
Peeta felt his stomach sink. "Exactly what kind of wedding is this?"
Johanna grinned ferally. "Just wait and see."
oOo
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
"Ngh," Katniss groaned, rolling over and burying her face into Peeta's shoulder.
BANG BANG BANG
"Katniss! Peeta! Open up, damn it!" a deep male voice bellowed.
"Wha?" Katniss sat up, picking up her phone, which was flashing with several unread text messages. Her eyes widened as she noted the time: 11:45.
Shit!
They were supposed to be at brunch at eleven before prepping for the noon photoshoot. "Peeta!" she hissed. "Wake up!" She shook his shoulder.
"Five more minutes…" he mumbled sleepily.
"We don't have five more minutes!"
"What?"
"We both slept through our alarms and someone's outside banging on our door!"
BANG BANG BANG BANG
Peeta jerked to a sitting position at the noise, apparently hearing it for the first time.
"Damn it, Katniss! Open up!"
"See?" Katniss asked.
"Katniss!" It was Gale. From the sound of his voice, it seemed like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
They looked at each other. "Right," Peeta said. "You deal with the freaked out groom. I'll get in the shower."
Katniss slid out of bed, not caring that she was only dressed in a tank top and a pair of Peeta's old boxers. She opened the door to peer out into the hall.
As soon as the door opened, Gale pushed his way inside. "Damn it, Katniss! You're late!"
"I know, I know, sorry. But we had to drive in and you and Madge kept us up rehearsing until two am. We didn't get to bed until three. Not to mention-"
"We don't have time. Where's your dress?"
Katniss blinked. "In the closet?"
"Put it on."
"But I'm stinky. I think Madge would rather me be late than stink up her wedding with my car funk."
"Oh you're right. Good point." Gale sank down onto the messy bed. "Why didn't we elope? Madge's father offered us fifty thousand dollars to elope."
Katniss looked at her friend. "You should've eloped. Take it from your Best Woman: you should've eloped."
"I know. It's just…" Gale trailed off, then looked up at Katniss. "How long do you think you're gonna be?"
"Well, if you go away, Peeta and I should be downstairs in twenty minutes, thirty at the most."
"Madge is freaking out. It's still raining, and the few covered locations we wanted to use have all been taken over by people dressed in funny costumes. I think I saw one guy carrying around a giant cross that was bigger than him."
"Jesus?"
"No, he was wearing a suit."
"So, corporate Jesus."
Gale shrugged. "Fuck if I know. He joined up with a group, there were like twelve of 'em along with a bunch of spiky blond haired dudes in long red coats."
Katniss just shook her head. "Look, Gale, go. If you can grab me a croissant or a bagel or something, I will happily be your Wonder Woman or bear your children whatever you need me to do. But before I can swoop in and save the day, I need you to leave so I can get naked."
"Thanks, Catnip," Gale said, making a face. "That's not an image I really wanted to think about. Besides, I think Madge has a bit of a monopoly on my little swimmers."
Katniss's eyes widened. "Oh tell me that she's not-"
"No! No! Madge is not pregnant!"
Katniss sighed in relief. "Oh thank God."
"At least I don't think she's pregnant." He started counting on his fingers, his already panicked expression becoming more panicked. Looking up at her, Gale put a hand to his forehead. "Oh fuck!"
Katniss could not deal with this new development. "Bye, Gale," she said, shoving him out the door and almost into Finnick, who barely managed to dodge out of the way. "Yo, Finnick," she called, "you might want to see about running to CVS and picking up a pregnancy test."
Finnick looked her up and down. "Are you and Lover Boy-"
"No, no," Katniss hastily interrupted. "For Gale and Madge."
"Ohhhhh." Finnick picked Gale up and set him on his feet, taking in the tall man's dumbfounded expression. "Right. Annie and I'll take care of it. You get dressed."
Katniss gave him a thumbs up and closed the door behind her. Slipping into the bathroom, she hastily shed her pajamas and stepped into the shower behind Peeta.
"So, groom freakout taken care of?" Peeta asked, not even bothering to turn around.
"Yup," Katniss replied, reaching around her boyfriend for the soap. "On his way to get a pregnancy test."
Peeta turned to look at Katniss with a little smirk on his face. "Is there something Gale's not telling us?"
"Nope, but it seems like maybe he and Madge haven't always been as careful as they should have been."
Peeta threw back his head and started laughing.
Katniss grinned. "Move. You're hogging all the hot water."
The two switched places, Katniss leaning back to wet her hair. Peeta took the soap from her and started lathering up her front. "Any chance we, uh, might have time for a quickie?" he asked, his eyes darkening with lust.
Katniss sighed, enjoying Peeta's ministrations. "Regretfully, no. I think Madge might blow her lid if we're any more late."
"Yeah, you're probably right. At least you don't have to hang out with her while she and all of her bridesmaids get ready," Peeta said, referring to the fact that he was Madge's Man of Honor.
"True, but at least you've got Johanna to keep you company."
"And you've got Finnick. I'd say we're about even."
Katniss stood up on her tiptoes and gave Peeta a quick kiss, reaching down to grab his cock. "We should probably get moving, but hang on to this for me. I might want him later."
Fifteen minutes after they got out of the shower, they were downstairs with the bride and the bridesmaids. The bridesmaids were dressed in varying shades of orange, ranging in color from the deep almost reddish sunset orange that Johanna was wearing to a pale peach on Delly. Katniss's dress was different, a dark gray with a flame motif along the hem, because she was Gale's Best Woman, not one of Madge's bridesmaids. Similarly, as Madge's Man of Honor Peeta wore a light pearly gray vest with an orange flame design mirroring the pattern on Katniss's dress. The groomsmen all had vests in shades of orange which matched the bridesmaids' dresses.
A red-eyed Madge took one look at them and exclaimed, "Finally! We've all been waiting for you and it's pouring and now my wedding day is ruined!" She burst into a flood of tears.
Delly came up, putting her arm around the other girl. "There, there, Madge. It's okay. Your wedding day isn't ruined, don't you know it's good luck if it rains on your wedding day?"
"But it's not supposed to happen during my pictures!" Madge wailed.
"I'm sure that you'll get lots and lots of beautiful pictures."
"But I wanted them by the fountain!"
Delly looked up at the rest of the wedding party with an expression that screamed 'I don't know what to say' on her face.
"It's just everything's going wrong!" Madge hiccuped through her tears. "First, God decided he hates me because it's raining on my wedding day, then Dad's plane was late, and your dress doesn't fit," Madge picked at the front of Delly's dress, "and my bouquet's all wrong, and… what's up with your hair?" Madge exclaimed, staring at Katniss.
Katniss reached up and patted the simple French twist that she was wearing. "What's wrong with my hair?"
"It's horrible!"
"Yes, but what's wrong with my hair?"
"It's wet! And it's so severe! Take it down."
"Madge?" Katniss asked calmly. "Do you want me to dance or not?"
"Yes."
"I can't dance when my hair's down. I won't be able to see where I'm going, and then I'll fall and trip and probably end up in your Uncle Haymitch's lap. Do you want that?"
"No…"
"Then my hair stays up."
"Can we at least make it pretty?" Madge's lip quivered.
