When Destiny Calls

All Alone

Author's Notes

I hope everyone enjoys this first installment of this short story starring Alistair. This is not intended to be a standalone story, as it's tied very deeply into "When Destiny Calls." I would recommend that you have read up to chapter 30 of the main story before reading this short-story. That being said, this should still be enjoyable to anyone, even those who have not read the main story first.

Prelude

I'm not the best when it comes to words. I think clear enough, but it never seems to come out right, or at all sometimes. Over the years there has been so much that I wish I had said, that I wish I could have done differently. I wish I could've known my mother, really gotten to know her like most of my peers and comrades had with their mothers. Someone famous once said, or so I'm told, that you never know what is most important to you, not until it's gone. That truth has defined my life. You'd think that I would learn my lesson, but I'm stubborn – and raised by dogs.

I never really got over Eamon abandoning me in that old Chapel, where so much of my training had taken place. Still, every cloud has it's silver lining. Had he not sent me off, I never would've become a Grey Warden. Like any youth, I was fascinated by their legend, by the tales of Gryphons and Dragons. Reality is harsher, and dark. I've learned that there isn't always a light at the end of the tunnel. Or, at least I thought I had. Even as I saw the Grey Warden's order die around me, there was a light. The last recruit that Duncan had brought to Ostagar. The sole survivor of that fateful night's Joining. The first mage to ever find himself in the ranks of the Grey Wardens.

If anyone had tried to tell me that this elf would forever change how I saw things, I probably would've laughed at them. However, they would've been right. Toryn Surana changed my mind on a lot of things. He redefined possibilities, and showed me that nothing is black and white, nor is it merely shades of gray. There are so many shades, so many colors in life, and what a shame it is for those whose minds are too closed to see it.

So much has happened recently, so much that it's hard to process sometimes. Being back in the Castle that looms over a decimated and disheartened Redcliffe Village, well, it's hard. The last time I was here, I was being cast away. Sent away, all alone in this world. Now I sit on the floor, unsure of what to think, or who to turn to. My comrade, my friend, and the first person I've been able to open up to completely in years, lies near death in the bed next to me. I've felt so open with him since we met before that fateful battle, and yet there is one thing that I haven't been able to say to him. It's hard to think about the fact that I may never get that chance after all. If that's the case, I don't know if I could forgive myself.

It's funny, and ironic. It seems that only in moments like this, that the choices and mistakes of your past show themselves, letting you know that you've made them yet again. The future is looking dark and bleak. Without our leader, our little group probably won't stick together long. Wynne will probably go back to the Circle, and die of a broken heart, knowing that there was nothing she could do for her soul-son. Morrigan will head back into the Wilds, having made it very clear that she only stayed due to her respect for Toryn. Finally, it will all be left to me to do this. Alone. Knowing how my life has gone so far, I guess I should expect nothing different.

I would need a rest soon, my heavy eyes and tired hands told me that in their own way. As much as I longed to feel strength in Toryn's hand as he gripped mine back, and for my eyes to see his dazzling blue eyes again, I couldn't fight the inevitable. My past continued to haunt my thoughts, even as I drifted to sleep.