Hey guys! I'm back, from an extremely long writer's block. :) So I guess this will just be a collection of little one-shots I randomly think up, with erratic updates (Remember, it all depends on how much work I get at school). So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl.

Holly Short snapped shut a book, tossing it up and down. She shifted her position on her perch on Artemis's desk. He glanced up from his laptop, glaring up at her while she blinked back innocently.

"I must request," he intoned, "for you to refrain from mutilating my books in that fashion." His hand shot out deftly and snatched the book from her grasp. He sniffed peevishly as he placed the book down gently next to his laptop.

Holly sighed, leaning forward. "Well. I must request for you to refrain from continuously making out with your computer while I am still here." She reached over and snapped his computer's screen down. Artemis immediately checked for scuff marks. "And, for the record, I was not mutilating your book. This is boring. One can only withstand so much PDA- especially between a Mud Boy and an electronic." She leaned back, crossing her arms with a huff.

Artemis scowled at her. "I was not engaging in any form of 'PDA' with my laptop."

"Bullshit." Holly cocked an eyebrow skeptically.

Artemis sniffed exasperatedly. "Fine! I will put aside my exceedingly important matters for the moment. What do you want to do?" He gingerly placed his laptop into a drawer, where it would be safe from harm.

"Well, I don't know. Talk?"

"Very well. Let us talk." Artemis leaned back in his swivel chair and steepled his fingers, eyebrows raised expectantly.

"You look like one of those evil rich bosses. All you need is a fluffy white cat to stroke and the look would be complete."

The corner of Artemis's mouth. "Evil, perhaps. Rich, definitely. Boss, maybe in the future. Cat- absolutely no chance. But- to dispel such thoughts from your head- perhaps you find this more comfortable." He had crossed his legs and leaned on his right arm, which was propped on one of the arms of the chair. Holly hated to admit it, but she found his position rather... alluring.

She exhaled deeply, closing her eyes. "Never mind. Let's... talk about something else."

"Of course. Whatever makes you comfortable." When Holly opened her eyes, she found Artemis's eyes trained on her, lips tilted in a sultry half-smile, as if he knew what kind of effect he had on her and revelled in it. He cocked his head to the side, parting his lips, as if he was about to say something.

"What is it?" Holly asked tentatively.

"Nothing, really. The thought just occurred to me that a smile is the basic form of seduction that humans use to capture the attention of an individual of the opposite sex, often having desirable results. I suppose that it would have the same effect on fairies?" His tone remained neutral throughout his small lecture, though his blue eyes seemed to penetrate through her soul.

"I- yes, I suppose so." Holly swallowed uncomfortably.

Artemis held her gaze for a moment longer before looking away. Holly sighed in relief. "Hmm..." He hummed casually as he looked around the room for a topic of conversation. "Ah, yes." He nodded as his eyes alighted on the book Holly had been reading. "Aladdin. An interesting choice. What spurred you to pick this book to read?"

Holly shrugged nonchalantly, trying to look at anything besides her friend.

Artemis chose not to notice her less than enthusiastic response, choosing instead to plow forward. "Much of this book centers around the genie's grant of three wishes." He looked up calculatingly at his elfin friend who steadfastly avoided his gaze. "Is something wrong?" He tilted his head back in concern.

Holly jolted out of her daze. "What? Oh, no, no, nothing. What were you saying? Three wishes?"

The human looked at her, bemused. "Yes. Three wishes. Exactly so. Now, if you had three wishes to spend however you'd like, how would you spend them?"

Holly blinked. "Well, I wish I had a few spices. Believe it or not, not many spices grow well underground."

"What kind of spices?"

"Chilies." Holly licked her lips unconsciously.

Artemis swallowed hard as he stared at her lips. Funny, he had never really noticed how full they were. Or how soft they looked. "Intriguing," his voice coming out as a squeak. He cleared his throat and looked away in an attempt to regain his composure.

"How so?" Holly blinked, puzzled.

Artemis breathed in deeply, trying not to focus on Holly's long lashes. "Chilies accentuate the body's sensual receptors, making sexual contact more intimate. It is considered a 'sex food.'" He paused, as if to wait for a response. When none seemed to be forthcoming, he shrugged. "So I thought it interesting that you would wish for an intimate food." His words hung between them.

Holly flushed indignantly. "Are you suggesting that I want them to liven up my sex life?"

Artemis's lips quirked up. "I suggested no such thing."

She tried to compose a biting retort, but none would come. Instead she decided to change the subject. "Well, what would you wish for?"

Artemis seemed to genuinely contemplate her question. "I could wish for a countless number of things."

"Go on."

"I suppose it would depend on the weather. Perhaps I'd wish for a book. Or maybe oysters. I am rather fond of oysters."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Oysters."

"But of course. They are rather delicious, not to mention healthy. I would guess that oysters would go hand in hand with your chiliesOysters are also high in zinc, which increases sperm production, which in turn increases libido. Oysters would help spice up a person's sex life.."

"Yeah, you need the spicing up," Holly smirked.

Artemis raised his eyebrows delicately. "Really now." He leaned forward, grasped her chin in his hand, and pulled her down, pressing his lips firmly down on hers. Holly jerked in surprise, gasping as he released her.

"Not anymore, I don't," Artemis deadpanned. He settled back in his chair, slid out his computer and turned it on, looking for all the world like nothing had just happened.

"I- you- what-" Holly spluttered.

Artemis glanced at his watch. "I do believe that it is time for you to go. The Commander allotted you only a few hours, if I remember correctly."

"But-"

Artemis tossed Holly her helmet. "Off you go. I wouldn't want you to be late because of me." He turned his attention back to his laptop as he began to type furiously.

Holly sat there, slightly shell-shocked, for a few more moments before sliding on her helmet and making her way to the window. She strapped on her wings and was just about to leap out when Artemis's voice stopped her. "Holly."

She turned expectantly. "Yes?"

Artemis was now lounging back in his chair, casually steepling his fingers. "Next time, I'll make sure I have some chilies when you drop by." He blinked, then added as an afterthought, "And maybe some oysters."