Katniss sighed. "Yes, we can make it pretty. So long as it's out of my face and you can find someone to do my hair, we can make it pretty."
Madge brightened up. "Cinna!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs. "Cinna, I need you!"
An impeccably dressed dark skinned man wearing gold eyeliner appeared in the doorway. "Did you call for me?"
"Fix Katniss's hair. Make her pretty."
"I think Katniss is already very pretty, but I'll think of something."
Katniss took a seat while Cinna got to work, whipping out a blowdryer, curling iron, and various instruments of either torture or hair care. Possibly both.
All around the rest of the room, the various bridesmaids continued touching up their makeup and taking turns comforting an increasingly distraught Madge, while Peeta hung out in a corner, playing on his cellphone. The groomsmen and Gale were nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Gale?" Katniss asked from her seat of torture, wincing every time Cinna's brush found a snarl.
"He's next door," Johanna answered.
"Great. As soon as this is done, I'll head over there." She was on the groom's side after all, and the faster she could escape this madhouse, the better.
"Do you have the rings?" Madge asked, her eyes opening wide.
Katniss smacked her head internally. That explained why Gale was banging on their door that morning. She'd forgotten to grab them before throwing him out of the room. "Not yet," Katniss said. "I'll get them from Gale as soon as I go over there."
Madge nodded her head. "Just make sure you do."
Cinna leaned down. "Take a deep breath and close your eyes."
A cloud of hairspray descended over her and Katniss accidentally breathed some of the fumes in. She promptly started coughing.
"No! Stop coughing! You'll ruin your hair!"
Katniss was unable to stop herself from glaring at Madge. "Breathing - is - an - issue."
"Just don't breathe!"
"Madge, I think Katniss kind of has to breathe," Annie pointed out.
Madge sighed.
Just then, Gale's mother entered the room, looking dressed and ready for pictures. "I've got your yarmulke, Peeta!"
"I thought I wasn't wearing a yarmulke," he said slowly, looking up from his cellphone.
"He's not," Madge said firmly. "No one's wearing yarmulkes."
"I already gave them to the rest of the boys," Hazelle argued.
"No one is wearing yarmulkes. This is not a Jewish wedding."
"I know, but it would mean so much if Gale could have this little bit of his heritage at the wedding."
"But Gale and I already decided we weren't going to have any religious symbols in our wedding. Not Jewish, not Christian. Nothing!"
Hazelle turned to Peeta. "It would really mean a lot if you would do us the honor of wearing the yarmulke for Gale's wedding."
Peeta shot a glance at Madge, who was shaking her head, and then at Katniss, who was still coughing. "I think I'm gonna have to go with the bride's wishes. After all, I'm technically on her team."
"But it'd mean so much to Gale's family."
Katniss got out of the chair, stomped over, grabbed the small black cap, and smashed it on top of her head to the sound of Madge's wails. "There. I'm Gale's Best Woman. I'll wear it." She gave Peeta a quick kiss. "I'll see you later, honey." Then, before anyone could protest, she slipped next door to where the groom and the groomsmen were getting ready. "What has gotten into your mother, Gale?" Katniss asked without any preamble.
The groom blinked. "What's that on your head?"
"A yarmulke."
"I thought you guys weren't all that observant?" Finnick said. "I mean, you eat bacon. Your family even has a special bacon pan!"
"Mmm, bacon," Rory said.
Gale just sighed. "I don't know what's gotten into her. She and Madge have been butting heads about everything these last few weeks."
"Any particular reason why?"
"First it's because Madge won't convert, and then it's because we're not getting married in a synagogue, and then it's because we aren't having a kosher reception. It's like everything we have planned is wrong."
"Do you care about any of that?" Finnick asked. "On a scale of one to ten, how much does it bother you that Madge isn't converting?"
"Negative three thousand." Gale sighed. "Look, you guys can wear the yarmulkes if you want to, but none of you have to."
"Oh thank God," Finnick said, taking his off, followed by Rory.
Gale raised his eyebrows at his brother.
"Look, man, if I'm doing handsprings, I ain't wearing no beanie."
"Katniss?" Gale asked, looking at her.
She shrugged. "I don't care. Plus I'm not sure I could get it off at this point." She tugged at it a little. "I think it's glued to my head."
oOo
"How's Delly doing?" Peeta asked Thom, who was standing next to his wife, holding her up.
"Um, good question?"
Peeta sighed. The wedding party was congregated in the foyer to the Constellation Ballroom, waiting for their cue to enter. So far, it had been a crazy day, and the worst was yet to come.
The chaos from earlier had continued when the rain lifted briefly, allowing the group to get a few pictures outside. Granted, they had to fight off a Final Fantasy group who wanted the same location on the skybridge, but foam plastic swords were no match against Madge in full bridezilla mode. The cosplayers wisely retreated in the face of the dangerous blonde.
They got a few nicely posed pictures, but then Madge demanded that they take part in the newest wedding picture rage of snapping a photo while everybody jumped in the air. The first problem occurred when Johanna's breasts fell out of the bodice of her dress. Not that she cared, but the passing teenagers certainly got an eyeful.
The second problem came when Delly, who'd had an emergency c-section after a fall down the stairs caused her to go into labor prematurely less than a month ago, reinjured her right ankle trying to perform Madge's crazy stunts. And because Madge was planning on having the wedding party dance down the aisle, Delly, perhaps a little unwisely, took one of her prescription painkillers so that she could do the complicated dance sequence Madge had choreographed. Fortunately for Delly, but unfortunately for the rest of them, the pain pills did the trick. Delly wasn't feeling any pain; however, she was also high as a kite and about as floppy as a wet noodle.
"When are you and Katniss getting married?" Delly asked, her voice light and dreamy.
Peeta froze, staring back at Katniss. Yeah, they'd been together for almost five years, but they hadn't really talked about marriage other than in 'maybe someday' terms. They were only twenty three. They had time.
Thom smiled nervously at Peeta and Katniss, then said, "Darling, I don't think that's any of our business."
Delly pouted, sticking out her lower lip like a child. "But I want my Everlark!"
"Everlark?" Peeta asked, not sure he really wanted to know the answer.
"Yup! That's your ship name. Everlark. It's so much better than Peeniss. Or Katpee."
Johanna and Rory tried, unsuccessfully, to keep their laughter under wraps.
Delly continued, blissfully unaware of the others' amusement, "Yep! You're Everlark. It's so pretty and perfect and wonderful and birdies…" She trailed off, staring at something Peeta couldn't see.
"Okay, honey, why don't we go over here and lean against the nice wall?" Thom said, herding his wife away.
Peeta shared a glance with his girlfriend. "So… she's a little high."
"Definitely. Superman high," Johanna agreed, clutching at her side.
"I think I saw her drinking champagne earlier," Leevy, one of Madge's other bridesmaids, interjected. There had been a champagne toast before the ceremony, although he and Katniss spent most of their time hovering around one of the few waiters, snatching what hors d'oeuvres there were because they'd missed brunch.
"Really?" Bristel, Gale's cousin, asked. "Didn't she just give birth?"
