The atmosphere in Amity has always been a light one. Endless amounts of trees cover the acres. Many kinds of exotic flowers spread their scent as the soft breezes fly by. Birds chirp carelessly; their joyful melodies ringing around Amity. Faction members run around with no care in their world. It always amazed me, how they could feel chipper and so free of care, all the time. I, for one, feel like it is impossible to be this happy, every second of every hour the day is giving us. Something inside my timid body just prevents me from being happy all the time. Endless amounts I had questioned my mother, when I was younger, to see if she knew why I was behaving - or rather feeling this specific way. She told me that it was just a phase I was going through. I was ten back then but I am sixteen now. The feeling doesn't stop. It is not a phase that I will overcome. It is something else; something I cannot put my finger on and something that I cannot describe, as of right now.
The sun shines bright through the clear glass of the custom shaped windows in my room. I sit on the window sill as my gaze overlooks the endless acres of grass which cover most of Amity's ground. I see my faction members in the far back; each carrying a basket in which they have thrown the corn in. A faint melody reaches my ear through the open window and I close my eyes while leaning my head against the wall behind it. I let the music take me to a world that nobody can reach me in. I begin to hum along, the soft notes leaving the depths of my warm throat into the colder world.
''Daisy, sweetheart." The sudden voice of my mother rips me from my thoughts. My singing stops. Mother stands tall in my door; her hands placed on her hips. ''What are you still doing sitting around, dear? You have to get to school before you are late.''
Her kind yet chastising words linger in the comforts of my room. My gaze travels around the bare walls that I wanted, but was not allowed to paint, a long time ago. Being in Amity would automatically mean I would have to paint it red or yellow; these are the colors which represent our faction - which represents them; but not who I am or who I think to be. I don't want to do that. I would rather have it a nice hue of blue that reminds me of the endless freedom in the sky. The feeling of being weightless you receive, as you fall to the ground - the adrenaline rushing through your veins and the joyful scream escaping your lips. How much I would give to be able to fly; to fly away from all the problems and cruelty spread around our city walls.
''Go take a shower, yes? I will prepare breakfast while you do so!'' Her smile is soft - endearing while she turns to motion me to the bathroom door. "Don't take too long. I am expecting you to be down in less than ten minutes, young lady." Mother teases, her gentle laughter ringing in my ears. She turns to leave. I sit and watch as mother walks down the sets of stairs that have led her in and will lead her out of my room. Her blonde hair is braided and thrown over her shoulder, a few stray strands escaping the hair-do to wave with every motion she does, while she wears her usual work attire; yellow dungarees which cover her red sweater, an old hat, her father had left her behind, and the usual red and yellow shoes. Mother appears to be carefree - to be happy. Just like everybody else does - everyone but I.
My feet touch the ground, a final sigh on my lips as the thought of mother being right runs through my wild, unorganized mind. It would be best for me to go and get a shower, before I am I deeper trouble than facing mother's caring but fierce nature. The walk to my bathroom isn't long and before anything else happens, I am stepping out of my clothes, unbinding the wild tresses of my hair from the braid I have pulled it into the night before and let it flow past my shoulders, down to the little of my back. The ends of the reddish brown colored strands tickle at my waist, my back arching as I climb into the tub to turn on the water. When it finally reaches its wanted temperature I stand under it. The heavy stream of heated water feels relaxing on the tense muscles of my back. Just like any other Amity member I had woken up early today to go and work on the fields. It is something that we are taught from an early age. My parents have done it, as did their parents and the generations before them. Each generation giving something they have learned onto the next - each sharing with the next, be it happiness, friendship or love. Here we are never alone; everyone but me. While the other members actually enjoy the company of each other, I cannot help but avoid contact with them - another thing which I cannot describe.
I run my fingers through the wet strands of my hair, my eyes going roaming over the soft skin of my body until they reach the tub's ground where my feet are placed. I wiggle my toes. My hair has grown long over the years. I cannot remember the last time it has been cut.
After having washed myself, I turn off the water and wrap one of the many towels around me. After securing it so it doesn't fall, I step out and place myself in front of the mirror. The flat and reflective surface is covered in a slight mist of fog as I stand in front of it, trying to catch a glimpse of my reflection. It feels as if I am in Abnegation, where they aren't allowed to look at their own reflection - or at least shouldn't be caught in the act of trying to catch a glimpse of their facial appearance. I had asked mother one time why they did that. She couldn't tell me explicitly, but she assumed that it had something to do that Abnegation members do not cherish the thought of acting out of vanity or praising themselves because of how their genes make them appear. Abnegation members are something else. They wear grey clothes because they do not want to differ from anybody else in their faction - because they want equality, disregarding your sex, gender or ethnicity. They treat each other with the same amount of respect - even the ones, who do not belong to their faction. I have observed Abnegation members offering the Factionless essential supplies such as food or clothing, many times before. It is astounding, for they do not request for anything in return. They are selfless; something I cannot claim to be.
Mother stands in front of the stove as I walk down the stairs. The sweet scent of maple syrup tickles at my nostrils and I can feel the insides of my mouth began to salivate. Without further hesitation, I seat myself at the table and wait for mother to drop the plate of freshly baked goods in front of me. I run my fingers along the complicated and intriguing stitches of the laced tablecloth. It is very well detailed to the last point and I have to wonder how long it took the person to finish this delicate work.
''I hope you don't mind sweetheart," mother begins, her voice strained, the regret evident in her manner of speaking. "but unfortunately, your farther and I will not be able to drop you off at school today.'' I nod my head in silence and look at the filled plate in her hands. I don't mind them not being able to drive me. I am capable of going to school on my own. ''How do you feel about today?'' She asks, walking on egg shells. For a long time we have avoided this topic.
