"She scares me to death; I just… didn't want to face her alone." Mona looks at her and Hanna sees something she hasn't seen in a long time. She sees her friend, the one person she could always rely on, but she just… She doesn't trust her – she can't trust her, not after all that she has done. So she breaks her gaze away from Mona's and looks blankly at her reflection in the rear view mirror, because maybe if she doesn't look at her she'll forget how she feels. Maybe she'll forget how much she still cares.
But she can't. She can't stop thinking about how she felt when she saw her old friend's body lying on the floor right in front of her. Can't forget the feeling of emptiness that filled her heart when she thought Mona had dropped dead, right then and there. Can't shake away the feeling of relief when she opened up her eyes.
Mona's lost in her own head too, thinking about how sick and tired she is of being alone (she has been trying to ignore that feeling since Hanna had stopped being her friend, keeps pushing it down, but it keeps coming back) and how she just wishes that she still had a friend that would be there for her – how she wishes that Hanna was still there for her; but she knows that she doesn't deserve it, knows that Hanna has absolutely no reason to trust her ever again.
But for some reason she can't help but hoping that Hanna will come back to her; that she'll forgive her and just come back, because she's selfish like that. She wants Hanna all to herself again, but instead she's forced to sit in class behind her every day and see her interact with everyone but her, purposefully ignoring her every attempt at a conversation and the worst part is that she can't blame anyone but herself.
And she does blame herself. Every day she thinks about her mistakes – how she took it too far and ended up losing the only person she ever really cared about – and what pains her the most is that she never got a chance to tell Hanna how she really feels about her. How she meant it when she'd said she loved her (and how she still does). And she knows it's stupid, knows that Hanna will never feel the same way about her, but she just… she just can't stop loving her.
It's only when Hanna clears her throat and begins talking that Mona snaps back to reality and her gaze shifts from the computer screen to meet the blonde's eyes.
"I think I'm going…" She says, and Mona can't help but feeling slightly disappointed. "Caleb's probably waiting for me and it's getting late."
She just nods and watches as Hanna finally takes off her seat belt and reaches for the handle, and she can't help but feeling angry because Hanna's leaving her again and she doesn't want it. She doesn't really know what she's doing, but she finds herself reaching for Hanna's arm and pulling her back down on the seat.
"What the –" is all Hanna manages to say before Mona interrupts her.
"I miss you." She says, and it feels honest and Hanna can't help but feeling surprised because she wasn't expecting this and it's only when she relaxes into her seat that Mona releases her hold on her. "I miss being with you and I miss your stupid jokes and…" she's scared of saying any other word because the way Hanna's looking at her (like she doesn't believe a single word she's saying) is making her more and more nervous and she has to tear her gaze away from her or else she won't be able to continue. "I just miss being your friend, Hanna."
The weight on her heart grows heavier by the second because she misses Mona too, she misses having her around and she misses how good she always made her feel about herself but she can't forgive her, not after all that she has done to her; not after she'd betrayed her like that, and when the words finally come out of her mouth they taste like venom.
"You should've thought about that before you betrayed me." Is what she says and Mona feels like she's being stabbed in the chest and her heart aches and why does it have to hurt so much?
"I'm sorry." She replies, and there's desperation in her voice and Hanna wants to believe her so hard but she can't. "I'm sorry for what I did to you – to all of you. I know it was wrong but I…" and she can't continue, can't say another word because she didn't have any good reason to do the things she did and she knows it (and it sucks and she really hates herself right now).
"You what, Mona?" Hanna says and tears are starting to form on the corners of her eyes because she's tired and hurt and she just wants to go home and not think about anything for a while.
Mona doesn't know what she's doing – she's tired too and tears are starting to abandon her eyes and when she speaks she immediately regrets it because that's definitely not what she was planning to say; not now and probably not ever. "I love you!"
Hanna freezes at those words, sure she didn't hear it well and Mona's just there and she looks as surprised as Hanna does and why did she get in the car in the first place?
So they just sit there in silence – Hanna completely stunned, looking at Mona as she looks down at her legs, tears running quietly down her face and Hanna's hurting because she doesn't know how to react. She definitely doesn't feel the same way about Mona but at the same time she still cares about her and she doesn't want to see her like this but… It's all too much right now and she just needs to leave and that's what she does.
It's only when Hanna leaves that Mona allows herself to completely break and tears start running wildly through her face and the silence is replaced with loud sobs and how could she be so stupid? It only hurts more when she realizes that Hanna will probably never speak to her ever again.