"Yeah, he was totally out of line. I mean, it's one thing to do that shit to me, but to a ninth grader? That was low."
I was pacing around my room talking to Gabe as he ranted to me about the most recent thing the notorious Vic, bully of our school, did.
"I know! and he didn't even stop there! He shoved him against the lockers, and just fucking walked away as if he didn't do anything wrong at all!"
Gabe kept to himself mostly, but in no way was he shy. When he knew something was wrong, he would—
"So I ran after him and punched him square in the jaw!"
—try his hardest to fix it.
"There is no fucking way you did that, Gabe. Don't even try it."
"Fine, I helped the kid up and put my chewed gum onto the handle of the asshole's locker. Happy?"
I ran down the stairs, heading to the living room. I saw my bag sitting by the sofa, so I grabbed it and put it on. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a pre-made bagel and a handful of grapes. Throughout all of this, Gabe kept talking, but I didn't really pick up anything he was saying. That is, until he shouted my name down the phone.
"-lin? KELLIN!"
"Sorry; what?"
"I said to get your ass out here. I'm in your driveway."
I didn't respond, just hung up and put my phone in my pocket. He already knows what I would say anyway, "Get your fat ass out of the car and come in. I'm not bringing you a bagel today." We go through this every morning.
I got into the car, shoving the bagel into his hands. He grinned at me and bit into it, holding it in his mouth, and sped off to school.
He pulled into his spot and turned the car off, and we got out. We walked into the building and walked to my locker. I put in the combination and got my Chemistry book out. Gabe and I were talking while I did this, all about the nonsense that ran through our heads. When the warning bell sounded, we bid each other our goodbyes and went our separate ways.
I was rounding the last corner before the Chemistry room when my view was blocked by Vic and his posse. I tried to run the other way, but they had already seen me and were coming my way. I tried in vain to pass by them, but Vic grabbed my shoulder and shoved me into a row of lockers. They all laughed at their leader's stunt and they walked away.
Though I'd rather not come across them, I couldn't help but be sort of happy? No, not happy; I just got shoved into a row of lockers- but content, maybe. They usually go a lot farther than that. I don't know why they stopped, but I am most definitely not complaining.
I picked myself up, checking my bag to make sure nothing had fallen out, and, seeing nothing had, continued on my way to Chemistry.
—
I have second hour with Vic and we have Health. We're talking about mental disorders and illnesses, and, according to Vic, I have all of them. Once we got to depression, one of his friends had the audacity to tell me that I cut, and that hit me really deep. I don't even know why it made me feel as shit as it did, but I couldn't stop the feeling. It went through my entire body, and overwhelmed me to the point that I could feel the tears burning my eyes.
I kept turned towards the front, trying to ignore them, but there's only so much hate you can block out, and I could feel the tears burning my eyes. They kept on about me and started laughing and I knew this would only make all of this worse, but I picked up my bag and walked to the door, ignoring my teacher's calls to sit back down.
I kept my head down, not wanting anyone to see my red eyes or hear my sniffles and I just walked out. I sat on the benches outside, waiting for third period.
—-
The rest of my day was pretty generic- show up, do your work (or at least try to), leave when the bell sounds. I didn't even have anything spectacular happen at lunch. Sure, they took a few jabs at me, but that's an everyday thing- I can handle it. All in all, the day went by uneventfully. I might have even said good, if someone asked me.
—
After school, I got out of the car, Gabe following behind, and walked up to my door. I unlocked it, pushing it open and stepping inside.
As I went up the stairs to my room, Gabe went to my kitchen. By the time he entered my room, I was sprawled out on my bed, staring at my ceiling. I heard him close the door and I rolled off my mattress and onto the floor. He knew something was wrong purely because I hadn't even turned on music, and I always do that…even if I get in at 4am, I always turn on music and blast it, so when I don't, well, you could safely assume that something was wrong.
I landed on my back, so I just continued to stare at the ceiling. Gabe came over and laid down beside me. He offered me half of his bagel, but I declined it.
"Alright, spill." Gabe set the bagel on his stomach and turned his head to look at me.
"This has never affected me before." I say.
"What hasn't affected you?"
"They do this shit every day and I've never done that before-"
"Kellin, what did you do?"
"-I mean, sure I've shouted while they beat me but it's never been like this-"
"Kellin."
