Jonathan's green eyes sparkle up at me from his place in the infirmary. Magnus had kept my brother alive, maybe just so he could be interrogated by the clave, we were sure the spell Magnus cast on him wouldn't last forever but still, now I have a chance to see the boy my brother could have been.

"Do you need anything?" I say softly to him. He looks like he's in pain and part of me wants to rejoice in his pain but a bigger part of me knows that my brother, my real brother, didn't do this.

"I'm fine Clary." He says weakly, gripping the sheets with white knuckles.

Against my own will, I feel bad. This must be excruciating for him. The Silent Brothers are trying to find a way to cure him but we know there won't be enough time.

"Sis?" Jonathan asks me and I jerk my head down to him.

"What? Are you sure I can't get you something?"

"It just hurts." He barks out a laugh and then winces. "How unlike me to complain about pain."

I look down at him soothingly and brush my fingertips over the sharp lines of his cheekbones and jaw. "You want me to get Magnus?"

"I don't think he'd be very pleased if you bothered him just for me being in pain."

"I'm not entirely sure I care about whether or not he'll be pleased."

His green eyes shine in the light and I realize that yes, he's definitely my brother. Not for the first time since we returned my heart wrenches violently and for a split second I wonder if all that is right in the world will burn before my eyes. I send a text to Magnus.

[ outgoing text ; M. Bane ] Jonathan is in excruciating pain. Could you come help?

"There I texted him. He'll probably be here soon."

"Clary, listen to me for a moment." He said.

I look down, meeting his gaze and nod silently, giving him permission for whatever he has to say to me. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you only ever knew Sebastian and not the real me. I'm so sorry that you'll be left with this withered stump of a memory, only knowing me for a few days or maybe a week."

A tear tracks down my cheek and I wonder if this is the brother that loves me, that destroyed the Infernal cup and wants me to live and prosper.

"I love you, sis, I've never known love or affection but I know one thing is for sure, I love my little sister and I want to you to remember me like this, bloodless and clean." His voice wavers slightly and I wonder if it's the pain.

Silent sobs wrack my body as I bite my lip until it bleeds. I don't want to think about this right now.

Magnus knocks on the infirmary door and clears his throat. "Biscuit? I'm here to see your brother."

"We're on the other side of the infirmary!" I call. Jon has his own closed off bed.

Magnus appears just outside the curtains giving me a tiny bit of privacy. He must have heard me crying despite my attempts to keep quiet. "Biscuit?"

"It's ok, you can come in," I say wiping my eyes. Jon looks sad too and I press a kiss to his forehead.

"He's in pain, can you help?"

"There's not much to be done but I brought a salve we can put around the wound that should keep the pain at bay."

I sigh with relief and place my hand over Jon's to ease his hands off the sheets. He's wearing a thin shirt and I have to wonder if he's cold. He takes off his shirt and I have to say that he's perfect now, even with the poorly healing wound in his chest.

"I'll leave you two to it," I say and back out of the cordoned off part of the infirmary.

I go to the kitchen, I'm not hungry but Jon needs to eat. I heat up some chicken noodle soup for him and make toast to go with it. When I return with the steaming bowl of soup Jonathan is lying there, shirt back on and he's looking tired. Magnus has gone, leaving the excuse that he and Alec have catching up to do.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask him.

"Better." And indeed he looks better, some of the color has returned to his cheeks. "Did you make me soup?"

"And toast." I say smiling even though I'm sad, "I hope you're hungry."

"I'm not but I should still eat," Jonathan says with a sigh. I set down the bowl and the toast on the table next to him. For a moment he looks at me and I'm struck down by how beautiful he is. His silvery white hair (so much like our fathers) is hanging into his eyes and I wonder if he'll be able to leave the institute before I have to say goodbye. I lean in and peck his lips before he grabs the bowl. The smile on his face after I kiss him is radiant.

"What was that for?" He says, smirking.

"Being a good brother and not dying on me."

The smirk is gone in an instant. "I'm not a good brother."

I don't know what to say to that so I just adjust his pillows. He's propped up so he can eat but I can tell it's painful for him. "Do you want a book or anything before I go?"

"You're going?" He looks shocked and I know Jace is probably waiting impatiently for me.

"Yeah, I've got to talk to Jace. I'll be back soon, though."

"Oh ok. Do you have any magazines?"

"I could probably steal a car magazine from Jace." Jonathan looks thankful and I pat his head. "I'll see you around bro."

"Clary? Before you go?" Jonathan asks me.

"Yeah?"

"Can I have a kiss?"

If the demon blood burned out the part of him that was evil it certainly didn't burn out the part of him that loved me in more than a strictly sisterly way. I'm bitterly reminded that it would be an easy secret to keep because my time with him is so limited. I contemplate it for a moment, then lean down and kiss him. His hand gently finds it's way to the back of my neck and presses me closer to him. Just as I'm about to open my mouth and allow him in, I remember that anyone could walk in at any time and Jace would probably murder me.

I startle backward and Jon gasps at the loss of contact. I can't blame him.