Title: I can't make it on my own
Time/date: Set in "heaven in your Jeans" Between the scenes where Bills car explodes and the funeral scene.
Synopsis: Missing Scene from " heaven in you jeans" AU of course as we really don't know what hapened between the time the car explodes and the funeral. This is just my take on it.
Heart of the story: Ralph and Pam deal with Bill's death.
I don't own any of the characters (except Agent Tyler and Heath they are mine and the plot line) I am just taking them out to play again in my universe. The song at "I can't make it on my own" for the non GAH is from "Plauge" but I thought it worked for this little divel of mine.
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You never know if you might fly to high
You leave it all behind and don't know why
Sometimes it only takes a sad goodbye
To know how bad you want to stay
Don't let me down when I fall
Because it's just to far to fall
And this time I can't make it on my own
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Ralph sat on the ledge of a cliff staring out across the Palmdale desert, his hand rested on the suit lying on the ground next to him the other held His freinds badge. The setting sun washed the nearby hills and desert floor in different shades of oranges and reds. A gentle breeze ruffled his cloths.
He did not see, or feel any of it. His body was numb and his mind replaying everything from the day. Trying to think of anything he could have done differently, all the "what ifs" that he could not do anything about.
If he had not been late to meet Bill at the Diner where they planed to have breakfast before going to practice with the suite, if he had not argued with Bill, when his friend called, maybe he would still be alive.
Maybe if he had been there, had changed faster when Bill called him on the communicator, had flown faster or even was better at flying; he could have stopped the car from crashing and the explosion minutes later.
Ralph closed his eyes a single tear rolled down his cheek, the images of what he saw played like some surreal movie. Even though he knew it was real, it did not seem real.
He saw himself attempting another stellar landing, Bills car on fire, but no one in it, looking franticly around for his friend, calling his name, then his whole world crash when he found his partners lifeless body near the burning car.
Everything after that was a blur, the local fire department arriving, Watching, Invisible to them, as they loaded Bills body into the ambulance. Standing for sometime after they all left, not knowing what to do or go next.
Somewhere he found some cloths, and left a message for Pam to meet him at the usually practice spot. He took the cloths and flew to the spot he now sat and changed, he no longer felt like wearing the suit
He was too late. He had failed. He was alone.
The last thought echoed.
"I can't do this on my own, I can't...I can't" he whispered as he heard Pam's car approaching and looked down at Bills badge.
"I wish this was all a dream" he told the picture "and you would come around one of the rocks, tell me it was all a joke," But he knew it was not going to happen.
"Ralph? Bill?"
"Over Here Pam"
When she reached Ralph she looked around noticing her husband didn't have the suit on and relized Bill's car was gone too.
"Oh Don't tell me," She threw her hands in the air "let me guess. You two got in a fight again and he left you here. Right? He can be such a jerk someti…"
"He's dead Pam,"
"Wha.." She could not make the words, could not think of them. The older agent had a way of getting on her nerves and there might have been times she wanted to hurt Bill, but dead? no. "Dead, Ho…how? You two had the today and tomorrow day off. I thought you two where coming out here to practice" All the thoughts of what might have happened while practicing went through her head.
"I was late" He sighed pushing his emotions further away. He could not let himself feel. He had no right it was his fault for not being there when his partner needed him.
Some partner
"I um was late… he called, we argued, told him I would meet him here. And He went ahead with out me. Ten minutes later, I hear him on the communicator he was in trouble some guys trying to run him off the road or something..."
"Ralph, I need your Help kid, I got some goons playing bumper cars…"
Ralph shook the memory a way, as Pam sat next to him "But I was too late, all the suits powers and I could not save him Pam, I tried"
"What about the other car"
"I don't know," He shrugged looking back out at the desert "probably some guy he ticked off, another case of road rage for the books"
"Oh Ralph" She felt the breeze as the temperature dropped. She noticed Ralph did not seem to care. She saw in the fading light he looked worn tired, and withdrawn. She had seen him only a few times like this, the last was when he had lost Kevin to Alicia. Then, it had taken both her and Bill to get him back. The three, Bill, Ralph, Pam were a team. Even though Bill called her the third string, she knew each of them played a vital part.
Now though she did not know what was going to happen. Ralph needed Bill and vice versa. She never fully understood the loyalty and friendship the two men had to each other. To an outsider, even to her sometimes they looked and sounded like the worst enemies. But she knew that wasn't the case. If one was in trouble or needed help the other was there to give what ever was needed, even to death as her husband proved last year by taking a bullet meant for Bill. When she heard the whole story later, she almost killed Ralph for doing something as foolish as standing in front a bullet without the suit on.
She felt her husband move and say something.
"What did you say Hon?"
"I said, I don't understand why they didn't come"
"who?"
"The space ship, the green guys, When I was shot they came and healed me…but this time they didn't why?" He turned slightly to face her pulling one leg closer to himself and resting his chin on his knee.
