Guided by voices
It's you and me

- GUNSHIP, Tech Noir

She was sweeter when she was half-asleep. In the days and weeks that had passed since Crait, she tried to move on while he reeled with the consequences of their decisions. Both went through the motions. Mostly hiding it from those around them. Kylo was lucky that he was feared, it kept 'most everyone from looking too close. Rey was less fortunate in that she had so many people around her that loved and cherished her.

They could see even if they could not understand.

But sometimes, at night, when it was quiet and that steady heartbeat of the Force that ran through them both was strongest, sometimes, she was sweet. And it was in these quiet, lonely moments that Kylo Ren was something softer than Kylo Ren, but not Ben Solo either. And it was in these quiet, lonely moments that Rey and he could almost forget.

The first time he woke up in bed with her, it had shocked them both so much that it was Kylo who had somehow inadvertently severed that strange tie between them, but waking up with someone in your arms was a disconcerting thing for the touch-starved.

The second time it happened, Rey had been the one to sever the connection, all but pushing him out of her proximity and back into his own space.

The third time it happened, neither was sure of how long it all lasted. It could have been minutes, could have been hours. Alone in both of their beds, separated by the galaxy, but brought together by the Force. But this time they were both exhausted. Both lonely. Rey had been on supply runs with Chewie and was becoming more and more acquainted with the darkness and, worse, the apathy that existed throughout the star systems. Kylo had been battling Hux on very nearly everything. With Phasma still recovering, and not there to temper him, Hux was even more ruthless as Kylo expected he felt cornered. There was a fight coming and Kylo wasn't sure whether he had the strength, or the support, to be able to withstand Hux's intentions.

Kylo didn't sleep often. Couldn't with the kind of nightmares that haunted him and she... She was wrapped so tight around him and he was terrified to move. If he moved, he'd ruin it. She'd wake up. She'd recoil. He was a monster, and she was light. Pure and purposeful and clear in her intention. He was a needless complication that didn't deserve her. He knew that. But it didn't stop kindred spark inside of him from reaching out—from hoping.

"Ben," she'd murmured before tightening her leg around his thigh. Her fingers slipped sleepily over his skin and he had to bite his lip to stifle a soft moan.

That got his attention. He was more than awake, but she was half-asleep. Caught somewhere between the Force bond and a dream. And the dream... the dream featured him. He wanted to feel smug at the realization, but it only reminded him of the finality of his decisions. He was about to pull away. He didn't deserve this, and she'd be properly awake and realize what was going on soon enough. Better to end it himself before he could see the disappointed look in her eyes.

But she surprised him. Rey lifted her head, craning her neck to look at him. She blinked once. Twice. Then closed her eyes and tucked herself right back where she'd been.

She was always surprising him.

Rip, tear, pull apart his entire world.

She lay there, wrapped up in his body and his presence, long enough that he began to wonder whether she'd fallen back asleep. Eventually, she shifted against him again, the soft, strong points of her body brushing up against his exposed flesh. His fingers dug into the mattress—his bed? Hers? It was all he could do to keep himself from making a mess of it all, to keep himself from doing something that he'd regret, even as all of his body cried out for him to hold her tight. Kiss her. Show her how much she meant to him. But he was a failure. Broken and bruised and undeserving. She would be repulsed she would...

Wait. What... did she say?

Rey had mumbled something against his skin, distracting him enough that he'd needed to ask her to repeat the question.

"Why the hell do you sleep half-dressed?" she grumbled from somewhere underneath his chin.

"What?" he choked out. Why wasn't she pulling away? Telling him every reason he was a failure? How she hated this connection? She's wondering why I'm wearing... pants?

"Look, Ben. If this is going to happen, without either of our intentions, you're going to have to dress more comfortably. I can't stand the scratchy feel of your pants."

It reminds me of the ratty, Bantha wool blanket that I scavenged on Jakku.

He didn't think that she meant for him to know that. Or that she meant for him to see herself, small, picking at the wreckage of a Star Destroyer—looking for things that would bring her more portions. It was almost enough to distract them both from the truth of the situation, that while Kylo was mostly clothed, Rey was mostly not. Though neither was particularly well-versed in the finer points of... whatever kind of relationship remained between them, the attraction had always been undeniable even if it had been sometimes uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable? Sleepily, her hand ran along the length of his back, brushing along the faint scars that bacta hadn't been able to banish from his body. Her touch wasn't exactly welcome. He was as unused to being held as she was at showing intimacy. Still, even though he was uncomfortable, he wasn't willing to pull away.