"Yeah, but she's not breastfeeding," Johanna said, straightening to give the two other bridesmaids a glare. "So you can stop your hoity toity judgy mcjudger-person bullshit right now. Girl went headfirst down a flight of stairs, I think that is plenty reason enough to have a drink or six. In fact, I could use another one." Johanna paused, looking over at Gale, who was pacing back and forth, muttering his vows under his breath. "When's the wedding start?"
The unmistakable chords of Pharrell's "Happy" sounded from the other side of the door.
"Oh, never mind. I think now."
Finnick and Vick shoved the ballroom doors open and began their dance down the aisle. A few beats afterwards, Johanna strutted in, almost flashing the audience with her exuberant dancing.
Peeta sighed. He didn't know what the hell Madge was thinking, having a choreographed wedding party entrance on top of everything else she had planned, but at least they'd spent a couple hours yesterday rehearsing this.
Rory followed after Johanna, showing off his proficiency in breakdancing and hip hop as well a surprising gymnastic bent as he did a few handsprings down the aisle before running back around the side to the foyer.
Each of the groomsmen and bridesmaids took a turn down the aisle, sometimes in ones, others in twos, dancing and cavorting to the chorus of "Happy." The audience was getting into it, clapping and cheering along, a few of the more inebriated guests dancing along in their seats.
It was Katniss's turn, and her experience with lyrical dance came to the fore. She looked beautiful in her dark gray dress with what looked almost like orange flames licking up from her knee length skirt. Peeta wanted to stand back and watch Katniss's dancing, but he knew that he was up next. He was nowhere near as good of a dancer as Katniss or Rory, but he knew how to do the white man shuffle, and dammit, he was going to rock it.
Finally, it was time for the grand finale, where the whole wedding party minus Gale and Madge strutted down the aisle, with Gale cartwheeling in front of the group to take his place at the front of the ballroom.
Everything so far was going according to plan. But as soon as Gale performed the first cartwheel, Peeta heard it. The unmistakable sound of tearing fabric.
Oh shit!
He discreetly checked to make sure it wasn't him before he spotted a flash of bright blue fabric along the back of Gale's charcoal gray suit. Peeta winced. Poor guy.
Gale got to the front and pulled on his suit jacket, which thankfully hid most, but not all, of the tear. The poor man was going to have to get married with his boxers as the unwelcome wedding guest.
As the song neared its end, Gale's little sister Posy bounced in, revelling in her role as flower girl, strewing orange rose petals down the aisle. Close on her heels, Madge danced in, her sequined white sheath dress sparkling under the lights. She looked radiant, and happy, and Peeta let out a little sigh of relief, surreptitiously checking to make sure that Gale's ring was safely nestled in his pocket.
Smiling at Katniss, Peeta braced himself for what was going to come next. When Madge reached the front of the ballroom, the two officiants emerged from the back hallway. The first was Madge's father. Mr. Undersee looked extremely nervous and uncomfortable next to his co-officiant, Effie Trinket.
Looking at Ms. Trinket, Peeta didn't know just what Gale and Madge had been smoking. But clearly, they'd been in Colorado recently. The woman was dressed in a bright orange bedazzled Elvis jumpsuit with an orange pompadour wig matching the varying shades of the bridesmaids' dresses on her head. Next to her, Madge's father, the mayor of the small southern town Madge had grown up in, looked like a symphony conductor in his staid black-tailed tux.
"Welcome, welcome, welcome!" Effie Trinket began, clapping her hands as she stepped up to the microphone. "It's a big big big day! We're here to celebrate the marriage of these two lovely young people, Magnolia Eunice Undersee and Gabriele Ephraim Hawthorne."
Johanna leaned over and whispered in Peeta's ear, "No wonder they go by Madge and Gale. Makes your name look positively normal, Hot Buns."
"Our lovely couple, Gabriele and Magnolia, have decided to start with a reading from their favorite book of the Bible, the Song of Solomon. Please give a big round of applause for Stonewall Undersee and Hazelle Hawthorne."
Mayor Undersee looked askance at his co-officiant and pulled reading glasses out of his tuxedo pocket, along with several cue cards. He was joined onstage by the groom's mother.
Taking turns reading from the cue cards, Mayor Undersee and Mrs. Hawthorne started reciting the chosen passages. Peeta had trouble keeping himself from laughing when Gale's mother read out, "I hear my lover's voice. He comes running over the mountains, racing across the hills to me. My lover is like a gazelle, like a young stag."
But the worst part was when Madge's father had to read. He stumbled over the words and at one point dropped one of his cue cards so he ended up reading the rest of his section out of order. It was clear that he'd never actually read his part out loud before, and part of Peeta wondered if Madge and Gale were pranking their parents by making them read this part of the Bible. Part of him wondered if whoever wrote this wasn't just pranking the whole world. Comparing a woman's breasts to two deer? That sounded like a troll to him. Even Johanna would have a hard time coming up with better.
Still, Peeta was glad they were starting with the reading. He needed time to catch his breath after all the dancing; even doing the white man shuffle got strenuous after a while and the wedding had a lot more crazy to come.
When the reading was done, Effie stepped forward. "Now we will move on to the heart-warming story of Gabriele and Magnolia, as performed by their dearest friends in the wedding party!"
Gale and Madge stepped up and started their "story" by singing the Glee version of "Don't Stop Believin'." Thankfully, all Peeta had to do was mouth the words, but poor Madge actually had to sing. They'd tried to convince her to have Katniss pre-record the song and just have her mouth along with the words, but no, it was their love story, and she needed to do this for Gale. So the entire congregation was subjected to Madge's tone-deaf singing.
In the next part of the story, Peeta had a much greater role. As Effie happily explained to the assembled guests, Madge and Gale had first met on the subway in New York when they were both at Columbia, but it took Peeta daring Madge to actually force the girl to get over her shyness and ask the handsome man out. Stepping to one side, Peeta yelled out his line, "I dare you! Ask Hot Subway Man out! I double dog dare you!"
The congregation chuckled a little.
Madge and Gale then spoke about how they went out for drinks on Cinco de Mayo, and at those words, the entire wedding party were handed shots of tequila by two hovering waiters. Peeta tried to get Johanna to intercept Delly's drink, but he wasn't fast enough. The painkiller-impaired woman snagged her shot glass and downed it like a champ. Peeta sighed and took his shot, wishing he had several more so that he, too, could spend the rest of this wedding blitzed out of his mind.
On the other side of the stage, Peeta noticed Delly's husband Thom making frantic hand motions at him, mouthing something that could be "Delly" or "help me." Peeta glanced over at his co-bridesmaid and noticed that Thom's wife was slowly toppling forward.
Peeta elbowed Johanna, who was standing next to Delly, and hissed, "Catch her!"
Johanna swore, but managed to get her arms around the intoxicated woman before she fell off the stage. However, it didn't stop Delly's cleavage from spilling over the edge of her spaghetti strap gown. Annie slipped around and carefully helped the other woman back into her peach-colored dress. Unfortunately, not before somebody in the congregation called out, "Wardrobe malfunction!" earning a death glare from Madge.
Johanna shoved Delly into Annie's arms and stepped forward for her part in the spectacle. Pulling out a rainbow flag from who knows where, the short-haired woman wrapped it around her shoulders and ran around the ballroom shouting 'love is love,' symbolizing the gay pride run that Madge and Gale participated in early in their relationship, which Mayor Undersee seemed a bit too flustered to discuss.
