A pencil suddenly snapped between gloved fingers. There was a moment where the detective recoiled, flinching at the sound of splintering wood, and chocolate hues took in the useless utensil. Joseph often found himself drifting off at the work place since his return. His mind refused to focus on what was before him; instead he would enter into somewhat of a haze, stuck in the hellhole that he had been forced into; or he was forced to remember all that MOBIUS had put him through over the past three years. He could still feel the phantom wound on his chest aching from time to time, and even swore he wasn't truly free.

They wanted so desperately to know what it was that caused these individuals to turn; warp into these ungodly monstrosities, which was reasonable. They studied the individuals-but it lead to little knowledge, with the damage being irreversible. But they had one man who defied that standard.

Joseph Oda had become a haunted and reverted back to his normal self. This was a particular area of interest for the agents, and one that lead to three years of hell.

Kidman and Sebastian had been the ones to finally save him from the horrors he had endured. After the fall of MOBIUS the two were free of STEM's grasp. And Sebastian even had an extra individual returning home with him. He returned to the KCPD after the incident. Joseph, after some intensive care and mandatory therapy (a condition set in place by the KCPD) had followed in his footsteps. The two worked once more, side by side. Sebastian had a home again with a beautiful daughter and was the happiest Joseph had ever seen him. It seemed there had been a happy ending to their narrative.

God, Joseph desperately wished he could convince himself of such.

He had been told that it was okay to-well, to not be okay. How the hell could he ever be okay? Joseph had not been mentally stable for years; long before MOBIUS had ever even heard of his name. Each day was a struggle, each day lead to wretched thoughts, to regret and guilt, to self loathing and disgust. Sebastian was getting by; hell, Lily was getting by and she was a child. Meanwhile Joseph sat alone in his house at night filled with the slightest hint of jealousy and then more disgust. He should have been happy they were healing. He should've been as strong as they were.

At least he acted like it. Putting on a happy face came naturally to the detective anymore.

Joseph had learned to play a part years earlier; before STEM, before his life was crumbling to pieces. It was after reporting Sebastian did he begin to feel his first real hint of disgust directed towards his own self. As time went by, and his relationship with his partner seemingly began to strain, Joseph found himself falling further down the rabbit hole.

But he couldn't let the signs show. Sebastian needed him, dammit. He lost his wife, his child, his home. Joseph was positive he was just being selfish. So he put on a brave face and stuck it out. In the end he became a terrific liar.

Well, of course, until STEM had ripped it out of him.

Sebastian had seen the worst side of Joseph in their time together in that hell; he had seen the side of Joseph that he'd so desperately tried to keep hidden from his partner. It was something he couldn't bare; it was what really had pushed him to the edge.

When he escaped it should have been a joyous moment. Instead he was subjected to even harsher suffering, and the urge to simply fade out of existence became more apparent with each passing day. When Sebastian and Kidman finally broke him out of there, they honestly feared if he would ever be the same. He refused to speak, to even look at that woman. It was only after an hour or so in the car did he finally begin to show emotion. He broke down, right in front of Sebastian but God, in the moment he really hadn't cared.

After a few months of recuperating it was as though nothing had ever happened. Despite his occasional absentmindedness and spacing out, things were relatively normal.

Well, almost.

Joseph was a detective-God, it was his job to notice the small details and Sebastian's occasional glances had not gone unnoticed. Nor had Joseph's odd behavior since his return.

After Sebastian had seemingly lost Joseph, he had been filled with a terrible sense of guilt. He worked with him for years, saw him each and every day and had never noticed his partner was falling apart. But when he sat back, when he really thought about it he realized the signs had been there. He'd just been too blind to notice. Ever since he'd gotten him back he swore he would be there Joseph, just as he had been there for him. He at least owed him that much.

It was what had lead the elder detective to his partner's desk-or, perhaps what had lead him to grab a cup of coffee as a way to take a glance at the other. It concerned him to find Joseph in another one of his dazes. He'd grown accustomed to the look he gave; the blank stare, the way his pencil would hover over his notebook but never really move to write. And once he finally snapped back to reality he would continue on without missing a beat so as not to worry anyone.

But it did the exact opposite for Sebastian.

And that was what had actual lead him to make a move toward the other, watching as he scribbled seemingly useless notes before switching to actual paperwork, while never acknowledging Sebastian standing before him.

"Joseph." It was his attempt to draw his attention.

"I was wondering how long you would stand there before saying something."

Sebastian wants to roll his eyes at the comment, but instead keeps his gaze hard, watching Joseph carefully write upon the slip.

"How are you feeling?"

It was a question he'd asked far too many times in the past month; it was one asked near every day anymore. And each time it seemed to strike a nerve in the other.

"Fine. Why?"

