Babylon 5 does not belong to me... no matter how much I wish it did!

There was something about the utter blackness of space that was strangely comforting. The vast openness between the stars made her feel tiny in comparison and somehow that helped dull the pain. It never went away though, not completely, and that, she would tell herself during her darkest hours, was how she knew she was still alive.

Alive, except for that part of her he had taken with him. The part he hadn't been able to give back with the rest of her soul, or maybe he had tried to but had tried to hold onto her too tightly and instead taken it with him when we went. Selfish bastard!

Selfish, selfless bastard! He never could leave things alone; he couldn't even let her die without interfering, without playing the hero. The selfish bastard hadn't even stopped to think how she was supposed to live with his sacrifice. Or maybe he had thought she cared so little she would be able to just brush it off and get on with her life. If that was the case then it was her fault as well; if she'd realised how much he'd cared sooner, if she's opened her heart one last time, if, if, if…

'If' couldn't bring back the dead, any of them. She couldn't join them either; that was the other reason he was a selfish bastard! Now she had to fight for her life when it would be so much simpler to throw herself into another battle, another firing line. To do that would risk making his death pointless. Stupid, selfish bastard that he was she couldn't do that to him. Even when the pain and the regret and that huge hole in her heart where he could have, should have been, made it so tempting; she couldn't do that to him.

Damn it! She had been ready to die! She had accepted it and been ready to die! Then he'd… then he'd done it… done it for her. When she closed her eyes she could still feel his weight on top of her, still hear the sound of his breathing fading away and those damned last words of his.

If only he'd said them earlier things might have been different… would have been different… should have been different. So many more regrets and so much more pain all because the selfish bastard loved her and it all made so much worse because she could have… should have… would have… did… love him back.