As soon as Johanna was back in place, Finnick stepped forward, singing out the immortal opening strains to 'Circle of Life' from 'The Lion King.' The man was a surprisingly good singer, but Lebo M he was not. According to Effie's speech, this was supposed to symbolize the fact that Gale and Madge had gone on a double date with Finnick and Annie to see 'The Lion King' on Broadway, but it just added to the circus.
Peeta cringed in anticipation of the next part, a symbolic recreation of Gale and Madge's meet the parents date. Mayor Undersee, who was announcing this part, seemed to be dreading it just as much. Together, Gale and Madge pulled out a large shaker and added the ingredients to mix a Manhattan. Off to one side, the waiters from the tequila portion stood at the ready with tumblers full of mixed drinks.
Out of the corner of his eye, Peeta spotted Thom positively shaking in horror with the knowledge that Delly'd be expected to down the strong drink.
Gale and Madge were finishing preparing their Manhattan, pouring it into two glasses and garnishing them with bright red maraschino cherries, when Johanna leaned over and whispered into Peeta's ear, "You know, this makes them look like alcoholics, even though they're not. Not that I mind, grant you, but I think some of the old biddies do."
Peeta glanced out, noticing that there were several disapproving faces in the audience, and whispered back, "You distract Delly, I'll snag her drink."
"You're gonna end up wasted."
"Better me than her! She's already falling over. The last thing we need is to have to call 911. I just wish I could grab Madge's drink as well."
"Why?"
"There's a chance that Madge might be pregnant."
"That's fucked up," Johanna muttered, "but it would explain so much."
"I know, right?"
Johanna reached out and snagged three of the drinks, handing him two. "Well, bottoms up!"
Peeta downed his as quickly as he could while watching Gale's brothers Rory and Vick mime the part where Madge and Gale moved in together. He finished his two drinks by the time Annie passed Delly back to Johanna and stepped forward, donning one of those stupid foam Statue of Liberty hats and brandishing a green and orange foam torch as Effie expounded on Gale's proposal to Madge on top of the iconic monument.
Thank God the reenactment of their courtship was finally over. Now, they could move on to the more normal parts of the ceremony.
The vows themselves were very sweet, even Madge's ad-libbed line of "I promise to love you for the rest of our lives, even if you've always got rips in your pants like you do now." As one, the congregation's eyes turned to stare at Gale's ass and Peeta noticed Katniss side-step slightly to protect her best friend's dignity, glaring at the assembly. The exchange of the rings was equally uneventful and went off without a hitch.
Hallelujah!
Effie Trinket stepped forward and said, "Do you, Magnolia Eunice Undersee, take Gabriele Ephraim Hawthorne to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
Mr. Undersee looked at one of his cue cards and continued. "To honor and cherish, to aid in Tibet." He looked closer. "I'm sorry, to aid and abet. You're not climbing Mount Everest." He paused. "I hope." Clearing his throat he continued, "To join with you and share all that is to come."
The orange wigged woman stepped in for the next line, "For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death or divorce do you part."
Madge glared at Effie for the divorce line before saying, "I do," while looking into Gale's eyes.
"And you, do you, Gabriele Ephraim Hawthorne, take Magnolia Eunice Undersee to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"To honor and cherish, to aid and abet. To join with you and share all that is to come."
"For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death or divorce do you part."
"I do," Gale said.
"Then by the power invested in us by the great state of Maryland, we now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!"
Madge and Gale's kiss was one of those show kisses that was nothing like their tonsil hockey antics that Peeta was used to seeing. Still, there were several cheers from the audience. Someone, somehow, had gotten their hands on a spoon and glass and was already doing the damned clanking.
Before the wedding party could escape down the aisle, Madge and Gale paused and pulled out their cell phones. Effie Trinket announced, "We shall now pause for the obligatory Facebook relationship status update! After all, you know it's not official until it's Facebook official!"
Peeta struggled to keep from rolling his eyes and noted that Johanna wasn't even trying. Johanna was allowed to be a bit annoyed, considering that Delly was now drooling on her bare shoulder, but Peeta just wanted to get out of there and chug a bottle of water. The last thing he needed was a hangover before the reception had even started.
With Gale and Madge leading the way, the wedding party filed out. Or, at least, they tried to.
This was when Peeta realized that they had an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Thom and Delly were the first to leave, even though that wasn't their exact place, mostly because Thom was anxious to look after his wife and maybe try to get her a quick nap before the reception started. The rest of the wedding party filed out after them, until it was down to Peeta, Katniss, and Johanna.
Johanna looked back and forth between the two and said, "Fuck this," and Brazilian stomped her way down the aisle, eliciting a few catcalls from some audience members, including Madge's Uncle Haymitch.
Peeta held his arm out to Katniss and she smiled at him. Both of them were ready to get the hell out of dodge.
oOo
"Please don't jab me with that thing."
Katniss looked up from the floor where she was sitting cross-legged between Gale's legs, a needle and thread held in one hand. "Look, I'm not the one who decided that a cartwheel was an appropriate wedding entrance."
"I didn't have this problem in the jeans I was wearing last night!" her best friend protested.
"Well too bad you weren't wearing jeans today. Now shut up and hold still, unless you want your family jewels to have a new accessory." She looked down and muttered, "This is closer than I ever wanted to get to them anyway."
"Don't worry about it, they have totally retreated right now, I feel like I'm twelve years old all over again."
"TMI! TMI!"
Off to one side, Vick and Rory were laughing so hard they needed to hold each other up. "Dude, I can't believe you're actually letting her sew you up while you're still in them!" Rory exclaimed.
Gale glared at his younger brothers. "I'm already sewn into these pants so that my shirt wouldn't come untucked during the wedding entrance. It'll take a seamstress to get me out of them at the end of the night."
"How do you pee?" Vick wanted to know.
"Very carefully," Gale answered. "Now shoo. Go mingle, be friendly, keep Mom occupied. And do not let Madge kill her."
"Aye aye, big brother," Rory said, saluting before he and Vick left the room.
Looking down at Katniss, Gale asked, "Are you almost done?"
"Look, I've got to take this slow, otherwise you'll end up with your boxers sewn to your pants or your ass cheeks doing an impression of a pincushion."
He shuddered. "Right. Take your time."
Katniss worked in silence for a few minutes as she concentrated on sewing up the rip and not shoving the needle through any part of Gale's anatomy.
"So," she said when she was partway through, "I'm guessing Madge hasn't taken the pregnancy test yet."
"We got it," Finnick said, looking up from where he was leaning against one wall, cellphone in hand. "I gave it to Mr. Ass Ripper here."
"It's back in our room. It's not like I've had a chance to talk to Madge today, let alone take the time needed for a pregnancy test." Gale paused, giving Finnick an incredulous look. "Is that what Johanna's calling me now?"
"Yup. Looks like you've been upgraded from Mr. Tall Dark and Brooding. Johanna's been sending me updates from the pre-reception mixer upstairs." He looked back down at his phone. "Sounds like a few people are complaining that they couldn't bring their kids."
