How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?, an one tree hill fanfic

I know I should be updating Finding Truth but this came to me and it needed to be written simply because Lucas is such a nightmare in the show when it comes to Brooke. I have always been all for Brucas, but I do like the Brulian thing given how bad Lucas has treat Brooke.

This is just a oneshot to the Michael Bolton song How Am I Supposed to Live Without You. It's mainly BRUCAS in the story but the theme is BRULIAN/LEYTON

He sighed deeply as he clambered out of bed for what felt like the hundredth time that night. He glanced over at the clock to see that it had in fact become morning, 7am to be precise. Sawyer Brooke Scott was not a baby who liked to sleep. For the last six months she'd been the cause of him only managing one full nights sleep, and that was when Haley and Nathan volunteered to give him and Peyton a break. He loved his daughter more than he'd ever thought possible, but since her birth he'd begun to see his life with Peyton differently. Well no not differently, he'd just begun to admit a truth he'd always known. Peyton was a good mother and he'd never dream of saying any other, but for reasons that were at first unknown to him he compared Peyton with Sawyer to Brooke with Angie, and Peyton seemed to be lacking. When he'd spent his days with Brooke and Angie he'd felt as though they were a family, a unit working together. It felt like he and Peyton were two parents trying to muddle through in their own way.

And so as he had begun to compare the blonde to the brunette his life seemed to be viewed differently and he knew a moment of absolute clarity. He was an ass. He finally admitted to himself that since calling Peyton from the airport he'd let Brooke go completely. He didn't feel as though he deserved the title of friend anymore. And the reason he'd let Brooke go was as simple as him needing to survive. He had thought he'd taken Haley's advice on board – to stop hiding his heart, but by choosing Peyton and cutting Brooke out he'd not stopped hiding his heart – merely ended the triangle from hell. But it wasn't ended. Cutting Brooke from his life had been a step he'd taken in order to ensure that this time he and Peyton would survive. As past experience had clearly shown he was simply unable to have both women in his life, he was unable to love one and be friends with the other. And the truth was simple, he'd never achieved that because he loved them both. They were as different as night and day and while some would say it was impossible to love two women with at the same time with equal intensity he, Lucas Scott knew that it was simply untrue. He loved Peyton Sawyer, but he loved Brooke Davis also. The phone ringing pulled him from his thoughts. Who on earth would be calling at just 8 in the morning.

"Hello?"

"Hey buddy, sorry it's so early but I just had to tell you guys what happened last night." Last night? Oh yeah the dinner he and Peyton had been supposed to go to with Nathan and Haley and Brooke, they'd cancelled knowing they were just too exhausted to be remotely good company.

"This better be important Hales."

"Brooke had news, I know she probably wanted to tell you both herself but to be honest I think that there's just far too much to do." His head began spinning as he wondered what Brooke's news could possibly be. "You know how Julian has been back and forth for a while now visiting Brooke. Well he's not said a word about her moving since before Sawyer was born, but now he's going to film in London for 6 months and…Brooke's going with him, if they can cope with living together while they're in London then when the film is done she's moving in with him in L.A. Isn't that great? If anyone deserves happiness then it's Brooke, and Julian absolutely adores her." His stomach hit the floor and he felt sick. Brooke, his Brooke was leaving. Haley simply had to have it wrong. He scribbled a note for Peyton and settled Sawyer back in her bed before pulling on some clothes and leaving.

"Luke? It's 8am on a Sunday, normal people are sleeping."

"Is it true?" He saw the confusion on her face, god she looked beautiful in the morning.

I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you

"Is what true?" He barged past her into the house and she sighed before closing the door and turning back to him.

"You're leaving." His voice sounded dead even to him. She shifted from one foot to another and looked down at her feet.

"Yeah."

"For Julian?" She nodded, the hint of a smile gracing her lips at the mere mention of his name.

They said you were leavin'
Someone's swept your heart away
From the look upon your face, I see it's true

He slammed a fist into her wall and she jumped.

"What the hell Lucas? You come barging into my home demanding to know if I'm leaving to be with Julian in some sort of rage. What is going on?" He could tell she was angry, perhaps concerned also.

"You're just going? What about me?" She looked stunned and confused by his question.

So tell me all about it
Tell me 'bout the plans you're makin'
Tell me one thing more before I go

"What about you Luke?" he struggled to regain his composure, being honest with her would do little good at this point. But the words seemed to be trying to fly from is mouth regardless. "Honestly, I mean since you and Peyton got it together, finally, we've barely been in the same room as each other." She shrugged. "Luke our friendship pretty much died when you guys made up, I don't see how me moving to LA will make a difference."

