I don't own them, I'm not making any money. I found the recipe in a magazine and was trying it out when this idea came to me. It's silly, but it wouldn't go away…
Goo…
Hell, that's what life had been lately. I'd blown up two cars this month, had to practically replace my wardrobe because of tears and food stains acquired while chasing skips. Joe and I had had a knock-down, drag-out fight, in Pino's and he'd given me another ultimatum. This time, it was give up my job, don't see Ranger, Lula, Connie, Sally, Mooner, Dougie… pretty much any of my friends, marry him, learn to make pot-roast, have babies or we were over. He had actually been shocked when I didn't pick him. And to top it all off, my mother has been denying me pineapple upside down cake since she heard about the fight in Pino's.
Now I have whining is out of my system, I'm going to have a nice relaxing day full of home makeovery goodness to put me in a better mood. I'd gone out and bought all sorts stuff, while I wandered the aisles of the store. I was ready to go with Dead Sea mud, leg waxing stuff, ingredients for some deep conditioning concoction, new nail polish and supplies for a full manicure and pedicure… I even bought one of those CDs of water running and birds chirping.
Looking through all my purchases, my hair treatment looked like it would take the longest to get ready so I pulled out the ingredients and started cooking. I know, I know, me cooking could be potentially hazardous, but really all I had to do is boil some water and run a blender. Not so hard, right?
I put two cups of water in a pan and set them to boil. Then I peeled an orange, chopped up the peel and put it in the water after eating most of the orange, but sharing a chunk with Rex. While that boiled, I peeled half an avocado to add later.
While my orange peel mixture boiled, I dumped a packed of Dead Sea mud mix into a bowl. I added the appropriate amount of water and mixed. Yummy. Checking the directions, it looked like I had done everything so I popped it in the fridge. That explains how it is a 'Cooling Dead Sea Mud Mask.'
I saw that my orange concoction was about to boil over so I pulled it off the heat quickly and turned the burner off. Checking my recipe, I saw that I needed to let this set for half an hour. That should be just enough time to wax my legs I thought.
I had never done this at home, but I'd had it done a few times in a salon and it's not that bad. I pulled the tub of wax out of my bag and read the directions. Yay! Microwave instructions! I nuked the wax until it was nice and runny, then I took it out. I grabbed the little spatula thing that came with it, and spread some of the warm wax down my leg. Taking the waxing strips, I pressed one into the wax like the diagram in the directions said. Then I pulled.
"SHIT!" I screamed. That HURT!! It is nowhere near that bad when someone else is doing it. Damn, and I only got the strip half way off.
Glancing at the clock, I saw that my waxing attempt had taken far longer than I thought it would and my orange stuff was ready to go. Leaving the wax strip dangling half-off my leg, I retuned to my hair stuff. Okay, orange juice into blender for a minute. Check. Add 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar and 1 tsp olive oil. Check. Mix. Add smashed up avocado. I figured the blender could do the smashing, so check. Not so bad.
Not so appealing, either, I though, looking at the greenish glop I was planning on putting in my hair. And it made a lot. Probably I should have made this a girls day, but then we'd have four times the extra…
Just about then, I heard the locks on my door start to tumble. Great, that's just what I need. A psycho skip breaking in and finding me like this. At least I was in the kitchen so retrieving my gun from the cookie jar was pretty easy, now lets hope it's loaded. Uh oh, no time to check. The door swung open, and I let out a huge sigh as Ranger walked in.
"Gun, Babe?" he asked. At least he was momentarily distracted from the disaster that was my kitchen and my half waxed leg.
"I was in the kitchen," I shrugged. "When did you get back?" Ranger had been in the wind for the last month and had missed all the fun I'd been having lately.
"This morning. The guys had some interesting stories, so I thought I'd come see how you were doing. Uh, Babe? What exactly are you doing now?"
"I was trying to relax, do the whole home makeover thing. It's not working."
I had been getting ready to put my avocado/orange slime in my hair, when Ranger had come in. Looking at him I suddenly had an idea. Now how to get him to go along with it. And then I had another idea even more brilliant than the first!