"Tough," Katniss said. "Let 'em complain. Nobody needs to have a screaming child adding to the chaos. And personally, I relish a wedding that doesn't have any little kids yelling out, 'Car go beep!' during the wedding vows."
Finnick flinched. "Sorry about that. Annie's cousin's two and we didn't think about not inviting the kids."
"It wasn't my wedding," Katniss said with a shrug. "I'm not the one who will have to explain why little Danny Cresta felt the need to announce the passing of every car and truck outside the church when I'm showing off my wedding day video to my children and grandchildren."
Just then, Finnick's phone mooed.
"What the hell?" Gale asked.
"I thought it was on vibrate!" Finnick protested. "Word of caution: never let Johanna Mason near your phone."
"I hate to ask, but what's your ringtone?"
"'I'm Sexy and I Know It.' Apparently Johanna is an LMFAO fan."
"So what'd she say?" Katniss asked from her place between Gale's legs.
"Apparently your bartenders are on. They just carded Rory trying to sneak a drink."
"Good on them?" Gale asked.
Moooo.
"Oh. They just carded Johanna."
"Does the bartender still have his nuts?" Gale asked incredulously.
"She didn't say. How are yours doing?"
"Still undescended like a twelve year old boy's."
Moooo. Moooo. Moooo. Moooo. Moooo. Moooo!
"Johanna wants to know how much longer we're going to be. Delly's refusing to sleep and is instead coming up with ship names for everyone. You're Everlark," Finnick said to Katniss.
"I know," Katniss said absently, concentrating on finishing up the task in front of her. She just had to sew up the last part of the rip and cut the thread.
"So what are the other ship names?" Gale asked.
"You're Gadge. Although for a while she was going with Hawtsee."
"The both sound like some kind of disease."
Finnick chuckled. "Well, Annie and I are Odesta."
"Isn't that a town in Ukraine?"
"No, that's Odessa. Um." Finnick looked back down at the phone. "She and Thom are Thelly."
"She's not even trying, is she?"
"I think she used up her creative juices coming up with Everlark instead of Peeniss or Katpee."
Katniss glared over at her friend.
"What? You guys have horrible names for shipping! Why can't you be like a Brangelina or something like that?"
"I'll get you for that," Katniss said as she tied a few knots to hopefully hold Gale's pants closed.
Finnick just grinned.
Katniss pulled out a pair of scissors and carefully snipped the gray thread close to the knot. "There. Try not to have any more wardrobe malfunctions. I think three is enough for one wedding."
"Oh God. That's all anybody's going to be talking about," Gale moaned.
"It could be worse," Finnick said helpfully.
"How?"
"At least Madge didn't leave you at the altar."
"Yeah, you're right."
The three of them left the room, heading up towards the Pisces Bar for the cocktail hour. On their way, they shared an elevator with a cosplaying couple dressed as Luke and Leia from "Star Wars." The two were making out for the entire elevator trip to the twelfth floor, where they stumbled out into the hallway, heading towards one of the rooms.
"That was so wrong," Gale said in disgust.
"I thought it was sweet," Finnick countered.
"Have you even seen Star Wars?"
"Um… just the first one. The one with the little annoying kid in the pod racing."
"That's not the first one!"
"It was labeled Episode One."
"Episode Four was the first!" Gale yelled, waving his hands.
"Then why…" Finnick paused, shaking his head. "Dude, I'm confused."
"Whatever. Luke and Leia. They're related."
"Like cousins?"
"Like twins! It's incest and it's wrong!"
"Alright boys," Katniss interrupted as the elevator dinged. "Turn your nerd off. We're here."
Katniss slipped into the room where people were milling around, taking advantage of the open bar. She spotted Peeta at one end of the bar, holding two orange and pink drinks in his hands. She slipped over to him. "Double fisting, are we?"
He slid her one drink. "Saving one for you. Have a Peeta Sunrise."
"What's in a Peeta Sunrise?"
"It's essentially Sex on the Beach with grenadine and no tequila."
"Okay. So… what's my drink?"
"Gin and tonic."
"Ew, juniper."
"I know. You like the plant, you're not fond of the taste. I figured this was more up your alley."
"Please tell me Finnick has some horribly fruity drink."
"You better believe it. It's bright blue, too."
"And Johanna?"
"Whiskey straight. Madge's Uncle Haymitch has had four of them."
Katniss downed her Peeta Sunrise and waved the bartender over to get another one.
"You might want to save some of that sobriety for the reception," Peeta warned.
Katniss gave him a look. "I have to give a speech. I hate public speaking."
"You've got your cue cards."
"Yes."
"And you've practiced."
"Yes."
"You'll be fine," he reassured her.
"I'll be fine as soon as this damned thing's over."
Peeta motioned with his head toward the front of the Pisces Bar. "Looks like everybody's getting ready to head back down. I don't know how smart it was of them to plan the hora for right after everybody's gotten smashed, but… I'm not the one who's gonna be up in the air on a chair."
"Not my problem," Katniss said. "I'm too short. The other groomsmen get to do the honors. I get to stand back and clap."
"Lucky," Peeta said. "I get to carry Madge."
"Just you?" It was a valid question, considering her boyfriend's strength.
"Pretty much. There'll be other people, but I'll be shouldering most of the load."
They made their way downstairs after Katniss finished the rest of her drink to find their seats at the long thin table up on the stage. Katniss sighed. Just what she always wanted: three hundred people watching her drop salad down her cleavage.
But at least she and Peeta were sitting together, which didn't seem to be the case for everyone. She spotted Leevy arguing quietly with a man who'd she'd introduced as her boyfriend when he'd stopped by the rehearsal the night before. She knew that everyone was supposed to have assigned seating, but she didn't know why Madge didn't have the man, Drew, she thought his name was, sit up on the dais with his date. From what she could make out, Drew didn't even have an actual assigned seat, and there were no open seats at any of the large round tables. The man was asking, justifiably, if he should just find someplace else to eat and wait back in the hotel room.
Eventually, Hazelle escorted the boyfriend to a table along one side of the room as a waiter squeezed a ninth chair around a table for eight. Smiling awkwardly at Leevy's parents and Gale's Great-Aunt Rebecca, Drew finally took his seat. As the man sat down, Katniss could hear Gale's aunt ask in a loud voice, "So when are you going to move to Detroit and get married? Are you Jewish?"
Drew shook his head.
"So when are you going to convert?"
Katniss suppressed the urge to facepalm. Leevy had only been dating the man for less than a year, and most of that had been long distance. Considering the situation that placed him at that table, that was one relationship she didn't see lasting after this.
The bandleader, an older man with a bright blue hairdo that matched his sparkling sequined blue suit, called the bride and groom out to do the hora. Everyone made their way to the dance floor and started clapping while two special chairs were brought in for Gale and Madge.
They sat down in the chairs and a bunch of men came up and got ready to lift them. Katniss noticed Peeta was positioned at the back Madge's chair so that he could bear most of the bride's weight, while Thom did the same for Gale. She absently wondered where Delly was and then spotted her leaning on Annie, yet again, at the banquet table.
As the crowd watched and clapped, the two groups lifted up the bride and groom. There was a moment of panic as Gale's chair tipped forward slightly and Katniss realized that Vick, who was still not fully grown, had the right front corner. He managed to push it up again and Gale luckily did not fall.
