Repercussion Discovered
It was the shaking that woke Eric. The bed itself was shaking and his first thought, although he had never experienced one, was that an earthquake was trembling through Miami. That was ridiculous, of course, because Miami didn't have earthquakes, but hurricanes.
Coming to full wakefulness, he realized that it was only the bed that was shaking and nothing else in the room. He sat up and looked over at Calleigh to see if she was awake. His heart dropped into his stomach. She was curled into a miserable ball and it was obvious that she was the source of the trembling.
He reached out and touched her shoulder, feeling the bone shattering vibration travel up his arm. "Querida, what's wrong? Are you sick?"
She startled then shook her head. "I don't know. I don't know what's wrong."
His heart was breaking. She looked so small and helpless, exactly like she did laying in the hospital bed as the machines breathed for her. "How can I help?"
"I don't know," she whispered hoarsely. Her stomach was churning, she couldn't stop shaking; she was hot and cold all at once. Her heart was pounding at an erratic pace, but the most frightening of all was that she couldn't seem to breathe. "I can't breathe."
"Do you want me to call Alexx? Calleigh, you have to try and tell me what you need. I want to help you but I don't know how," Eric said, reaching out and pulling her to him to help still her. He could feel the violent pounding of her heart against his chest.
"I never know what I need when this happens," she admitted.
Eric rocked her, shocked at the revelation. "This isn't the first time? When did they start, baby?"
Calleigh fought to think of those first terrifying hours of darkness when this paralyzing sense of terror and panic seized her heart and wouldn't let go of her until dawn peeked through her windows and her trembling slowly subsided and she could breathe. She had managed to pull herself together and make her way through the day but it had been exhausting. "It started about a month after I was abducted last spring. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling just like this. I couldn't make it stop. It was horrible."
Eric rubbed her back trying to soothe her, still her. "Why didn't you tell me this was happening to you? I would have stayed here and tried to help. How often do you have these?"
"I don't know. They're not predictable at all. I don't know when they're going to happen or any triggers or even what they are," Calleigh said, burrowing into his embrace. He was beginning to have a calming effect on her and she suddenly felt as if she could breathe normally again. "Just hold me. I think it's helping. I'm sorry that I'm keeping you up. It's not fair to you."
"Forget about me; I can catch up on sleep some other night. Tell me what you feel. Describe as best you can," Eric said softly, thinking he might have an inkling of what was happening to her. He continued to stroke and soothe through her narrative. "Calleigh, I'm no expert, but it sounds like you've had a series of anxiety attacks over the last year. Listen, I've had a few, myself. After I was shot I started having these attacks of fear and panic where I couldn't breathe and my chest felt all tight. If I wasn't sweating, I was freezing and nothing could get me warm until agonizing flashes of heat would race through me making me sweat all over again. That's what happened when I went to the docks that day looking for the arms dealer and getting shot at. The same panic grabbed me and wouldn't let go until I did the breathing exercises that my doc taught me and that's when I was able to call it in. I know you asked and I know you cared but I was too embarrassed to tell you what really happened. It can feel embarrassing and I get that. It shouldn't be. Let me help you through this and tomorrow I think you need to talk to somebody about it. You can't go on living like this. Don't let this steal your life from you."
Calleigh snuggled in deeper. "I'm not.....I mean I can't be......this isn't me."
"I know, I know, but right now it is. Cal, you've had a horrific year. You were harassed over the Internet, abducted, had your professional integrity called into question, nearly killed by a crane and were helpless to prevent the death of an innocent man and then the fire and your injuries. You'd be inhuman if there weren't some kind of reactions after all of that," Eric recounted gently. She had already begun to relax in his arms and he could feel her becoming a dead weight. He pressed a soft kiss into her hair and scooted them both back down into a reclined position. "Close your eyes and rest now. I won't let go of you; I promise."
"I don't want to sleep," she whispered.
Eric kissed the top of her head and pulled her flush against him. "I promise to keep you safe. I'll protect you."
Calleigh bristled weakly. She was desperately tired. "I don't need to be-"
"Sh-h-h-h-h-h, relax. You're not weak, Cal. You're one of the toughest and strongest people that I know. Sometimes we reach our personal limit and need a little understanding. You gave me so much after I was shot. You could have called for my suspension and retraining. You didn't. You retrained me yourself with gentle monitoring and suggestion when I seemed lost. When I fell short with others, you supported me and never made me feel slow or stupid," Eric said, revealing his feelings. "Right now you need the same treatment and I'm here to help you through it. Calleigh, you're not weak or feeble to need help when you've lived through what you have, especially in such a short amount of time. Please lean on me."
Calleigh listened to Eric, really listened, and realized that he would never make light of her situation and would always be there to pick up the messy pieces, scary as it might be. "Eric, I-" then she broke down, overwhelmed by the emotions that flooded her gates and rampaged everywhere. She collapsed into raw sobs that Eric took in stride, cuddling her close and making nonsensical soothing sounds. He knew that she needed to spend herself out before anything productive could begin.