Zoe Jane, a buffy: the vampire slayer fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Giles they belong to Joss. This is my first Buffy/Giles so if they're a bit OOC I'm sorry and I hope you enjoy. The song is Zoe Jane by Staind.

"Why is nothing happening?" Buffy slumped down on the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest. Giles could tell from across the room that she was still tense though. Her shoulders were taut and her jaw clenched.

Giles looked up from the book he was reading to glance at her. "What exactly is supposed to be happening Buffy?" He truly hadn't meant to sound that tired.

"I mean that this is supposed to be another hellmouth and I've only staked like ten vampires the whole two months we've been here. I just feel so…"

Giles glanced at her, a wry smile twisting his lips. "I think I understand."

Without looking at him Buffy snorted.

She truly never gave him even an ounce of credit. "I do understand Buffy. Do you not remember my misguided youth? I was constantly looking for something to spike my adrenaline. What I don't understand is your own inability to believe I can empathize with you."

She sat there silently contemplating his question. She didn't trust him, not like she had. After he had left her for England she couldn't trust him. He had too much power to hurt her if she did. Her thoughts were interrupted by Giles' voice.

"Would you like to train, it'll probably take the edge off?" He was already standing with his hand extended toward her.

Accepting his offer, she allowed him to pull her to her feet. And as they entered the training room she was glad of the silence that came in the early morning when nobody was home.

After an hour of clanging swords and sweat dripping in her eyes, Buffy called a halt to Giles' attack with an upraised hand. Bending over with her head between her knees to calm her ragged breathing she finally spoke. "You always know how to make me feel better, don't you?"

Giles couldn't help but smile. "Well, I have known you for years." His eyes roved her form and he was glad she couldn't see the way his eyes lingered on the curve of her arse. He finally pulled his gaze away to sit down heavily on the bench at the side of the room. The sword in his hands was a substitute for his missing glasses, he polished with vigor. "You should go to bed Buffy; you need to go to work in the morning."

"So do you." She retorted without pause.

"I'll only be up for a while longer, go to bed." The weariness in his voice almost made her protest, but she didn't want to fight with him so she just went upstairs.

Still towel drying her hair, Buffy walked past the stairway and saw lights on downstairs. Was he still not asleep? She crept down the stairway and stood outside his view. She had never gone to the Espresso pump to hear him play; this was her chance to see what all the fuss was about.

He sat on the couch strumming random chords for a minute before his melancholy took over. A song from one of Xander's CDs popped into his head.

Buffy listened as random sounds started turning into a song she vaguely recognized. Then he started singing softly and Buffy could do nothing but stare.

Well I want you to notice
To notice when I'm not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound

Buffy held her breath, is that what he thought? That she didn't see him. The towel dropped from her hands and she took a step away from him. She was just about to turn around when his next words hit her.

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

A daughter! Buffy cringed and spun on her heel to stalk back toward him. She paused for a moment before turning the corner, trying to understand her intense anger.

When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I'd be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone

Had he cried when he left her? She wondered as she rested against the wall. She had cried, and raged and typically been a complete bitch. But why? Why did she care so much what he thought of her?

She scowled again and moved from her spot on the wall to view him again.

Sweet Zoe Jane....
Sweet Zoe Jane.....

She tried to blink back the tears that were forming.

So I wanted to say this
Because I wouldn't know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been

She stepped out from behind the wall, eyes bright with anger and tears. His fingers froze when he saw her. "Buffy…I um I didn't see you there."

"Why did you stop, that was a pretty song?"

"Honestly? You startled me and my depression seems to have been replaced with adrenaline. It no longer suits my mood."

"Oh..." Her eyes drifted to the floor studying the grains in the wood.

Giles moved his guitar to the side and stood to walk to her. A comforting hand landed on her shoulder. "What's wrong Buffy?" She just continued to stare at the floor. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

She finally lifted her eyes to meet his. "Who was the song about?"

His hand dropped from her shoulder. "I believe the singer wrote it about his daughter." He held his hands at his side to prevent them from trying to find glasses that had been left in his room.