Katniss could see a look of terror on Madge's face. She was clutching the armrests with white-knuckled hands and her face was turning slightly green. It was clear that this was Madge's attempt to honor Gale's family traditions, and that she was regretting every moment of it.
After a few minutes of the bouncing, the groups lowered them back to the floor and Madge clutched at Gale, resting her face against his chest, while the actual dancing began around them. Katniss felt sorry for her best friend's new wife; for the uninitiated, Jewish dancing could be a bit frightening.
After the hora was done, they finally called everybody to eat. As they were taking their seats, Peeta leaned over and whispered to Madge, "Might want to stick to water for the rest of the night. You don't want to be nursing a hangover on your wedding night."
"That's the plan," Madge responded. She lifted her wine glass. "This is sparkling grape juice. Don't worry about me, Peety. I'm fine. Nothing is standing in the way of me and my wedding night."
Katniss noticed Peeta and Gale let out dual sighs of relief.
Then, it was finally time for dinner. For a catered event in a hotel, the food was actually quite good. Katniss and Peeta scarfed it down quickly, only to look up and realize that the rest of the assembled group was still working on their soup and salad.
Katniss looked over, noticing that Bristel was picking at her food, muttering under her breath. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"This isn't kosher."
Katniss blinked. "It's fish."
"It's swordfish."
"That's not kosher?"
"No."
"Well, there's leg of lamb."
"But it's not kosher! Why couldn't they have a vegetarian option?"
Katniss looked at her plate, thinking about offering something to Bristel, but everything was gone. She'd been too hungry to wait.
Deciding she couldn't stand any more complaining, she headed to the back of the ballroom and the foyer. She slipped out and leaned against the counter leading toward the coatroom. After a couple of minutes she felt someone come up behind her and place large warm hands on her shoulders. "How much longer?" she asked, not even bothering to turn around.
Peeta chuckled. "Uh, there's the rest of the reception and then there's the afterparty."
Katniss groaned. "Why did we do this again?"
"Because our best friends are getting married," Peeta answered.
"Right." She turned around, looking up at her boyfriend. "I don't think I've ever been to a weirder wedding."
"Same," he said. "But the year's not done yet. Something could top this."
Katniss groaned again.
Peeta grinned. "If you keep doing that, people will think we're having sex."
"I would much rather be having sex than doing this right now."
Peeta's blue eyes darkened. "That could be arranged."
Katniss looked up at him, taking in the lust in his eyes and remembering that they'd missed their typical morning quickie. She reached down between Peeta's legs. "Is this bad boy still waiting for me?"
"Always," Peeta answered, swooping down to capture her mouth.
Katniss returned the kiss eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck. Peeta slipped his hands underneath her butt and lifted her up so that he didn't have to bend down to kiss her. Katniss wrapped her legs around Peeta's waist and pulled her mouth from his lips. "Not here."
"Where?" he breathed.
She glanced around, looking for a place which could afford them some privacy. "The coatroom," she answered. "It's fucking July in Baltimore. No one's wearing a coat."
"Except for the cosplayers."
"Fuck the cosplayers."
"I'd rather fuck you."
"Then get your ass into the coatroom."
Peeta slipped into the unlocked room, Katniss still in his arms. He set her down on top of the row of cubbies for bags and other accoutrements. Lowering his head to her neck, he kissed and licked his way down the column of her throat to her shoulder. There he slid the thin spaghetti strap off and continued open mouthed kissing and nibbling down to the top of her right breast. Nudging the fabric to one side, he slipped her small breast out. "No bra?" he asked, looking up at her.
"Don't need one. My boobs are too small."
He palmed the breast, twisting it slightly so that the nipple puckered underneath the flat of his hand. "Nah. I think they're just right." Removing his hand, he sucked the hardened nub into his mouth, worrying at it with his teeth until she gasped.
She didn't want to admit it, but the fabric of her dress had been rubbing against her nipples the entire day and she kept having to sneak out and re-flatten them so that people wouldn't get the wrong idea. The unintentional side effect was that her breasts were super sensitive and the feeling of Peeta's mouth on her nipple was almost enough to make her come. "Peeta…" she breathed.
He tore his mouth from her and looked up, resting his chin on her sternum. "Yes, Katniss?"
"Stop playing with me."
"No," he said, smirking, transferring his attention to her left breast and slipping his hand up the inside of her thigh to her now sodden panties. He pushed the lacy fabric out of the way and slipped his fingers into her core, his thumb circling her clit with a certainty born of experience. The guy knew how to get her off. Not that it would take much in her excited state.
She could feel her orgasm building and leaned her head back to rest it on the wall of the coatroom. "Fuck…" she moaned, causing Peeta to chuckle around her nipple.
He redoubled his attention and she leaned back, surrendering herself to his ministrations. Peeta loved making her come. Not that she was complaining.
Peeta curled his fingers, pressing against the slightly roughened patch on the inside of her walls.
Biting her lip to stop herself from crying out so she wouldn't be heard by the reception next door, Katniss exploded, quivering around Peeta's thrusting fingers. As she came down off of her high, she looked down to see Peeta smirking up at her. "I bet you're so proud of yourself," she murmured.
Licking his fingers clean, he said, "What can I say? I'm good."
She raised her eyebrows. "And no false modesty either."
"None."
"Why don't you get up here and let me take care of you?"
Peeta shook his head. "No. I've got something else in mind." He knelt down and slid her dress up her thighs. When he reached the waistband of her underwear, he slid them down her legs, tossing them over his shoulder behind the coat rack against one wall. Smirking up at her once more, Peeta leaned in and gave her still sensitive flesh an exploratory lick.
Katniss was unable to stifle her cry. "Fuck… Peeta…"
He pulled his mouth away. "I love it when you say my name like that." He leaned in, drawing her clit into his mouth, sucking on it lightly before nibbling at it with his lips.
"Fuck! Peeta!" she repeated, unable to come up with anything else. Her entire world was Peeta's mouth on her most intimate regions. She wanted to protest that it wasn't fair, that she owed him, but she couldn't get the thought, let alone the words, out. The only thing she could do was ride out the cresting orgasm that Peeta was determined to give her.
Still reeling from her first climax, Katniss came quickly, shuddering around Peeta's mouth. He coaxed her through her orgasm before Katniss managed to draw enough breath to say, "Stop."
He immediately pulled back, his eyes meeting hers. "Too sensitive?" he asked, licking his lips.
She nodded her head.
"Wanna switch places?" he asked.
She grinned, nodding her head again.
Peeta helped her down, making sure she wasn't going to collapse to the floor in a boneless heap, before hopping up onto the cubby and waiting patiently.
Katniss took a few steadying breaths, legs shaking from her two orgasms, and reached out to caress Peeta's rock hard cock through the fabric of his suit pants.
She reached up and undid the hook and eye and pulled down the zipper. Slipping her small hand into the opening, she gently stroked Peeta's cock free through the slit of his boxers until it stood at attention, the rest of him still fully clothed. She stroked him a few times experimentally, getting a feel for just how hard he was, then bent her head down and licked his shaft from the base of his balls all the way to the tip. When she reached the end, she ran her tongue along his slit before slipping just the head into her mouth.