"-I've never gotten that worked up before in my life-"
"Kel-"
"I don't even think I've done it by myself in over a year."
"-lin, what happened? Talk to me; I-"
"I mean, I've never cried in front of them before."
"What?" Gabe rolled over onto his side, looking at me straight in the eyes. "What the fuck they'd do. I'll pound their faces in. They're not going to get away with this shit, Kellin." His face was turning red from the strain of his tensed muscles. I was actually kind of scared. "What'd they do? Fucking tell me."
"They didn't do anything, Gabe. I promise. I was just overly emotional." I tried to reassure him that everything was okay to get him to calm down. "They just said I cut is all. Which is why I really don't get why I started crying…I don't even do that shit."
"Fuck, Kellin. You got me all worked up over nothing." He rolled over onto his back again, before he let out a cry of anguish. "And you made me drop my fucking bagel!"
—-
"What the hell, Mom!"
I was beyond pissed right now. How could she do this to me?
"Kellin! I will not have you talking to me in that way under my roof. The decision's been made."
She didn't even give me a warning! She just fucking stops me on my way out and tells me…what kind of person does that?
"I won't. I'm not going to. You can't make me! I'll run away!"
She knew I was bluffing. I would never run away from her. She told me that I was all she had after my Dad left us. I watched her cry over it for months. I couldn't put her through that again.
"Kellin. Kellin, sweetie, please just listen to me." I rolled my eyes at her and let out an exasperated sigh. "This is for your own good."
"Don't tell me what's for my own good; ask me what's for my own good."
"Will you…will you just be quiet and listen to my reasoning, at least?"
I glared at her for another few seconds before I turned and flopped onto the couch in the living room. She came over and sat in the chair nearest to me.
"Kellin, you may be angry at me right now, but I would rather this than you being hurt."
I gave her a confused glance, but she ignored it and carried on.
"I never thought this would happen to you, but it has, and…and I want you to be safe."
"Mum, what are you talking about?"
"I've heard what that Vic boy does to you at school."
Oh.
"At first, I wanted to think that I was just hearing wrong, but you would come home day after day with bruises…did you really think I believed that you fell out of your chair that many times?"
I sat in silence, not really knowing what to say. I avoided eye contact for as long as I could, but after a few minutes before I glanced back at her.
"So will you at least try the new school?"
She reached over and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"What do you mean try?"
She let go of my hand and leaned back in her chair, seeming to think over her answer.
"Go for the rest of the semester. That's…two months. Try it for that long and, if it honestly isn't any better than here, you can come back. Does that sound alright?"
I looked at her for a long time. I ran over the pros and the cons in my head.
Pros: There'd be no more Vic. Maybe I could get a new start.
Cons: I'd have to leave my friends. Okay, friend. But Gabe is really cool.
"I…" I don't know if I should. I'll have to live in the dorms and I've heard roommates suck. But I don't know… "Sure. But after two months I can come home- right?"
"Yes. Oh, Sweetie! You're going to have so much fun there!"
"When am I leaving?"
—-
"Two days?! She's shipping you fifty miles away with two days notice! I can't believe this!"
I told Gabe once I got in the car about what my Mom was doing. He wasn't exactly pleased.
"Will I get to even see you anymore? Oh my God. Wait. Will I get to see you anymore? You'd better say yes. If you don't I'll…"
I kind of zoned him out, throwing out a nod or two every once and a while. I had already had my little 'freak out' over it, so I took my time to sort of maybe wallow in my self pity just a bit.
I mean, yeah, I get away from Vic and all the shit he and his friends put me through, but maybe it's not worth it. What if I get stuck with an always-angry roommate? Or what if they have sex 24/7 so I'll practically be living out in the hallway? Or what if they have a crazy girlfriend and she tries to kill me or something for living in the same quarters as her boyfriend?
Maybe I was getting out of hand, but still. These are serious things to take into account. I started to doubt my decision, but it was too late now. My mother had called the school already to tell them I was leaving Thursday, and she'd already paid the fee for the new school. I don't even remember what it was called. Clairemont or something?
"Kellin!" Gabe yelled at me, and it sounded like he'd been trying to get my attention for a while. I looked at him and gave him a sheepish smile.
"Are you okay? You keep zoning out, it's kind of freaking me out."
"Yeah, just thinking, I guess."
"Whatever."
