Title: A Time of Change
Chapter: 1 – Announcement of an End
Rating: M
Warnings: Set post S5, as requested
Disclaimer: I own nothing whatsoever of the Stargate franchise and make no money from this etc.

Note: This fic was written for the Beya Secret Elf Christmas Challenge, in which we are all assigned an 'Elf' for whom we create 4 small gifts (fics, artwork or vids) which were posted 1 a week on the Beya LJ site until the week after Christmas when we reveal who we are to our 'Elf' by posting the final gift. This year, as usual, I decided to write one long fic, the first 4 chapters being the small gifts and the remaining chapters as the 'final' gift. Please keep this format in mind whilst reading this fic!
This year I had the pleasure of writing for Jeyla4ever, who is a very good friend, and I had fun in having free rein to write for her. It's been a very tough and busy few months and as such I wish I had had more time for this fic, but hey, that's life.
Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, and Happy New Year to everyone. Xxx

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Chapter 1– Announcement of an End

It had been a long day and one that had changed the course of her life. It had not been an unexpected change to her life, but its arrival still felt heavy upon her.

Deciding to part ways from another was always difficult, and the conversation with Kanaan, though amicable, had been emotional for both of them. He had agreed with her assessment of their relationship that they had a long time ago slipped back into friendship rather than anything romantic. If it had not been for Torren, she had no doubt that their relationship would have ended well before now.

And so today they had finally addressed the situation and agreed to part. She was deeply grateful that he was anxious to maintain their long held friendship, and that they had easily agreed a basic schedule for the sharing of Torren's care, so that he would spend half his time with Kanaan and their people on New Athos and the other half with her in Atlantis. There had also been the evitable dividing of their things that had found their way into his tent or her quarters. It had ultimately been a very practical and friendly enough ending, but now complete and the day drawing to a close, she felt quite empty and worn through.

Now back in Atlantis, she walked through the hallways with heavy feet and realised that she had no clear recollection of how she had made it here from the Gate Room. She looked at her watch, aware that she would just be in time for the planned social evening event. She was strongly tempted to miss it tonight though, to just collect Torren from her friends, and return to her quarters. Only that would perhaps be too lonely tonight. The exhausted and empty feeling inside could perhaps be filled a touch by being in her friends' company, and the distraction might do her and Torren some good this evening.

However, she was still undecided if she would share with them the day's events just yet.

The transporter doors slid open before her, and she had no recollection of having stepped into it let alone activating the panel, so deep in her thoughts had she been. She could find her way around the central areas of the city with her eyes closed, and that familiarity felt particularly poignant tonight.

Had she made a mistake in continuing on here in Atlantis? Would it be right for Torren? For her people's future? These were questions that had tormented her for many years now, only deepening with Torren's arrival, and it seemed that each time she considered them she had to forcibly renew her faith in her choices. Charin had once told her that if she had not felt these pressing questions that it would have been far more worrying than having them. She had made a momentous decision six years ago to leave her people, and now, separated from Kanaan, that choice felt even more permanent than before.

Up ahead of her, she heard voices, familiar and pleasing, and she latched onto them, hearing the bright cheerful giggle of her boy among them. She smiled as they came into view, but their backs were turned to her, gracing her with a beautiful picture of them stood together looking out a massive frosted window.

Ronon stood tallest at the far left of the window, Torren settled high against his shoulder, pointing out at the falling snow outside. Beside them, Rodney stood further back from the glass, as if being too close might transmit the cold chill to him from outside. Jennifer, stood beside him, laughed lightly at something, Carson smiling and shaking his head next to her. Then finally, John stood to the far right, one long arm leant against the highly decorated Ancient window frame as he watched the snow falling outside.

They were all the most precious people in her life now, as much as her people were always a part of her, these people were her home now. And returning to them, after the day she had had, felt like a balm upon raw and sad wounds.

She joined them silently, sliding into the small space available between Carson and John.

They noticed her instantly though, all smiles turned towards her and she felt the empty cold inside her ease considerably.

"We're admiring the Pegasus view again," John informed her with a grin that seemed somewhat tired from his day.

"It never gets old," Carson agreed brightly. "It's good to be back here."

"We've been back for weeks," Rodney replied, "How long are we going to have to stare out the window like we're waiting for Santa to appear."

"Santa, Torren," John said excitedly across the group towards her son. John had been telling Torren frequently of the mythical Earth being who delivers gifts to well-behaved children on one night of the year.

"Wonder if Santa delivers to the Pegasus galaxy," Carson asked playfully.

"Please," Rodney scoffed, as expected.

"You never know, Rodney," John replied, which was also just as expected, for he could never miss the chance to verbally prod Rodney. "From what we've learnt a lot of mythical figures from Earth have turned out to be aliens and Ancients. Maybe Santa was an Ancient."