Above her, she heard Peeta gasp and she sucked in her cheeks, running the tip of her tongue along the really sensitive spot just under the head. "Katniss…" Peeta ground out.
She bobbed her head up and down along his shaft, revelling in the knowledge that she could turn the tables on him so quickly.
She felt Peeta reach down, tangling his fingers in her hair, catching on the yarmulke still somehow glued to her head. With a growl of annoyance, Peeta pulled the small cap from her head and tossed it after her panties. She felt his fingers picking at her hair, pulling out the bobby pins and tossing them willy nilly around the room, clinking off of the wall, in his haste to get her hair free. That was something else she loved about Peeta. He was obsessed with her hair. When they were alone, he would often pull her into his lap and start running his fingers through her hair, unbraiding and re-braiding it into interesting hairdos.
When her hair was free from its confines, he pulled her up from his cock and captured her mouth with his. Once she was finally able to pull herself away, she looked at him askance.
"I don't want to come in your mouth," he answered her unspoken question.
"Then where do you want to come?" she asked breathlessly.
"In your pussy."
Katniss looked around the room, realizing there was no good place to lie down. "How do you want me?"
"Turn around and bend over."
Katniss leaned against the cubbies, flirtatiously looking over at Peeta.
The man hopped down, stroking his hand along Katniss's side, flicking her nipple as he passed. When he reached her back, he lifted her skirt, baring her to his sight. Positioning himself at her entrance, he plunged inside, filling her completely.
She gasped, revelling in the fullness. But she wanted more. "Damn it, Peeta. Move!"
Peeta moved. Rocking back and forth, he thrust in and out, angling his penis to hit her g-spot with every downward thrust.
Katniss keened low in her throat, urging him on.
Peeta slipped his hand into her dress and started tweaking her left nipple with every thrust.
She could tell by the little noises he made that it wasn't going to be long until he finished, and she wanted one more orgasm before they were done. Reaching down between their legs, she started playing with her clit, making sure when he came, she'd come with him.
Pausing slightly, Peeta said, "Let me," and brushed her hand aside to take over. "Brace yourself," he warned. "It's gonna be hard and fast."
"Just the way I like it," Katniss purred.
And then there were no more words, just the sound of flesh sinking into flesh punctuated by heavy breathing and erotic moans.
Katniss let out a little cry, a few seconds later so did Peeta. With one final thrust, he sheathed himself within her, riding out their mutual release.
When he was able catch his breath, Peeta leaned down and kissed Katniss's neck, still fully seated within her. "I wonder if anyone missed us."
"Fuck 'em," Katniss replied, squeezing her inner muscles around his cock. "Or better yet, fuck me."
"As you wish."
oOo
"Where have you been?" Annie asked as Peeta and Katniss stepped out of the coatroom.
Peeta gave Annie a look. "Why? Are we needed?"
"Yes!" the normally gentle woman exclaimed. "You're supposed to give your speeches now!"
"I thought that wasn't 'til after dinner."
"In case you haven't noticed, dinner's been over for twenty minutes!"
He and Katniss exchanged a guilty look. Their little 'quickie' apparently wasn't that quick of a quickie.
"I should probably use the bathroom first," Katniss said. She motioned to her clearly mussed hair and smeared makeup. "I don't think Madge would appreciate the 'I just had sex in a coatroom' look for Gale's Best Woman speech."
Annie reached into her cleavage and pulled out a tube of lipstick. "Here."
"I'll be fast," Katniss promised, before turning to Peeta. "Stall for me?" She turned back to Annie. "And if you could maybe find my underwear…"
The woman put her fists to her temples and took several steadying breaths. "You just asked me to go looking for your underwear. Real or not real?"
Peeta stepped in. "Not real! Come on, Annie, let's get back inside."
Katniss hurried off while Peeta walked back into the ballroom with Annie.
"You might want to text Finnick and Johanna and let them know to stop sending out the search parties."
"Good plan." Peeta pulled his phone out and did just that. His phone immediately buzzed back with *where the fuck were you* and *dude you owe me*.
Peeta ignored Johanna's question and texted Finnick with *Owe you what.*
*it was supposed to be Annie and mes quickie time*
*Yeah sorry not sorry ;)*
Peeta slipped his phone back into his pocket, ignoring the buzzes that came in after. He'd see Finnick soon enough, and he really wasn't sorry.
Walking up on stage, Peeta slipped behind Madge and whispered into her ear, "Sorry about running late. Something came up." Beside him, Annie snickered a little before slipping back to her seat.
"Where's Katniss?" Madge asked, her voice panicked.
"In the ladies' room. She had a minor hair emergency." Nothing he said was a lie; it just didn't paint the whole picture. "How 'bout I go first? By the time I'm done, I'm sure Katniss will be back."
"Please?" Madge pleaded. "I just want this day to be perfect."
"I'm sure, looking back, it will be." Even Peeta didn't think he could lie convincingly enough to say that he thought the day was perfect. It wasn't. But at least he hoped his prepared speech would make Madge feel better.
Standing up, he clinked a spoon against his glass to get everyone's attention. When he felt every eye on him, he launched into a story he had promised Madge he'd never tell about how the first time she saw Gale, she called him Sexy Ass Man and proceeded to take pictures on her cell phone of this stranger's behind. "If you don't believe what I'm saying, allow me to draw your attention to Exhibit A." On that cue, one of the hotel staff turned on the projector, which showed a picture of a man's behind in faded ripped jeans standing in what looked to be a subway. "And in case you think that that isn't Gale Hawthorne, I present Exhibit B." It was a wider shot of the same man in profile, and it was easily recognizable as the groom. "I mean, it could've been worse," Peeta said. "I admit Madge's taste has improved, it's not like she's crushing on our third grade teacher, Mr. Cray." A picture of a balding man with a goofy grin popped up. "Or the high school kicker, Darius Monroe." This picture was of a red-headed teenager with thousands of freckles, wearing his pads and football jersey. "I'd say that Madge's taste has improved greatly. In fact, if I wasn't dating Gale's best friend, Katniss, I'd consider hitting that myself."
Throughout his speech, the wedding guests were chuckling and even laughing at the pictures and descriptions. Peeta glanced over at Gale and Madge and noted that both bride and groom were facepalming. It was kind of cute, so Peeta pulled out his phone and snapped a quick picture before drawing attention to it. "Aw, look! Isn't that sweet? They're embarrassed together!"
"Peeta, if you don't finish up soon, I'm going to kill you," Madge warned, looking up from her hands.
"Good thing I'm almost done then." To make up for all the embarrassment, Peeta changed gears, speaking about how much Madge loved Gale and how much she was looking forward to starting a life with him. When he spotted Katniss slipping into the back of the room, he knew he could actually wrap it up, which was good, since he was out of prepared material and he didn't really want to switch to improvisation. "So best of luck to the new Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne," Peeta concluded. "I hope your marriage is as interesting as your courtship. At least I know I'll never be bored!"
With Peeta's speech over, it was now time for the Best Woman speech. Squaring her shoulders, Katniss trudged up to the microphone as if she were walking to her execution.
Compared to Peeta's speech, Katniss's was a bit of a disaster. She, too, brought up the first time Gale met Madge, or, as Katniss malaproped, Gadge. From the far end of the table, Delly let out a "Woohoo!" at the sound of her ship name, which made Katniss even more nervous.
