Disclaimer: I don't own any of the thunderbirds name's or rights! (Nor Red Bull's) R&R please! Means a lot!
This was a complete random one shot! It was lurking in my mind, and let's face it; smoking isn't exactly a healthy thing is it! And I also wondered what it would have been like if John was emo-like... Interesting surely? So let's find out what happens when secrets are revealed...
(Set during childhood in Kansas, after Lucille's time (sorry) Scott is 17, John 16, Virgil 15, Gordon 13 and Alan 12)
The escapism of a filthy habit
Scott strolled in from an interesting night out with the lads with a 1000 watt grin on his face and steadied himself as his slightly intoxicated mind took over his sense of balance. He had been worse off earlier that night, and was slowly regaining his composure.
Scott never considered himself any different from anyone else, but everyone in college knew he was the jock; the popular one, the one who got invited to all the parties, the one girls' would sigh at when he walked passed in the corridors and flashed his winning Tracy smile.
Yup, he was defiantly on top of the world in social status.
But he was also admired for his emotional support and understanding he would bestow upon fellow classmates, and the occasional mascara-running-down-her-face girl that would cower in the corner because something ridiculous about a friend betraying her didn't want to ever see her again, or her boyfriend had been horrible. If that were being the case however, Scott dealt with the situation and the boyfriend and usually turned out liking the girl more than planned and ending himself up as the 'new' boyfriend, giving him a one way ticket to jealous-ville where other boys would envy at his luck.
Life for the eldest Tracy was pretty much perfect in that he had everything he could possibly need and ever want. He had friends, girls lining up, the one girl he just adored for her sweet personality, a car of which arrived on a certain birthday, 4 healthy brothers,
Brothers?
Scott paused for a minute and in took his surroundings. He stood in the large farm-style kitchen and glimpsed at the time,
3:28...
Even for Scott that was a little late (or early, whichever way you look at it) and knew if any of his brothers's caught him downstairs, not only drunk but also reeking of cigarette smoke, then he was in for it. He never set a bad example, but it was bound that of all nights one of the younger ones was most likely to bump into him on his travels to his bedroom. He sighed heavily and flung his jacket onto the back of a chair and ventured into the living room, where he found a note left on the coffee table besides the sofa. Scott turned on a side lamp and focused hard onto the writing. It jumped around a little and only made sense when Scott squinted his cobalt blue eyes almost as tight as slits,
Scott,
Be sure to lock the door when you come in.
Love Dad
Tossing the note aside, Scott whined back into the kitchen and locked (or what he assumed) the backdoor. Once satisfied that under his own strength he couldn't open it, he turned round at the sense of another presence in the room. The first thing that struck him was that the air had become extremely heavy and dense, signifying a grumpy Tracy, and then when his vision focused, his eyes exploded at the sight in front of him. Usually, Scott would have been greeted by a depressed teen of a brother, being the owner of platinum blonde hair. Now, it was either the drink playing games, or that Scott could have sworn that the hair in question was jet black,
"Erhhh, Johnny? What happened to m-your hair?"
Although Scott could hear himself slurring his words slightly, they were crystal clear in his head and continued to look onto his immediate youngest brother. There was something about the hair colour that didn't quite match that of the colorant of John's eyebrows, or grey-blue eyes. It looked strange, and not quite right, and the fact that he had straightened his fringe so it was crisp vertical standing, made it even weirder,
"You would hate it, wouldn't you?"
John had recently become very snappy and very much a teenager, so having him suddenly change in mood was non-too familiar, but tonight, Scott was rather taken back by it and raised his hands in self defence, as he looked into the eyes of what he could have sworn belonged to the Devil himself,
"Whoa! I didn't say that! Hmm, just a, a- good! Looks good! In fact looks terrific! Didn't know you were going for the emo look?"
