This story was the direct result of a boring, rainy afternoon while eating a peanut butter sandwich with white bread and thinking about how I don't like wheat bread.
Disclaimer: If you're Stephen Schwartz, and you happen to be reading this, I apologize for butchering your song.
Breadians: Bad news!
No bread!
We're all out of white bread
There's nothing left except for wheat
That no one even likes to eat
That's all!
Bad news!
Bad news!
Breadian: Look! It's Glinda!
Glinda: Fellow Breadians,
Let us be sad
Let us be depressed
Let us be upset that there's no white bread left to chew
But wheat is healthy f-o-r you!
(Glinda winks and holds up a loaf of wheat bread while Breadians mutter objections.)
Isn't it nice to know
That we can all eat healthy?
The bread we should believe in by and by
Until you die
For you and-
Breadian: Glinda, why can't we get our bread?
Glinda: According to my watch, the white bread was bought at one o'clock, the direct result of a hungry Sumo wrestler. Yes, the white bread is gone.
Breadians: Darn!
Breadian: No one mourns the wheat bread!
Breadian: Not unless you're dieting!
Breadians: Or unless you're running out of food!
Breadian: The white bread scorns the wheat bread!
Breadian: Just because it tastes like crap!
Breadians: And because it's the color of poop!
Glinda: And white bread knows, the wheat bread doesn't taste good!
White bread knows, the wheat bread's full of mold!
It just shows when you're white bread,
You're left only
At Kroger…
Breadians: Yes, white bread knows that wheat bread doesn't taste good!
White bread knows, the wheat bread's full of mold
It just shows when you're wheat bread,
You're left only…at Kroger…
No one mourns the wheat bread!
Glinda: Bad news!
Breadians: No one mourns the wheat bread!
Glinda: Bad news!
Breadians: No one mourns the wheat bread!
Wheat bread!
Wheat bread!