A/N I have read and watched tons of Beatles interview and I love their humor and sarcasm, so I thought about writing my own FICTIONAL INTERVIEW with the Beatles. This is set in about 1964.
NO SLASH. Everything slashy here is totally fictional.
INTERVIEWER: In this edition of the show, we're going to interview the four boys whom everyone's talking about! Here we are, with the breath-taking, awesome, stunning, and super talented…
GEORGE: BEATLES!
JOHN: That's us y'know. Just in case you live under a rock and don't recognize us.
INTERVIEWER: So, let's start out easy. Complete the line. The Beatles are…
GEORGE: …Really tired and need some sleep.
PAUL: …Brilliant.
JOHN: …The reason why I can hear many girls screaming.
RINGO: …Four lads that love each other.
GEORGE: Awww, that's cute, Ritchie.
INTERVIEWER: How would you define that love?
PAUL: It's simple. We love each other and would do anything for one another.
INTERVIEWER: Anything?
GEORGE: You've heard him…
JOHN: We wouldn't have had that success if there weren't the four of us. Because George is too quiet…
RINGO: George quiet? Because I heard a lot of noise coming from his room last night. No wonder why he's tired…
GEORGE: Shut up, Richard!
JOHN: As I was saying… Paul is too manipulative and…
INTERVIEWER: What do you mean by manipulative?
PAUL: Nothing. He's just a twat.
JOHN: Twat? Watch your language, McCartney!
RINGO: Don't fight boys…
JOHN AND PAUL: Shut up, Richard!
GEORGE: Hey, that's my line, y'know…
JOHN: Can I finish what I was going to say?
INTERVIEWER: First, I think everyone here wants to know why you think Mr. McCartney is manipulative.
JOHN: I don't think it. It's a fact. Hey, don't look at me like that, Macca!
RINGO: I think what John wants to say, it's that Paul has to have more confidence in himself.
JOHN: What are you talking 'bout, Starkey? MORE confident than he already is? No, thank you. He's cocky enough.
PAUL: Cocky? We all know who the cocky one of us is.
GEORGE: John is the cockiest and he isn't afraid of telling it to world… But I think Paul has the highest self-esteem inside. He just doesn't brag as much as John.
JOHN: I don't brag!
RINGO: You actually do…
JOHN: I thought you were by my side! You betrayed me…
RINGO: Betrayed you?
PAUL: Actually, we all brag at least a little. Even Ringo.
INTERVIEWER: I heard Mr. Lennon calling Mr. McCartney, "Macca". Is that how everyone calls him or just between you?
JOHN: First of all, quit calling us "Mr." It's annoying, really.
INTERVIEWER: Then, how should I call you?
GEORGE: We have names, y'know…
PAUL: I'm Paul!
JOHN: Really? Oh my God, I didn't know!
GEORGE: and I'm George! George Harrison.
JOHN: I'm Elvis.
PAUL: No, you're not. You're John Winston Lennon.
INTERVIEWER: Winston? I didn't know you have a middle name.
JOHN: Gee, thanks, James Paul.
INTERVIEWER: James Paul?
PAUL: He's just joking.
GEORGE: He's not.
RINGO: I can show you both of their IDs.
INTERVIEWER: You didn't actually answer my question.
RINGO: What question? Sorry, I got lost.
INTERVIEWER: About how Mr. Lennon called Mr. McCartney.
JOHN: Stop it!
INTERVIEWER: You're talking with me?
JOHN: Indeed I am. I told you to stop calling us "Mr."
INTERVIEWER: Oh. Sorry about that.
PAUL: Someone's grumpy…
JOHN: I'm not!
PAUL: You are!
JOHN: I'm not!
INTERVIEWER: Can you please answer my question now?
RINGO: Sorry, what question, again?
GEORGE: I think she wants to know about why we call Paulie, "Macca"
JOHN: We often call him like this. Macca or Paulie.
INTERVIEWER: Why?
JOHN: Oh, you know, they both sound cute and girly, and that's how Paul is.
PAUL: I'm not girly! And that's not the reason. Macca is a shorter way of saying my last name, and Paulie is just a nickname they use to joke around. Right, Johnny?
JOHN: I don't know if I can agree. What do you think, Georgie?
GEORGE: Weren't we going to talk about Paul?
INTERVIEWER: I don't know. You are just talking randomly while I try to interview you.
JOHN: But Paulie loves being called Paulie. It makes him blush.
RINGO: Just wait for it…
GEORGE: Paulie, Paulie, Paulie, Paulie, what a cutie Paulie!
RINGO: Awwww, look at him lads, he's already blushing.
JOHN: No wonder why he's called the cute Beatle.
GEORGE: Isn't he the cutest thingy on Earth?