John shock his head to the side, forcing the fringe to move out of his eyes slightly before glaring over at his half gone brother and told him to sit down, with some mix of sympathy and seriousness in his voice. Obeying his command, Scott did so and sat twiddling his fingers waiting for John to join him, who had started rummaging in the fridge. John sat opposite with a can of Red Bull and a chocolate bar in one hand, already opened with a fairly sized bite taken out of it. Although in the dimly lit kitchen, Scott couldn't help but look slightly shocked at John's hair, and without thinking about it, started firing questions at the teenager,
"Why's your hair, BLACK? I mean, you had like white blonde before, and now it's black! It's cool though, but did you do it? Or was it one of Gordon's pranks? I wouldn't have thought out of all of us you would be the one to-"
"Scott. Breathe. As much as Dad will know, yes it was a prank. But between you and me, I did it myself. It reflects me without the need to say anything you know? I mean your reaction was just what I wanted from you. I need a change you know? Something different, I'm fed up of being treated the way I am you know? Oh, innocent little John!"
Scott looked gormlessly at John, not quiet staying with every word and only catching every other syllable, although he had counted how many times he had said you know? Which of course he didn't really, and simply nodded. He stood up after watching John consume the chocolate bar and went to ruffle his some-what sleek, silk 'black' hair. Scott was fairly mesmerised by it, and stroked it a little, loving the velvet touch under this hand,
"Wow, that's so soft"
"Don't touch the hair"
John glared darkly and spoke in a melancholic tone as he pulled away from the affection before shaking his head again and reorganising his fringe in great frustration. He looked into Scott's blood-shot eyes with concern and smelt the air which had made a distinct presence,
"You stink of alcohol and smoke Scott, what if Alan or Gordon saw you like this?"
"They won't, hopefully. Besides who are you to tell me off?"
"Oh come on Scott, You seriously can't keep doing this-"
"I don't need any of this Johnny; especially not from you"
Scott headed back to the backdoor, not understating why it wouldn't open. John rolled his eyes as he saw the key in front of him lying on the table. He too stood up and unlocked the door for his only, eldest brother,
"Are you ever going to tell Dad?"
Scott grabbed his jacket and fumbled around in the pockets till he found the desired objects, a packet of cigarettes and a Zippo lighter. He looked at them in depth reassuring himself that they were the correct pieces of equipment before heading through the door, being impatiently held open. Scott had only told John more about his 'more than slight addiction' 2 months prior, after John had caught him at the bottom of the garden,
(Flash back start)
Scott felt stressed, more so than usual so after storming out the back door and down to the base of the large garden he dug deep into his jean pockets and pulled out the relevant supplies to calm his nerves. He didn't enjoy the activity, but it released pressure that his father, flight commander and brother's continuously pounded on him. He never would take out his frustration either of those people on purpose, so instead resorted to the secrecy of the garden.
It wasn't long after he had started his 2nd cigarette that he heard a loud shout and then the sudden opening of the back door. Scott's eyes widened at the speedily Tracy running in his direction, not to mention how pissed off he looked. Scott quickly stumped the stick out on the nearby tree and exhaled all remnants of smoke from his lungs, forcing a string of coughs to escape his lips deep from within. He tried to look as though he was casually enjoying the tranquillity when John had finally reached him,
"Why is it when Dad's had a go at you, I'm next in the firing line?"
"Ermm, I'm not sure. I'll get back to you on that one, I'm sorry if he does though Johnny, I don't mean for any form of argument to unravel, but when he brings stupid topics up he needs to know my opinion on the matter"
John nodded grumpily and looked down to the floor where he saw the discarded bud shrivelled between the blades of the grass still smoking slightly from one end, he bent down and picked it up. Scott could only look on in guilt and horror as John simply examined the charred paper,
"Really? So this is why you come down to the bottom of the garden?"
"I'm sorry Johnny; I never would have wanted any of you to know. It's just my form of release, instead of shouting the roof down at one of you, I calm myself with the help of nicotine, it's stupid but it helps"
"Scott you know what a health scare his is! Only idiots smoke, and I wouldn't ever consider you an idiot! What will Dad-"
"NO! Dad can't know, he'll blame himself! He already has too much going on"
"But it's his fault you resorted to this! Besides if he told you off for it, he would be the biggest hypercritic in history! He's just as bad!"
