Hey guys! So um...here's a little depressing/happy-ish one-shot, dedicated to XoFrap! Please Enjoy "Mercy"...
Twitter: TheCliffyG
Warning: Rated M for /Suicide Attempt/Cursing
For those who plan on reading my fics (or have read past ones), please read the important A/N at the bottom!
Mercy
"The restraining order has been set. Ms. Edwards you are ordered to never directly contact Mr. Shostak via, telephone, email, letter, or any other mode of communication and you must also not indirectly contact him. This means you are not allowed to go to a third party and ask them to contact you."
The whispers that roam around the young girls ears were never a problem before, so why were they speaking so loudly now? Everything seemed more blown up, to a size that suffocated her from the inside.
Clare knew that even if she didn't look them in the eye, they were judging her.
If they knew the true story; where she was the victim, where she was the one who was kissed, who was cornered in a car and had her internship taken away because of what he did.
He made her feel small, worthless, and covered from head to toe in grime.
No one could save her from where she has put herself; no one can pull her back from the edge. She had believed, at one point, that there was hope for her. But that was before the court date, before she was found guilty, and before she was made a joke of in front of an entire jury, her boyfriend, her lawyer, her family, and him.
The sound of the gavel pounding against the judge's desk echoes her head as her toes hang off the edge of the building. Her head cranes to one side as her heart pounds against her vile skin.
Sooner or later, a crowd gathers beneath her; people either pointing fingers, or taking pictures.
She laughs, throwing her head back and breaking out into a manical fit of giggles as the flashes go off. She's already been made a fool of, her writing career was long over before it even had a chance to begin; what would taking pictures of her on the school rooftop do?
Clare Edwards had nothing to lose.
Of course, in a literal sense, she would lose everything. From her boyfriend who she loves, to her mother, father, sister, and to her stepfather and brother. She possessed friends, loved ones, and people who cared about her to a point where it saddened them to see the same scarily pale, baggy eyed, tear stained, worn down girl every morning.
"You've done wrong, Ms. Edwards. I hope you know that and that you've learned your lesson now."
This was supposed to open multiple doors of opportunities in her young Journalism career, and maybe land her a permanent spot on the newspaper. She'd just gotten Eli back, along with some newly made friends, and this was supposed to be the icing on the cake.
Nevertheless, it destroyed everything.
Clare would've never pictured herself where she is now; tired to a point where her eyelids are drooping over her bloodshot orbs, angry to a point where she wants to smash anything in her path, and useless to a point where she doesn't want to let anyone in anymore.
She takes a seat on the edge of the building, letting her legs dangle over the edge. Everyone gasps when she leans over, spreading her arms widely to either side as the wind picks up, blowing in her face.
"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUMP!"
A bystander screams repeatedly, and she smirks from above him; what is she waiting for? She's just teasing all of them as they await for an interesting show. But, all they're getting is a stupid, little school girl who doesn't know her left from right.
With a shaky breath, she stands to her feet.
The same boy in the crowd starts clapping his hands, and everyone tries to stop him, but he can't be stopped; just like Asher wasn't.
"Clare!"
Her eyelids tighten shut, and she prays silently that Eli will leave alone. She knows how much he loves her, and it kills her each day that she doesn't return nearly half of those feelings because of what happened.
She just wants to scream.
"Clare! W-What do you think you're doing? Clare!" He calls out to her, lowering his bag on the floor and slowly approaching her. The principle and many other policemen follow behind Eli, stopping to stand at the door of the roof.
"Leave me alone." She musters up her voice, even though it sounds hoarse, foreign, and scratchy.
"Clare, you're standing on the edge of the school building...I-I can't leave you alone," he stutters, and that's exactly what it takes to shatter her heart into pieces. He stutters because he knows that she will jump, that she has had enough.
Everyone gasps, seeing Clare jerk her body forward to watch her peers' reactions. Eli's heart falls into his stomach, and he nearly loses it, grabbing onto her arm in a tight grip. He doesn't care if he's physically hurting her, because she needs to be held onto-whether it's painful or not.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He tightens his grip, and she forces a frightening smile through the tears, "I-I can't do this Eli...not anymore. I'm done, I give up. He wins."
"Have you even thought about me? Or your mother? Adam? Alli? Jake? Glen? Katie? Cece? Bullfrog?" He asks, his voice craking with each name he lists.
"No, I-I didn't-," he smirks, tears spilling over his eyelids, "P-Please Clare, think! Think!"
Police surround the school, sirens going off obnoxiously loud as they push students off of the property. The officers on the roof begin to walk towards them and Eli holds his hand out to them, warning them, "I-If you come any closer, we'll both jump. Don't come any further."
Clare looks up at her boyfriend, who's shaking in his shoes. She can feel his bones rattling at the thought of her jumping; trying to end it all.
"Y-You're not jumping Eli, are you insane?" She spits, and he laughs, "What've I got to lose?"
"NYU scholarship, Adam, your future, you...you got better, why would you end it? You have no reason to." He smirks, the hot tears burning his cheeks and his heart racing at the height between the edge they're standing on and the floor.
"Don't you get it, Clare?" He watches intently as his girlfriend glares down at the concrete, thinking about how much it'll hurt, how people will try to save her, and how she'll be in therapy until her very last breath.