"No!" Buffy's exclamation made him bring his eyes back to hers. "That's not what I meant." She was tuning away from him, she couldn't do this.

Desperate to seal the rift between them Giles grabbed her hand. "Then what did you mean?"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter." She was shaking her head and refusing to meet his searching gaze again. "Obviously it does if it's bothering you this much, please just tell me." He loosened his grip on her fingers, preparing for the brush-off that never came.

"Who were you singing about?"

"Nobody in particular. I was just singing something that suited my mood. It was melancholy and I can't sleep." Shrugging, he fully released her hand.

"Then it wasn't about me." She watched his brows knit together and him shake his head.

"No, but why would it upset you so much if I had been singing it for you. Even if I don't see you as a daughter, you seem to see yourself as such so it would seem appropriate."

Before she realized what she was doing Buffy shook her head vehemently.

The confusion combined with a lack of sleep was starting to give Giles a headache. "Then what do you think of me as?"

She frowned, "You're my watcher." She stated uncertainly.

"Yes but…"

"I'm going to bed." And she fled up the stairs, leaving a bewildered Giles in her dust.

She was gone by the time Giles woke and even with his night owl tendencies and insomnia she was still out when he went to bed. He wondered why she was avoiding him as he lay in bed. The sounds of Xander, Dawn and Willow sleeping down the hall grated on his nerves, and despite being exhausted, sleep wouldn't come.

The sound of the front door opening and Buffy moving around the house gave him a sense of peace. He finally was able to close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

Buffy wandered around the kitchen after patrol looking for something to eat, but soon gave up her search to take a shower. The water pounding on her sore muscles did nothing to assuage Buffy's tension. She couldn't shake the guilt of avoiding Giles all day, and she knew she would keep doing the same thing until he forgot. That was the way she worked.

As she headed towards her bedroom her feet led her on a detour to Giles' cracked door. Looking inside provided her with the rare chance to watch the watcher, and made her frown at the same time. It looked as though none of the stresses of the day disappeared while he slumbered. The same fine lines that graced his features when she saw him normally where still there, perhaps even deeper as he started writhing on the bed.

He silently screamed and started thrashing more wildly. Buffy watched as he whispered her name over and over as if screaming it. His hand reached up, trying in vain to stop her from jumping off of the scaffolding calling her name and telling her to stop. It was almost as if he was willing the past to change itself, to somehow undo everything that had gone wrong.

Her hand reached out and before she could think her fingers were smoothing out the creases on his forehead. He slowly stilled under her ministrations and rolled onto his stomach, exposing the scars on his back to Buffy.

She traced over the white lines that she had never seen before. It reminded her of the summer she had run away, when she had gone to the library to make sure everyone had survived. The way Giles had moved had screamed that he was in pain. All of these were her fault. Slowly she backed out of the room into the hallway and shut the door. As quietly as she could, Buffy made her way to her room and into bed.

When she finally woke it was later than normal. The rest of the house was already bustling and for a moment she contemplated just calling the school to tell them she sick. Instead she rolled out of bed and started getting dressed.

Giles looked up as she entered the kitchen; she looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep. Her beeline for the coffee pot only confirmed his suspicions. "Good morning Buffy."

She only turned to him after pouring some of the dark liquid into a mug. "Mmm," She purred at the warmth, she finally responded to his greeting after taking a couple sips. "Morning." She wouldn't meet his eyes and almost immediately turned away from him. "Dawn it's time to go." She turned away from him and got her purse and keys, beckoning Dawn to follow her.

Things proceeded in much the same way for the rest of the week and by Saturday Giles was ready to pull his hair out. She had barely spoken ten words to him in five days and he was going crazy. This was the last night of this he was going to take; tonight when Buffy got home he was going to confront her.

The impulse to hurt something just got stronger as Buffy walked through her third cemetery without any sign of vampires. Maybe Giles would be asleep if she headed home right now, she decided to chance it.

"Did I say something wrong?" Buffy heard as she closed the door behind her. Giles was sitting in the same place he had been all those days ago when everything had gotten so muddled.