Scott looked longingly at John, who still had hold of the bud and emphasised its existence every time he exclaimed himself, which only stuck Scott with more and more hatred towards himself,
"Just put it down Johnny, not a good look for you kiddo"
John dropped it to the ground watching as the finally embers burnt out in the cool moisture of the grass. John shock his head and looked into Scott's eyes in disbelief, he didn't like Scott's new found habit.
Hang on, how long had he been doing this?
"When did you start?"
"About 3 months ago, just after my 16th birthday"
"Oh man..."
"Johnny you can't tell anyone, especially if the other idiots find out. It won't be a good example would it? You can't let them know, and you especially can't let Dad find out"
"But they'll find out eventually-"
"Promise me John, please"
John looked back at the house where he could see his father pacing up and down behind the kitchen window whilst Virgil, Gordon and Alan skidded into the garden on their bikes, unaware of anything that was going on, and started approaching their older brother's with grins plastered on each of their faces. John was running out of time with Scott as Virgil just overhead him say to Scott,
"Ok, I promise"
(Flashback end)
John closed the door quietly and followed Scott to the end of the garden praying no one else had woken during the midnight movement. They reached the very end, where John could see several buds scattered across the floor. Luckily for Scott, no one ventured down to this end, and over the summer months it had over grown slightly and no one was phased by it, so no one bothered to tame the over growing grass. John shivered slightly, wishing he wasn't in just a vest and trackies and flicked his head again as the frozen straight, sheet of hair fell into his eyes once again. Scott noticed the movement and had picked up that he did if often, before lighting up the object already placed in his mouth. Once the embers glowed red, Scott breathed in deeply and placed the lighter back into his pocket, leaning against the tree for some support. He could feel the dizziness wearing off with every intake, but he looked on to John who had resorted in looking at the stars, through the tree canopy on that clear night,
"You can go back if you want Johnny, go back to bed"
"Nah it's ok; figured you would want some company. Besides the stars are out, don't get them during the daytime, well you do; but the glare of the sun takes all the glory"
Scott smiled as he exhaled and looked skywards at the diamonds sprinkled in the inky black mass. He loved seeing this side of John; his was who he really was. Not some emotional emo that spat at anyone who disobeyed him, or who hid away why he was sad or scared. No, Scott liked having the John who basked in his love of astronomy, and confronted him when he was upset. John no longer did that now, and Scott hated not being able to help his brother in his time of need.
He looked up at the sky for some time until he heard the distinct sound of a lighter being clicked. To Scott's confusion and somewhat disgust, he saw John lighting his own cigarette, only his wasn't premade, and had been rolled carefully and was packed full with tobacco,
"JOHN! You can't be serious?"
Scott went to smack John's hand away, but couldn't bring himself to move and stop John however. He gazed on at John remembering his brother's words that if he were to tell him off for smoking, he could only call himself a hypercritic, in that he too was intoxicating himself at that precise moment. Scott stood though with his mouth dropped as John inhaled fairly deeply before exhaling ever so slowly,
"Oh god, Johnny you have got to be kidding me surely?"
"You're just as bad! You started when you were 16, and I get all the left over crap from yours and Dad's arguments, do you really think I enjoy that?"
Scott gazed at the wanna-be astronaut as he focused back onto the sky. How he could have missed this he didn't know and just watched as John continued puffing and couldn't help a sad smile blossom on his face,
"I always knew you had a dark side"
John chuckled slightly and looked back to Scott, how in the darkened light of the garden looked more like his usual self, in the aspect that he couldn't see his tired eyes, the paled expression or the slight stubble development through the lack of shaving the past couple of days. The only noticeable distinction was that of the swirling smoke streaming from his lips. They curled round his chocolate locks and captured his form in a mask of gas, concealing his finer facial features. It wasn't right to be smoking with his oldest brother, but he too, like Scott, felt a sense of release through it. And as if Scott was reading his mind,
"Johnny, have you turned into 'this' through the stresses of the family?"
John thought hard for moment. He hadn't changed the colour of his hair for nothing, and he certainly hadn't obtained his habit of 15 a day for fun. No, living in the Tracy household was stressful, and after constant teasing in high school about being an astronauts and world known business man's son and a nerdy bookworm who read nothing but sciences, John needed means of escape. Of which he found through hair dye and life shortening sticks,
"You could say that, but... Well, I don't really know to be honest. It just seems right; after all doesn't every teenager try it?"