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you?
And how am I supposed to carry on?
When all that I've been livin' for is gone

"Brooke I'm in love with you, and the idea of you leaving to be with him tears me to pieces." She shook her head.

I didn't come here for cryin'
Didn't come here to break down
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end

"You're crazy." He stepped forward clasping her hands in his.

"I'm not crazy Brooke, I love you I always have. Julian is not who you're supposed to end up with, I am. I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis. I know I've screwed it up a million times…" She jumped in interrupting him.

"Screwed it up? That's the world's biggest understatement Lucas. You are married to my BEST friend and you have just had a child with my BEST friend. The same BEST friend you cheated on me with both times we were together. The same BEST friend you called to run off to Vegas and marry you after we'd spent weeks being a family. Lucas you had more chances than anyone deserves and you threw them all away for PEYTON. What are you suggesting that you leave her and Sawyer and I leave Julian and we run away together?" He shrugged, he didn't have an answer. He loved Peyton, but he loved Brooke and he couldn't bare to have either of them with someone else.

"I love you and the idea of you and Julian…"

"No Luke, this has NOTHING to do with you. You made a choice and this isn't high school anymore you can't flit between the two of us."

"I just never thought it would really be over. I know how unrealistic that must seem considering I married Peyton but…I just hoped one day it would all work out somehow."

And how can I blame you
When I build my world around
The hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends

And I don't wanna know the price
I'm gonna pay for dreaming
Even now it's more than I can take

"It has worked out Lucas, you're with Peyton who loves you and who you love, and I am with Julian who I love and who loves me." He shook his head sadly.

"I can't let you go."

"Let me go? Lucas I'm not yours to give, I haven't been yours in over 5 years. Not since the day I gave you my blessing to be with Peyton – and you just went, erasing everything we'd ever meant to each other. Leaving me dying inside because despite all the words and declarations and promises to save me the second I gave you the chance to be with her you left. None of it meant anything after that and I was left with broken heart until I met Julian, and god it was hard letting him in after everything you did. But I am so glad I did, no one has ever loved me like he does."

"That's crap Brooke. No one could love you more than me, ever. Let's not forget Julian showed up in town for Peyton, yeah he still says it was for Ravens but we all know the truth. But she was taken so he moved on to you. You're second best to him Brooke, is that enough for you?" He head spun as her hand connected with his face.

"How dare you! The only one who made me second best to Peyton was you. Always you, when we were together you cheated on me with her, then despite that I gave you another chance and you were so busy saving her that our relationship fell to pieces around you, Lucas when we came back here you couldn't even be around her, but we built up this amazing friendship. You could have asked me to go to Vegas with you if you loved me, especially since just days before you did that you told Peyton you hated her. But once again you chose Peyton – and then forgot all about me, friendship and all. Yet here you are telling me no one will love like you – good! I don't want anyone to love me like you do. Julian loves everything about me, he would never put anything before me. I put him through hell because of how damaged you left me, and he just stayed. He waited until I was ready. He would waited have waited forever for me, because there is no one he wants to be with other than me. You? You're married and telling me you love me, asking me to stay but not giving me a reason to because you won't leave your wife and daughter because you love them. I deserve so much better than you – and finally I found it."

And I don't wanna face the price
I'm gonna pay for dreaming
Now that your dream has come true

He wanted to tell her how wrong she was, but he couldn't. She wasn't wrong. Everything she said was the truth.

"Peyton is easy, I love her I do, but I'm in love with you I always was, Brooke. You're right I couldn't leave her, not now. Brooke loving you is the hardest thing I've ever done and I run away from it because it's easier. But I always thought that one day I'd stop running. I guess I left it too late. I just want you to know something and then I'll go…my book, The Comet, the one everyone read when I was with Lindsey and knew was about Peyton coming back into my life…it was you. You're the comet, you give my life meaning. Everything I am was defined by you. But I know it's too late now. I finally see that what you did in the gym that night was let me go to be with someone you thought would make me happy, she does, just not as happy as you did. You were so unselfish and that's what I have to be now. I have to let you be with Julian."

"It doesn't matter if you let me or not, Lucas I love him, I'm going to LA to live with him, and I will quite willingly spend the rest of my life with him, I will have children with him because Julian Baker is the guy for me. I'm sorry Lucas, for all of us. But it seems to me that it's best I leave, as far as I can tell we bring out the worst in each other these days. Peyton and Sawyer deserve all of you, so it's best if I'm not here. I deserve a fresh start with Julian. We're done Luke." He nodded sadly. He finally knew that Brooke Davis was not his, nor would she ever be again – and he had no one to blame but himself.