It was a cute story, if you could translate Katniss malaprop to English, but most of the wedding guests just looked confused while they tried to understand just what Katniss meant when she said, "Gale's guysering about this really petty sexy wombat, uh I mean woman, just came up to him in the subway and ate him out. Gale kept repeating 'she ate me out and I said yes! Now we have a baby! Katniss, I need you to be my winged man. Will you be the duck to my maverick?'"
It was clear to Peeta that Katniss was trying to explain that Gale was really excited about his first date with Madge and that he was making a reference to Top Gun by asking Katniss to be his wingman, but he was pretty sure it wasn't clear to anybody who didn't know Katniss as well as he did.
Katniss continued explaining how, at the date, if she hadn't been Gale's wingman, she'd have never met Peeta and they never would've started dating. "So I guess I owe you thanks, 'cause if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have met the love of my life."
Delly was the first to break out into an "Awwwww, Everlark!" There were a few other awwws from various members of the audience, followed up by an "I think I'm gonna be sick" coming from Madge's Uncle Haymitch.
"I wish you the best of luck on your new baby. Uh, I mean wedding." Katniss winced. "I mean marriage!"
Everyone clapped politely, more likely out of sympathy than anything else. Peeta loved Katniss deeply, but public speaking was not her forte.
With the speeches done, Thom spirited Delly away, leaving two open seats up on the dais. Before Gale could lead Madge out to the dance floor, Mrs. Hawthorne came up and plopped herself down next to her son and new daughter-in-law. "So, Katniss's lovely speech got me thinking. When are you having a baby?"
"Um…" Gale looked around, panicked. "We haven't really discussed that yet, Mom. We just got married."
"I know. But I do hope you choose to have children soon, because your children shouldn't be deprived of having young grandparents."
"Mom, even if we wait ten years, you'll still be young."
"Oh that's sweet of you to say, dear. But really, you should get on that. You don't want to be old parents, do you?"
"Mom, we've got time."
"So everyone says, until they find that tick tick tick, time just slips away!"
"I think it's time for Madge and me to cut the cake," Gale said, taking advantage of the reception schedule to make an escape. He stood up and took his new wife's hand.
The cake cutting went according to plan, with Gale politely feeding his bride a few bites of cake. Madge was not nearly as delicate. She smashed the cake into Gale's mouth, smearing buttercream and fondant all over his face.
After the cake came the bouquet toss. Peeta saw several women herding Katniss and Johanna toward the front while the two members of the wedding party struggled to stay out of the line of fire. Turning her back, Madge tossed the bouquet right at Katniss, who let out a little "Eep!" and scrambled backwards into several older ladies.
The bouquet landed at her feet and she looked at it like it was about to bite her.
Swooping in from the left, Posy grabbed the bouquet and shouted, "I got it! I'm next!"
"Oh thank God," Johanna breathed. "Disaster averted for one more wedding. My official duty's done for the evening. Time to find my post wedding hookup and get this party started." The woman adjusted her boobs and made a beeline for the bar.
Katniss wandered over to where Peeta was standing, asking, "How much longer do we have to stay?"
Peeta looked at his watch. "It's 10:30. I think there's more dancing."
"Fine."
The two danced for a while, Katniss resting her head on Peeta's chest.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Johanna making out with the orange wigged officiant. Effie Trinket's wig was askew on the older woman's head and her lipstick was smeared all across Johanna's lips.
Peeta noticed that Madge's widowed uncle, Haymitch, was watching the two women with interest. When they separated for air, the man piped up. "There room for one more?"
Johanna and Effie exchanged a look. "Absolutely," Johanna smirked, holding out one hand. Haymitch took it, a wide smile crossing his weathered features.
The three stumbled out of the ballroom, heading towards the elevators and who knows where. At least Peeta hoped they were heading for a room, and that they wouldn't get notification from angry hotel staff about three wedding guests having sex in the water fountain.
The dancing ended and Katniss once again asked, "Is it time to go? Can we leave?"
Peeta sighed and shook his head. "We've still got the afterparty to attend."
Katniss swore under her breath. "Why did we sign up for this again?"
"'Cause our friends hooked us up. We owe them."
Katniss paused and then smiled over at Peeta. "They got off cheap."
oOo
Brunch the next morning was a complete one eighty from the previous two days. As if all of her nervousness and panic had melted away overnight, Madge was back to her normal sweet and bubbly personality, going around and offering thanks and apologies while giving out warm hugs to everyone present.
A few people, namely Johanna and Rory, regarded Madge's sudden shift in behavior with some degree of wariness, although that could have just been the hangovers they both were sporting. Thwarted by the bartenders, Rory had still managed to get drunk by traveling from table to table, swiping unwatched drinks from people's places. Katniss was pretty sure he'd taken her champagne.
When Madge reached Katniss, she wrapped her arms around the other woman and whispered in her ear, "Thank you."
Katniss disengaged herself and gave Madge a look. "You're welcome?"
"No, really, thank you."
"Okay…"
Madge patted Katniss's shoulder, then stood up straighter, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention. "Everyone! Everyone! I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart!" Her voice was filled with emotion and unshed tears. "If it weren't for all of you, yesterday wouldn't have been the wonderful day that it was!"
Peeta leaned over and whispered into Katniss's ear, "Was she at the same wedding we were?"
Katniss shushed him.
Madge continued. "Gale and I were really moved by all the support we received, and we have the most wonderful news!"
"It's noon and we can finally have mimosas?" Madge's Uncle Haymitch asked.
Madge checked her watch and replied, "Well, yes, but that's not the news!" She paused for effect. "Gale and I are pregnant!"
"So I guess this was a shotgun wedding? Awesome. I always wanted to attend a shotgun wedding. Though I always expected it would be me…" Johanna muttered.
"We can still make that happen, sweetheart."
"So long as I get to marry you!" Effie chirped.
Everyone did a double take, not quite sure what the no longer wigged officiant meant.
Everybody turned back to their meals and Katniss leaned over to Peeta. "When we get married, we're eloping."
"Oh yeah!"
"Do you think your parents will give us money to elope?" Katniss asked, thinking back to her conversation with Gale and remembering that Peeta's family was fairly well off.
Peeta shrugged and murmured, "Don't know. We could ask them."
Katniss grinned. "Great. I always wanted to be married by a real Elvis impersonator, not an orange wigged knockoff."
Peeta returned her smile. "Skydiving or drive through?"
Katniss reached out and planted a kiss onto his lips. "I love you, Peeta Mellark."
oOo
AN
Written: 7/15/15
Revised: 7/30/15
Revised 2: 8/11/15
Betaread By: Dandelion Lass, JavisTG, Tanb & Amelinazenitram
Cover By: Loving-Mellark
Written for Fandom4LLS.
This fic was based on real life events. No really. Everything that happened in the story pretty much happened to one or both of us. The details have been changed to protect the not so innocent. Considering that yes, there really was a Bridezilla raging at a tropical storm for having the temerity to ruin her wedding pictures and that there was someone who ripped their pants and had to be sewn up while still in them, let alone the other, less unusual, events.
Thanks for reading!