"Hey, Ranger?" I asked, trying to sound innocent.
"Yeah, Babe?"
"See the goo in the blender? It's for my hair." He just looked at me like he was waiting for me to get to the point, so I continued. "The recipe made way too much for me to use, you want to try some?"
"Babe," he said in a tone that clearly asked if I was serious.
Sadly I was.
"Oh, come on. It'll be fun," and now to put brilliant idea no. 2 into play. "Besides, you have to wash it out after twenty minutes and we'd have to wash it out at the same time, unless one of us was willing to leave it in too long. I know I'm not…"
"Babe?"
Hah! That had his attention.
"And I only have one shower, and trying to wash it out in the sink… well, that would just be messy."
He just stared at me, seemingly unsure of what I was offering. Well, he'd been gone for a while and I'd been thinking. He'd said if my bed was empty too long he'd be in it and that he would make a move with partial consent. The guys had to have told him my bed's been empty and I'm pretty sure I just gave him full consent. I was through playing this game with him. As if to make my point, I grabbed the blender, bent over the sink and started running the goo through my hair.
"So, what's it gonna be?" I asked, standing and twisting my hair into a knot on the top of my head.
In answer, he strode into the kitchen and pulled the leather tie out of his hair. I held out the blender to him, but he shook his head and motioned for me to apply the goo as he bent into the sink. I tried to ignore the little butterflies of excitement and nervousness fluttering in my stomach as I did his hair. When I was done, I twisted it into a knot similar to mine and secured it with a hair tie.
When I stepped away, Ranger stood up, took my hand and started for the bathroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" I asked.
"To wash this stuff out."
"It has to set for twenty minutes."
"You mean we're really going to wait twenty minutes?"
"Yeah, what did you think I made this stuff and put it in my hair just to wash it out without letting it do its thing?"
"What exactly is 'its thing'?" asked Ranger, suddenly seeming a little concerned.
"It's just supposed to make your hair soft and shiny. Now come here." When he moved, he came at me like he was going to grab and kiss me, but I held up a hand to stop him. "Wait. I need you to do me a favor."
"And what would that be, Babe?" he asked, now seeming amused by this whole process.
"Rip this off," I said, indicating the wax strip still hanging on my leg.
"You want me to do what?"
"Grab the white strip and pull." I didn't see what was so confusing.
"Babe, my sisters used to do that to each other. I heard more creative swearing coming from their bathroom than I did the entire time I was in the Army. I don't want to hurt you."
"Ranger, I didn't realize it, but it hurts a lot more when I try to do it to myself. Besides, this is in no way more painful than you dragging me out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to run."
"Alright, Babe," he said, taking a hold of the strip. He ripped, I yelled and it was over. Not so bad. In fact, I grabbed the jar of wax and finding it still gooey, I started to apply another strip.
"What are you doing?" Ranger asked.
"Another strip."
"You're going to expect me to do that again?"
"Yep," and I went back to applying the waxing paper. When I was done, I held my leg in front of Ranger's face until he met my eyes. "The hot water only lasts so long, do you really want to waste time while I shave," I teased.
"Women are insane," he muttered, but pulled the strip off. We kept it up until my legs were done, finishing just as it was time to wash out the hair goo.
Standing up, I carried the pile of waxing strips to the trash, then came back and grabbed Ranger's hand. "It's time. We're going to do this, and it's going to be good," I said trying to keep a straight face as I jumped out of his grasp and flitted to the bathroom.
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A few hours later, I was laying, exhausted, on Ranger's chest and playing with his silkier than usual hair. Today was a success, I decided. I was relaxed, but I attributed that to Ranger, my hair was all soft and manageable and I learned not to try at-home waxing. Then a thought struck me.
"I didn't get to do my Dead Sea mud mask," I said.
"Guess that means I'll have to come back tomorrow," Ranger replied, kissing me and snuggling me closer into his side.
Yeah, today was definitely a success.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed this; it was my first attempt at something short. Please, please review!!!!
Just in case anyone cares, the hair stuff really does work, but you spend twenty minutes smelling like vinegar… and it's messy.