Cold

A Leah/ Sam Twilight fanfiction

Angst/Tragedy

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Leah

People say that I'm a cold hearted bitch.

They're wrong.

No, I'm just a broken hearted bitch.

I'm here standing upon the cliffs of La Push because I have no more reasons to live. I've got nothing to fight for; I've taken more than my fair share of heartbreak. I don't want to survive like this – a shadow of the past. Some people pity me, but no more than I pity myself. And I can't take this pity anymore. This sense of helplessness, this state of inaction; it isn't me.

There was a time, a long time ago when my life was perfect. I had a handsome date, Sam Uley and I had a good couple of friends both in and out of school. That's when things got crap. Sam, he disappeared for around two weeks. There were rumours, that Sam was skipping the country or maybe he was dealing drugs. By the time Sam returned, I was worried insane. We had tried to keep our relationship in tact – but I knew there was something he wasn't telling me. Something big. So I worried.

I wanted change and I wanted another girl to talk to so I invited my second cousin, Emily down from the Makah Reservation. That's when my life became an absolute hellhole. Sam and I were intense – we were almost engaged! But when he first set his eyes on Emily, it was as though I never even existed. That it wasn't wrong they were making gooey eyes at one another.

Next morning, Sam told me it was over.

The morning after, I tried to hang myself. I failed.

The morning after that, I stopped talking.

And have barely said a word since.

Okay, I will confess that's inaccurate. I have said spoken but I haven't actually talked to anybody. People, they just don't understand. They pretend to care, pretend to listen but the moment they realise my problems are more intense than the average teenage drama – they run away. Leaving me even more alone.

I'm alone right now. There's no one to hear my thoughts right now except the white frothy water that rumbles against the rocks. I used to like spending time here – because I could just escape into all the noise and forget about all my issues. I used to feel weightless. I used to feel free.

I don't feel free right now – even if freedom is so close.

I can see the greenery of the big leaves and treetops around me. They take me back to another place – a simpler place where one plus one equals two. No dramas, no icky consequences. A beautiful world where I could cuddle into Sam's side, listening as he made up stories of the trees and flowers; the same world where nothing could bother us. The world where we were together, forever.

Oh, the irony!

Sam once told me that I was and would always be his only love. He promised to never harm me – and to be always there when I needed him. Sam vowed to make me happy – no matter what.

He lied.

I'm not happy.

And every time I see him, he seems to have Emily perched onto his arm. He looks at me sometimes but his eyes are full of the same pity.

My life's spinning haywire. It's completely out of sync. I've tried so many times to get myself back together but I'm like a jigsaw puzzle that's got a piece missing. No matter how well I arrange the pieces, I'll always have a hole. And that hole is my point of reason. My Sam.

Except he's not mine anymore.

The world is a cold place to call a home.

I have no reasons to live.

But I have a million to die.

I have nothing to stop me jumping off this cliff.

But I don't think I'll find even a tiny fragment of peace if I don't.

I can see myself flying down towards the rock – the trees and image of all the houses blur into different colours as I pirouette downwards. I can see myself – careless and carefree for the first time in years. I can imagine myself happy. I might be actually able to smile.

I will be content. I will be out of the hellhole my life as become.

The end to everything. It's just so close.

So, I jump.

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Please review! :) The second chapter should be posted in a few days time.