RINGO: He is, indeed…
JOHN: So, you girls are all jealous of Jane Asher, right?
GEORGE: They have more chance with him than with you…
PAUL: Because you're married…
JOHN: Hey! Look who finally decided to talk!
PAUL: One day you're going to drive me nuts, Lennon.
JOHN: I know I drive you crazy… But sorry, I'm a married man.
RINGO: I'm sure Cyn wouldn't mind sharing John with Paul…
GEORGE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that's why I love you, Rings.
RINGO: Awwww, I know, right?
PAUL: Sometimes you need to learn to shut the fuck up.
JOHN: HA! Look who's talking…
INTERVIEWER: Can somebody tell me what's going on?
GEORGE: It's been a hard day's night…
RINGO: And I've been working like a dog…
PAUL: It's been a hard day's night…
JOHN: I should be sleeping like a log…
GEORGE: But when John gets home to Paul, he finds the things that he does, will make him feel alright…
JOHN: We're going to play it that way, huh, Harrison?
PAUL: You know Rings works all day to get George money to buy him food…
JOHN: And it's worth it just to hear him say, he's gonna give him everything…
RINGO: So why on Earth should John moan? 'Cause when he gets Paul alone…
PAUL: ENOUGH! You act like toddlers.
GEORGE: We?
PAUL: Yes, you!
GEORGE: I don't think so…
INTERVIEW: Can we follow the interview?
RINGO: I don't know, let's ask the cute Beatle.
JOHN: I didn't finish saying what I was telling in the beginning. George is too quiet, Paul is too manipulative, Ringo is the drummer and I…
RINGO: What do you mean by "Ringo is the drummer"?
JOHN: That you are the drummer. It's not so hard to get, mate.
GEORGE: That was pretty offensive, John.
JOHN: Awww, you're defending him… What a lovely couple…
RINGO: But not as lovely as you and Paul…
GEORGE: Hey Cyn, you should keep an eye on those two…
PAUL: Ignoring that last thing, John already talked about every one of us. Why don't you finish saying that thing about yourself?
JOHN: I'm not good-looking enough for girls.
INTERVIEWER: I'm sure all these girls here disagree.
RINGO: You talked! I forgot you were here…
PAUL: Shut up, John.
JOHN: What, I haven't talked Paulie!
PAUL: DON'T CALL ME PAULIE! Not here…
GEORGE: Just wait until you get home…
JOHN: To my wife, yeah?
INTERVIEWER: Can you please answer just a couple of questions?
PAUL: Go ahead.
INTERVIEWER: Name one of your favorite memories.
RINGO: When I was born… Ah, I remember when the doctor took me out of my mama and cut my umbilical cord…
INTERVIEWER: Ookaay… How about you, George?
PAUL: I know what's George's favorite memory! When he burned his pants AND boxers with the battery of a car in one of our school field trips!
GEORGE: They don't need to know that…
PAUL: Tell them how you had to take off all your clothes!
GEORGE: I fucking hate you.
INTERVIEWER: And did Paul have to take a look at his thing?
JOHN: Of course he looked, and they told me they also shared a tent that day…
RINGO: See? And then you say George and I are the ones with the secret romance… It's clearly that the queer ones here are Geo and Paul.
INTERVIEWER: Or maybe you are all queer for each other.
RINGO: Yes, you know, I'm in love with George, Paul and John at the same time.
PAUL: We're all in love with each other, yay!
GEORGE: But don't tell anyone. It's our secret, okay?
JOHN: You three are the bloody queers. I'm not.
PAUL: Come on! Admit you fancy me, John!
GEORGE: Not only you, he also fancies me, y'know…
JOHN: Sure, I fancy all of you every night. Seriously.
INTERVIEWER: I am still waiting for you to tell me your special memories.
PAUL: Oh right! When I bought my first guitar.
JOHN: But not so special like the day we met!
GEORGE: It was love at first sight.
JOHN: Now, let's get serious for once, I have to say, the day my child was born.
INTERVIEWER: Are we getting decent now?
RINGO: Sure, I think you all already had a lot of fun with us.
GEORGE: Don't take it too serious, Beatle people!
JOHN: Oh… Those Beatles and their humor and use of sarcasm…
PAUL: We promise to answer all your questions now without joking.
JOHN: That's kind of impossible anyway, but we'll try.
INTERVIEWER: Unfortunately, time is over and I couldn't even ask you the 10% of the questions I had planned.
RINGO: That'll be for the next time!
JOHN: I doubt there will be a next time, but…
PAUL: SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
INTERVIEWER: So, this is it! Bye, bye, people!
A/N I want to keep writing Beatle interviews! So if you have a suggestion, a question for them, something you'd like to see, or whatever, review or PM!
Thanks for reading!