A/N: This was the first piece of fan fiction I wrote. I started writing this as just an essay about how I felt getting so invested in these characters and this story, but when I started to write it, it ended up being in character. It's from the point of view of my female Shepard, Hera. It's called Save 277 because that's my save just before the following scene - and it's the one save I will never delete.
I'd put off going to Illium, even though, inside, I was screaming to go. I scanned every planet I could possibly find. I did as many other missions as I could. What's that, Jacob? Got some daddy issues? I'm on it. Anything to take my brain off where my heart wanted to go. Because I was scared. Because . . . what would she think of me now? Would she even want to see me? After all, I'd been dead and gone for two years . . . and now I was working with Cerberus. I could tell others that I was doing it for the greater good, that I was just using them - but it felt like a lie when I thought of telling her. Because she'd always been the one who could see the best in me - certainly more than I could - and I felt like I was falling far, far short of what she believed of me.
I imagined walking through her door, only to be greeted with surprise, a forced smile, some awkward, formal distance. That would actually be worse than if she yelled at me to get out.
Maybe she'd moved on. Maybe she'd found someone else. I mean, two years is a long time, even for an asari. But worst of all was the fear that maybe . . . maybe, I wouldn't know her anymore. The thought that she might have somehow changed was heartbreaking, because I needed to know that there was still something . . . pure, I guess, in the galaxy. Someone that didn't scheme, or use. And maybe that's why she meant so much to me - that someone like that could want someone . . . well, someone like me.
So yeah, I was scared. I'd walked into thresher maw nests with less fear than this.
Finally, however, I had to face her. The simultaneous dread and longing was tearing me in two - and the not knowing was killing me. Also, I was a gorram marine. I brought Garrus and Tali with me because I needed people I could really trust, people who knew us both, when I saw her again. They didn't know what I was feeling - well, maybe Garrus had an idea, but he didn't say anything. He's a good man, Garrus.
I could almost feel a buzzing on my skin as we walked through Nos Astra. On the stairs leading up to her office, I stopped and closed my eyes, just for a second, and let out a long, steady breath.
There was a secretary outside her door. She started to say something, but I ignored her and keyed it open.
I heard her before I saw her. "Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have." Her voice in my ears, at last . . . I started to smile in spite of myself - and then I realized what she was saying. And her voice had an edge to it that I didn't recognize. I walked into the office. Her back was to me and she was silhoutted against a hologram of an very nervous man. "I'll make this simple," she went on. "Either you pay me, or I flay you alive - with my mind."
There must have been a mistake. Someone had gotten the wrong intel. This was not my Liara. And then she turned around, and I saw that it was. Her face was a hardened mask that matched her voice. She was gone, and in her place was a woman I didn't recognize. I felt my throat tighten as something broke apart in my chest. But then I saw her eyes widen, and the mask fell away. "Shepard?" she said. Her voice had lost its edge - and suddenly she was Liara again. She took a step toward me. I hadn't even noticed that I'd taken two towards her. "Shepard," she said again, almost a whisper. She took my hands. I felt a rush through my entire body as our lips met, and in that moment, all my fears fell away and I was . . . home. In her arms, and she in mine.
For a moment.
Too soon, the kiss ended. I rested my forehead against hers. And then she was pulling away, a single tear on her cheek. Her eyes dropped and she clenched her jaw. She shook her head, almost imperceptibly, and when she looked up, she'd changed again - not back to the mask I'd seen before, but now there was something new, a steeliness, a resolve. She swallowed hard.
"Shepard," she said. "My sources said you were alive, but I never believed . . ." Although I imagined I could hear a slight tremble, her voice was now controlled - not cold, but cool. What had just happened? "It's very good to see you." A little warmer. And then I knew. There was a splinter deep in my chest, but I got it. I had died. She had grieved. And now that I was here, alive and breathing, well, she still cared for me, but she had long since moved on. I'd thought I'd prepared for the worst - but I hadn't been ready for something this . . . real. It was over between us, and what she felt now was compassion, and maybe a flicker of nostalgia for a flame long since burned away.
Okay, then. Fine. That's how it had to be. I took a deep breath and let it out. The mission, I thought. That's why I'm here. She'll be my ally, maybe, but nothing more than that. Not anymore. I looked into those blue eyes and nodded to show I understood.
I forced a smile. "It's good to see you, too, Liara."