A quick glance out the window told him that he would be arriving soon. He had lived in the loft all of his life, the way the sun penetrated the large windows told instantly what the time was. He had clocks and he had his cellphone but inside his home he needed neither. He blew on the coffee and as the steam fought his breath in a vortex of movement he slowly reached out his hand and touched the glazed surface of the mug. It was bearable. Extremely hot, but bearable.
He entered his office. A beautiful familiar blonde sat on his chair facing away from him. He remembered every strand of hair like the first time. He was sure that wasn't possible but hell did it ever sure feel like it. He said nothing. He stood. Because, here in this space, between words and actions; it was peaceful. He tried not to think about it but in the middle of the night, when he laid awake from the heat or from worrying about an exam, in his most bare and honest moment; he knew that his life was anything but peaceful.
She turned to look at him but instead she caught sight of the coffee and a smile appeared on her face. He handed it to her and sat beside her on another chair. After blowing on it gently, she took the first sip, elegant and graceful as she had ever been. He followed; he was not quite so elegant. And there they sat in silence. Comfortable? No. Awkward? Not that either.
It was somewhere in between.
She didn't look at him. She wasn't ready to yet and he understood. It was his fault after all. Her eyes laid fixed gazing at the doorknob of the door that led to the main room of the loft but her mind was elsewhere. Dan was right there, in that room; how could he be anywhere else in her presence?
"I'm—" Dan started to say.
"Don't." Serena interrupted. "It's okay. You did the right thing."
They stopped again. He could remember a time when their conversations would just flow for hours without end. He could remember a time when he didn't need a reason to be around her. But that time has passed. And the nostalgia is crippling.
"I don't know what else I can say." Dan broke the silence.
"You don't have to explain yourself. " Serena said finally turning her head to look at him. She leaned her elbow on her thigh and her cheek in her hand. She stared right into his eyes. She had always done that when she talked to him. "You always do the right thing in the end."
Dan looked down; embarrassed. The implication being that he fucked up a lot.
"Thank you." Serena said slowly as if making sure he heard her. "For inviting me over."
"Of course, of course." Dan replied quickly.
"No, really. Thank you. You didn't have to do this." Serena insisted on continuing. "You've always had such a big heart."
Dan managed to smile slightly through his shamed expression.
"Incorruptable." Serena said with a warm smile as each syllable hit his ears with a vengeance.
Dan shook his head. But she wouldn't let him, her hand reached out and caught his chin and stopped his head from moving. She tilted him up making sure their eyes met.
"You are." Serena said with a lightness in her voice. "Don't fight it."
"Thank you." It was all that he could manage to say.
He reached out and gently lowered her hand from his face. He placed it back onto her own lap.
"You don't have to make me feel better anymore." Dan said. "That's not your job anymore."
"No Dan, that is my job." Serena replied with a smile. "It will always be my job."
She looked at him with those eyes. He wasn't sure if he had seen those eyes before. They looked familiar yet different. And as much as he tried to fight it in his head, he knew exactly what it was. Joy. Relief. Contentment. It broke his heart. Yet it made it whole. He was happy that she was happy. He could he not be?
She had found love.
His phone rang. It was the wrong moment. But at this point he was used to his phone competing against Serena for his attention. He picked it up and looked at it. It was Rufus. This he could not ignore.
"It's my dad. I gotta get this." Dan said in a hesitant voice.
"I understand." Serena replied.
"Look, I gotta go meet up with Nate afterwards to deal with this whole Damien situation soon. If Ben doesn't arrive in the next couple of minutes will you be okay here by yourself?" Dan asked.
"I'll be fine." Serena replied with a genuine smiled, much to his disappointment.
Much to his disappointment.