"I don't know Ralph…you told me Bill didn't want to go with them when he died. Maybe they respected that"
"Maybe, but why not come tell me what to do next. Why don't they come and get the dammed thing from me…"
"Why would they take it Ralph? You have not done anything wrong... "
"But I failed Pam, I wasn't there, and I should have been."
"How Ralph? Even with the suit, you are still human, Bill is... was an adult, made his choices, you can't be every where at once."
She watched her husband; he was playing with the suit and did not seem to hear anything she was saying. "Ralph, Listen to me," she reached across and took the suit and badge, leaving him to look at empty hands. "if you had been in that car with Bill, you most likely would not have had the suit on, and you would be dead too."
He heard what she was saying, trusted what his wife was telling him, But his mind couldn't grasp it. It was still to close, to real, to accept. He felt Pam touch his back
"I don't want it anymore," he whispered
"What?"
"The suit, I don't want it anymore, It …" He stumbled for words, then frustrated he stood up grabbing the suit back from Pam, holding it and shouting at the stars that started to appear " Do you hear me? Take the Damn thing, I don't want it"
Pam just watched, she knew there was not anything she could do, but be there, to listen, and do what ever was needed. When his yelling and pacing slowed and he came to a stop, she put her hand in his pulling him to the car.
"Lets go home Ralph"
He nodded and held onto her hand and she led him to the car.
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Two hours later, she sat on their couch Ralph was in the bedroom. She was worried about him. The whole way home he did not say a word didn't cry, get angry, nothing even when they got home she had to coax him out of the car and put him to bed then she came out here unable to sleep. It was as if he finally grasped that Bill was dead and a part of him shut down. She knew he grieved in his own way and it hurt to see him like this, but she wanted him to cry, get angry like he did in Palmdale something other than withdraw.
"Why did it have to be this way" she whispered to herself wiping the tears from her eyes. "Bill was a pain at times but why this why now."
A knock at the door was her response. She looked out the window and saw what she guessed were two agents standing at the door. With a sigh she stood up from the couch, she knew what they had come for.
Bill had listed them as next of kin if anything where to happen. She knew it was true if she really thought about it. Bill never talked about his family and in a way; they were his family despite all his protest anytime they brought it up or called him Uncle Bill. At the time, Ralph teased his friend telling Bill that he would out live them all. She glanced towards the bedroom before going to the door, she wished it were true
"Who is it?" She asked
"Mrs Hinkley?"
"Yes" She opened the little widow in the door.
The one closest to the door Held up his badge for her to see "I'm Agent Tyler and this Agent Heath, may we come in."
Pam opened the door and let the two agents in.
"Is your husband home Mrs. Hinkley
"He is, but he is resting right now. Is there anything I can help you with?"
The two agents exchanged glances before answering
"Can you please get your Husband Mrs. Hinkly? This needs to be said with both of you present. It is important."
"I…"
"It's ok Pam, would you gentle men like to have a seat"
She turned as Ralph came up behind her, She could tell his smile was forced, But she understood why, In the world of these two agents, the couple in front of them didn't know Agent Maxwell was dead.
Ralph led the two agents into the living room, every step forced, as he wanted to kick the agents out. Tell them what they were about to say was a lie, and was not true. He asked, what the agents had come came for once they were all seated,
Agent Tyler spoke first
"Mr. Hinkly, Mrs Hinkley, I am sorry to have to inform you that Agent William Maxwell was Killed earlier today."
Hearing it stung just as bad when Ralph had first seen Bill lying beside the road. "What happened?"
Agent Heath answered this time "the initial report says it was an accident, but we won't know until the local police have completed the full investigation"
"Is there anything else"
"as far as the accident is concerned no." The agents stood and held out a card for Ralph who stood taking the card.
"Agent Maxwell made sure everything was in order in case something where…" He continued "The agency should be able to help with any arrangements that needs to be made. In addition, you will be able to pick up any personal effects tomorrow."
"Thank you"
"Again I am sorry for your loss, Agent Maxwell was a good Man, and agent" Agent Tyler said walking to the door
He acknowledged their words then closed the door behind them.
Once the door was closed and the men where gone, He walked to the back porch. Pam followed. There was no moon and the stars seemed to shine brighter than normal. Ralph stood looking at them, hugging Pam close when she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
Turning in the embrace, he wrapped his arms around her and leaned his head on hers. Savoring the moment, knowing he had someone to love and to love him back.
After a minute he broke the silence "For a second when I heard you talking to those two I thought maybe is was all a dream and Bill had barged in with another scenario to run. I guess it was wishful thinking."
"I miss him too"
"Hey now" He forced a smiled "I didn't say I missed him, I said…"
"I know what you said" Pam chuckled with him. Looking at him, she smiled
"What?"
"I was just thinking of what Bill would say about all this."
"I'll tell you what he would say" he cleared his throat lowering his voice to sound like his friend "Ok, enough with this drival, Kids, your making my eyes water"
They both laughed, and then fell silent remembering their friend. Finally, Pam looked at her husband
"We'll get through this Ralph, even if it is one day at a time, we will"
"I Know Honey, I know" He said hugging her a little closer.
Finis