Her answer is met by silence. I do not know what to answer her. How do I feel about today? Since I have turned sixteen a while ago, I am now allowed to participate in the Choosing Ceremony, the ceremony that would change my life forever. Either I stay in Amity and lead my life as it is or I change factions and leave everything I know behind; leave behind my mother, my father and everything else I have come to love in the place I do not feel at home. Just thinking of the decision I have to make, makes my head spin. It is something I want to postpone for as long as I can.
I shrug my shoulders as I take one of the sweet goods off the plate. The subject dropped. Drizzling a good amount of the maple syrup on top, I begin to cut tiny pieces I would be able to place in my mouth without making a mess.
''Look at me, sweetheart.'' The fork in my hand stops mid-air, the piece of the mixture of flour and eggs not reaching my taste buds. Placing the utensil down I face my mother. Her big brown eyes look at me in concern as she follows my every move. It appears like we will have this talk, whether I like it or not.
''Today will help you to decide want you are going to choose.'' She begins. ''And I want you to know that no matter what you choose, your father and I will always love you, do you hear that?''
Feeling a lump in my throat, I nod my head, too afraid that my voice would crack, if I spoke to soon. Mother reaches across the table and places a warm hand on top of my own. I do not recoil. I sit and watch as the soft skin caresses my own. I bask in the touch of her motherly comfort.
''Eat up," Mother smiles. "you have to leave in a little.'' She begins her own breakfast.
After I finish my breakfast, I head upstairs to quickly brush my teeth before I leave for school. Today our neighbors, the Johnsons, will take me to school, seeing as they have a son that is a year below me. Next year it will be his turn to choose. Oh what I would give to have another year to decide. But who am I kidding. I had sixteen years to prepare myself for this. They have told us on many occasions that we would have to think about it. Either we would stay in the factions we are born into or we change - we transfer to the unknown. But as easy as the task may sound I cannot help but feel heaviness being pressed onto my chest. The thought of choosing is too much for me to handle, at the moment. Shoving the thought aside, I put on my shoes and walk towards our neighbors' truck.
The drive to school isn't long and before I know it we are making our way towards the grey building. I thank the Johnsons, keeping a smile on my face.
I can feel my heartbeat picking up as I near the edifice of our school. Five doors are shut in front of it, each holding one of the five symbols that represent our factions. Five factions that each holds a virtue they respect and seek to perfect.
To the far left I see mostly black and white; those are Candor. Candor is the faction in which they teach you to be an open book. Every detail of your life is out in the open. You don't keep your mouth shut, expressing your every thought and emotion, not caring about how that affects your opponent. I shake my head. Not caring for what others think of feel sounds wrong - almost egoistical, self-centered.
Next to Candor I see Abnegation. Out of everyone here, they stand out like a sore thumb as each stand two at a time in the line. My eyes travel down their body and I take in the various shades of grey they are covered in. In Abnegation they value selflessness the most. That is why our government is mostly ruled by members of Abnegation. Because of their trusting and selfless nature they do not tend to act out in jealousy or rage as some other faction members would.
But caring only for others and disregarding your own wishes sounds also wrong. Sometimes it is okay to act selfishly.
Next to Abnegation the blue clothing of Erudite catches my eyes. The Erudite are the smart ones in our society. It is wisdom and the pursuit of knowledge that they value the most. They do seem harmless at first but do not let yourself be fooled. Erudites are witty and know how to defend themselves, if needed.
Abnegation and Erudite do not get along. It is why I do not understand why those two factions were placed together. Ever since Marcus Eaton has become Head of Government, the Erudite made it their jobs to bring Abnegation down, whether it was with simple acts of kindness or even ruthless articles that lash out at the aging man in grey.
Next to the Erudite the spot is empty but the symbol above the door tells me which factions should be standing in front of it. The flames of the Dauntless fire burn bright in my eyes as I hear the certain rush pass by, causing my hair to move with the commotion. Seconds pass before the sound of a familiar horn rings in my ears. The train arrives but it does not stop. Several Dauntless members jump off the train, gleeful laughter escaping their lips before they land on the softness of the green grass. My lips spread into a smile as I take in their mostly black colored outfits. I see some accentuation of red or yellow but they are mostly covered in black. A lot of them have tattoos hiding under those clothes. But some show theirs freely. I have always admired how carefree the Dauntless members seemed to be. Everywhere they went there would be fun and adventure. I can feel the hair at the nape of my neck stand on end as I watch the group of hellions run towards their given place.
As the Dauntless stop, my gaze moves forward. At the very right I hear the gleeful chatter of Amity before I can actually see them. Dressed in yellow or red, I can see them lounge on the ground, strumming on guitars as each little group seems to sing their own little songs. But is that what Amity is all about? Being happy and singing stupid songs all day long? I shake my head as I take all the factions in. Each faction withholds something worth living for. But how can one decide which they want to value the most?
The warm air ruffles through the long tresses of my hair before I feel my feet start moving. I am uncertain where to stand. If I choose to stand with Candor I will have to be honest in every situation of my life. I cannot do that. I won't do it. I am not made for Candor, I lie too much. If I choose to stand with Abnegation I will have to be selfless. I fear that I may not be able to do that either. There are often times where I do act selfish and do not think about anybody but myself. I do not stand with Abnegation but I neither stand with Erudite nor with Dauntless.
For now I stand with Amity. Their laughter rings in the air as I walk towards them, the light sundress I had put on, before I left the house waving in the wind behind me. The soles of my shoes leave behind a clicking sound in the air before they completely still. While standing with my faction I seem to drown in it. I do not stand out like I had before. I am one of many. I am nothing special. I am Amity.