"I-I've already lost one person I love...if I lose another one, I'll kill myself too. Do you want that Clare? Do you want me to die too?" His tone is harsh, and he threatens his own life to stall; to make time for her to think this through.
Something she hasn't been doing.
"Stop trying to guilt me out of this," a sob escapes her lips, "T-This is what I have to do."
"I'm insane too!" He calls out, his eyes widening. "W-We all have our reasons! But Clare, you can get better, okay? You can get better. You're a strong, beautiful, confident, intelligent person...I love you Clare. I love you."
He strokes a curl behind her ear, while her head shakes in his tight grip.
"I-I'm sad," she admits through quivering lips, "...all the time, I'm sad. I'm depressed, nervous, anxious and paranoid. I can't sleep, I-I can't eat. A person shouldn't have to live like-."
Eli immediately cuts her off, smiling down at her with a twisted expression on his face, "No, they shouldn't have to feel like you do! But life sucks, okay? It fucking sucks and it takes time to heal, but you will. You're strong Clare, he can't break you anymore than he has. Asher is a sick fuck, and he got his way. Okay? He got his way and I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I can't convince that judge that he's wrong, that Asher was the one who screwed you over! I'm sorry I can't make everything right! I'm sorry!"
The ground is now clear underneath them, and Eli gestures down to the space, "We can get you help Clare, you don't have to do this. Look at me, please."
She slowly lifts her head to his eyes, and he whispers, "I'm living proof that it can get better. I-I hoarded my life away, I almost got stabbed, I crashed my hearse for you, I made a play about you, I did all of these things...and look where I am now. I have opportunities; a wonderful, beautiful, girlfriend who I want to marry someday...who-who I want to have a future with. You know, the whole ordeal! I want a big ass minivan with twenty little Goldsworthty's running around with a pink house and a white fence! I-I want a future with you Clare, only with you."
Tears burn her cheeks as she looks at the broken boy before her, who's begging her off of the ledge.
"YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO GET OFF THE EDGE OR WE'RE GOING TO USE FORCE!"An officer from below called out, using a bullhorn.
Eli slips his hand on the right side of her neck, pouring all of his love into-what he assumes-might be his last kiss with Clare. He slides his tongue through her lips, savoring her taste, and her smell as he rakes his fingers through her tangled curls.
When they pull away, her head rests on his chest, and for a moment, he knows she's safe; in his arms.
"P-Please, don't do this Clare," he whimpers out against her ear, and she nods weakly against his shoulder.
The moment that Eli snaked his arm around his girlfriends waist, and walked her to safety, the crowd that had formed cheered loudly for them. He had walked her off the ledge, and saved her from herself.
"W-Were you really going to jump with me?" She asks in a whisper, her lips resting against his earlobe. The warmth that radiates from her chapped lips gives him assurance; that she's here, she's real, and she's unharmed.
"If you jump, I jump right?"
XXX
THREE MONTHS LATER
"H-How are the new pills working out for you? I know you have a bit of a higher dosage than I do, but how're they making you feel? Anxious? Tired?" Eli asks eagerly, walking by her side, finding it rather interesting that he and Clare are taking the same type of antidepressants.
His arm is rested lightly on her waist as she looks at him, shrugging her shoulders, "I feel better...content. And the best part is that I don't feel like I'm lying in a ditch, that what happened was my fault. Your therapist is the best thing that ever happened to me Eli, thank you."
"She is a charmer, that's for sure," he teased, kissing her temple lovingly.
Nothing can ever scare him in his life besides the feeling that lingered in his stomach when he found out that Clare was standing on the Degrassi roof. Aside of Julia dying, nothing could compare to his love being in danger...and that danger being herself.
"You can always talk to me Clare, if you're uncomfortable with talking to her. I'm always here," he reminded her, and she nodded thankfully. "I know you are, and that's why I love you."
Even though it might take Clare a long time to feel like herself again, without the pills she swallowed once a day or without the therapist she spoke to five times a week, she knew she would get better someday.
Although it will take time to heal, for the wounds to seal up, she knows they will-eventually. With the help of the boy by her side and her family, she knows that it will-and can-get better.
"So, do you want to um...write a story together?" Eli asked casually, as they sat down in Advanced English class.
"What do you mean by 'write a story together'?" She asked curiously, their hands never breaking hold as they locked eyes.
Eli shrugged his shoulders, grinning lovingly at his girlfriend, "You know...like-do a fanfiction together. I-I know you haven't written in a while, and I know you used to love writing on that website. Why not give it another try?"
He was trying to get her to write again, to let her words flow on paper. She hasn't put ink to paper or words to computer since that article. He thought that she needed a fresh start, even if it meant that she had to go back to the beginning once again.
Her hand rested against his warm palm, and she nodded her head, her lively curls bouncing, "...I'd love to."
And this, was the start of Clare Edwards' new beginning.
END
I'm a bit iffy on this...please review and put my paranoia to rest :)
PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please keep in mind that this is FICTION. I know it's probably not possible that Clare and Eli would be on the same antidepressants and etc etc. It takes a lot of work to write these-and I love writing-so I don't want to feel discouraged (and not want to write) anymore by people telling me what I already know. I know what's realistic, and what's not, but I choose to put what's not since it is FICTION. And I don't say this to be mean, or anything to get back at someone, I'm just saying to please-please keep an open mind when reading my fanfiction.
Thank you :)
Love you guys,
Cliffhanger Girl
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