The others laughed. Teyla smiled, but it felt somewhat strained across her tired consciousness this evening.

"He's not an Ancient," Rodney protested.

"You sound like you still believe in him, Rodney," Carson baited.

"Shhh, not in front of Torren," John added playfully. "Of course, Santa's real."

"Torren's like a year old, he doesn't know what's going on," Rodney responded.

"Rodney," John admonished, quite serious this time, and she felt his attention on her.

She had not minded Rodney's comment, rather she found herself simply watching the falling snowflakes outside in the dark and feeling the exhaustion growing inside her. Aware of John's reflection moving next to her, she made herself smile vaguely.

"Are you alright, Luv?" Carson asked her gently, and she felt the group's full attention focus upon her. Clearly she had not been as successful in hiding her weariness this evening as she had hoped.

"I am fine," she began, "though..." She took a breath. It was not common for her to speak so openly about personal matters in a group, but she found herself suddenly eager for their understanding. "Kanaan and I have decided to walk different paths," she stated, inadvertently falling on the Athosian wording.

There was a brief sense of surprise among them, but it instantly shifted to sympathetic replies of support, except for Rodney who appeared confused as to what he should say.

"Ah, Luv, we're sorry to hear that," Carson offered as he set his warm hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" Jennifer asked, kind concern emanating from her.

"I am fine," she assured them. "It was a mutual decision and," she took another steadying breath, "we have not been close for quite some time."

Carson and Jennifer nodded a little too quickly, and Ronon's pointed look informed her that they had observed as much themselves. She felt a sliver of embarrassment at that fact, but it only emphasised for her how correct her and Kanaan's decision had been.

"Will Torren be staying with Kanaan some of the time?" Jennifer asked, turning to the practical.

"Yes, we will share his care. I would not wish him to miss the experience of living some of his life in the Athosian camp, among my people."

"But, he'll stay here the rest of the time, right?" Ronon asked almost worriedly.

"Of course," Teyla answered with her first proper smile of the day, "This is his home." And that was the truth of it – it was her and Torren's home, it just hadn't turned out to be Kanaan's as well.

"Good," Ronon replied, as he hoisted Torren a little closer in his arm.

"We can't not see our Torren," Jennifer said as she reached past Rodney and tickled Torren's cheeks. Torren giggled brightly.

"Aye, this is both your homes," Carson added, squeezing her shoulder before he dropped his hand away.

She smiled at them, feeling exceptionally relieved at their understanding, she had been certain they were going to be, but to receive their smiles and their clear love for her son moved her. In a strange way, it was almost as if she had been more nervous about telling them about her separation than going through it.

It had been the right decision for her and Torren, she was certain of it.

She looked back out at the snow, only to focus on the fact that one person had remained silent about her news. She had not looked at him yet, stood leant against the frame to her right.

Of all of them, John's opinion mattered the most to her, but at the same time his was the least predictable on this matter. He had behaved unusually when it came to the subject of Kanaan in the past, not seeming to have ever quite forgiven Kanaan for working with Michael, even transformed as he had been, to hold her prisoner. John had never said as much, for he had barely had any contact with Kanaan over the last year, but that was what she suspected. It worried her that her friendship with John might be altered once again due to her choices in her personal life. She knew that some in his culture had strict opinions on parents of a child remaining together for life, even if they were not suited.

John had always supported her decisions in the past, but the subject of Kanaan had always been a little delicate between them.

She made herself look up at John now, seeking out his response.

His eyes were already on her and he smiled immediately, and the smile appearing supportive like the others', though there was surprise there as well still.

In fact, he appeared the most surprised at her news, and in the moment of locked eye contact she thought she saw his mind working away. She was not sure what that meant, but he smiled again at her before his gaze broke away as Torren giggled at something Ronon said. She felt a renewed burst of relief pass through her – his second smile had been softer, his usual supportive self.

She looked away herself to where Torren chuckled as he slapped his little hand against the window as he tried to catch a falling snowflake outside. She and her son were truly where they were meant to be, and surrounded by those who cared for them and made no judgements upon her choices. The tiredness inside eased a little with that knowledge, though she suspected she would fall exhausted into her bed tonight, she still looked forward to a few hours with her friends before putting Torren to bed.

She smiled out at the falling snow and caught the reflection of John stood beside her, tall and strong, as they watched the world that was Atlantis' new home in Pegasus.

And deep down inside her, a familiar and long lost hope stirred. She had thought it long dead, long denied and ignored, but it flickered to life too easily now, as if it had never truly been extinguished. It was a hope she had set aside, and yet here it was again, drawing her eyes back to John's reflection, whispering desires in her heart that she had known were never to be.

Yet, now, free to think upon them again, those desires took fast flight once more.

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TBC