This time it was Giles who wouldn't meet her eyes and it made Buffy want to weep. "No of course not, why would you think that?" She smoothed her skirt down as she sat on the couch across from him.

"Because you've been avoiding me all week." Neither of them would look at the other. Giles sighed.

Buffy looked up from her clasped hands to Giles' face, the dark circles under his eyes looked like kohl smudges and the ashen skin highlighted the deep creases his lines had become. "I didn't realize that I'd been doing that." The lie slid off her tongue so easily it almost scared her.

"Bullshit! You've walked out of rooms because I've entered them. Is it the father comment that has you so damn upset?"

A blush crept up Buffy's cheeks even as she shook her head no.

He refrained from rolling his eyes, barely. "Do you want me to see you as a daughter? You already have a father and however lacking he may be I am not him."

She was suddenly on her feet glaring at him. "I know I have a dad, his name is Hank, not Rupert and no I don't want you to see me as your daughter. Why can't you just leave it alone?"

Just as suddenly he was on his feet. "Because I can't stand this! I could take it from you when we didn't live in the same house. I put up with this for over a year from you the last time, but it doesn't work when we live together. Just tell me what in the bloody hell you want."

"I don't know what I want!" She yelled.

"Then at least tell me what I am to you because if I'm not more than just your watcher I might as well just get on the plane for England again. I will not just be some business associate, some musty book for you to use and not use as you please." Her eyes were filling with tears but that didn't stop him from backing her into a corner.

Buffy could barely make out his green eyes, dark with anger, through her tears. "I don't know! Why couldn't you just see me as a daughter? It would have been so much easier." She refused to let the tears fall as she glared up at him.

Giles grabbed her arms and hauled her up so his lips could meet hers. He knew that this would be the only time he would get this chance so he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into her mouth without waiting for her to respond. He was about to pull away she did react, tentatively letting her tongue grapple with his.

Stars burst behind Buffy's closed eyelids and she felt her knees go weak. Giles' grip kept her from sliding to the floor as the kiss increased in intensity. Finally he pulled his lips away resting his forehead against hers; she could feel his panting breaths against her moist lips.

"That is why I could never see you as my daughter." His hands released her and he tuned on his heel.

Passion-hazed blue green eyes watched him walk away, Buffy's brain still processing the fact that Giles had kissed her. She didn't know how long she stood there letting the past filter through her brain. Everything she had put him through, all of the things he had endured and still stood by her side. She had always known that he loved her. She just hadn't known that he was in love with her.

He had wanted to know how she had felt about him and she hadn't had an answer. Now she wasn't so sure, the answer was there just out of her reach. She sighed in frustration, they had to talk. The trip up the stairs was short and in no time she found herself standing in his doorway. He was on his knees at the closet packing. "What are you doing?" Buffy could feel herself panicking-he couldn't leave her again.

"I can't pretend that didn't just happen and I know if I stay you'll only keep avoiding me." When he finally looked at her the fear and resignation in his eyes was apparent. "I can't stay."

"You can't leave. I need you." Her voice cracked, but he could tell that she wasn't lying. "You still haven't answered my question Buffy, what am I to you?" She knelt next to him and taking his chin in her hand made him meet her eyes. "Kiss me again." Her eyes didn't betray her feelings at all.

Giles let out a pained whimper but slowly moved to do what she bid. His lips were gentler this time, moving over hers sensually until her tongue parted his lips to gain access. His arms refused to leave his side and after a second he pulled back. "Are you determined to drive me mad? Just let me pack in peace."

Buffy shook her head. "No, I can't let you go. I think I'm in love with you."

Giles jumped up as if she had just hit him, anger radiating off of him in waves. "Don't lie to me. Not about this." He turned his back on her.

She was almost hurt by his words, but she knew that she didn't deserve his trust. "I'm not lying Giles. I think I knew the moment I heard you sing that damn song. I was so angry and I couldn't figure out why until now, I think that me thinking that you thought of me as a daughter made me realize that I though of you as more than a father. If any of that makes sense…" She stood slowly.

