A/N: Oh my, it's been way too long since I posted anything on here. Anyway, ever since I read Clockwork Princess I've been thrown back into the Mortal Instruments fandom and I really wanted to write another Malec fic. But I somewhat lacked inspiration, until I decided to just screw it and start writing anyway, and thus this fic emerged from a combination of my sick!fic needs and my long-standing plan to actually do something about the way things ended in CoLS. It's all written and finished because I didn't want to start posting something I wasn't sure I could follow through, so there will be no long waits between the chapters. Reviews would be appreciated, though, even if you'll get your chaps anyway (because how else am I to know if you even want them?) ;)
Back to the fic: If you don't want to spoil it for yourself, ignore this part, but if you are careful and don't want your heart broken (I know that feeling all too well), let me assure you that this will definitely have a happy ending. One I hope is vaguely logical and in-character. If you feel like it, let me know if I managed that or not. If you've read everything you could get your hands on (meaning the things Cassie posted on her website, Magnus' Vow and the first two installments of the Bane Chronicles, as well as the Infernal Devices) you might stumble over a lot of allusions to them later on, so if that icks you this might not be the fic for you :) In any case I'll announce them at the beginning of a chapter :)
P.S.: I promise that the Author's Notes to come will be much shorter. My apologies and enjoy your read!
"Please tell me you're not being serious," Alec groaned, glaring at Jace and absentmindedly shoveling a fork of whatever it was that Isabelle had cooked into his mouth, just barely avoiding spitting it back out immediately. Fearing his sister's wrath more than a probably inevitable case of food poisoning, he met her expectant gaze and swallowed, managing not to grimace and even offer her a weak smile. Obviously not seeing through his lie, Isabelle took it as encouragement and piled another few spoonfuls on his plate. He could see Jace snickering at his misfortune as soon as she turned her back to them.
"You know what, Izzy, this is really delicious. We wouldn't want Jace to miss out on a good helping of his own," Alec piped up, expertly letting a believable part of the food disappear into a napkin before she could turn back around. He quietly laughed to himself at Jace's suffering expression when Isabelle turned both her attention and her cooking on him.
"Actually, I am. Come on, when was the last time the three of us were out to a club together?" Alec just shook his head, dismissing Jace's enthusiastic suggestion with a fond eye-roll.
Things had been rough for all of them lately and sitting together in the kitchen like they'd always done (or, in the case of Jace and Alec, had tried to avoid as much as possible), just bantering back and forth, felt like they'd been brought right back to the old times. When Jace hadn't been a human candle stick ready to light up at any time, Izzy wasn't seriously dating anyone, least of all a nerdy vampire who used to have the Mark of Cain on his forehead, and Alec hadn't been dumped by the love of his life for being the world's biggest jerk. Though probably not as much of a jerk as Magnus thought he was, since he hadn't even stayed long enough to listen to his full apology. And Alec doubted the warlock had actually sat through any of the messages he'd left the first few days after that horrible encounter in the subway.
The only thing that had really been constant lately was a threat of war by one Morgenstern or another. And the fact that New York was swarming with enough demons to make Alec regard them as a very, very bad omen. Whatever Jonathan was planning, it wasn't good and it most likely wasn't far in the future. He was pretty sure it had already started.
Alec felt more powerless than he'd ever had before. He couldn't stop what was happening, couldn't protect his siblings. He didn't know how to fix things with Magnus, or whatever was happening with Jace; he couldn't bring Max back or save what was left of his parents' marriage – or his father's respect for him, at that. Sometimes he thought their general helplessness bothered him even more than it did Izzy and Jace as their local rest- and reckless warriors. Yes, they needed to do something to make things better, they needed action. But going on hunts, even if it only solved the tiniest part of the problem at hand, was already working its magic in making them feel a little less antsy, less useless.
Alec, on the other hand, had always been the protector, the one looking out for everyone else, and he knew that killing a handful of demons every other day wasn't helping anyone, not really. He couldn't predict what was coming next, and as things stood it'd be most likely that he'd be powerless to help any of the people he loved even if he knew for sure. Jonathan wanted to watch the world burn and Alec was the helpless onlooker, not knowing who to save first or if he could actually save anyone at all, whether he put his life on the line or not.