Not yet, at least.

But he was always making concessions for her. How many times would she reach out to him until she no longer did? He wondered if he'd managed to destroy any good that was between them. Fucked it all up beyond recognition with his intentions.

...A new order in the galaxy... Join me.

What was his dream? What was her dream? The Force had seemingly brought together two extremes, one light one dark, and here they were left with physical inclinations and frustrations of the heart.

I can't be what you need... his heart and mind and soul seemed to cry.

What do you know of what I need? She seemed to answer.

And still, she held him. Half-asleep. Taking comfort in the warmth of his body and his strange proximity. They lay together, bodies tangled at so many points it was hard for Kylo to gauge where he started and she ended. But he liked it even if he wished he didn't. Even if all it did was make an impossible situation even more complicated.

Even he couldn't deny, with her, with Rey... There was such a peace. But it was more than that, it was so...

"...Quiet. It's so quiet here, with you," Kylo admitted and he could feel that she understood his meaning.

Without Snoke inside my head.

It was a terrible sort of liberation, being free from his influence—and his guidance. He could feel that she didn't understand, that she couldn't understand, what it had been like to be Snoke's apprentice. Still, the remnants of Snoke's presence haunted him and a part of him, one that craved for the simplicity that came with following orders and believing in something, almost missed it.

His childhood was a lonely one and Snoke had been a source of comfort when he'd felt lost and afraid—of his power, of his heritage, of his place in the galaxy. It hadn't always been steeped with pain. First, Snoke was so understanding. Such a source of comfort and compassion during the trying times of his youth. And Snoke had assured him that his place in the galaxy was all but ensured if only he could rise up and become the special and elite warrior he was.

And then he'd seen the holovid of that senator, Casterfo, revealing his mother's bloodline to the galaxy. Everyone had seen it. And from that point, he knew the truth that Snoke had always reaffirmed: he was special. He was Vader's grandson. And he was a part of a legacy that was bigger than himself. And even when his reasoning would kick in—when the light side would tug at his heartstrings—the guilt of being unfair and unappreciative to his friend would bring him back to Snoke. By the time the pain was a reality, Ben Solo had already made his decision by destroying his uncle's legacy. And it was his need for that kind of completion, the kind of hurt that cleaved his heart in two and reminded him of his place, that kept him with Snoke.

Until her.

Strong. Fiery. A beacon in the darkness of the Force. And when he'd been confronted with the reality of Snoke's intention, Kylo Ren hadn't hesitated. Nothing in the galaxy would take her from him, nothing except...

Except me. The self-hatred nearly overwhelmed him, so much so that Rey nudged her head against his chin, distracting him.

"You live too much in your head," she mumbled, words stifled by a yawn. "Just feel, Ben. Just be."

Here. With me, she offered. I'm too tired to be mad at you right now.

He understood that. And, because he was as much a slave to her desires as he was to the bond between them both, he let his mind settle and focus. He was almost asleep when he felt her lips brush up against the curve of his jaw, chapped and perfect. Emotion, pure and purposeful, flowed through him and Kylo thought that he'd never felt so happy before, or quite so sad.

Before the kiss was over, Kylo was back in his own bed, and almost in his own headspace and he felt the loss of her contact like a blaster bolt to the gut. But before the bond closed, before he was left truly and terribly alone, he could feel her thoughts.

I miss you, Ben.

The connection between them was severed before he could send back his answer.

I miss you, Rey.

As his loneliness settled around him, his thoughts dwelt on her. Always on her. And he wondered when the Force would bring them together again. All he could do was count the moments. And go through the motions. And wait. For those sweet moments between dreams and the Force. Where she was just Rey, and he was just himself.

The waiting, he thought, was the hardest part.

A/N: Title and lyrics obviously taken from the epic song by GUNSHIP, Tech Noir. Honestly, I just hear Reylo everywhere. Kind of working through writer's block at the moment, if you read this and you're so inclined, send me a prompt or a trope and I'll do my best to work it into what comes next.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. Come visit me on Tumblr ( pacificwanderer) and scream about Reylo and Star Wars with me :)