Chuckling Giles turned back to her. "Amazingly enough I understood every word. I think I might even believe you"

"You believe me?" Her hopeful look was his undoing. He pressed her to him and slanted his mouth over hers. The next thing she knew she was pressed against the wall, her white button-down ripped open, legs wrapped around Giles' hips with his lips on her neck, his fingers on her nipples and his erection grinding against her center. She threw her head back and moaned. "Giles…Rupert!"

Her words pulled Giles out of his lust filled haze and he wrenched back from Buffy's skin to look at her. Her pupils were dilated and her lips swollen in pleasure. He could feel her hips move to pick-up his abandoned rhythm. His hands moved from her breasts to wrap firmly around her back and they moved to his bed, shedding her bra and shirt as they moved.

Finally feeling Giles' mattress against her naked back was heaven, the dreams she had been having were about to come true. His hands were at the zipper of her skirt, lowering it slowly then pulling the fabric off of her hips and down her legs. Now the only things separating her from his hands were the miniscule panties she was wearing.

Buffy moaned as he used her state of undress to his advantage, nearly ripping the sheets balled in her fists as he laved her nipples. Giles ran his hands down her sides to cup the creamy globes and pressed himself closer to her flesh.

Sensations overwhelmed Buffy as Giles pulled her nipples into his mouth and alternately ran his tongue and teeth over the puckered skin. Her hands moved from the sheets to his hair as he started his descent down her body. For a moment it seemed he was going to remove the last barrier as he ran his fingers across the lace at her legs, but then she felt his breath through the lace.

The scent of Buffy's arousal was intoxicating; Giles didn't even pause to remove her knickers before licking at the moisture gathered on them. He had to press his hands into her hips to keep them from lifting off the bed as he moved his lips over her center.

The sensation of Giles bringing her off through the lace of her underwear was…unbelievable. That was the only way Buffy could describe it as her hips broke the hold he had and she came with wild abandon. Stars burst before her and for a moment she couldn't breathe. When her vision cleared Giles was peering at her through her legs, his chin on her stomach and a silly grin spread across his face. Her panties were gone. "You look pleased with yourself." She said somewhat breathlessly.

The grin turned into the sexiest smile she'd ever seen. "I will always be pleased when I make you happy." His fingers still stroked at the skin of her hips.

"Mmhmm." The fog over her mind was clearing. "Now come up here and make me even happier. And ditch the clothes while you're at it." She laughed at the stunned expression on his face. "You don't think that I'm done with you yet, do you?" She grabbed the evidence of his arousal.

Giles couldn't breath as her hand closed over his erection and she stroked him through his slacks. A groan escaped him as she deftly undid the snap and reached inside to caress his flesh and push down his pants. He reeled back from her, kneeling just out of her reach. His shirt was quickly discarded and the rest of his clothing followed. The stark appraisal in her eyes had him hardening to the point of discomfort. He crawled back to her.

Skin pressed against skin as Giles moved himself back over her body and pressed his chest into her breasts, loving the sensation of her nipples running through the sprinkling of chest hair. Her lips were pliable under his as he nudged himself closer to her warmth.

Buffy felt his tumescence at her nether lips and ripped her mouth away from his to groan. His flesh rubbed against her clit and every muscle tensed in preparation for his entry making it near impossible for him to slip inside without coming. His teeth gnashed at the pale expanse of her neck as he tried to distract himself from the sensation of being fully sheathed in his love for the first time.

Mouth opened in a silent scream, Buffy raised her leg to let him plunge deeper as he started thrusting. "Oh god, Giles!" His lips pressed back against hers, both of them aware that too much noise would awaken the rest of the house, not that their yelling hadn't already. She dug her heels into his thighs to urge him to speed up and wrapping her arms over his neck to hold on for dear life when he did. She could rapidly feel the pressure building in her core.

Giles felt Buffy's inner muscles start to clench around him and pressed his tongue into her mouth to swallow her scream. Her nails raked over his back and he delighted in the dual sensation, letting his body revel in complete pleasure. When the strength left him he rolled slightly to the side and pulled Buffy close. "I love you." He could feel her smile against his chest.

"I love you too."