It was scary, seeing Rodney vulnerable, in a hospital bed all wrapped in tubes (maybe that's an exaggeration). It was hard, being unable to hold his hand, to say it would be alright, he would slow down his brain enough to ascend, and when he came back, everything would be the same. (Everything.) But he couldn't, not in public, but he had to comfort him somehow... he wanted to tell him he was always right, will always be right. After all, this was the kind of situation Rodney Mckay just knew they would get into.
He brought it up at the most unpredictable moment, the only way, thought John' to surprise him into staying still long to hear what he had to say, to keep Rodney still long for him to have an opinion on the topic - John knew him well enough to know that Rodney had trouble keeping his opinions to himself at all, let alone in the presence of the people he trusted.
They were still curled up together where they fell after the mind-blowing sex (one of the positives of this relationship). John shifted slightly so his legs were completely entangled with Rodney's, curled his fingers into the other mans hair, took a deep breath and started talking, speaking slowly to make sure he was clear - this was already going to be difficult enough.
"Rodney" he drawled, gearing himself up for his lover's reaction. "I think, I know, um, what I mean to say is…"
Rodney raised his head and looked John in the eye, who in turn trailed off and used his free hand too tousle his hair. Knowing the look in the scientist's face, the thoughts that were rushing through both of their minds, he hesitated to continue. But, in his uncertainty he quickly established that if he didn't do this now they would both regret it. Another day like today would arrive all too quickly, but they couldn't be so lucky all the time…and the one who was left behind would be driven mad by grief, frustration and the constant niggling wonder 'what if (I told him how I felt?)'
"No" he whispered, "Don't say it John." Rodney paused disentangling himself from that insistent, damnable…delectable flyboy. He voice climbed to a slightly higher pitch, noticeable only to John because of the amount of time they spent together (and maybe a little bit to do with the Special Forces training…and being married, though I don't want to remember what that was like.)
"John," Rodney continued, pleading with him in a way that wasn't to remain silent for long, "if you say it, hell, if I say it, we'll be…obliged to each other, you'll start putting me first when we're escaping, or I'll use my genius to save you instead of the majority, or-"
He paused, thinking of new arguments - John had caught him off guard, his eyes were flicking backwards and forwards at an untraceable rate, until they focused on John with terrifying intensity, all in a few seconds. Not off guard enough, John thought dryly. He's been expecting this.
"What if we get hit on the head and as we're falling into unconsciousness or concussion or, gods forbid, brain damage, we call out for the other. I mean, it's justifiable if I do that, but you…" he looked away in apparent disgust, most definitely at the homophobic American military. He glanced back.
"Don't you care about this? (About us?) They'll send you away John, either to separate us or punish you, and is NONE OF THIS GETTING THROUGH YOUR STUPID FLYBOY HAIR!"
He's visibly shaking now, and already halfway across the room. (So he won't succumb to temptation?) His boxers and trousers have already been pulled back on, and he is now fumbling hopelessly with his shirt. A similarly dressed Sheppard rolls across the bed and takes the shirt of Rodney, ignoring his splutters and grasping his shoulders firmly.
"If I don't say it now, I might never get a chance to say it again. I might die tomorrow, and even if it's never said, it will always be there. In fact, not saying it consciously to each other will probably result in it coming out if, alright, when we get hit on the head, which, I have to say, is right at the top of my list of worries." He looked into his genius' eyes, seeing a glint of sanity and reason creep back in, to match the sarcasm in his own, he suspects.
"Tell me I'm wrong" he breaths into Rodney's mouth.
"About being hit the head being an unnecessary worry? Because it isn't, especially if people are trying to kidnap you."
"Oh, right, we need to worry about our relationship being revealed when we're involved in a hostage situation?"
Rodney glares at the other man anger turning to resignation, turning to…
"I love you." Rodney sighed, slumping under John grip, who looks down at him, equally shocked and amused at the other man voicing both their thoughts.
"After all of that" he whispered, his voice full of wonder as he got rid of those annoying inches between them, and pulled him into a kiss that left the one from the end of the 'The Princess Bride' leagues behind.
"I love you" his voice strains, emphasising the 'you'. "I always will and I want you to know that, whatever happens."
"I probably could have figured it out, y'know. After all" he gestured a hand towards himself, "I am a genius." Rodney being slightly arrogant again - a good sign and John perks up in more ways than one.
"And," Rodney continued, "If it should ever slip out, we can always condone it as a friend loving another friend."
"Agreed." John purred, slightly distracted by the lack of shirts, and why the rest of the clothes weren't wherever the hell they were. "Now would the smartest man in two galaxies please prove that he means it."
"So this was a ploy to get me into bed? Americans…"
"Actually, we were already in bed, before you so rudely jumped out."
"Oh. Yeah."
"Which makes this a ploy to get you back into bed. Y'know, so we can be friends."
"If you weren't so damn alluring, you'd sicken me."
"Hey, you said it first-"
John stops when Rodney pulls him in for another firework inducing kiss and friendliness ensues.
"Rodney, we all love you, you know that?" John took Elizabeth's cue, however subconscious it may have been.
"Like a friend loves another friend" he agreed, knowing that they'll laugh about this later, because Rodney won't give up. Then again he may be biased, he grins as Rodney slows his thinking down, down, down. After all, he is in love with the genius.