Sebastian lifted the mug to his lips and decided to take a sip of his coffee he'd taken the time to pour for himself; relished the bitter taste for a few brief seconds before his attention was pulled back onto the other.

"You just look tired." He always looked tired, anymore and it was surely concerning.

"Sebastian."

Joseph finally placed his pen down, and his gaze was turned to meet with him. It hadn't helped his case; although he did his best to hide it, Joseph really did look exhausted. Sebastian couldn't help but wonder when exactly it had been when Joseph had last gotten a good night's rest. Either way, he at least had to appreciate that he had gotten his attention. Though, seeing the look on his face told him it wasn't the best thing.

"Are you just going to stand there all day and make small talk or do you have something important to tell me?"

Sebastian shifts, because no, he didn't have anything important to tell him. But-dammit, was it really so bad that he just wanted to check in on his friend from time to time because Joseph was too damn stubborn to talk? Because he worried about him and god forbid cared about him? No, but the last thing he wanted was to scare Joseph off, so he was stuck playing his game.

"I'm cooking tonight. Well, I've been cooking, obviously. You should come over, Joseph. You'd be proud to see I'm actually able to make some decent meals. And I mean it will save you from having to cook-"

"No, but thank you. I appreciate it. I have a lot to get done today."

No. It was always a no, so it was no surprise at this point. Sebastian knew it was best to cut his losses as this point, and it was for that reason he admitted defeat. At least for the time being.

"Alright, if you say so. You're the one who's missing out. Tell me if you change your mind." And God, he hoped it'd be the case.

Hours passed, and of course Joseph had not once visited Sebastian's office. He was too prideful for that, saw through his motives. He invited him because he was worried about him-it was the last thing Joseph wanted him to do. He shouldn't worry about him, not with a daughter at home, not after all he'd been through. Joseph was a grown man and he should have been able to care for himself. But it seemed that didn't stop Sebastian from continuing his mission.

Most had gone home at this point, and judging by the demeanor he currently held, Sebastian was most likely leaving soon himself. Joseph was honestly surprised he hadn't departed already. The man took joy in returning home now; and who could blame him? With Lily waiting for him it was surprising he ever left the house. He was elated to have his daughter back, and Joseph was at least able to find some comfort in that.

"Joseph?"

Sebastian notes how he visibly tenses when his name is called; how he's managed to startle him. Lost in thought again. But he doesn't dwell on it.

"It's getting late; seriously, why don't you come over for dinner? I mean, you haven't even come to visit my new house yet, I'm almost offended."

Joseph released a rather lengthy sigh, though this time he wasn't quick to turn away from his work. His eyes remained glued to the computer screen.

"No, I'm fine. You should get going, though. I'll see you tomorrow."

There's irritation rising in the elder man with his protests this time. And, with them being the only two left, a confrontation doesn't seem as unappealing as it had prior.

"Why? Come on, Joseph, getting out will be good for you."

"No, thank you anyway."

"Joseph it's an hour of your time-"

"Why?"

Sebastian is taken by surprise with that. The word was punched, and lead to Joseph spinning in his chair to face him, gaze hard-irritation laced on his tired visage.

"What do you mean why?" Is Sebastian's initial response, but Joseph is quick to shoot back.

"Why is it so important I come over? You're always asking-why?"

Sebastian thinks this one through. He knows he's walking on eggshells with Joseph; it had been like that for too long now. But this was still his partner-his friend, he had a right to be concerned about his well being.

"Because I'm worried about you. God, it won't kill you to talk and get out every now and then, Joseph. Just show me you're alright."

"I didn't ask you to worry about me, Sebastian, and really it's unwarranted. I'm fine. Forget about it."

"Bullshit you're fine. Fuck, Joseph, listen I'm just-I just want you to know I'm here, alright? You've been spacing out lately, it's concerning."

This causes Joseph's face to shift, causes his eyebrows to move downward, causes his hands to clench.

"Well it's not affecting my work; drop it Sebastian."

Now that was enough to finally set Sebastian off. He's done tiptoeing around the subject.

"Dammit, Joseph, who the hell cares about your work? God you look like you haven't slept in days, I don't give a fuck about your work! I'm not the person to go running to Internal Affairs because you're not doing alright! Just talk to me instead of moping around looking unresponsive!"

At first he isn't entirely sure why Joseph looked the way he had; why he looked as though Sebastian had struck him. His emotions changed faster than it seemed even he could comprehend. But soon it fell into something that showed he had really hurt him, before he was standing up, sliding his coat over his shoulders and gunning it for the door. And then it sunk in.

Fuck. FUCK. How the FUCK could he say something like that?

"Joseph, wait! I didn't mean-dammit!"