The thoughts spinning in his head, the very same ones that kept him from sleep at night – mixed with an endless repeat of the last time he'd seen Magnus in weeks – killed what little appetite he'd had even more effectively than Izzy's inedible cooking and he had to push the plate away and get to his feet, unable to just keep sitting idly at the breakfast table as if nothing was wrong.
"Alec?" Izzy asked, looking concerned. "Are you leaving already? You hardly ate anything."
"It's fine, I'm not really hungry," Alec shrugged, trying to play it down. He could see in her worried glance that it wasn't working. Isabelle knew all too well that he hadn't eaten properly ever since Magnus had left him behind. She'd already given him the speech about not letting a guy rule your life, especially not after he'd smashed your heart into little pieces over one mistake – although even she'd had to admit that it had been a rather huge, idiotic one.
What she didn't know was that Alec hadn't stopped eating because he was heartbroken. He'd stopped because Magnus had been his last refugee, the last thing shielding him from all the worries gnawing at him, the only one who could remind him that he'd had to take care of himself as well and be heard. Without him, Alec was virtually drowning in sorrow and dark anticipation, unable to share with anyone else because he felt the need to be strong for them. He was the big brother, the protector. If he couldn't be strong for his family, who else would be? So he'd let her believe his lack of appetite and his taciturn mood were merely due to a bad break-up. All of them were too busy with their own problems to dig any deeper than a brief conversation, so no one assumed his behavior had any more deeply rooted causes.
Neither of his siblings said anything more, though Jace turned a worried look of his own on him, so Alec left and trudged up to the library to spend another few hours emerged in a book in the desperate, pointless hope of finding something that could help his parabatai. Or save the world. He didn't leave the room until Isabelle called for him because they were heading out on a mission. She'd been reluctant to take him along for the past week or so, all too keenly aware that he was feeling a bit under the weather with how little sleep and food he got. But Alec had been adamant about them not going out on hunts on their own and Jace had had his back, so Isabelle was left with no choice.
The mission itself wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just a few minor demons that had taken up residence in a dark side alley in a highly populated area of Brooklyn. Swallowing down the inevitable surge of longing that went through him every time they were sent out anywhere near Magnus' neighborhood – Alec wasn't even sure if the warlock still lived there – he put on his gear and got his weapons, ignoring his siblings' worried stares following him as he led them out of the Institute. Their constant worrying started to unnerve him. Wasn't he the one supposed to worry about them?
Deciding that walking would take way too long they took the subway, heavily glamoured so that they wouldn't arouse any Mundane's suspicions. Everything went perfectly well, like something out of their textbooks. Their sensors led them right to the nest and they split up to approach from both sides so no demon would escape them. They'd killed the better part of the horde – spider demons, much to Alec's dislike – within a few minutes without a hitch. It wasn't until Alec was distracted by one of the larger specimen sneaking up on Izzy from behind that he even got injured.
What was probably the tiniest demon he'd ever encountered had launched onto his leg and sunken its little, surprisingly sharp teeth into the muscle, right through gear and skin. Alec wouldn't even have noticed if he hadn't happened to look down and see it cling to him. With a quick move of his seraph blade it fell to the ground and disappeared back into its own dimension. He didn't think any further of the injury seeing that he felt no pain and the demon had been ridiculously tiny. This specific kind wasn't too poisonous to begin with and the little amount that could have possibly gotten under his skin wasn't all that worrying.
Back at the Institute, they didn't even really check each other for injuries like they usually did, the battle too ridiculously easy and all of them too lost in their own thoughts to spare one on barely necessary precautions. Alec had all but forgotten about the bite, not even noticing anything unusual when he showered and changed. He just dropped into bed, falling asleep the minute his head hit the pillow, hoping that maybe this time he'd be able to stay in the welcoming dark for a few hours before the nightmares would wake him and the worries keep him from going back to sleep.