A/N: So it's like three in the morning and summer break is already an excess amount of free time for me to deal with. Plus, as I tell my friends: "No, I don't have the internet or cable. I have something so much better. iTunes and a vivid imagination."
Plus, I haven't posted anything in like a freakishly long time.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, but I am a proud member of the Miniskirt Army. That's got to count for something right? Oh, and this is RoyxEd. If that doesn't float your boat, feel free to paddle around it.
Just so you know Ed and Roy are supposed to be a couple years older in this, but if you want to pretend they're not, go ahead.
To Hell and Back Again
By: Rachel L. Mustang
It was almost a common occurrence; Edward coming into the office late and finding Roy with a loaded gun and an almost teasingly empty whiskey bottle to counter it. Usually Ed would just physically knock the older man back into his senses, but that stopped working a while back.
Besides, countering idiocy with idiocy didn't exactly appeal to the teen. He liked logic much more. And it seemed to get through to Roy better.
So when Ed came walking into the office and stood in front of the Colonel he simply spoke the words "Shoot me first." A lopsided almost-smile flashing across him.
His superior stared at him with a look of pure shock on his face. Or as much of a shocked expression he could muster in his drunken, self-hating state. "And why the fuck would I do that Fullmetal?"
"It's simple really. I want to beat you to hell." His face as serious as ever, though Ed was grinning like crazy on the inside, deeply enjoying confusing the other man.
Roy didn't move the gun from under his chin. "Hell? Is that where I'm going Ed?" Roy responded, pushing the open barrel of the gun harder against the bottom of his jaw, as if to frustrate the boy.
"You could bet your life on it." Ed said with no emotion evident in his somber expression. "You're already half way there. " He managed a small smirk at his ability to still be a complete smartass even with his best friend's life on the line. Besides, Edward was the one tugging that line.
"Half way there huh? I hate to break it to you, but I already live in hell kid." Roy replied sarcastically, not even sure if he was willing to kill himself anymore. He made this apparent to his friend by moving the gun into his left hand, switching the safety on and holding it to his temple.
Roy sat his elbow on the desk, resting the full weight of his head against the barrel. Ed sat down on the only couch in the office before saying "Then why don't you come back Roy?" Meaning it to be more of an order than a question.
"Stop playing 'Get drunk and change your mind' every night. If you're gonna end it, then just do it. Now. But, kill me first." Ed said, standing up again.
Roy just smiled at him with an evil intent that was always present in the Colonel. "Never." was his only response.
"Then grow up bastard." Edward replied harshly before turning and leaving the room, being sure to slam the mahogany door hard behind him.
Roy took only a quick glance at the weapon in his hand before throwing at the door hard enough to crack it.
END
A/N: I know it may not seem like a RoyxEd fic. But it's filled with my kind of twisted humor. It was fu to write and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Flames are plenty welcome if you didn't. It's only human to hate, right?