A/N: Hey, guys! Yes, I know I have many fics that need updating, however, I've been in quite the Cladam mood lately. So, you get this... R&R please! This will be a 3 chapter story :) Oh and check out The Woman In Chains (cladam fic) by TheCliffhanger Girl and basically anything else by her :')
Adam's POV
What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Lost.
Alone.
Unappreciated
She doesn't know I feel these things... But, I do. I glance over at her sleeping form, clutching onto my arm as if she's in need of something I can't give here. After gently removing her delicate hand from my bicep, I slip out from underneath the covers. My feet barely make a sound as my socks come in contact with the carpet. I slide the window shut slowly so she can keep warm in the absence of my body heat.
Making my way down the stairs, I think I hear the sounds of my wife shuffling through the blankets, but I choose to ignore it. She obviously hasn't been disturbed by my absence. Why would she be? All I do is cause her heartache, anyhow.
I click on the television as I collapse onto the couch like I do almost every night and begin surfing through the channels. When I realize there's just about nothing on at this time of night as usual, I leave the television on at a random channel full of advertisements and feel my eyes begin to flutter closed. Next thing I know, I'm in a deep sleep, dreaming of how life could have been with the beautiful woman I call my wife if I wasn't the way I am- insecure.
Clare's POV
Confused.
Depressed.
Apologetic.
The flood of emotions I encounter on nights like these; when I wake up to a half-empty bed. I feel a shiver go down my spine as I lift the covers off of me, my body suddenly exposed to the bitter chill of the air. Why must he leave me like this every night? I fall asleep in his arms and wake to no one at all.
I hear a woman's voice coming from downstairs. Is he having an affair? Is she the reason I wake up alone at midnight each night?
Oh, wait. No, it's just the t.v. as usual... Is he watching porn?
I discover my assumption is utterly wrong as I make my way downstairs and hear the tv woman's voice clearly, advertising some new amazing weight loss product. I avert my eyes from the television screen to his still form in the couch. He looks so peaceful, laying there without me.
I feel tears well up in my eyes as I lay out the blanket I had carried down here over his delicate body. I try to swallow back the tears as I stare down at him fondly, but fail miserably as I feel the salty drops stream down my cheeks, eventually meeting my lips.
He's not having an affair and he's not watching pornography... So, is it that I'm so horrible he can't stand to sleep a whole night in the same bed as me? I don't even care that he's barely laid a hand on me recently. Just having him there next to me in the night would be enough. I'm tired of waking each night alone. Doesn't he realize how much it kills me inside being left alone there in bed without him?
Never have I ever even felt this alone when I was single. It's like the person who had supposedly committed their life to loving me no longer wants to be bothered.
And it hurts like hell.
I'm not sure how long I had been staring at him before his eyes suddenly fluttered open, his brown orbs meeting my blues.
Adam's POV
My heart drops taking notice of her tear-stained cheeks and glassy eyes.
"Hey" I say drowsily, blinking myself awake. "What's wrong?"
She forces a smile upon her lips and blinks away oncoming tears. Giving me a dry laugh, she says, "Nothing. Go back to sleep, I'll just leave you alone..."
She turns her back to me and begins making her way to the staircase. I stumble out of the couch and onto my feet, taking hold of her elbow in my grasp at the foot of the stairs.
"Clare, what's wrong?"
She turns to me, tears now clearly visible and streaming down her cheeks. "Nothing" she says in a broken tone. Her blue eyes bore their way through to my soul, making my heart ache at her hurt expression. I place my hand over her bicep, nudging her toward me.
"What's bothering you? You know you can tell me anything" I say wanting her to know how much I love her; how the tears staining her cheeks are like poison to my soul.
She shocks me with her words, "I'm not so sure that I can"
"What do you mean?" she flinches seeing my now pained/worried demeanor.
She struggles to find the right words to say to me, and finally settles with asking me a question I wasn't expecting.
"Why do you always leave me?"
I am taken aback, floods of guilt and shame washing over me. She continues, the pain audible in her tear-stricken voice, "Every night, I wake up to your side of the bed completely empty."
I stumble over my words. "I-I didn't think you'd notice me gone"
Huh?
"Well I do, Adam. I notice you not there every night. Every time I get scared and worry if you're okay. I come down here to see you sleeping on the couch. I go back upstairs and rock myself to sleep; sometimes cry myself to sleep" A multitude of tears are now cascading down her porcelain face.
I'm speechless. I had been positive she'd never even noticed my absence at night. I had been convinced she slept soundly every night, never waking up even once. But, I guess I'd been wrong.
She continues, "And every night, Adam, I can't help but wonder: Why? Why you always leave me in the middle of the night… Is it that you just can't stand to sleep with me?"
"No!" I immediately assure her. But she's not convinced. "Do I disgust you, Adam? Are you just bored with me? Do you want a separation, or a divorce? Because, if you do, just please tell me- I can handle it!"
I place my hands on her shoulders, staring into her eyes, forcing her to look at me. "Clare, no! I don't want a divorce or a separation! I'm not bored with you and I'm not disgusted by you!"
"Then what is it, Adam?" she asks firmly, practically demanding an answer. However, I see past her demanding side to the hurt in her eyes and how the salty tears have caused them to become bloodshot. She looks into my eyes with all the sincerity in the world, just wanting an honest answer.
But, the truth is, I don't exactly know what the answer is myself.
I slightly shake my head, trying to understand my own recent actions. "I just… I don't even know, Clare… I'm just so unbelievably sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me; I never intended on hurting you like this"
She sighs dreadfully, closing her eyes for a moment, planning her words in careful precision. She lifts her hands, lacing her fingers around my wrists and removes my hands from her shoulders. "Then, I suggest you figure it out soon… Because it feels as if a year of marriage is crumbling to the ground"
And with that, she steps away from me and walks slowly up the stairs our room. She looks back at me for another dreadful moment, almost as if expecting me to say something that would prove her last statement wrong. But the silence resides in the air as if to mock my failure as a husband to the woman I love.