AN: I cry every time I hear the song "My Heart With You" by The Rescues because all I can think of is this pairing. So I decided to make a fic of it. Listen to the song before you read, and during if you like, and especially listen to the song after reading. The lyrics are interspersed throughout the fic and are put in parentheses. I am trying to make you cry. Tears. Tears of blood. I hope you feel as angsty as me and that you enjoy this fic. I apologize for any inconsistencies with the comics. I think Peggy is a strong, funny woman who is smiling while writing her letter, so I hope I captured that well. Thank you for reading! ~Heather
Captain Rogers stood alone on the balcony of Stark Towers, an envelope in his hands. Written on it was the name "Steve Rogers" in unfamiliar handwriting. He studied the writing for a moment before slowly tearing open the crisp white envelope. There was a letter, fairly thick, taking up a few pages of stationary, and two pictures. Steve pulled out the pictures first. One was his military photo, taken when he was enlisted into the army, before his transformation. The second was a candid shot of him with his troops, after rescuing the prisoners of war, shyly smiling. Both pictures were extremely worn, slightly frayed around the edges. These pictures looked old enough to be from the forties. Intrigued, the captain pulled out the letter. As he started to read, his hands began shaking and he let out a soft cry of anguish.
Dear Mr. Rogers,
You don't know me, but my mother was Peggy Carter. She told me to send you the letter enclosed when it was known you were awake. She wanted me to give you her story, since she could not. My mother passed away on March 30th, 1995 after suffering from Alzheimer's disease for four years. I have not read her letter, so I do not know how much of it was written when she was lucid. I want you to know she lived a happy life and I hope that brings you comfort.
Steve Daniels
He knew it was unlikely for her to have lived long enough to be alive today, but to have her death confirmed, to know she had reality taken from her in the end – it was too much. His eyes began to fill with tears, but he blinked them away furiously, unfolding the pages of Peggy's letter.
Dear Steve,
I know it is cruel of me to write this letter, knowing that as you read it, I will be long dead. But I selfishly want to share my life with you. We didn't have much time, you and I. Just a kiss, promises of a dance. Steve, I want you to know that I loved you and I still love you. Do not fret that you never told me the same – I always knew you loved me in return. The day you died was the saddest day of my life, but I have been blessed with happiness for my lifetime.
When you crashed into the ice, we looked for you, Steve. I was on almost every mission to recover you, searching for a glimpse of those American colors or golden hair amid the ice. I prayed we would find you so I could see your smiling face again, and I hoped beyond reason that you would be alive. I wanted to hear you call me ma'am when calling me Peggy was just fine, and see you blush when I held you in my arms.
But the time passed and I never found you.
(Waited a hundred years to see your face,
And I would wait a hundred more
If only to be near you,
To have you and to hear you.
Isn't that what time is for?
I sailed a thousand ships in search of you.
Traveled to distant land.
I dove for sunken gold.)
I continued working for the army for a few years, but I eventually started work at the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. And what a handful that always was to say! I worked on various missions during the ending of WWII, the Korean War, and others. I'm sure you could look up all my missions and heroic feats if you were interested! But what really matters to tell you are the important parts of my life. In 1955, I married John Daniels. One of my friends introduced us, otherwise I never would have met him. He was a firefighter. I loved him very much and we were happy together, but he wasn't you, Steve.
(I took what I could hold,
But you're still the greatest treasure I've held in my hands.)
I had my first child on August 9th, 1957. My gorgeous baby boy. I named him Steve. Steve Henry. Two years later, I was blessed with a beautiful daughter, Molly Hope. Colonel Phillips became a sort of grandfather to them. I watched my children grow into such wonderful adults. Steve is a doctor now and Molly is a scientist. I'm glad they decided to save lives in their own way, instead of like their father and I. We risked our lives to save others. My John died in a building fire in 1979. The structure was no longer safe to enter, but he deemed his life was less important than his duty. That sounds a bit like someone else I used to know. I never remarried.
(My love, the reason I survive,
Trust we'll be together soon.
Should our fire turn to dark,
Take my heart with you.)
I enclosed two photographs with this letter. They are my favorite pictures of you, more dear than all the propaganda photos and film footage. Those pictures are the real you: honest, courageous, strong-willed, and honorable. In them shows the man who fought back against bullies before he was strong enough to win and the person who used his newly-found strength to help others. I've kept them with me always, as you can probably tell by the state of them.
I must tell you, all the while, even during my marriage, I looked for a sign of you. I hacked into secret files and questioned other agents. There was something suspicious about how they hadn't recovered your body yet, nor discovered even a sign of the large plane you crashed in. How could they not have found you?
It turns out they found you on one of the recovery missions that I wasn't on, but you wouldn't wake. They continued sending out ships to search as decoys because the knowledge you were alive was extremely classified. Colonel Phillips was the one who decided not to tell me. I found that file about a year after my husband died. I was angry, I was so angry when I read it, but I'm thankful for it now. If I had known you were alive but couldn't wake, I would've wasted my life by your side.
They wouldn't let me see you, but I fought my way, old as I was, to the window. There you were, sleeping. I can't put to words what I felt.
(A tattered photograph my pocket holds.
I keep you secretly.
I studied every line,
You're etched upon my mind
For not a million soldiers could take you from me.)
After that, I worked for a few more years before retiring. My comforts were my children and eventually grandchildren. I have five grandchildren! How old you must think me! I've done much in my life. I traveled the world – for once, not as an agent or an officer. I voted for countless presidents and congress members. I was there on the streets fighting for civil rights, I was there rallying support for the soldiers from the Vietnam War, and I remember when the Berlin Wall fell. I also remember being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. But let's not worry about that.
The world has changed greatly and seen such sorrow. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you. Have heart, Steve, everything will make sense eventually. In my last few years on this earth, many things have become clear. Though I am no longer here when you read this, please know you were always loved by me. As you go on each day, take my heart with you.
(My love, the reason I survive,
Trust we'll be together soon.
Should our fire turn to dark,
Take my heart with you.)
I'm going to die soon, and I think I'll never get to see you awake again in this life. But Steve, don't worry about that dance. If there's one thing I believe in, if there's one thing I know: we'll see each other in God's kingdom. And we can dance when you get here.
With all my love,
Peggy
(My love, the reason I survive,
Trust we'll be together soon.
Should our fire turn to dark,
Take my heart with you.)
Face wet with tears, Steve felt his knees wobbling before he slid helplessly to the floor. He buried his head in his hands and cried. When Tony found him in that position an hour later, he simply sat next to the man. Steve reached out and held Tony's hand tightly. They sat in silence.
(Take my heart with you.)
AN: Please review!