"That still doesn't explain why Johnny"
John looked to the ground, swishing his fringe out of his face and turning to Scott. Scott could feel the anger rising toward John and himself, and it almost broke his heart when he heard how innocent and injured his brother's voice sounded,
"Freedom. I'm not hounded by anyone when it's just me. I don't know, I just relax and not have to think about the shouting, the arguments... the bullying"
Scott saddened at this. He knew his brother got tortured by most of the boys in his own year, and sometimes got picked on because the cowards didn't have the guts to face Scott Tracy, so instead would find the closest thing, the Tracy next in line,
"I'm surprised Dad hasn't seen you yet" John continued, "coming down here each time. At least I do it in town, round Daniel's house or in the night when no one's around"
"Yeah, well I'm not going to go round a mates for a few minutes only to come all the way back to see if Alan and Gordon are ok, besides, Dad will catch you sooner or later-"
"Oh Shit! He's going to kill me!"
"Yeah Dad's certainly going to have your head on a platter"
"Scott, I kept your secret and it still stands. If you tell-"
"Your only 16 John!-"
"That didn't stop you!"
Silence fell between the two brothers looking angry into one another's eyes. Scott huffed loudly and threw the remainder of his cigarette to the ground and trod on it firmly, ensuring it was extinguished, and after a final intake, John followed,
"I can't believe this, I actually can't. You've followed my bad example. I'm suppose to guide you in the right way, I've failed you in doing so John. And what about the others? I can't let this happen to them as well! What would they think? The Boys? Dad? Grandma? Mum!"
"...Your gunna play that card are you?"
A despairing tone echoed in John's voice, and sighed in thought of what his deceased mother would think of her angel blond,
"They don't have to know, none of them do. Scott it'll break Dad and Grandma's heart, it'll provide the wrong example for the youngsters and if Dad ever found out that Gordon or lord be hold Virgil started, that would be it! Dad can't have this hanging over his head, because just like yourself, he'll blame his worst critic-"
"-Himself"
Scott jinxed John's last segment of sentence perfectly, but still felt guilty in thinking he led him to this,
"If you had never had found me that night, you wouldn't have followed"
"Scott, this isn't your fault! I made the decision, and besides I have my reasons. Not coz I wanted to copy my big brother! Seriously, I run my own life"
Scott smiled inwardly to himself, feeling a little relieved he wasn't completely to blame,
"Tell you what Johnny boy, instead of resulting to 'this' why don't we, when either one of us is upset or angry, we just tell each other our problems and ease our problems that way, the way we use to. Because in all truth, not only do I hate this, but I also miss the old you. You have a calm and relaxing personality, not this"
"So you saying instead or resorting to the fags, we resort to each other?"
"Exactly. I feel horrible that, and without you fighting over it, this is my fault, so I intend to fix it"
John flicked his head once more and started strolling back toward the kitchen door, with Scott following up next to him. He'd always been interested in the fashion of smoking, and he considered himself 'hooked', but he'd hope with Scott's stubbornness and determination that they would battle it together,
"We can do this Scott, it'll work. But I don't know if I can stay away full stop"
Scott swung a loss arm around John's shoulders and placed a hand into his jean pocket as the neared the entrance,
"You're smart and old enough to make your own choices Johnny, but I would be grateful if you could at least help me?"
John smiled at his eldest and opened the door quietly awaiting Scott to enter first,
"I can help you I guess, but I would love the help too"
"Alright then, deal?"
Scott held out his hand awaiting a reaction, of which John grasped tightly, but shook gently,
"Deal"
They both headed in doors talking quietly to each other, hoping no one would wake. But little did they know, that someone had witnessed the whole scene, from start to finish from one of the second floor windows. They had stayed in the darkened room recording every gesture and movement, still in utter shock that such trusted loved ones, could be so darkly secretive and similar to one another. The figure disappeared from the window, pulling the curtains across, only leaving them swaying a farewell to the soon to be stopped addiction.