The door slammed behind him, and Sebastian felt his heart hammering against his chest. Shit. He couldn't just leave it like that. That was probably one of the worst things he'd ever said to him. It was what lead to his own mad dash to his jacket and then out the door following the other detective down.

His first thought is that Joseph is a lot faster than he had previously been aware of. He was far from the entrance already and only a minute or so had passed. He is, however, thankful to find he had only made it to the end of the street, ready to cross and get into his car. Sebastian began his awkward jogging walk to meet up with his friend before he got too far.

Sebastian called to him, though he didn't know if he genuinely could not hear him, or if he was feigning such. Either way it only added a spring to his step, and the other began to cross, placing a foot into the middle of the road but oh god-Oh god what was he-

"JOSEPH!"

CRACK

There was a paralysis that took hold of Sebastian's entire body as he watched the limp figure momentarily soar through the air before hitting the ground with a sickening thud. The world seemed to move slow-slower than it shoulder have been. Sebastian fought tooth and nail to regain control, and even when he was running over to the motionless body he felt as though he were wading through thick water.

Throughout his years Sebastian had seen so much blood, but never before had it been so physically sickening. Sebastian felt as though he could wretch at the sight of his broken friend; at the leg that was twisted all wrong, at the awkward look of his chest of the blood seeping down his nose. The driver had approached, faster than he had, and as he knelt down to get a closer look at the horror he could see the phone pressed to his ear, the terror painting his own face as he spoke to, presumably, the police instructing them to send an ambulance.

But it all fell on deaf ears.

There was a fear in his stomach that told him if he touched the detective he would break even further and it lead to him being suspended over him-stuck in time, stuck staring at his mess of a friend.

Oh God-fuck.

It's only when faint noises come from the man's lips does he react, and carefully tries to move Joseph into a more comfortable position. His head ends up placed in Sebastian's lap, and not without some pained protests. His glasses, Sebastian notes, are completely shattered and have even caused some scratches along the man's face. He makes a move to remove the mangled frames and instead focuses on Joseph.

He's going to he sick.

Strong hands cup his pale face in an attempt to get him to focus and to keep him awake-oh God he had to stay awake.

"Joseph? Hey, look at me, fuck come on."

He could see the tears welling in his eyes, watching as they slid down and mixed with the blood smeared across his fair features.

"Stay with me, god dammit."

His lips part and move but his chest soon constricts and it's quite apparent there's internal damage as drops of blood trickled down and stained pink lips. But Sebastian was persistent; he kept his hands steady, kept his eyes locked and kept speaking to him until the sound of sirens approached and red and blue danced on the buildings around them.

"You're going to get through this, do you understand me? We've been through too much for this to just..."

He can't finish the sentence, because he can't bare to think this would be what strips him of his friend-of his best friend after he had just gotten him back. He couldn't lose him again, not now and certainly not like this.

The world is a blur. Men in scrubs are taking him, and Sebastian is swept up in the mess. He doesn't remember what he tells them but at the very least he's taken aboard, hand locked in the smaller gloved one and not releasing for a single fucking second for fear he'd slip away if he did.

They're hooking him up to machines and at one point he's ripped away. No, his heart can't stop, it isn't ( allowed ) to fucking stop because he can't leave him again, he needs to fucking stay here because it's where he belongs.

And then he's being carted off, leaving Sebastian on his own again. Alone-he's so used to being alone. A familiar numbness soon returns, filling the detectives body but it's accompanied by another feeling. His lungs feel full of water, his limbs heavy and he's almost positive he's drowning.

Why did he say that.

Why the FUCK did he ever have to say that?

He should have just gotten him to come over.

Should have surprised him at his house, better yet. Shown up with Lily. Didn't fight. He needed a friend not a smart ass remark.

Oh God Lily. He needed to tell the babysitter he'd be late that he was-

Sebastian can't think straight. His legs are ready to give way and he's suddenly so thankful he made it to the waiting room, that a chair was ready behind him otherwise he may have collapsed where he stood.

He can't act. He can't think. He barely feels like he can breath at this point. He just got him back and now his life was hanging in the balance once again. He may lose Joseph because of some stupid remark, because he didn't want to look at him after that and God could he blame him?

The unmistakable urge to vomit returns but nothing follows. He doesn't know how long he can wait. He doesn't know how to proceed.

He just sits there for a long while, simmering in his own form of shock.

He would need to go home at some point, or at least call. Yes, Lily was waiting and he couldn't just-

But he did. He sat, sat until his phone began to vibrate and the babysitter contacted him. He could barely speak, barely get out just what had happened because he still couldn't believe it himself.

Of course she understood. But it left him alone again, left him to think, to reflect, to pray to any fucking god that would hear him because he couldn't lose Joseph.

Not again.