Maintext & Subtext
For Macra22
By the time she got Maura's phone call, the damage had already been done.
It all started with what was supposed to be an innocent text message at 7 in the morning, but then it wouldn't have made such a good story.
J: I've got cum in my hair. How do I get it out?
At first, Maura was sure this was a wrong number, until she remembered that Jane had recently purchased a new phone after she lost hers somewhere during one of her perp pursuits on foot. Then for about five minutes after that, Maura just stared at her phone's screen with wide eyes until the power saving function turned it off. So many things were boggling her mind at that moment.
Jane has cum in her hair? Whose is it, and when did it get there? Not to mention how…?
Back to the 'when' of it all… Jane was with her last night, same bed and everything, right up until this morning when she decided to go home and change for work. Did she leave because she received a 'buttocks phone call'? But from whom? Jane isn't seeing anyone she doesn't know about… is she?
And why would Jane be asking Maura about it? Of all people. Cum in her hair? That isn't even a real dilemma, is it? Or is Jane trying to brag and scrub it in her face? But Jane isn't the type to even acknowledge her sex life, so if she had someone on the side, surely she wouldn't flaunt it.
Mind officially boggled.
Maura had no response other than to just answer the posed question.
M: It washes right out. Do you need shampoo?
J: What I need is a pair of shears and a toupee. Remind me to wear a shower cap next time I sleep over at your house.
M: Jane, what are you talking about?
J: Maur, you're the one who put cum all over my hair, remember?
After that comment, Maura felt it best to just call Jane and straighten everything out. But by then, it was already too late.
When Jane finally arrives at work, it's to find a year's supply of Head & Shoulders on her desk. She looks at her partner, Frost. He's smirking. Why is he smirking?
He knows something.
"Consider it a congratulatory gift," he says.
Then Korsak pipes up. "Yeah, it's about time you two got together. I can't figure the whole texting thing out yet, but Frost filled me in, and we're happy for you."
Before he can get back to work, Jane places her arms akimbo and fixes him with a glare. "Filled you in on what exactly?"
The old man blushes, lowering his voice. "On the uh, y'know… The messages you and the Doc were sending to each other."
Jane immediately takes her new phone out suspiciously. "Frost, what-"
"Jane, it's really no big deal. So what if you and the Doc got it on last night? We're happy for you."
Messages… Sent Messages… Bingo. Shit. No wonder Ma was acting weird this morning.
"That's, uh… really great, partner, but we didn't 'get it on' last night."
"You... didn't?"
"No! The stupid AutoCorrect fucked me over again. I didn't even know this group text thing was on. Stupid fucking smartphone. I meant to say gum. I had gum in my hair!"
Gum. Gum? Now that he thinks about it...
"Oh… Oh! Oh."
"We had a movie night with junk food… bubblegum blowing contest… sugar high… crashed… yada yada yada…" She waves off the incident, choosing not to divulge the part where she lost.
"Damn," says Frost, "Shampoo can't help that."
"Exactly."
"A toupee would look good though."
"I'll be sure to get you one. And could you turn this group texting thing off for me?"
Korsak pipes up again after a few moments. "So… so you and the Doc aren't sleeping together?"
Jane looks at him like he hasn't been listening this entire time.
"Korsak. Of course we are! Just not last night."