Hi there Mommy,
It's your little girl.
I have done some things that I am not proud of,
Some things that would make you hurl.
I've been bad,
Done some things that I'm not proud of.
So I would understand,
If I'm no longer deserving of your love.
I've been to twisted places,
Seen horrifying things.
I've looked into the abyss,
With all that it brings.
I'm your little girl,
I always will be.
Though I would understand,
If you would be unable to look at me.
I've grown,
Since we've last met.
You wouldn't even recognize me,
I'd bet.
I miss your smiles,
And your comcomforting hugs.
I miss your acceptance,
Sitting here surrounded by bugs.
I miss your laughter,
It always made me smile.
I haven't done either,
Not for a while.
I remember you brushing my hair,
Pinning it out of my face.
I remember you singing me asleep,
When I am unable to sleep due to the way my thoughts race.
I miss you,
So much that it burns.
I love you,
Even if you hate me in return.
I understand,
I deserve no warmth of any sort.
Our time together,
Was much too short.
I pushed you away,
I called you names.
I yelled at you,
Burned our bridge with the brightest of flames.
I left your life,
Left your protection.
I looked you in the eye,
Denied our connection.
I went out in the world,
Unprepared for what it had in store.
I'm sorry Mommy,
I shouldn't have fought in the war.
So many lives were lost,
Many at my hands.
They're seared into my mind,
Permanent as cattle brands.
I took away brothers,
I took away sons.
I took away daughters,
I took away mums.
I'm sorry Mommy,
I'm really sorry about what I've done.
I should have listened,
I thought it would be fun.
I didn't realize,
That this would come to be.
That this letter,
Would be the last that you hear from me.
I'm sorry Mommy,
I love you lots.
I didn't think that those that won,
Would have also lost.