I Pulled Away

by Nalyx

Riku reflects on his feelings towards his best friend and how things were much easier when they were ignorant children. just a short little drabble thingy that I was thinking about from an RP i'm doing with my fiance lol

Flashback to two young boys and observe the carefree, innocent attitude towards life. There's no hurt, no heartache, no responsibilities quite yet. There's nothing but happiness, friendship and the occasional petty fight between who is Captain of a boat. Everything's perfect.

Then the two young boys start to grow and are shaped into men, not teenagers, men. Men that have experienced the most beautiful tortures and the cruelest joy, but through it all they hold onto each other and help one another up every time they fall down.

A bond is formed, but it's a special bond that can not be broken even with the mightiest of sword. It's a shield that the two men have created to protect each other and help through the toughest of times.

Then a girl comes along.

One man falls for that girl and suddenly the shield has weakened. It's become rusty, frail and bears symbolic cracks that only the man that was left behind would know.

Now give the men the names of 'Sora' and 'Riku' and my story begins. The man that was left behind and watched his best friend fall for a redheaded bimbo is me and will always be me, but there are two sides of a coin and two sides to this story.

One side shows the lonely man being left behind by his seemingly selfish best friend, but the other side reveals the truth and what an ugly truth it is.

I pulled away.

I could've been a part of a triangle of friendship, I didn't have to lose my best friend, but I stayed away. With each phone call I ignored, each invitation I denied; I watched him drift further and further away from me and into the clutches of the storm that was Kairi.

I pulled away.

I refused to start conversations with him during class, refused to walk with him between classes and I refused to even glance at the look of hurt that would surely be painted on that soft, round face.

I pulled away.
I didn't want to, didn't have to, but I needed to. I couldn't take the pain anymore; couldn't stand watching them exchange soft butterfly kisses, hold hands and giggle in their perfect relationship. There was too much pain, too much sorrow, too much THEM, for me to handle.

I pulled away.

It's my fault he's gone. It's my fault I'm alone and yet the pain still remains. Every heartbeat feels like a stab and every breath feels like I'm gargling nails; the only thing there is to comfort me are the memories of the carefree childhood we had and I silently beg there was a way I could go back to the beautiful ignorance I had then. I silently cry for my heart to forget these feelings in my chest, but I know it's a cry that it will never respond to.

I pulled away.

There's no going back now. There's no way to undo what's already been done and there's no way for me to reach him now. I'm alone in the ocean on this poorly constructed raft that had been built with my dreams and there's no way back to shore.

I pulled away.

I've been stuck on this raft for years and the biggest stab to my heart is about to make contact as I watch the event of my nightmares unfold. I watch the beauty in white dance with her handsome groom and cry silently as I whisper the words I had never been able to speak. I will never be able to tell the one I love these words and I will never embrace him the way she will for the rest of their lives.

I pulled away when I should've pulled Him closer.